I've been so testy this week. Ugh.
I know exactly why, but I shouldn't be [testy]. I've sometimes snapped at my friends (sorry peoples), there aren't good excuses, and I'm better than this. I know I am. I can do this.
This isn't a matter of wanting to put up a front, or even keeping things from my friends or people around me. It's a matter of being able to get a handle on my emotions. Or trying to protect those around me from the news. It's my burden, my cross to bear. Not theirs. I've tried it out - telling people some personal news. One of the people I've told cried when I finally got it out. Fuck I've never felt so bad.
or maybe I'm in denial. [Denial's not just a river in Egypt]
or maybe I should stop trying to control my emotions. After all, I'm pretty carefree about everything else! (oooo happy thoughts! ^_^) [booorrrn freeee!!]
or maybe I should get some sleep. I overanalyze when I tire. And I get testy.
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The good thing about seeing what I wrote/typed is that I can see my own contradictions. I can hash these thoughts out.
So here's the trick: not to completely go one way or another, but to find that balance and understand when is the best time to tell, and what information is the best to tell. It's easy to tell in the extremes, but I think we learn the most during those gray areas. How we act in the most difficult gray situations help to define us. There are some things we must face alone. But in groups, with friends, with that support alongside us, we can accomplish just about anything.