gn!reader x Aran | wc: 0.7k | angst with a happy ending |
Everything starts alone. A one way ticket has a 'one' in it's name so you guess that's where the 'alone' for you started. It's been years now since that one way ticket brought you to Tokyo. Why? Education of course. You already had a year of studying Japanese language under your belt so what better place than the land itself to perfect it? It would be only for a couple of years anyway, you told yourself, get that degree and then you'd be returning home.
You didn't go into this thinking it would be easy. Even knowing the language Japan was a new country. New people. You welcomed the challenges that came with it but after years of living here you hadn't anticipated you'd still feel so lonely. That was until you met Aran.
The relationship started like all great modern romances do – on a dating app. You swiped him out of two reasons: 1. he was cute, and 2. you were bored. Not that you expected much out of the match, maybe some entertaining conversations and perhaps an interesting first date. Interesting it was, as his soft smile and captivating conversation made you feel a connection you had never felt before.
“It's fate,“ you joke with Aran as the second date followed, then another, then you came to watch his games, then a dinner with his parents. Months have never passed so quickly. It's not a perfect relationship, Aran isn't perfect and neither are you, you stumble and sometimes press on a sore spot but you go through rocky parts hand in hand. For the first time you see perfection is unnecessary, it's the hard work that counts. You can't remember ever being happier.
And yet, there are days and nights when there's an emptiness inside you nothing can fill. Not even Aran. It's the nights when you miss your old room, and miss the books you left behind when coming to Tokyo, it's that ice cream tastes different than the one you shared with your friends. Life back home feels like it happened in another life. Sometimes it feels like you only dreamed it. Sometimes it feels like the friendships were all made up.
“We're drifting apart,“ you quietly say, sitting beside Aran after a long day, another one on which your thoughts have been flooded with memories and longing for home. All because you saw an instagram picture of your friends having fun at one of theirs birthday party. Nobody told you about it. “I know I wouldn't be able to make it but they could've at least told me. I could make a video wishing a happy birthday, or a card, or something.“ You sigh before saying the words that scare you. “It almost feels like I'm not a part of their lives anymore.“
Aran thinks and presses a kiss to your forehead before he answers. “Ya moved so far away. It may sound harsh but what else did ya expect?“
What did you expect? Life takes its way, like it or not it sweeps you away. Did you really expect you would be an exception?
“I... I expected to return. My plan was to go back,“ you say, staring somewhere over Aran's shoulder, with a voice that doesn't sound like it belongs to you. “Japan was going to be just a fun adventure before the real adult life began.“
Aran falls silent. His hand wrapped around yours tightens, his eyes focusing on his fingernails.
”Aran?“ He doesn't respond. “Aran, say something,“ you plead, frightened of his sudden silence.
He glimpses at you. Takes a moment to compose but his voice is shaky when he speaks: “Why does it feel like this is the end?“
For a split moment you feel nothing. Your senses freeze as you stare at Aran's teary eyes, as his words slowly register and a searing pain follows, silencing your voice and you start to cry, cry from piercing pain in your chest, cry for the emptiness that had grown inside in the past years, cry from the fear you can't even begin to explain. Aran pulls you closer, tighter thinking perhaps this is the last time. If you could see his face you'd see agony.
That evening you go to sleep silent. Both of you too tired to speak. The following day you can' stand the silence and the awkward shifting around each other. After Aran returns from training you sit him down, telling him the silence hurts.
He crosses his arms. “The reason I got upset, the way ya said those things... It sounded like this... us... like ya never believed it'd work out. Like ya never planned we'd work out.“
“I never- I didn't say that,“ you barely get out, your voice hoarse and throat aching.
“Yer plannin' to go back ya said that much. That yer goin' home after ya finish yer studies.“
“That was before. Before you.“ You take his hands into yours. “I did plan to go back. But now... I have you. And I want to stay.“
“Why did ya say those things then?“ asks Aran, holding your hands tight.
“It's just... I wanted to talk. It's such a weird time for me. I feel like I'm in this period of change, transition you know, coming to terms that I won't be going home. That this, that you, are my home now.“
He thinks over your words, his expression slightly confused as it always is when his thoughts are racing. “Very poetic. Did they teach ya that at University?“ he says with a playful smile that makes you smile in turn. “Come here love,“ he presses a kiss to your cheek, “I'm here for ya. This loneliness ya feel, yer friends' distance... we'll figure it out, together. What'd ya say to that?“
“You're even better at poetic words than me,“ you half sniffle through happy tears before you let yourself smile earnestly. “Together.“