My birthday, so I'm write some Draco Drabbles... IDK just something in my head
Draco didn't like you, or so he said. He hated the attention you got along with your idiot brother. So what if your parents died? Who cares... Though, no matter how many times he denied his feelings towards you, they always had a way of coming out.
You always saw Draco as a loser bully who had to much money. You couldn't stand him, since he was a jerk to all of your friends and you. He always seemed to have it out for you and your brother and you were never sure why. A part of you thought maybe he liked you, but you quickly dismissed the idea. That was until you had undeniable proof
If Draco could get rid of one thing, just one, it'd be you. Nothing else. Just you. He hated these complex feelings you made him feel and he felt like you were purposefully messing with him. How dare you make THE Draco Lucius Malfoy feel things?!
But, he knows if could grant such a desire, he'd never act on it. Because as much as he hates it, he also can't help the beating of his chest when you're near. Or the way his heart desires to hold you close. It's a feeling he's never experience and it's euphoric... He just wishes you were anyone else.
You see the way Draco looks at you, but your mind tells you it's not real. Your eyes are playing tricks on you. So, what if he's being a little nicer? It's just a trick. The little gifts signed D.M don't mean anything either and you won't fall for such a trap. No, no you won't...
Make All Your Demons Be Gone pt. 6 [Sirius Black/Reader]
summary: When you first meet your brother's friends, you're not very impressed. You're especially not so keen on Sirius Black and the feeling seems mutual. But as time goes on, you start to realize there's more to the boy who seemed to only hate you because of the house were sorted into. Through heartbreak, loss, danger, and pain, you begin to realize that you need Sirius just as much as he needs you.
chapter word count: 4.8k
author's note: So, I haven't updated in two years...A lot of stuff happened like I started a new job, lost my motivation, had a whole bunch of personal problems. But, I finally found my way back, and I hope you're all still interested in this. If you like this, please let me know! It would make my day. 💖
read on ao3
You supposed, if anyone desperately wanted to know the truth, that having Sirius as a houseguest for the rest of that summer wasn't entirely the worst thing that could happen to you. It seemed as if you had reached an unsteady truce after you caught Sirius in your father's study and you noticed a difference in your interactions.
You had insisted he was being all dramatic and brooding in the study, but Sirius swore he was only thinking over his family situation. You knew that you had truly lucked out with your parents and James, but you couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have a family you absolutely loathed. Sirius had his flaws and he was entirely too impulsive for your liking, but maybe James was right. Sirius might just be someone who might be worth knowing and you should stop fighting with him at every given opportunity.
You still teased each other and made fun, but it didn’t seem to have the same bite it used to just days before.
You got used to Sirius taking up space in your house and while you still found yourself irritated by him, you had to admit that it was a different kind of irritation than before. You wouldn't ever tell anyone, even Lily, but you had started feeling nearly fond of Sirius and his antics.
One day near the end of July, you found yourself bored, so you decided to write to your friends.
You started with a letter to Remus. You had yet to respond to his last note and you didn't want him to think you had forgotten about him. You confided in him that while your prank war with Sirius was never-ending, it didn't seem as mean-spirited as it had the previous year. It was almost like you were simply picking on each other. It was almost like you were something approaching friends.
Even though you trusted Remus, you only confessed to Lily that having Sirius there wasn't nearly as horrible as you imagined. You tried not to let your feelings on the matter shine through too much, so you made sure to tell her that he was usually off somewhere with James, exploring and laughing and conveniently far away from you.
She was quick to write you back, joking that maybe you and Sirius would become great friends, fulfilling James' dreams of having the two of you finally get along for once. What you didn't tell Lily was that you were sure James' dreams mostly involved her, but you weren't going to traumatize her with that bit of information.
You wished that you could write to Severus, but you didn't know how to feel about him anymore.
As the summer wore on, James and Sirius seemed a bit more secretive than usual. You weren't sure if you were being paranoid, since it seemed like the Daily Prophet was constantly showcasing the worst of the wizarding war that was brewing. Voldemort was gaining followers and it seemed as if you couldn't go anywhere without news of Death Eater attacks or people mysteriously disappearing following you.
By the time you were starting your fifth year at Hogwarts, you were beginning to get scared. You knew that Severus was on his way towards becoming a Death Eater, if he wasn't one already, but you were starting to realize that a lot of Slytherins were turning to that side as well. You weren't sure who to trust or what to say to others when you were in your dorm or common room, so you mostly kept to yourself.
You weren’t even sure if you could trust Regulus. Sirius had been vocal about the fact that his younger brother was all too content to simply fall in line with his family’s loyalties to the dark side. Was Regulus a Death Eater too? Were the only Slytherins you had come to call your friends now the enemy?
You convinced yourself that it was best to focus on your studies and protect yourself from the war. Over the summer, you had heard your parents speaking quietly in the study, pondering whether to keep you and your brother and Sirius from attending Hogwarts. They were more concerned about you being in Slytherin and the influence you would fall under. The fact that your parents were scared for your safety at a veritable fortress like Hogwarts told you that the situation was a lot more serious than you feared.
Despite your resolve to ignore Severus, you quite literally ran into him when you were trying to leave your dorm on the first day of classes.
"Oh," you breathed in surprise, having to stumble back a couple steps to avoid crashing into Severus.
"Y/N," Severus greeted with a nod of acknowledgement. "I didn't hear from you this summer."
"I, uh, well," you started, not sure how to let Severus know that you were terrified that he had joined the wrong side and now the two of you would have to be on opposing sides of a war. He had been one of your best friends since you started Hogwarts and now you weren't even sure if you should talk to him. "I have to go see my brother," you blurted before brushing past him.
"Y/N!" Severus called, but you were already out of the dorm and striding down the hallway, hoping you didn't look like you were running away.
You made it to the Great Hall without running into any other suspected Death Eaters. You started to approach the Slytherin table out of habit before you redirected towards the Gryffindor table. You loved being a Slytherin and you didn't think it was a bad thing. You wanted to do great things and find success in your endeavors. You wanted to be ambitious and cunning and all the other attributes that were fitting for a Slytherin.
You just didn't want to be evil.
And the most horrible thing to you was that you weren't sure how to distinguish the evil ones from the good ones.
Worse yet, you worried that you were falling into the prejudice against your own house that the rest of the school seemed to hold. And who was to say it was only Slytherins joining the ranks of Death Eaters? Who else in the other houses had decided to join Voledemort?
You didn’t know and you figured the only true safe place for you was with your brother and his friends.
So, you decided to drop down into a seat at the Gryffindor table between James and Remus.
"A little lost, snake?" Sirius asked and you glanced up to see he was sitting opposite you. You weren't sure if you were imagining it or if Sirius’ 'snake' comment didn't hold as much venom as it used to.
"I'm avoiding some people," you admitted with a shrug of your shoulders.
Remus shot you a concerned look. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah," you sighed, briefly sparing a glance for the Slytherin table. Severus was just sitting down and you had to hurriedly look away before he noticed you. "Just need to figure out how to handle something."
"Well, you're welcome to sit here whenever you like," James offered, throwing his arm around your shoulders. "And if anyone gives you any trouble, just let me know. I'll make them regret ever picking on my little sister."
You shrugged your shoulders, throwing off James' arm, and shook your head. "I can fight my own battles," you told him.
"I know you can, but--"
"But she's fully capable of taking care of herself," Lily cut in, joining the conversation. "But I suppose you are her brother, so maybe you could be good for something."
James spluttered out an indignant response that you only caught part of before he turned in his seat, giving Lily his full attention. Remus had his head buried in a book and Peter was nowhere to be found, leaving you with just Sirius.
You were going to settle for simply ignoring him in favor of eating breakfast, but Sirius had another idea.
You felt something brush against your foot under the table. At first, you thought it was merely an accident, but then something pressed into your foot again and again. You glanced up at Sirius and caught the knowing smirk on his face before he shot you a wink. You weren't sure why it had you ducking your head and refusing to look at him. It was an entirely new response to Sirius’ antics and it uneased you.
What did it mean? Was he just trying to annoy you or was this something different? Was he trying to get a rise out of you or simply teasing you or was it more than that?
"Why do you look like that?" James asked, finally pulling his focus away from Lily.
"Like what?" You wondered, trying to school your expression into something neutral. You would rather die than let Sirius know that he had managed to stir up that reaction within you, so you kept your head down and focused on your food.
Sirius decided to break James' focus on you by flinging a spoonful of eggs at his head and among the chaos that followed, you managed to slip away, wondering if Sirius was simply your ally or maybe even something more now.
As the year progressed, you began to hear more and more snippets and stories about the wizarding war that was waging on. Muggles were being tortured and wizards were going missing under 'mysterious circumstances.' Voldemort and his army seemed to be growing bolder by the day, venturing into muggle cities and causing a ruckus in the Ministry.
You feared for your parents and you hoped that they were staying as far away from the war as they could get. Besides the obvious Death Eater problem in the school, you never really thought anything bad could actually happen to you or your brother as long as you were at Hogwarts.
Which, you figured, was why you were attacked in Hogsmeade.
It was the second Hogsmeade visit of the year and you were eager to get your hands on more chocolate wands. You hadn't expected just how stressful your fifth year would be and you had severely underestimated the amount of time you would spend awake at night, studying in bed and reaching for a snack that wasn't there.
You were just about to make the trek back to the castle. The sky was beginning to grow dark and a lot of the other students had already left. There was a chill to the air that had you wrapping your scarf even tighter around your neck, shivering as a blast of cold air met you.
"Little Slytherin girl," you heard someone hiss. It was a woman, you could tell that much, but you didn't recognize her.
You instinctively froze in your tracks, not aware of where the voice was coming from. There was something screaming inside you to just move. Run now before they caught you. But your feet betrayed you and stayed rooted to the spot.
"Won't you join us, little Slytherin? All your friends have," another voice taunted, growing closer to you by the second.
You finally managed to turn around, pinpointing the voices to two Death Eaters approaching you. They were wearing masks, shielding their identities from view, and a sick twisting in your gut worried that they were really Slytherins who were undergoing some kind of initiation. What if this was Severus? Would Severus kill you? The fact that you didn't know anymore had you feeling even more sick to your stomach.
"Leave me alone," you ordered, dropping your Honeydukes purchases to the ground and attempting to go for your wand.
"Incarcerous," the wizard shouted just as the witch cast impedimenta.
You fumbled your wand, letting it fall to the ground, just as chains enclosed you. You fell to the ground, helpless and terrified, as they stalked closer towards you.
"Now, what should we do with you?" The witch mused as she twirled her wand, as if this was all some kind of game to her.
"We should take her back to Master," the wizard answered, sounding positively gleeful at the thought.
"Help!" You called, glad that they hadn't managed to silence you just yet. "Someone! Anyone! Please!"
"Shut up, you stupid girl," the wizard growled, striking you across the face.
Blood blossomed across your tongue and you could feel where the skin of your cheek had split under the force of his blow.
"Let's get her back to Master before--," the witch's words were cut off by a low growl followed by a snarl.
