for prompt 49. A kiss out of necessity. (AO3 link) (1424 words)
“Cas, we need you…I need you.”
Dean was sure that the next moment would be his last. Cas reached for him, and god…how many times had Dean wished Cas would reach for him, hold his face like this? But not like this…
Dean shut his eyes and grasped at Cas’s sleeve, preparing himself for the final blow…and then his pain was gone.
Dean sat on the edge of his bed, elbows propped on his knees with his face in his hands. He felt lost. The trials were killing Sam. He didn’t know how to help. Cas…Cas I know you’re busy and you have your own side of this you’re dealing with, but man…we need you. I need you…
Cas sighed and looked at Dean a little sadly. “Dean…I always come when you call…”
Dean’s mouth quirked and he let out a small laugh. “Yeah…I uh, thanks for that.”
Dean tried to look asleep as Benny took the first watch. He’d been laying here for hours, but it did no good. He couldn’t sleep. No matter how many monsters he worked his way through, none could tell him what had happened to Cas. Cas, buddy, if you can hear me, please…I’m not leaving here without you. You said you always come when I call. You better not be dead you son of a bitch. We need you. I need you. I…please, don’t be dead…
Dean knelt over Cas’s body. He was sure Sam had gone to deal with the aftermath of it all - Mom and Lucifer being trapped, his spawn up in the corner room, the mom probably dead…but Dean couldn’t move.
“Cas…hey…” he placed his hand on Cas’s face, running his fingers over the permanent five o clock shadow. “Why…you stupid son of a bitch…” He gripped Cas’s shirt as tears spilled down his face. “Come back, you son of a bitch. Come on…we need you. I need you…”
Dean stood in the doorway trying to keep the giddy smile off his face. Cas eyed the cowboy hats in his hands suspiciously.
“Oh, come on. Sam’s busy. I need a partner. I need you, man.”
Castiel shook his head and sighed but there was a hint of a smile. “Okay, Dean.”
Dean jolted awake. You would think that after all these years, the nightmares would have gone away…but he couldn’t stop seeing their faces…all of the souls from Hell. He draped an arm over his face and tried to stop the tears, tried to not hear their screams, tried to calm himself…it wasn’t working. As tears began running back into his temples, he felt a hand on his shoulder and jerked upright…it was Cas.
“Sorry, Dean…I didn’t mean to startle you. I….”
“It’s fine.” Dean looked down at the hand still connected to his shoulder, the hand that had once gripped him tight and raised him from that place. It held him now, grounding him here. Dean stared at it, letting it be his anchor. Castiel misunderstood.
He pulled his hand back, “I’m sorry, Dean. I…it was intrusive of me to come in here. I’ll leave.” As he turned, Dean reached out and grabbed his sleeve.
“Stay. I uh..I was thinking about Hell.”
“No, I-it’s…you pulled me out of there. I…don’t wanna talk about it but just…” Dean scrubbed his free hand over his face. His voice came out barely over a whisper, “I need you. Please, stay.”
Castiel’s face was unreadable. “Of course, Dean.”
“Hey, Cas! Come here. I need you! Cas!” Dean turned around with a spoon full of pie filling as Cas entered the room. “Hey, taste this and tell me if it’s any good.”
“Dean, I, mnpf-” Dean shoved the spoon into his mouth.
“Ha? It’s good right? How’s it taste?”
Castiel made a face and swallowed. “Like molecules, Dean…it tastes like molecules.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re no fucking help.”
Cas scowled and then rolled his eyes. “Oh, Dean, why this is the most delicious combination of molecules ever…how ever did you make them taste this way…”
Dean almost spit out his bite. “Yeah yeah, okay, smart-ass.” He turned a smirking Cas around and began pushing him out of the room. “Get out of my kitchen if you can’t appreciate excellence. And send Sam when you see him. Maybe he has some sense.”
“Hey, Cas, I need you to come look at this.”
“Cas…Man, I need you to talk to me before you just go off on your own like that…”
“Cas! I need you to translate this for me!”
“Cas, I need you to stay with me.”
“Hey, Cas, I need your help on this case.”
Dean walked into the library to see Cas sitting at the table, pouring over some ancient text in a language long forgotten. Dean had no idea why he himself was in here. He didn’t need anything. He should have been in bed. He was in bed, but he’d gotten up and wandered in here because he just…just…needed…
He watched Cas’s shoulders rise and fall with his steady breathing. Dean’s eyes roamed up his neck and over that god-forsaken jaw line. He thought about how it was a miracle for Cas to even be sitting here, about all the times he had lost him. He thought about what their lives would be without him…what his life would be without him. He…
“Do you need something, Dean?” Cas didn’t turn around at first, but when Dean didn’t answer, he turned and looked up at his quizzically.
Yes, Dean realized. Yes I do. But not something…someone. “You…”
Shit. He said that out loud. He definitely said that out loud. He didn’t mean to say that out loud. “ I mean…I uh…” There was nothing. He needed an excuse, something he could say that he needed him for at that moment, but he couldn’t think of a single damn thing. He just…needed…
“Dean,” Castiel stood and crossed the room to Dean, eyes searching him for something. “What’s wrong? What do you need?’
“I…” Dean snapped his mouth shut and turned to leave, but a hand grabbed his and pulled him back.
“Dean…” Those eyes…shit. Dean was screwed. He could feel himself crumbling as Castiel tilted his head, studying him, wanting so badly to know what was wrong. Dean ‘s eyes wandered down to Cas’s lips but quickly jerked back up. Not quick enough. Cas noticed. “Dean…what do you need?”
Fuck it. Dean took a deep breath. “You. Just…just you…I need you.” Dean looked down and the hand that was still clasped around his. “I need you, Cas.”
“No, I…yeah, I know, but…” Dean looked into Cas’s eyes, begging…willing him to understand. He…wait…
Cas cautiously stepped closer. His eyebrows pulled together and his head leaned forward slightly. His face was intense, serious, cautious. His words came out like a sigh. “I need you too, Dean.”
Shit. They were so close. Shit. He wanted to run. Instead, he leaned his forehead against Cas’s and squeezed his eyes shut, working hard to steady his breathing, but that was impossible, because he could taste Cas’s breath and feel his heart pounding, because they were now standing against each other and…oh shit...he could feel Cas’s heart pounding. Cas also seemed to be having the same breathing problem as Dean. Maybe Cas did understand. Maybe they both…needed…
Dean’s hand found it’s way to the back of Cas’s head, fingers combing up into thick unruly hair. “Cas…”
Cas swallowed and gently placed a hand on Dean’s side but otherwise didn’t respond.
Dean kissed him. And…oh god…he wasn’t prepared for this. He wasn’t prepared for the way Cas would melt against him, for the needy sound Cas would make as he pulled Dean in harder. He wasn’t prepared for how soft Cas’s lips would be, for how hard his body was. Cas’s tongue played across Dean’s bottom lip, and oh god…Dean wasn’t prepared for the way Cas would taste. He wasn’t prepared for any of this…but he needed it. He desperately needed it. And judging by the way Cas was drinking Dean in like a man being given water for the first time, Cas needed him too.
