Discover Top Posts Tagged with #rdale adventures

Popular Recent

i am so glad jughead got abducted by alien mothman, i was beginning to worry rdale would lose some of its absurdity now that the cast are no longer high school students

#off topic #rdale adventures #s5e7 #i can't fucking breathe #the show needs to stfu about archie turning his high school football team into firefighters #and veronica making her own currency #and betty doing her usual serial killer thing #the entire rest of the season needs to focus on the mothman alien or else what are we even doing here #(oh and btw archie's high school football team isn't like his old buddies it's literally the teenage students he's now coaching)

a small list of events from the first five episodes of season 6 of archie-comics-inspired tv show riverdale:

archie’s heart was ripped out as part of a blood sacrifice ritual

toni took the place of la llorona

jughead interviewed the actual devil to help with his writer’s block

reggie tricked veronica into literally selling her soul for the financial success of their casino

god himself sent the angel rafael to pop’s diner with a bottle of tears shed by the virgin mary at the crucifixation because the diner will “play an important role in the battle that’s to come” with the forces of evil

betty stabbed someone to death with scissors

sabrina the teenage witch showed up to help cheryl, who was actually her ancestor abigail cursed with immortality, swap bodies with cheryl’s dying grandmother so abigail could finally die

an identical doppelganger of jughead was murdered on the side of the road while carrying comics depicting the events of the show thus far

veronica tried to start a throuple with two parallel universe versions of reggie (and the two reggies killed each other in a duel over her)

the fate of multiple universes briefly depended on jughead and veronica making out, but then archie murdered veronica and betty (wearing her wedding dress, on her and archie’s wedding day) murdered archie and jughead’s doppelganger came back from the dead, so the fate of multiple universes ended up depending on betty and jughead’s doppelganger making out instead

#rdale adventures #i'm just................

not rdale starting off season 6 with the good ol’ “it was all just a dream”

#rdale adventures #s6e1 #is it a subversion if they appear to have transported into an alternate reality?

i think the ultimate rdale experience would be watching episodes 10 & 11 of season 5 with absolutely no context, because i watched them with full knowledge of the show and i still have no idea what the fuck just happened.

like okay there was a subplot where, after escaping from jail (because veronica’s dad was mad that rdale high was having a parent-teacher night so he blew up part of the prison), betty (and jughead’s) serial killer/ex-fbi half-brother and betty’s scamming fake not-actually-half-brother show up at her house and ask betty’s mom, who’s been ordained online, to officiate their wedding. then betty’s sort-of(?) ex shows up, and when betty’s real and fake half-brothers discover the ex is writing a dissertation on the expression of the serial killer gene in the cooper family, they try to get betty’s nine-year-old niece (whose mother may or may not have been murdered by the mothman) to stab betty’s ex by tying him to a chair and pretending it’s a children’s game call “the pincushion man”. betty begs them to stop, but her real half-brother says if the nine-year-old doesn’t do it, betty has to stab her ex instead, and then they can get back to the wedding. so betty fucking stabs her ex, throws the knife at her fake half-brother, takes his gun, shoots her real half-brother, and they all go to the hospital.

and this entire subplot takes place over three scenes that collectively make up five minutes of a forty-two minute episode.

#rdale adventures #s5e10 #rdale crammed more into episodes 10 and 11 than some shows cram into entire seasons #also side note but @ the real and fake half brothers it's rude to turn your real/fake/half niece and nephews bday party into your wedding :(

rdale is giving me such massive whiplash right now. half the show is a scrappy underdog high school football movie, half the show is kevin’s very serious subplot about overcoming internalized homophobia, and meanwhile the aliens got both a) dialed back to a manifestation of repressed trauma and b) legitimized as a possible reason behind betty’s sister’s incredibly tragic disappearance. betty nearly shoots a trucker and then the show cuts to cheryl doing a musical number at the Big Football Game. literally what the fuck is even happening

#rdale adventures #s5e9 #on the football subplot: can you imagine if the like ex-mayor and super rich leader of your community just #took over the high school football team #for reasons incredibly not apparent to you as an average citizen of the town #they've really found a way to commit to the Epic Highs And Lows Of High School Football this season jfc

the best time to hit on a girl is right after you reveal you’ve been writing your dissertation paper on the expression of the serial killer gene in her and her family members

#rdale adventures #s5e10 #this show has taken a hard left turn into a verse of 'we didn't start the fire'

the rdale class plotting to kidnap, torture, and potentially murder their principal because he banned them from senior prom is about the most on-brand way this show could end

#rdale adventures #s4e19 #off topic #no clue if this is actually the end of the show but like #wouldnt it be a way to go out #(also i know he did other shit too but like jesus)

jughead, if you keep writing a book word-for-word about all the sketchy shit that’s happened to you at Conspiracy Academy, and reading it aloud word-for-word to a bunch of Conspiracy Academy people while totally alone and defenseless there, then the ‘perfect murder’ you keep writing about is about to happen to you kid

#rdale adventures #off topic #s4e13