The witch let out a shriek before she fell to the ground. The wizard turned, surprised and confused, only to let out a howl of pain. You had no idea what was happening and you managed to roll to the side, getting a glimpse of the fight that was happening just steps away from where you were lying on the ground.
You had to blink a few times, wondering if you had hit your head, because there was no possible explanation for the sight before you. A black dog was snapping its jaws repeatedly, attempting to take bites out of the witch while she held it off. And of all things, a deer was rushing at the wizard, butting its head into his chest.
The wizard chose to apparate away, but the witch stayed behind.
She let out a gleeful, malicious giggle and then struck the dog in its side. The dog let out a whimper before finally backing off. The deer rushed towards the dog, attempting to aid it, but the witch cast a hex at the deer, causing it to back off.
All the while, you had been attempting to get the chains off you. You had wriggled and squirmed and finally they fell away, leaving you to grasp your wand and aim it at the witch just as she aimed hers at the dog.
You cast the first spell you could think of which just happened to be the horn tongue hex.
The witch screeched in alarm when her tongue grew heavy and began to protrude from her mouth. You followed it up with a stinging hex and then another. The witch stumbled back before finally apparating away, but you didn't think it was enough. You kept aiming hex after hex at the space she previously occupied, furious and hurt and terrified.
"Y/N!" A voice called from far away. "Y/N, it's alright now. They're gone," they said, trying to shake you out of your shock.
You blinked a few times, your eyes finally focusing enough to notice that James was standing in front of you. He had his hands on your shoulders as he attempted to get you to make eye contact with him. A relieved smile appeared on his face once he realized he finally had your attention.
Your right hand was clutching your wand so hard you were amazed that it hadn't yet broken. Your left hand was clutching a bunch of fur and you looked down to see that it was the dog. It seemed content to stand still, as if knowing you needed the reassurance, and it pressed its nose into your knee when you slowly let go.
"James," you managed, wanting to ask about the deer and the dog, but all you got out was your brother's name before you began to sob. You fell out of James' grasp and to the ground, hunching in over yourself. There was blood in your mouth and your arms ached from fighting the incarcerous charm. You were beginning to shake and an inane thought crossed your mind that you should really get your Honeydukes purchases before they were lost forever.
The dog whined low in its throat before pressing close to you, sending a beseeching look up at your brother, as if asking him to do something.
"I know, Padfoot, but we should get her to Dumbledore. Those were Death Eaters. In Hogsmeade," James stressed, sounding just as shocked as you felt.
The dog, Padfoot, growled before he was gone. In his place was Sirius, fury written into his expression.
"That was my cousin," Sirius snarled, reaching out to hold onto your shoulder. "And she could have killed Y/N."
You stared at Sirius, stunned speechless. You glanced over to your brother to see if he was also hallucinating his best friend, but James didn't seem to think anything was amiss.
"But--," you started, looking from James and back to Sirius. "You're a dog?"
Sirius shot you a smirk, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. "Wow, sweetheart, tell me how you really feel about me."
"Sirius," your brother rebuked before he brought your attention to him. "You can't tell anyone about Sirius or me, understand? We could get in a lot of trouble."
"You...," you trailed off, finally putting the pieces together through a mind still dazed with shock. "You were the stag," you observed, thinking that of course your brother was an animagus, because your life was bound to take just about every insane turn it possibly could. “How did you find me?”
“We were just out in the forest, letting off some steam,” Sirius answered. “And then we heard you screaming for help.”
James nodded his head in answer. "I’m just glad we got here in time.” James glanced around before he sighed. “It’s getting late. We should get you out of here," he decided, reaching down to pull you off the ground.
Sirius rose with you, his hand still on your shoulder, as if he was afraid to let go. He ushered you forward a few steps before you remembered about your chocolate wands and you tried to turn.
"What are you doing?" Sirius wondered, watching as you stumbled your way over to your dropped bag.
"I need this," you defended yourself with a shrug of your shoulders.
Sirius rolled his eyes, muttering 'barmy' under his breath. "C'mon," he sighed, moving to wrap an arm around your shoulders once you were beside him again.
James moved to walk at your other side, keeping you between the two of them.
There were no more attacks on the way to the school and when you officially walked through the gates and onto the Hogwarts grounds, you felt a tiny little shiver work its way down your spine in relief.
"You're safe now," Sirius assured you, letting his hand drop until it was resting at the small of your back.
"If you two hadn't been there...," you didn't even want to finish the thought. The Death Eaters would have taken you to Voldemort. They would have tortured you. They probably would have killed you.
"But we were," James refuted with a small smile at you. "And I'm not letting you out of my sight again, you got that?"
"I think she did pretty well taking care of herself," Sirius reminded James. "Getting my cousin with a horn tongue hex was just...brilliant," he finished with a wide, toothy grin at you.
"You're sure that was Bellatrix?" You asked him, thinking of the near maniacal glee she took in taking you down. You had only dealt with Sirius and Regulus, and while you thought Sirius was mad, he was nothing like that.
"It was her," Sirius confirmed with a heavy sigh. "I'm sure the Black family will commend her for her loyalty to the dark arts."
You weren't sure how to respond, so you settled for bumping your elbow into Sirius' side. "Thank you," you told him when he finally looked at you. "The both of you."
"Yeah, well, can't let my best mate's sister suffer, can I? Not unless it's me making her suffer," he added with a conspiratorial wink.
The conversation trailed off there and you became caught up in your thoughts of what had just transpired. It seemed like one moment you were hurrying across the grounds with your brother and Sirius and the next you were standing in Dumbledore's office.
"You two may go back to your dorm," he said, addressing James and Sirius. "I would like to have a few words with Miss Potter alone."
"Headmaster," James started before he was cut off by Sirius clamping a hand down on his shoulder.
"Understood, Professor," Sirius readily agreed and dragged James from the office.
Dumbledore waited until the two of them were gone before he turned his attention on you.
"I expect that they will be waiting for you to escort you back to the Slytherin dorm once we're done here. I've never found Sirius to be that agreeable before."
You couldn't help the nervous laugh you let out at his words and from the way Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with mirth, you knew it had been his aim all along.
"Now," he started, watching you from across his desk. "Would you like to tell me what happened tonight in Hogsmeade?"
You found the words for the story in bits and pieces. Your hands began to tremble as you talked about the Death Eaters approaching you while you were helpless and you found yourself pulling out a chocolate wand and taking a bite. "Sorry," you told Dumbledore when you noticed the amused look on his face.
"No need to be sorry," Dumbledore dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I too find that sweets help me through trying situations. So, your brother and Sirius came to your rescue?"
"They did," you agreed with a nod of your head. There was no way you were going to mention that James and Sirius were animagi, so you quickly glossed over that part of the story. "And once I was able to free myself, I attacked one of the Death Eaters when she hurt Sirius. I, uh, I turned her tongue into a horn," you admitted with a sheepish grin. "And then I cast a lot more hexes until she left. I was, I mean, well...," you didn't know how to talk about the worst part. "They wanted to take me to him," you forced yourself to get out. "And they would have killed me. There's no way I could have fought him or any of them and escaped with my life."
Dumbledore seemed to mull over your words for a few moments. There was a look on his face you couldn't immediately decipher, but the more you studied it, the more you realized that Dumbledore seemed oddly proud of you.
"Tell me, Miss Potter, what would you like to do once you leave here?"
You weren't sure how that was in any way connected to the night's events, but you were happy for a change of subject. Your mind was still reeling from Death Eaters and animagi and the possibility of being taken to Voldemort. You really just wanted to think about anything else at the moment.
"Well, I would really like to continue my studies," you answered, thinking over where you might want to be in ten years time if you were still alive. "Particularly in history of magic."
"Ah, yes, I've heard that you are far more passionate about the subject than your classmates."
"It's fascinating," you admitted with a genuine smile. "Maybe I'll be lucky enough to be a professor one day."
"I think that sounds like a wonderful plan," Dumbledore mused with a thoughtful look. "I suppose when Professor Binns is ready to move on, we'll have a candidate in mind for the position." Dumbledore considered you for another moment. “I will have to inform your parents about what happened tonight. I don’t doubt that they will try to convince you to spend the rest of the term at home.”
You knew your parents would fear for your safety even more now, but you didn’t want to leave Hogwarts. “Then I’ll just have to convince them that Hogwarts is safe.”
Dumbledore offered you a content smile before he pulled out a drawer of his desk. He rummaged through the drawer before he pulled something free. “May I offer you a sherbet lemon?”
Not long after that, Dumbledore sent you on your way with a few more sweets than you had arrived with and the knowledge that he thought you had done well for yourself under duress.
You weren't surprised to see that Dumbledore was right about Sirius and James. The second you stepped off the staircase leading up to Dumbledore's office, James was right there with Sirius not far behind.
"What'd he say? Should we get you to the Hospital Wing?" James asked, worry in his tone as he considered you.
"I'd rather just go to sleep," you dismissed James' concern, brushing past him in favor of heading towards the dungeons.
"Maybe we could sneak you into the Gryffindor common room to sleep it off on the couch," Sirius suggested, falling into step with you.
"No," you immediately argued. "I have to trust that I can be safe in my own dorm."
Sirius and James shared a look, a silent conversation taking place between them, before James finally rolled his eyes. "Fine, but we're walking you there."
You couldn't help but snort in amusement. James was always going to be your overprotective big brother and Sirius...well, you weren't quite sure what Sirius was anymore, but you knew that things were constantly evolving between the two of you.
And really, you didn't think that was such a bad thing.
The next day, visits to Hogsmeade were put on hold for the rest of the year since it was deemed unsafe with the recent attacks on muggles and wizards. Your attack wasn't mentioned, and you were grateful since everyone seemed upset by the news. You knew they would just find a way to blame you and you didn't want to know what anyone would have to say. You were still shaken, and while you were going to miss your Honeydukes shopping trips, you couldn't deny that you wouldn't have felt safe there again.
You had just finished writing a letter to your parents in response to their plea that you consider coming home. Dumbledore had been right, but you were stubborn and wanted to finish out your fifth year at the castle. Your parents wouldn’t like it, but you also knew that they wouldn’t force you to come home if you didn’t want to.
You were clutching the letter tight in your hands, intent on going to the owlery, when someone called your name just as you were leaving the Great Hall.
"Are you alright?" The voice caught you off-guard, stopping you in your tracks.
You turned to see Severus standing there, his expression neutral with just a hint of conern in his eyes.
"What?"
"You appear to be injured," he observed with a quirk of his eyebrow. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the Hogsmeade trips being cancelled?"
A hundred different emotions flooded through you before you somehow finally landed on contempt. "And if it was?" You took a couple of steps closer to him, lowering your voice so only the two of you could hear. "And if it was Death Eaters who attacked me and attempted to kidnap me? Would you still be with them?"
Severus' expression morphed from poorly concealed worry into masked irritation. "I don't see how that's any of your business."
You scoffed, shaking your head. "It's my business because you were my friend, Severus. You were one of my best friends and the fact that you could join them? That's just...I don't know who you are anymore," you admitted with a scowl.
You turned away from him, not letting him even attempt to get another word in. You didn't want to know if there was anything left of your friendship with Severus. The fact alone that he would join the Death Eaters, especially after what you had endured the night before, was more than enough for you to know that you didn't want anything to do with him as long as he was with them.
The rest of your fifth year was spent fearing for your loved ones and doing your damnedest to make sure that you got the OWLs scores that you wanted. While you had lost a friend, it seemed as if you had gained another in Sirius. He spent less time trying to poke and prod at you, attempting to get a rise, and instead did his best to make you laugh. He watched out for you and finally seemed to accept you despite the fact that you were a Slytherin.
A year before, you never would have guessed that you would be facing your sixth year at Hogwarts trusting Sirius Black and avoiding Severus at all costs. You didn't know what the future held for you and you were terrified more than anything that Voldemort and his army would find a way to win.
But as long as you still had the people you loved, for now you would simply focus on what the summer holidays would bring. And even though you were loath to admit it, even to yourself, maybe you were just the tiniest bit interested in seeing where the new amicable nature of your relationship with Sirius brought you.
taglist: @mizelophsun11 @mysticalfuncollectorus @honeybxes @siriusement @takem3tothelakes @fangeekkk @strawberrysodaslut (if you would like to be added please let me know! some people who used to be on the list have different usernames, so I wasn't sure if I should still tag you.)
Make All Your Demons Be Gone pt. 5 (Sirius Black/Reader)
summary: When you first meet your brother's friends, you're not very impressed. You're especially not so keen on Sirius Black and the feeling seems mutual. But as time goes on, you start to realize there's more to the boy who seemed to only hate you because of the house were sorted into. Through heartbreak, loss, danger, and pain, you begin to realize that you need Sirius just as much as he needs you.
chapter word count: 4.8k
author's note: If you like this, please let me know! It would make my day. 💖
read on ao3
Things were tense between you and Severus for a while. You knew it was because of your friendship with Remus, and while you were still furious with Sirius, you were glad that James had enough common sense to stop Severus from walking to his potential mauling.
You gave Severus space, knowing that bothering him wouldn't get you anywhere with him. You instead focused on keeping your marks up and bothering Lily and sometimes Regulus. You also made time for Remus, choosing the first Hogsmeade weekend after the whole debacle to treat him to a Butterbeer.
"So, you know," Remus concluded, watching you across the table you claimed at the Three Broomsticks.
You took a sip of your drink before nodding your head. "Yeah," you sighed.
"And? You still want to be my friend?" Remus asked, his tone telling you he thought you were going to get up at any moment, loudly declaring for everyone in the room that he was a werewolf, before making a run for it.
You shrugged your shoulders. "As far as I'm aware, you're still Remus Lupin, aren't you? You've always been my friend. This doesn't change that," you assured him.
You caught Remus' brief, pleased smile before he finally picked up his own drink from the table.
As the year progressed, it became clear to you that James and Sirius were a dangerous combination. James was your brother, but you had to admit to yourself that he was getting more and more cruel in his taunting of Severus. While you could sometimes put a stop to it, whether through threatening to tell your parents or a teacher, it seemed you couldn't stop everything from falling apart during the middle of your friends' OWLs exams.
You didn't even realize something was wrong at first.
You had tagged along with Lily on her quest to find Severus so the both of them could study together. You had your own end-of-year exams to worry about, but you couldn't deny that getting to get a peek at what the OWLs would be like had its advantages.
You didn't expect to see James and Sirius with Severus and you sure as hell didn't expect to see Severus being held upside down by your brother's spell. You didn't even think before you rushed at James, knocking him over, forcing his spell on Severus to end.
"What's your problem?" Sirius asked, a bright smile on his face. "It's only a joke. Snivellus knows we're only joking."
"You're my problem," you hissed at Sirius. "You and James and whatever this is," you said gesturing between them and Severus. "Why can't you just leave him alone? You only have two years left here and this is how you want to spend it? Grow up," you shouted, turning to look at James. "And you," you snarled, taking a step towards your older brother. "I can't believe you're my brother. James," you started, unsure how to finish your sentence. "I just...you're certainly not the brother I grew up with," you finally said, turning your back on him.
It was then you saw Severus rubbing the back of his head and you feared for a moment that he was seriously injured. Lily took her turn to shout at Sirius and James before she turned to Severus and tried to help him.
You knew Severus was angry from the way his cheeks were flushed and his hands held into tight fists at his sides. You knew Severus was tired of being bullied and it didn't help that his main tormentor was your brother. You knew Severus cared for Lily, but his war for her affections was wearing him down. You knew all of this and yet it didn't excuse what he said next. There was nothing that would ever make it okay.
"I don't need your help," Severus seethed, pushing away Lily's proffered hand. "You filthy mudblood," he spat.
It was like the whole world stopped for a moment. You couldn't breathe or blink, the scene forever frozen in your memories.
Lily went pale, her mouth tightening in shock, before she turned and walked away. You shot Severus a disbelieving look before you ran after Lily.
"Lily," you called, just barely managing to catch up to her. "Are you okay? Severus, he's--"
"I can't believe he called me that. After everything," she said, shaking her head. "He just..." she trailed off, a frown on her face. "I can't believe I've spent all this time being his friend, caring for him, and that's how he's going to end it."
"End it? Lily, it's Severus. He didn't mean it. It was horrible, I know, but he'll apologize and never do it again. And if he does it again, then I'll hex him."
Lily stopped in her tracks, turning to look at you. She glanced around for a moment before seemingly deciding on something. She grabbed your arm, towing you over towards an alcove.
"Lily, what--"
Lily shushed you before casting a muffliato charm over the space. Lily, once satisfied the two of you wouldn't be overheard, finally turned to look at you. "He plans on becoming a Death Eater."
You blinked at Lily in surprise for a moment, wondering if you had somehow misunderstood her. "What?"
"Severus plans on becoming a Death Eater. He told me and apparently he thinks it's a great idea. Some of the older Slytherins have convinced him of it." She noticed the shock on your face and reached out to put a hand on your shoulder. "Surely you've heard talk about it all? I mean, being in Slytherin..." she trailed off. "I just thought you would have known, but you didn't, did you?"
You shook your head, fighting the tears that wanted to escape. Severus becoming a Death Eater? You couldn't imagine it. Since starting at Hogwarts, he had always been your friend. Did he like the dark arts? Sure, but he preferred potions and excelled in that subject. You couldn't imagine your friend casting something as cruel as a crucio on someone or even killing them, much less joining such a terrible, hideous cause.
"Oh, Y/N," Lily started, but you were quick to shake your head.
"No, I'm okay. It's okay. Just a shock," you assured her, offering what you hoped was a smile genuine enough to get her to back off. "Are you okay? I mean, after what he called you?"
"No," Lily answered truthfully. "But he's not my only friend, is he?"
You shook your head before pulling Lily into a hug. "No, he's not," you responded, your thoughts quickly spiraling as you thought of everything that had happened within the past half hour.
It only took you a few more days before you found yourself in a full-blown Slytherin crisis.
You had never really considered the fact that you were in Slytherin might be a bad thing. Sure, the house had a bad reputation of producing dark wizards and there were the snide remarks from other houses. Sure, some of your peers in Slytherin were interested in the dark arts and some even believed in blood supremacy.
But, you thought, it hadn't been all bad. You had Severus and even a few others in Slytherin who made you think that it was all just a big misunderstanding. Slytherins weren't inherently evil, were they? It was just something the other houses said, like all Gryffindors were mindless brutes or all Hufflepuffs were useless cowards.
It just wasn't true, you told yourself. It couldn't be.
But the more you thought about it, the less sure you became. Severus wanted to join the Death Eaters. How many of your peers, Slytherins specifically, had their eyes on that particular group in the hopes they would be considered?
You felt foolish and naive. You hadn't been approached to consider becoming a Death Eater, but maybe it was only a matter of time. You would never consider it, of course, but what if someone thought that you were cut out for it? What did that really say about you?
What if the Sorting Hat saw something in you that you didn't? What if you were destined to end up like every other dark wizard that came from Slytherin? Were you any better than them?
You were stuck in thought, staring out a window near the Charms corridor, when you were forced from your thoughts by someone clearing their throat behind you.
You glanced over your shoulder to see Professor McGonagall standing there. "If I'm not mistaken, Miss Potter, you should be in class right now."
You cleared your throat before hastily moving to stand. "I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall," you said, trying to stealthily wipe away the tear that had fallen. "It won't happen again."
Professor McGonagall considered you for a moment before she nodded back at the ledge you had been sitting on. "Sit, Miss Potter."
"But--"
Professor McGonagall shook her head, ushering you back into your seat. "Can I ask why you're sitting here, clearly upset about something, and not in class or your dorm?"
You tried to think of anything to say that would get you out of this situation. "I--"
"The truth, Miss Potter," Professor McGonagall admonished, as if already knowing you were about to try to lie your way out of talking to her.
You bit your lip, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. You knew you could trust Professor McGonagall, but it was hard trying to be open and honest with someone who you only knew as a teacher.
"The Sorting Hat," you started, taking a deep breath to try to focus your thoughts. "When it placed me in Slytherin, it was because I was ambitious and wanted to prove myself, and I didn't think that was a bad thing. But if there's all this talk about Death Eaters and joining them, then what does that mean for me? Is that what I'm supposed to want, because I'm in Slytherin? Is that what the Sorting Hat saw in me?"
"Miss Potter," Professor McGonagall interrupted. "Breathe."
You forced yourself to take another deep breath, having gotten worked up during your little rant.
"Now, I'm going to tell you something that I think you need to hear. The Sorting Hat, useful as it may be, does not truly know you. While it fulfills its purpose, it is not meant to be something that follows you for the rest of your life. Becoming a Death Eater, as some of your classmates have chosen, is a choice that will follow them for the rest of their lives. What will matter most is if you choose to make that choice for yourself."
You immediately shook your head. "I would never want to be like them," you denied. "They're horrible," you muttered. But Severus wasn't horrible, was he? So, why did he want to be one of them?
"Miss Potter, you being in Slytherin has no real bearing on your life. It decides your peers for your stay at Hogwarts, but it doesn't define you. You define yourself through your choices and from what I've observed over the past four years, you are growing up to become a caring, thoughtful individual. You are going to be okay."
It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Maybe Professor McGonagall was right. Being in Slytherin wasn't your whole life and it certainly didn't have to mean anything. It just meant you were cunning and ambitious, but that didn't have to be a bad thing. You could use those attributes to better yourself and others around you.
"Thanks, Professor," you said, offering her a small, genuine smile.
"Any time, Miss Potter," she replied, offering you a nod of her head. "Now, get to class or it's detention."
Your talk with Professor McGonagall went a long way towards helping you adjust your worldview, but it didn't fix everything.
You ended your fourth year at Hogwarts not talking to your brother, ignoring Sirius for all you were worth, and not talking to Severus.
Severus had tried, once, to talk to you in the Slytherin common room, but when you made it clear you didn't want to talk to him yet, Regulus had been there to step in.
"She doesn't want to talk to you, Snape," Regulus cut in, stepping between you and Severus.
"I don't remember asking for your input, Black," Severus snapped with a scowl.
It had allowed you enough time to slip away to the dorm, confusion and anger threatening to overtake you.
You only spent time with Lily and Remus and on rare occasions, Regulus. Lily had confirmed for you that Severus was still set on becoming a Death Eater, which had sealed his fate with her. After calling her a mudblood, it seemed as if he had truly and completely wrecked their friendship.
You weren't sure where you landed on the issue of Severus, but you needed time and space to figure it out. You didn't think he was truly evil, but horribly misguided. He wanted power, you were sure, but to sign up with the Death Eaters just to procure it? That seemed incredibly extreme to you and you weren't all that sure if you wanted to befriend a Death Eater, even if it was Severus.
It wasn't until you were about to board the Hogwarts Express that you finally talked to your brother again.
You were standing beside Remus, both of you talking about your plans for the summer, when Sirius approached. He put an arm around Remus' shoulders and shot you a smirk.
"Well, it looks like you're trading up, at least," he said, knocking into Remus' side companionably. "A lion is by far better than my snake of a brother."
And really, you knew it was a joke. You knew Sirius only meant to rile you up, but it did a lot more than that. Maybe it was the edge to his tone or the look he gave you, as if maybe he didn't think you were good enough for his friend, but you couldn't take his smarmy attitude any longer.
You pulled out your wand and pointed it at Sirius, only having a moment to register his shocked expression, before you attempted to hex him. You didn't care what kind it was in that moment, only that it caused Sirius some kind of discomfort. Maybe you would give him pepper breath or turn his tongue into a horn, but you didn't get a chance to consider your choices before James was intervening.
"Alright, enough," he snapped, wrapping his fingers around your arm.
"But--" you tried to argue, shooting a glare at Sirius over your shoulder as James towed you away.
He didn't let go until the both of you were alone in a compartment on the train.
"What the hell were you thinking? You could have been expelled! You could have hurt Sirius or someone else if you misfired! What is wrong with you?"
"Me? What the hell is wrong with you?" You squared off against James, all of your anger finally coming out now that you had an outlet. "You've turned into a bully and a complete wanker!"
"If this is about what happened to Sev--"
"It's part of it!" You snapped, not wanting to let your brother talk until you were done. "Do you really think that you have even half a chance with Lily while you're actively torturing her best friend? Former," you hastily corrected yourself. "Do you think that's what she wants? Someone who mocks and laughs and bullies others? Because if you think that's the way to her heart, then you're an idiot too."
You thought James was going to argue with you or maybe yell at you, but instead he simply sat down, staring up at you in thought. "You're right," he finally admitted with a rueful twist to his lips. "I haven't exactly set a good example as a big brother lately, have I?"
You snorted before dropping down onto the seat beside him. "No," you answered. "But you know, it's never too late to change that. A wise woman once told me that we define ourself through our choices. You've made some really bad ones lately, but your story's not over yet."
James sighed before he tilted his head back. "How did you get to be smarter than me, huh? When did I miss that?"
"Well," you said, shooting him a smirk, "I supposed that's what you get for befriending Sirius Black. His idiocy was bound to rub off on you eventually."
James shook his head before elbowing you in the side. "Were you really going to hex him?"
"I wanted to," you confessed with a frown. You felt guilty now that you were further away from the situation. You knew you were bound to snap at Sirius eventually, but since when did you progress from name-calling to prank wars to outright curses? "Thanks for stopping me."
"From now on, I'll promise to stop you from getting expelled for hexing my best friend and you promise to stop me before I become a complete prick. How's that sound?"
"Good," you decided with a nod of your head. "It sounds good."
You managed to reconcile with James on the train ride home, and while things weren't perfect between the two of you, it felt like a step in the right direction.
You were perfectly happy when your summer seemed as if it would be a quiet one. You were content to write to Lily and Remus and even Regulus once or twice.
You contemplated writing Severus, but you didn't know what to say to him now. What if he was spending his time over the summer becoming a Death Eater? What if he was with them now?
You had heard all about the war that was being waged between Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters and anyone who stood in their way. You thought they were a bunch of power hungry monsters and you just couldn't reconcile the fact that Severus wanted to join them in your mind.
You were worried for your friend, but you didn't know how to help him. You hoped that by the time your fifth year began, you would find a way to get through to him if it wasn't too late. You doubted you could succeed where Lily had failed, given Severus' feelings for her, but you would try.
You also spent time with James and worked on your summer assignments and played with Creeper. You started studying for your OWLs, since you would have to worry about them soon enough, and you bested your dad in wizarding chess while your mum watched, an indulgent smile on her face.
It was shaping up to be a perfect break from the usual drama you endured at school, so you shouldn't have been surprised when it didn't last.
Your nice, peaceful summer came to a halt when Sirius Black showed up on the doorstep.
Your parents and James spent a long time in the study speaking with Sirius. You waited just outside the door, trying to hear any bits of information you could catch, but it was hard trying to eavesdrop without giving yourself away. From what you could garner, though, it seemed as if Sirius had run away. Worse yet, your parents were offering to let him stay.
You were furious, of course, but it wasn't truly up to you where Sirius stayed. Your parents were compassionate people, so of course they weren't going to let him end up on the streets. You loved your parents. You adored them. But sometimes, you wished they thought about things like how inviting your brother's best friend to move in would affect you.
You knew it was selfish, but you didn't care. Sirius had been nothing but a jerk to you and you didn't want anything to do with him.
So, in the interest of keeping your summer as peaceful and quiet as you could, you resigned yourself to ignoring Sirius.
You should have known Sirius wouldn't want to be ignored. He tried his best to goad you into another prank war, but you weren't having it. You ignored the snide remarks and hot sauce that found its way into your orange juice. You didn't let him know you even noticed the frog spawn soap or the other old tricks he tried to pull. You figured he would get bored of it eventually, and in the meantime, you would act like he didn't exist.
Your brilliant plan worked up until one night in late July when you woke up in the early hours of the morning and needed a glass of water.
You thought it would be a quick trip. Everyone else was asleep, so it wasn't like you would have to stop and talk to anyone. But before you could make it to the kitchen, you were drawn up short when you noticed the light was still on in the study.
You assumed your father forgot to turn it off, so you opened the door, intent on turning off the light and continuing your mission to get a glass of water. But you didn't expect to find Sirius sitting in the study, staring into the fireplace, a thoughtful frown on his face.
You must have made some kind of noise, because Sirius turned to look at you.
"Oh," he breathed, blinking slowly at you. "It's you."
You watched him for a moment before you moved into the room. "Have you been drinking?"
"Nope," Sirius denied with a firm shake of his head, but then he brought up a glass of what looked a lot like your father's whiskey.
You rolled your eyes before taking the glass from him. "So, what, my parents let you stay here and you decide to raid the liquor cabinet?"
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, expression sullen as he leaned back in his seat. "Just needed somethin' to stop thinking," he sighed. "Kept thinking about my parents and how much my mother must hate me by now."
You should leave him here. You should really leave him here, get your glass of water, and then go back to bed. Or, maybe you should go get James. He could talk to his best friend and you could go back to sleep. Instead, you found yourself joining Sirius on the couch.
"Why'd you leave?" You couldn't help but ask, curiosity getting the best of you.
Sirius snorted before turning his head to look at you. "If you met them, then you'd know why. They're nothing like your parents. They're cruel and cold and believe in all that barmy blood supremecy nonsense. And yet, I'm the disappointment."
"Sounds rough," you muttered, at a loss for anything else to say. You were so used to fighting with Sirius or trying to prank him that having an actual civilized conversation with him was completely out of your element.
"That's what's so great about the Potters," Sirius continued. "They're pure blood, but they don't care. If James marries Lily, then they won't care. If I even thought about dating a muggleborn, my mum would have a fit. I wouldn't put it past my mum to try to poison anyone I dated she didn't approve of. I don't see things their way and suddenly I'm a disgrace and disowned. Your parents would never do that to you or James."
"Yeah," you sighed, knowing he was right. Your parents had always loved you unconditionally. You couldn't imagine what it would be like to have parents who didn't approve of you and threatened to drop you completely out of their lives. "What will you do now? Since they disowned you," you clarified at his look of confusion.
"Oh, lucky me, I have an uncle named Alphard who left me quite the inheritance. He was kind of like me, y'know? No real place in the family. It's enough that I can disown the name of Black if I wish to, so at least I can take care of myself."
"Do you miss them, though?"
"No," Sirius immediately answered. "We were never really a family. Or, I guess Regulus was the son they always wanted, but not me. A family full of mad people," he sighed. "If you spend enough time around Hellatrix, you'll understand."
You let quiet settle between the both of you for a moment while you thought of what to say. You knew Sirius didn't get along with his family, but you never considered the toll it might take on him. You couldn't imagine growing up in a family that you resented or maybe even hated. You weren't sure you would ever be friends with Sirius, but you were glad for just a moment that your parents were the kind of people that would give him a safe place to stay.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said, breaking you out of your thoughts.
"What?" You were so shocked by the words that you figured you must have heard wrong.
"I said I'm sorry," Sirius repeated with a sigh.
"You really are drunk," you commented, surprised by the laugh Sirius let out at your words.
"You caught me before I could take more than a sip," Sirius assured you. "Is me apologizing really that much of a shock?"
"Well, yeah," you answered. "As long as I've known you, you've called me a snake and excluded me and tricked me."
"Yeah, well, James spoke to me," Sirius admitted, tilting his head back to rest on the back of the couch. "I thought just because you were in Slytherin, that you were like all the rest. Like Snivelly and Hellatrix and even Malfoy. I've seen the way you are, though. You're not like them. Still a snake, don't get me wrong, but you're harmless."
You squinted at Sirius for a moment, trying to figure out if this was another prank. But the longer you watched him, the more sure you were that Sirius was being genuine.
"Thanks," you finally told him. "Does this mean you'll stop pranking me?"
Sirius pretended to think about it before shooting you a wide grin. "Probably not," he said. "But I can try to stop calling you a snake. You are, after all, my future sister-in-law."
"Oh, shut up," you said, pulling a pillow free from behind your back and hitting Sirius over the head with it. "Regulus just needs a friend, is all," you sighed.
"Probably," Sirius agreed. "He's so concerned with what our parents want that he has no personality of his own."
You wanted to argue and tell Sirius he was wrong, but you didn't know how to tell Sirius that Regulus wasn't all bad. He might not be fighting his parents all too hard on their blood supremacy ways, but you didn't think Regulus was evil so much as misguided. You figured Severus and Regulus were a lot alike in that way, which might be why Sirius clashed with the both of them so often.
"Guess I should be off to bed," Sirius said, pushing himself to stand with a sigh. He reached a hand out towards you, prompting you to let him tug you up off the couch. "I guess you're alright after all. Thanks for...you know..." he trailed off, glancing at the nearly full glass of whiskey you had set down on a side table.
"Yeah, well, James is a bit of a nightmare if he doesn't get a full night's sleep. It seemed cruel to set him on you when you were all broody."
Sirius rolled his eyes before offering you a smile. "Good night, Y/N. Try not to dream of me too much, yeah?" He said with a wink before brushing past you, leaving the study.
You crossed the room and decided to empty the glass of whiskey in the kitchen sink, since you didn't want Sirius to get in trouble. It was enough of a novelty that you had to take a moment to process the thought. Not wanting Sirius to get in trouble? You were sure it wouldn't last, knowing him, but you supposed you could do him at least one favor after what he went through with his family.
Once you had your glass of water and were safely back in bed, beneath your covers, you couldn't help but wonder if this was a turning point in your relationship with Sirius. Maybe you didn't have to hate each other for the rest of your lives. Maybe, if he stopped being an insufferable prick and you decided to be a little open-minded, the two of you could find a way to get along after all.
As you slipped off to sleep, you couldn't help but smile at the thought that maybe it wasn't the worst thing that could happen to you.
taglist: @iwritesiriusly @emily1d97 @mizelophsun11 @alexsanderwh0re @mysticalfuncollectorus @leilaniwastaken @honeybxes @esn0ra @siriusement @takem3tothelakes @fangeekkk (if you would like to be added or taken off the list, just let me know!)
make all your demons be gone pt. 2 (sirius black/reader)
summary: When you first meet your brother's friends, you're not very impressed. You're especially not so keen on Sirius Black and the feeling seems mutual. But as time goes on, you start to realize there's more to the boy who seemed to only hate you because of the house were sorted into. Through heartbreak, loss, danger, and pain, you begin to realize that you need Sirius just as much as he needs you.
chapter word count: 3k
author's note: So, I wrote a bit of this 'verse with the fic 'an ache I still remember,' and then I realized I wanted to start at the very beginning. So, this will involve angst, enemies to friends to lovers, family drama, and a whole host of other goodies.
If you like this, please let me know! It would make my day. 💖
read on ao3
You weren’t sure if you wanted to talk to your brother or have him ignore you completely. You were worried about what he had to say, but you were also curious about what he had to say. You felt so conflicted as you picked at your food, trying to force yourself to enjoy the treats before you.
You had been welcomed at the Slytherin table, but it didn’t really mean much to you when your brother was so obviously upset with you. All you wanted in that moment was to get to your dorm, crawl into bed, and hope that it was all some horrible nightmare.
Of course, because your luck once you stepped foot in Hogwarts had proven to be completely rotten, James sought you out the moment the welcome feast was over.
“Y/N!” James called, his hand reaching out and grabbing your wrist so you were forced to turn and face him.
“I’m supposed to follow a prefect to the common room,” you objected, gesturing towards where the other Slytherin first years were lining up in front of a silver-haired boy who towered over the other kids.
“It can wait,” James snapped, his tone brooking no argument. “I want to know what the Sorting Hat saw in you that made it put you in bloody Slytherin. You were supposed to be in Gryffindor with me. I thought I knew you better than that, but obviously I don’t.”
“Is it really that horrible?” The only Slytherin you knew so far was Severus and he didn’t seem all that bad to you.
“Yes! It’s bad enough we’re not in the same house, but for you to end up in that house? What do you think mum and dad are going to say when they find out?”
You felt yourself go cold all over at his words. It was one thing for your brother to be disappointed in you, but what if your parents were too? What if they ended up just as upset with you as James was now? What if it was so bad they didn’t even want you going home for the holidays or even the summer break?
“That’s enough, Potter,” Severus cut in with a scowl in your brother’s direction. “Come on, Y/N. It’s time to go.”
“So, what?” Sirius piped up as he pulled to a stop at your brother’s side, a sneer on his face. “Your sister is a snake and friends with Snivellus? I thought you said you sister was cool.”
“Yeah,” a smaller, blond boy joined in, glancing curiously at you. “Wasn’t she meant to be in Gryffindor with us?”
“She was,” James confirmed with a sigh. You knew James wanted to say more, but a tall boy with brown hair leaned over and whispered something to him. James’ shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “There’s no point, Remus,” James muttered, frowning at his friend.
“Come on,” Severus insisted, finally managing to pull you away from your brother and his group of friends.
You didn’t pay much attention as you were led towards the Slytherin dormitory. It seemed cold and uninviting and the windows that looked out into the depths of the Black Lake only made you more uncomfortable. You didn’t know how this was supposed to be your home for next seven years, but you found yourself hoping when you crawled into bed later that night that the next day would be better.
You had always dreamed of your days at Hogwarts. You thought you would be there with James. You were so alike sometimes that you had always assumed that you would end up in the same house. You thought from the second you set foot in the school, you and James would be as inseparable as always.
But, of course, fate had other plans for you.
You spent your first few weeks at Hogwarts absolutely miserable. While your parents didn’t seem to mind that you were in Slytherin, and had even told you they were proud of you no matter which house you ended up in, you still couldn’t get over James’ rejection. It made it hard to make new friends when you were upset that James was ignoring you.
His group of friends didn’t make things easier for you either. Sirius had taken to scowling at you in the hallways and Great Hall while Peter seemed just as content to ignore you as James was, save for the occasional curious glance. The only one who seemed okay with you was Remus, and he only sent you nervous smiles before quickly glancing away, as if he didn’t want James to catch him being nice to you.
The only reason you didn’t beg your parents to let you come home was because you had your friendships with Lily and Severus.
Severus had taken to trying to tell you who was worth your time and who wasn’t at Hogwarts. He told you about a seventh year named Lucius Malfoy, who you recognized as the prefect who was responsible for leading the first years to the dorms on the first night. There were a whole other list of names that Severus said might be good for you to know, but he warned you off a Gryffindor named Patricia Rakepick. According to Severus, she was trouble, and certainly not the kind of trouble you wanted to get mixed up with.
While Severus had done his best to introduce you to other Slytherins, the only other one you ended up talking to was Regulus Black. You found out that Regulus was the younger brother of Sirius, and while that made you wary of him based on the way Sirius had treated you, Regulus seemed like the opposite of his brother.
Where Sirius was loud and playful and mischievous, Regulus was quiet and reserved and more likely to play by the rules. You didn’t talk much with Regulus, but sometimes when it was just the both of you in the common room, you ended up trying to fill the silence between the two of you.
Regulus seemed hesitant to open up to you at first, but it didn’t take long for him to tell you about his connection to Sirius. Regulus told you that Sirius was the black sheep of his family for being sorted into Gryffindor. Sirius had never been one to fall in line, but Regulus seemed perfectly content to follow in his family’s footsteps. You didn’t bond so much over both being in Slytherin, but you found common ground in having older brothers who didn’t approve of you.
You didn’t get along well with other Slytherins and you certainly didn’t like Professor Slughorn. It was bad enough that you had to suffer through potions with him as your professor, but you also had him as your head of house. You wondered if your sorting had been some huge cosmic error, but you didn’t know if you could ask for a resorting.
You appreciated Severus trying to help you connect with other Slytherins, but you knew you wouldn’t feel comfortable at Hogwarts until you managed to reconnect with James. Lily seemed to understand that better than anyone.
“Why the long face?” Lily asked as she sat down at the table you had claimed in the library.
“It’s nothing,” you tried to shrug off with a frown.
“It’s not nothing,” Lily countered, quirking an eyebrow at you. “You’ve been moping about the castle since you got here and I think I know why.”
“I have not been moping,” you automatically denied, even if it was mostly true.
“You know,” Lily started as she opened the book she had brought with her. “He doesn’t hate you.”
You didn’t even have it in you to pretend that you didn’t know who Lily was talking about. You sighed before focusing on Lily. “Are you sure about that?”
“Positive,” Lily answered with a firm nod. “He might be disappointed, sure, but that’s not because he suddenly hates you.”
You twisted your mouth to the side, thinking over her words. “How do you know?”
Lily considered you for a moment before she slowly closed her book. You worried for a moment that you had annoyed her, but she stayed seated across from you. “I have a sister,” Lily admitted on a hushed whisper. “We haven’t always gotten along, but we still love each other. She doesn’t like that I’m a witch. She doesn’t like that I’m different.”
“Are you…” you started, hoping you weren’t crossing a line with someone whose friendship you didn’t want to lose, “…a muggleborn?”
“I am,” Lily confirmed with a smile. “So, I understand how confusing it can be when you’re in an unfamiliar place and you don’t have the support of your sibling. But, while I’m not sure Petunia will ever accept me for having magic, I know James will accept you for being a Slytherin. You haven’t been the only one moping about the castle,” she informed you with a pointed look.
You found yourself thinking over Lily’s words for the next few days. You took to watching James during meals and while he was with his friends. You noticed that he still laughed and joked around with them, but there was something in his eyes you didn’t notice before.
James looked sad.
He was still going about his life, sure, but it looked like his heart wasn’t completely in it. It looked like he was holding himself back from fully letting himself enjoy what was happening around him.
It didn’t make it any easier for you to know that you had made your brother feel just as unhappy as you did, but you did feel like it put you on more even footing.
You did your best to carry on as if nothing was wrong, but in the days leading up to Halloween, you couldn’t deny that you were homesick. You missed your parents and you wished that you could see them for the holiday. You knew that Halloween at Hogwarts was always a festive occasion, but you would have given anything to be back at home with your parents and celebrating with them.
Halloween morning, you ended up with a bit of free time between your Charms and Defense lessons, so you decided to sit outside on the shore of the Black Lake. You found the lake peaceful, and even though you never wanted to step one foot in it for fear of what you caught glimpses of beneath the surface from the Slytherin dorms, you still enjoyed watching the water lap at the rocks on the shore.
You weren’t sure how long you sat there until someone dropped down onto the ground beside you.
“Hey,” James said as he shot you an unsure look.
“You’re finally talking to me?” You knew you sounded bitter and hurt, but you had never been able to hide much of anything from James. Even if it might have given you some dignity to act like his actions hadn’t affected you, you wanted James to know that he had hurt you.
James sighed before he ducked his head. He idly started pulling blades of grass and twisting them in his fingers. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he finally admitted. “It doesn’t excuse ignoring you. I’m your big brother and I should have been there for you no matter what.”
You squinted at James for a moment before you shook your head. That had been surprisingly mature for James, but the words also sounded somewhat rehearsed. You suddenly had a better idea of what had prompted James to finally talk to you. “Lily got to you too?”
“She’s really persuasive,” he confessed with a grimace, reaching up to rub the back of his head. “And you really don’t want to make her angry.”
You briefly met James’ eyes before you both started laughing. It was such a relief to have your brother back at your side that you couldn’t really fight the urge to knock your shoulder into his, causing him to almost fall over.
Once your giggles had subsided, you decided to ask the one question that had been plaguing you since your sorting.
“Do you hate me?”
“No,” James immediately answered. “I could never hate you. Is that what you thought?”
You nodded your head, glancing away from him. “You wouldn’t even look at me and your friends hate me and you didn’t even seem like you cared about me anymore just because I was in Slytherin,” you stressed, tugging on the green and silver tie around your neck.
“It’s not…it’s just…” James trailed off before groaning in frustration. “I was disappointed, alright? I was disappointed that you were in Slytherin, but I’m not disappointed in you.”
“Is there a difference? In case you missed it, I am in Slytherin. I am a Slytherin. It doesn’t make me any different than I was before I got to Hogwarts, though. Nothing really changed about me except the way you see me now.”
“I know that,” James argued with an exasperated huff. “I just had all these plans, y’know? We were going to be Gryffindors and I would introduce you to my friends and I could show you all these cool places around the castle. We were going to have meals together and I’d help you with your homework and we’d hang out in the common room together.” He sighed before he leaned back, shooting you a small, hopeful smile. “But I suppose we can still do some of those things even with you in Slytherin.”
You pretended to think over his words. “I don’t know about that whole ‘introduce me to your friends’ bit. That Sirius seems like a real prick.”
James snorted out an amused laugh before he reached over and ruffled your hair. You marveled over how easy it had been to fall back into a familiar camaraderie with James. You knew there were still some awkward and painful obstacles in your path before everything went back to normal, but it was nice to have your brother at your side again.
“Sirius is…Sirius is a good friend. He’s just not very fond of Slytherin or anyone in Slytherin.”
“Because of his family?”
James shot you a surprised look before he nodded his head. “How did you know about that?”
You rolled your eyes. “Sirius is your best friend. Has he really not talked to you about Regulus?”
“Right,” James breathed with sudden understanding. “So, Regulus has talked to you about Sirius?”
“Not a lot, but he’s mentioned some things, yeah. He told me Sirius is the black sheep of his family.”
“He’s the lone Gryffindor among a family of Slytherins,” James confirmed with a nod of his head. “He doesn’t really get along with anyone in his family. He calls his cousin Hellatrix, because he says she’s pure evil.”
You frowned at James before shrugging your shoulders. “So, what? He thinks just because I’m in Slytherin that I’m just as bad as the rest of his family? I mean, I’ve met Regulus, and he isn’t so bad. Just kind of quiet.”
“I don’t think he thinks you’re like Hella—Bellatrix,” James corrected himself. “But it certainly doesn’t help your case that you’re friends with Snape.”
“Snape has been kind to me,” you offered with a shrug.
James shot you a skeptical look. “Severus Snape? Kind?”
You rolled your eyes, reaching out to push at James’ shoulder. “He was there for me when you weren’t,” you pointed out with an accusing look.
“Alright,” James conceded, holding his hands up. “I know I’ve been a horrible big brother since you got to Hogwarts—”
“Before Hogwarts,” you grumbled, cutting him off.
“Before? What did I do before?”
“You kept dropping me for your friends,” you answered, not able to meet his eyes. “You had all these secrets with them and I wasn’t even invited to join you on the train. That’s how I ended up sitting with Lily and Severus, you know. If you want to blame anyone for my friendship with Severus, then you should blame yourself. It felt like you were kicking me out of your life, because you only wanted to hang out with them.”
“Y/N, I’m sorry,” James said, reaching out to tug on a lock of your hair. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, alright? I’ll try to be better about that.”
“How?”
“I don’t know,” James mused with a frown. “How about you hang out with me and my friends? I’ll knock some sense into Sirius if he starts being too much of a prick to you.”
You shook your head, a sly smile tugging at your lips. “He’s going to have one hell of a headache if you keep having to do that. He doesn’t seem to have much sense to begin with.” You shot James an unimpressed look. “I really don’t know why you would ever want to be friends with him.”
“Well, I could say the same for you and Snape,” James countered with a smirk. “Are you sure you’re really friends with him? This isn’t some kind of cruel prank you’re playing on me, is it?”
You sighed before offering him an exasperated look. You didn’t bother to answer James, since you knew he was only joking.
James rolled his eyes before offering you a fond smile. “Well, I guess you were bound to have a friend I didn’t like at some point. Now, come on,” he started before pushing himself to his feet. He held a hand out for you, helping you stand. “You’re probably not going to make much of a good impression on your professors if you start skipping this early in your first year,” he said. “And you certainly don’t want to end up in detention and miss the Halloween feast tonight.”
“Halloween feast?”
“Oh, it’s great,” James enthused before he told you all about the treats he enjoyed his first Halloween at Hogwarts. He sounded so excited about the feast that night that you couldn’t help but feel excited as well. “So,” James said as he started walking back towards the castle, “are we okay now?”
You pretended to think it over for a moment before offering him a smile. “Yeah,” you agreed. “We’re okay.”
Taglist: @yourmumssoggytits @iwritesiriusly @emily1d97 @mizelophsun11 @aleksanderwh0r3 @mysticalfuncollectorus @leilaniwastaken @thegardenofbrokendreams @honeybxes @esn0ra (if you'd like to be added to the list, please let me know! 💖)
make all your demons be gone pt. 3 (sirius black/reader)
summary: When you first meet your brother's friends, you're not very impressed. You're especially not so keen on Sirius Black and the feeling seems mutual. But as time goes on, you start to realize there's more to the boy who seemed to only hate you because of the house were sorted into. Through heartbreak, loss, danger, and pain, you begin to realize that you need Sirius just as much as he needs you.
chapter word count: 2.8k
author's note: This fic will involve angst, enemies to friends to lovers, family drama, and a whole host of other goodies.
If you like this, please let me know! It would make my day. 💖
read on ao3
Once you were on speaking terms with James again, your time at Hogwarts became a lot more enjoyable. James made a point out of inviting you over to the Gryffindor table for some meals, and while Sirius seemed to scoff at the idea of a Slytherin sitting with a bunch of Gryffindors, Lily seemed more than happy to welcome you.
As time passed, you were delighted to realize that you were forging friendships that meant you didn’t solely depend on your brother for companionship.
Your friendship with Lily was bright and happy and one of the best things about Hogwarts for you. She included you and confided in you and made you feel like you were special. She was unlike anyone you had ever really met before and you felt lucky to have so easily garnered her friendship.
Severus didn’t seem all too pleased that you had reconciled with your brother, but he continued to be your friend. He helped you out with your potions work when you found Slughorn’s explanations long-winded and rambling, and you listened to his theorizations on spell creation and the spells he would find most useful.
Remus Lupin had even taken to starting up a couple of timid conversations with you, as if cautiously gauging your interest in a friendship with him. You found that Remus had a wicked sense of humor, but he was kind. There was a quiet reservedness about him, but he was always good for a fascinating conversation about magical creatures.
You didn’t really mesh well with Peter. He seemed like all he wanted was the approval of your brother and Sirius and Remus, in that order, but he wasn’t outright hostile towards you. Which, you figured, already had you favoring him over your brother’s bonehead of a best friend.
As the end of the year approached, you looked forward to spending the holidays at Hogwarts. James had promised you snowball fights and trips to explore the castle and sneaking treats from the Hogwarts kitchens. It all sounded so wonderful, so of course you couldn’t help but feel excited.
But first, you had to get through the rest of your classes before you could enjoy your holiday.
You didn’t care much about potions, much to Slughorn’s and Severus’ disappointment. You supposed you liked astronomy well enough as well as herbology and charms. It wasn’t like you were getting poor marks, but they didn’t grasp your attention like some of the other subjects. You enjoyed transfiguration and even though most other first years thought she was scary, you enjoyed Professor McGonagall’s attitude when it came to teaching. She was a good teacher, unlike Slughorn in your opinion, and you found that you enjoyed the subject. You also enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts and had a natural adeptness to the subject according to your professor.
But surprisingly, the subject you enjoyed the most was History of Magic. Even though most other students found the class quite dull, you found yourself poring over your textbook, eagerly absorbing the knowledge held within the pages.
“History of Magic? Really? That’s your favorite?” Sirius scoffed, shaking his head as he looked at Peter. “Mad barmy this one,” he muttered, just loud enough to ensure that you heard him.
“And what’s your favorite?” You leaned across the Gryffindor table, ignoring the fact that your tie was dipping into the eggs on your plate, and quirking an eyebrow at Sirius.
“Not this again,” James groaned, looking like he was barely restraining himself from rolling his eyes.
“Defense Against—” Sirius started before you cut him off.
“Of course you do,” you snorted.
“And? What’s so bad about that?”
“Nothing,” you offered, tilting your head to the side as you considered Sirius. “It’s just so obvious, though, isn’t it?”
Sirius furrowed his brow, opening his mouth to no doubt argue with you, before James stood up from the table. “It’s too early to listen to you two argue,” James grumbled before he reached out and grabbed the back of Sirius’ shirt. “C’mon,” he growled.
“But—” Sirius protested, reaching out to snag a piece of bacon from his plate, before he let James drag him away. “She started it!”
“No, I’m fairly sure you did,” you heard James point out as he towed his best friend away from the Gryffindor table.
“Well,” Remus mused, reaching out to steal Sirius’ last piece of bacon, “that was an eventful start to the day.”
You twisted your lips in a frown before you took another bite of breakfast.
You knew that James was hovering somewhere between exasperated amusement and outright frustration regarding your feud with Sirius.
“I just don’t get it,” James said one afternoon when you both had a break from classes. “Every time you two are near each other, you find something to fight over. Why do you two hate each other so much?”
You thought of Sirius’ outright rejection from the moment you met him and his continued disdain shown towards you. “I don’t hate him…not really,” you admitted. “It’s just…he’s irritating. And I kind of want to hex him,” you finished with a shrug of your shoulders. “Or maybe just kick him,” you added with a thoughtful frown.
“And how is that not hating him?” James bumped his shoulder against yours. “You’re my sister and he’s my best friend. Can’t you two just…get along? For me?”
You frowned at James. You? Get along with Sirius? You supposed stranger things had happened but nothing immediately came to mind.
“Fine,” you conceded with a groan. “I’ll try, alright? But it goes both ways, you know. He has to want to get along too.”
From the look on James’ face, you got the feeling he didn’t have much hope for the future of a possible friendship between you and Sirius.
Your first year passed quicker than you wanted it to. Before you knew it, you were studying for final exams, and everyone was making plans for their summer break.
You didn’t really know what you wanted to do with your summer break. You were sure you would keep in touch with your new friends and complete your summer assignments and do your best to convince your parents that you were ready for a pet, preferably one you could take with you to Hogwarts. You also assumed that you and James would be back to your usual antics. There would be adventures and staying up late at night and generally causing trouble together. You wanted to explore and laugh and have fun, which you just assumed would happen with James. Sure, you had a bit of a rough patch last summer, but this summer would be loads better than the previous one. This summer, you would be able to make up for all the fun you didn’t have last year.
Of course, you should have known better. Maybe it was because you had been so consumed with making sure you passed all your classes that you didn’t realize James was making his own plans for how he would spend his summer break.
You were sitting at a table in the library, trying to get as much studying done as you could before your charms exam, when you were joined by James, Sirius, and Remus. You were surprised that Peter wasn’t with them, since he seemed to want to follow your brother everywhere he went. James knocked his shoulder into yours in greeting before he started rifling through his bag, likely looking for his class notes.
“I can’t wait to get away from Hellatrix and mother and everyone else this summer,” Sirius mused with a wistful look on his face. You noticed he wasn’t even bothering to pretend like he was going to study. He was leaning back in his chair, a faraway look on his face, as if his mind was already halfway through his summer break and not focusing on finishing his exams.
“The summer break isn’t even here yet and you’re already anticipating getting away from your family,” Remus remarked, amusement clear in his tone.
“Well, yeah,” Sirius answered, with an expression that told you he thought Remus shouldn’t be surprised by the turn of events. “You don’t know what it’s like in that house. You’d be eager to get away from all of them too. I’m just grateful to James for arranging it so I can spend the second half of break at his house.”
That was news to you. You shot James a betrayed, scandalized look that he met with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.
“It’ll be nice to get away from the snakes for a while,” Sirius continued, missing the silent exchange between you and your brother. Sirius’ eyes flicked over towards you, considering you for a moment. “Well, most of them,” he amended with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Don’t start with me, Black,” you growled, already dreading the summer with Sirius.
“I’d watch out for her if I were you,” James advised Sirius. “The Hat put her in Slytherin for a reason.”
Before, you thought James’ tone would have been bitter and resentful, but he just sounded proud now. Not proud of you being in Slytherin, but proud of you. It was the only thing that kept you from throwing a book at Sirius’ head.
You took solace in the fact that he said it was only for the second half of summer, so at least you would have the first weeks for James to make it up to you. You wanted to fight the decision. You briefly considered sending your parents a letter to tell them it was a horrible idea and that they should rescind their invitation, but as you listened to Sirius, Remus, and James make jokes and talk, you knew that you would have to resign yourself to Sirius’ presence in your life.
Unless you got very, very lucky, you were sure Sirius Black wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, since your brother seemed to think the world of his best friend.
Peter scampered up to the table, a couple of books clutched to his chest, and a harried expression on his face. “Wait, what did I miss?”
You rolled your eyes before moving to gather your books and notes off the table. “The end of my sanity,” you muttered before shouldering past him, ignoring the low murmur of Sirius making what he likely thought was some witty remark.
You were happy when you managed to pass all of your exams. You were pleased to learn that your marks had you ranked near the top of your year. You felt like you had never really been the best at anything. Since coming to Hogwarts, you had largely been considered as either James Potter’s sister or a Slytherin or both and nothing more. You had found yourself longing to carve out your own legacy at Hogwarts and while you had a long way to go, you felt like you were off to a good start.
In June, when you were stepping off the Hogwarts Express, the summer break stretched out in front of you with no need to study in sight just yet, you couldn’t deny that you were excited. It only took one glimpse of Sirius clapping a companionable hand to James’ back and shooting him a pleased grin to shatter your good mood.
“See you next month,” Sirius told your brother before brushing past him and disappearing into the crowd of departing students.
“Maybe I can spend some time at Lily’s,” you wistfully mused once James joined you at your side. “You couldn’t give me a Sirius-free summer? Do you hate me that much?”
“Oh, come on,” James sighed, slinging his arm around your shoulders before steering you in the direction of where your parents were waiting for the pair of you. “It won’t be that bad. You two might even end up being friends by the time we go back to Hogwarts.”
You shot James a skeptical look at that, but you didn’t have it in you to argue with your brother once your mother was pulling you into a hug and telling you how much she had missed you.
Once you got back home, you made sure that your time without Sirius in the house was the best it could possibly be. You made James explore the grounds with you and go on made-up adventures and concocted all kinds of stories with him when it was late at night and you were lying on your bedroom floor, thinking of ridiculous scenarios and fantastical characters.
You wrote to Severus and Lily and even Remus, asking about their summer vacations and telling them all about how you dreaded Sirius’ arrival as it drew closer. Lily and Remus were quick to assure you that Sirius wouldn’t be all that bad, but Severus had told you that if you needed a rescue, he would try to figure something out for you.
You held onto the hope that your brother would somehow be right. Maybe you hadn’t given Sirius a fair shot. Sure, he was irritating and a bit cruel with his words towards you, but he was your brother’s best friend. There must be something redeemable about him, right?
Of course, because you had horrible luck, your brother was completely wrong.
From the moment Sirius stepped foot in your house, you found yourself desperately grasping for your sanity and patience.
Sirius was a menace. You thought he was difficult to tolerate at Hogwarts, but once you were forced to endure his presence at every meal and whenever you wanted to spend time with your brother, Sirius became nearly unbearable to be around.
Sirius had taken to picking on you mercilessly and you did your best to give back as good as you got.
One morning at breakfast, Sirius kicked your chair out before you could sit down, a laugh bubbling out of his mouth when you fell to the floor. In retaliation, you attempted to dye his hair green, joyous when it worked a little too well, and Sirius had to suffer with neon green hair for a couple of hours. You took the opportunity to poke fun at him, telling him maybe there was a little Slytherin in him after all.
Sirius called you a snake and you called him a brute. Sirius switched out the salt for sugar and you put hot sauce in his orange juice. Sirius traded out your soap for frog spawn soap and you put itching powder in his bed.
It went on and on until the end of summer. It wasn’t until you were in Diagon Alley, picking up your supplies for your second year at Hogwarts, that James finally broke his silence on the prank war between you and Sirius.
“I don’t know whether to find it funny or frustrating,” James confided in you while you were getting your new textbooks from Flourish and Blotts.
“What?” You had a good idea what he was talking about, but you figured it was in your best interest to play dumb for now.
James gifted you with a quirked eyebrow and an unimpressed look. “You know what,” he answered. “You and Sirius and whatever you’re doing. Are you two ever going to give it a rest?”
“He started it,” you mulishly offered, a frown on your face. “He’s all ‘you’re a snake’ and ignoring me and spawning frogs in my bathtub.”
James’ lips twisted to the side, as if he was stifling a laugh, before he shook his head. “You two are impossible,” he sighed. “I have no doubt you truly despise each other, since I’ve listened to him rant away about how annoying he finds you, but—” James cut himself off with a roll of his eyes.
“But?” You prompted when it was clear James wasn’t going to continue talking.
“But I think you two have more in common than you think,” James finished, ignoring your noise of protest. “If you would stop picking on each other, you would probably realize that.”
You snorted in amusement at the thought of becoming anything approaching friends with Sirius Black. “Yeah? I could say the same for you and Severus.”
“I am not--” James started, indignation quickly replacing amusement.
“If you would stop picking on each other, you would probably realize that,” you echoed James, a smirk on your face. Although, considering the interactions you had witnessed between Severus and James, you were sure the world would burn before either of them gave an inch of ground in their shared hatred for each other. You had to concede that you were definitely more likely to start getting along with Sirius than your brother would be to get along with Severus. You doubted either one of them would ever find something to favor in the other.
“Okay, maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part,” James started, turning to consider you. “But maybe it wouldn’t hurt you to try to get along with him.”
At that moment, Sirius brushed past you, surreptitiously knocking the book out of your hands, before continuing down the aisle, whistling as if to cover up his misdeed.
“Maybe it would,” you grumbled, resisting the urge to throw something at Sirius as he walked away from you.
author's note: There will be a bit of a time jump after this one, but we're going to slowly segue from enemies to friends with Sirius now.
Taglist: @yourmumssoggytits @iwritesiriusly @emily1d97 @mizelophsun11 @aleksanderwh0r3 @mysticalfuncollectorus @leilaniwastaken @thegardenofbrokendreams @honeybxes @esn0ra @siriusement @takem3tothelakes @fangeekkk (if you would like to be added to the list, please let me know! 💖)
make all your demons be gone pt. 1 (sirius black/reader)
summary: When you first meet your brother's friends, you're not very impressed. You're especially not so keen on Sirius Black and the feeling seems mutual. But as time goes on, you start to realize there's more to the boy who seemed to only hate you because of the house were sorted into. Through heartbreak, loss, danger, and pain, you begin to realize that you need Sirius just as much as he needs you.
chapter word count: 3.2k
author's note: So, I wrote a bit of this 'verse with the fic 'an ache I still remember,' and then I realized I wanted to start at the very beginning. So, this will involve angst, enemies to friends to lovers, family drama, and a whole host of other goodies.
If you like this, please let me know! It would make my day. 💖
read on ao3
Growing up, James was your hero. He was your big brother. He was the person you relied on, and went on adventures with, and told all your secrets to. James was the person you trusted most, and he was the person you knew would always be there for you.
James was your whole world.
As you grew older, always looking up to James, you knew that there was something on the horizon that would separate you. James would leave for Hogwarts soon and you couldn’t follow. At least, not yet. You would have to wait a whole year to join your brother at school.
No matter how many times James assured you he wouldn’t forget about you while he was at Hogwarts, you couldn’t help but worry.
“Do you have to go?” You couldn’t help but frown at James, ignoring the other excited students passing you on the platform. “You could wait a year and then we’ll go together!”
“It doesn’t work like that,” James said, a sad smile on his face. “But we’ll write and I’ll tell you all about Hogwarts. By the time you get there, you’ll know way more than the other first years. How about that?”
“Fine,” you conceded with a sigh. “But you’re not going to forget about me, right?”
“Never,” James assured with a grin.
“It’s time to go now, James,” your mum said. She reached out to pull James into a hug. “Make us proud,” she whispered.
“I will,” James agreed. He shared a nod with your father before he turned and faced the train. He shot you a quick wink over his shoulder before he boarded the train.
“It will be okay,” your mum promised you. “This year will go by before you know it.”
“It better,” you sullenly muttered.
You were thrilled when James wrote home for the first time. He sent one letter to your parents and another letter just for you. You felt so excited as you sat down at the kitchen table and opened the letter. You and James had always been close, so the past week without him in the house felt like torture.
James told you about the castle and his new teachers. He told you about being sorted into Gryffindor and all about the houses. He claimed that Gryffindor was the best house, so you would obviously be sorted into it next year. He promised to show you all kinds of interesting things when you were both at Hogwarts and Gryffindors next year. He told you about the other boys who shared his dorm and how they all became fast friends.
You were happy for your brother. You knew that he had been ecstatic once he got his Hogwarts letter, but just the tiniest bit worried that he wouldn’t like the school once he got there or make any friends. It seemed like he was doing well and making new friends. As long as he didn’t forget about you, you could be pleased for him and not at all jealous that he was off having adventures without you.
James wrote again the next week and then the week after that. But by the time Halloween came and went, his letters only arrived every couple of weeks. Your mum told you that James was adjusting to a new school and new friends and probably didn’t always have the time to sit down and write a letter.
You knew she was probably just saying that to make you feel better, but you couldn’t help but hope that it was true. You reasoned with yourself that James would be coming home for Christmas, so you would have plenty of time to catch up with him then. You could hear all about Hogwarts and you could tell him about what you had been doing in his absence. You could pull pranks again and beg your parents for sweets and run around the house playing hide-and-seek. It was going to be great.
Except, James decided to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. His other friends had all decided to stay for the holiday, so James didn’t want to leave them.
You were so upset that you weren’t even all that eager when you received James’ Christmas present to you and a letter telling you he was sorry for skipping out on Christmas this year. He promised that both of you could stay at Hogwarts next year and experience the holiday together, but it didn’t excite you like it might have before. What was going to stop James from wanting to hang out with his friends all the time even if you were at the same school? He was a whole year ahead of you and it wasn’t like you were going to share any classes. Your only hope was that you would be in the same house as James, and even that wasn’t an actual guarantee that he would want to spend time with you over his friends.
You spent the rest of the holiday season in a gloomy mood. Your parents kept sharing knowing looks, but they never pushed you to talk about why you were upset. You were pretty sure that they knew what was wrong with you without you having to actually say one word.
You still looked forward to hearing from James, but you weren’t surprised when his letters arrived less frequently. You told yourself that it was normal and that you would make up for the distance once James was home for the summer.
You couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of excitement in the days leading up to James’ summer break. You knew you were probably setting yourself up for disappointment, but James was finally coming home. You hadn’t seen your brother in what felt like forever and you were excited to tell him about everything he had missed at home.
When James finally stepped off the train and spotted you with your parents waiting for him, you couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face.
“Y/N!” James called as he came closer. “Did you get taller?”
“Maybe,” you dismissed with a shrug of your shoulders. “That’s not important, though. Now that you’re home, we’ve got so much to do. I have so much I’ve been dying to tell you.”
“I bet,” James agreed with a grin.
“Hey, James! See you next year!” Someone called out as they passed behind your brother.
“Bye, James!” Someone else yelled as they waved at your brother.
James smiled at his friends before he let your parents herd the both of you off the train platform.
Once you were home, you thought that you would immediately fall back in with James. Sure, he had been gone for almost a year, but he was your brother. You had been nearly inseparable since you were born, so it stood to reason that the same would still hold true, right?
Except, you didn’t really think about the fact that James had spent months having adventures without you. All he wanted to talk about was his new friends and their secret little club and how you couldn’t know anything about them because you weren’t a part of the club. Apparently, you weren’t even allowed to join, which hurt you more than you thought it would.
So, if you spent your summer before you started your first year at Hogwarts sullen and picking fights with your older brother, then you figured it was only natural. James didn’t need you anymore, so you didn’t need him anymore.
Except, you did. He was your brother. Your best friend. And just because he had three new best friends, it didn’t mean that you still weren’t important to him. At least, that’s what your mum kept telling you. You weren’t sure if you really believed her or not, but you figured you should give her the benefit of the doubt. She was a mum for a reason and she usually gave you good advice.
Besides, you were still holding onto the hope that the both of you being at Hogwarts would bring you closer together. Even though you were mad at him, you still missed James. He was your usual partner-in-crime, but now it seemed he had three new ones, and you weren’t even invited to join them. But that didn’t mean he was going to drop you completely? It was only because his friends were so new. Once he got used to them, he’d have more time for you.
At least, that’s what you hoped would end up happening.
You felt nervous as your parents dragged you through different Diagon Alley shops. You had a whole list of things you were supposed to buy, and it didn’t hit you until you were nearly done being outfitted for your first year robes that you were about to leave home. You wouldn’t be going home for months. You would be living with other people and what if everyone in your year hated you? What if you didn’t make friends or your teachers ended up hating you? What if you were expelled your first year because you proved to be a spectacularly terrible student?
“Oh no,” you heard someone muse, tearing you out of your thoughts. “I know that look. First year?”
You glanced up to see a girl with red hair smiling at you.
“Yeah,” you answered, offering her a nervous smile in return.
“You’ll be fine,” she assured you. “It’s a bit scary at first, but then you start classes and make friends, and you’ll forget you were ever nervous. Sorry,” she said as she reached out a hand. “I’m Lily. And you are?”
“Y/N,” you answered, shaking Lily’s hand and surreptitiously hoping your palm wasn’t sweaty from anxiety.
“Well, Y/N,” Lily started as she pulled her hand back. “You haven’t even started Hogwarts and you already have a friend. Easy, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” you agreed, your nerves swiftly replaced with hope yet again. “It was.”
Your brother walked into the shop, his eyebrow quirking at the sight of Lily. “Evans,” he greeted.
“Potter,” Lily responded with an unimpressed look.
“Come on, Y/N,” James said, his eyes still on Lily. “Mum wants us at Flourish and Blotts if you’re done here.”
“James is your brother?” Lily whispered to you, her eyebrow quirking in question.
“Yeah,” you answered, wondering if she would no longer want to be your friend because she didn’t seem all that friendly with your brother.
“I’m so sorry,” she told you with a conspiratorial wink.
You shared a grin with her before you followed James.
“So, what were you and Evans talking about? You two seemed pretty chummy back there.”
“Nothing,” you denied with a shrug. “We were just talking.”
“Alright,” James said, slinging an arm over your shoulders. “Keep your secrets, then.”
It felt like no time at all before you were saying goodbye to your parents and boarding the train to Hogwarts.
You followed James down the aisle in search of a compartment. You assumed James would let you sit with him, but when he came to a compartment with three other boys, his face lit up.
“James!” One of the boys exclaimed once he noticed your brother. “Come in, come in. We can’t get started without you.”
Another one with shaggy, dark hair stood up and clapped a hand to your brother’s shoulder. When he noticed you standing at the compartment door, he shook his head. “Oh, no,” he said with a grimace. “No first years in our meetings.”
“Sirius—” James started, glancing at you. He seemed to be torn on his decision, as if it was such a hardship for him to choose you over his friends.
You felt a lump form in your throat and you were sure you were moments away from crying. There was no way you were going to cry in front of your brother or his friends, so you waved him off. “I’ll find somewhere else to sit,” you told him before you took off down the aisle.
You heard James call your name, but you decided to ignore him.
You didn’t know if you’d be welcome anywhere, but you heard a familiar voice call your name as you passed by a compartment.
“Hey, Lily,” you said, hoping your voice didn’t give away how upset you were feeling.
“You’re welcome to join us,” Lily offered with a smile. “It’s just me and Severus in here.”
You weren’t sure if you were supposed to know who Severus was, but you realized Lily was referring to the boy sharing the compartment with her. He had long, greasy black hair, and his head was bowed over a book.
“Severus, this is Y/N. Y/N, Severus,” Lily introduced with a friendly smile.
“Pleasure,” Severus said, barely chancing a glance up at you, before he resumed reading.
“Don’t mind him,” Lily dismissed. “That’s just how he is.”
Severus quirked an eyebrow but didn’t bother to lift his eyes from his book.
“So, Y/N, how was your summer?” Lily asked, a curious smile on her face.
You talked with Lily for a few moments, your nervousness easing in the presence of someone who was genuinely nice and interested in you. It went a long way towards reassuring you after getting cast aside by your own brother.
Severus stayed quiet through most of your conversation with Lily, but it wasn’t until she mentioned James being your brother that he said anything.
“You’re a Potter? You’re James Potter’s sister?” Severus didn’t sound impressed, and you wondered if there was already a strained history between your brother and Severus.
“Yes,” you answered, shooting Lily a helpless look.
Lily shrugged her shoulders, glancing at Severus. You looked back at the boy to see he was glaring down at his book, his hands clenched into fists.
It was apparently shockingly easy to make enemies at Hogwarts as it was to make friends. It was only worrying to you because you hadn’t even arrived at the school yet.
“Don’t take it personally,” Lily whispered to you. From the way Severus’ hands twitched, you knew he could still hear Lily. “Severus and James don’t exactly get along.”
“I seem to have that same problem with James lately,” you admitted with a frown.
That seemed to intrigue Severus. He lifted his head, his eyes narrowing as he considered you, before he nodded his head. You were worried he would ask you to elaborate, but he simply ducked his head again, his attention seemingly going back to his book.
You spent the rest of the train ride talking to Lily. She told you about classes and what to expect from your professors. She told you what it was like to be a first year and everything you would need to know to start off the school year. You felt like she had been more helpful to you than James had been.
When the train pulled into the station, Lily and Severus guided you towards the other first years. You noticed that while Severus hadn’t said anything more to you, he no longer seemed to outright dislike you just for being James Potter’s sister.
“Y/N!” You heard James call.
You glanced over your shoulder to see your brother flanked by his other friends.
“You all set? You know where to go?”
“Yeah,” you answered, barely sparing him another glance.
You heard Severus snort in amusement, but you didn’t have much of a chance to say anything else to him or Lily.
It wasn’t long before you were joining the other first years in the boat ride across the Black Lake. You were mesmerized by the sight of the castle. You noticed some of the other first years staring up at the castle in awe, so you felt better knowing you weren’t the only one completely fascinated by your new home.
You tried not to let on just how nervous you felt as you waited to go through your sorting. You kept seeking out James sitting at the Gryffindor table. He was quietly talking with his friends, a wide grin on his face at whatever the one named Sirius was telling him.
As much as you were glad that you had befriended Lily and Severus, you couldn’t help but think you just wanted to make your brother proud. You wanted your brother to notice you and the only way that was going to happen was if you impressed him. James had always been a bit of a troublemaker and you had always followed him. But you couldn’t follow him any longer. You had to show him that you were just as impressive as his new friends. You had to show him that you could be better.
You startled out of your thoughts when your name was called. You took a deep breath before you approached the Sorting Hat. You felt your heart pounding dangerously fast in your chest as you settled onto the wooden stool. The hat was placed on your head and a voice you didn’t recognize filled your ears.
“Interesting,” the voice mused. “There’s potential here,” it continued. “I see ambition and a fire in you. You’re clever and you have a drive to succeed. You’re not sure where you belong, though. Tell me,” the voice said, “what is it that truly you want?”
It took you a few moments to realize that the voice was coming from the hat. You had grown up in a magical household, and yet you were still surprised that an accessory was attempting to have a conversation with you.
What did you want? You wanted to be the best. You wanted to be impressive. You wanted to prove yourself. You wanted to make your brother notice you. You wanted to make connections and build friendships and you wanted to feel like you weren’t so easy to ignore.
“I see,” the hat said, tearing you out of your thoughts. “I think I know just where you belong.” The hat was worryingly silent for a moment and you wondered if it was taking a dramatic pause. You ignored the urge to roll your eyes before the hat bellowed the one word you never expected to hear.
“Slytherin!”
You froze for a moment, your eyes going wide, before you were ushered off the chair.
You refused to look in your brother’s direction as you moved towards the Slytherin table. It didn’t escape your notice that the other Slytherins were the only ones to cheer for you and you got the distinct impression that you had just landed yourself in the least-liked house in the school.
You worried for a moment that you had completely isolated yourself on your first night at school, but then you noticed Severus sitting at the Slytherin table. You were glad to see that there was an empty spot next to him and you hurried over towards him. You dropped down onto the bench at his side and finally forced your eyes up towards your brother at the Gryffindor table.
You had never seen James look so disappointed in you. You had remembered him talking about Slytherins and it had never been anything flattering. It was bad enough that you weren’t able to join him at the Gryffindor table on your first night, but to be a part of the house he seemed to despise the most? You knew the distance between you and your brother was only going to get worse now.
It didn’t help that James’ new best friend Sirius was sneering at Severus in distaste. When Sirius’ sneer redirected itself towards you, you couldn’t help but think that your start at Hogwarts was shaping up to be a complete disaster.
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