Imagine having a baby a few months ago, and you’re grappling with the idea of being intimate with Dean again. You’re ultimately really nervous about him seeing your new body.
Requested by: Anonymous, but I took it on as my own lol.
TW: None, except maybe self-image issues? No actual smutty stuff happens lol.
This one is close to da heart. I wrote it as inclusively as I could, i.e. no mention of genders, skintone, etc. Enjoy! <3
It had been 3 months at this point since your little bundle of Winchester joy was born. Dean was honestly a fantastic father to your baby. It brought out perhaps the best in him, even on the worst days. It was a learning experience of course, for all of you living at the bunker. Your 6 week postpartum checkup went just fine. Your birth was a bit more traumatic, however. Baby decided to be difficult, medicine and IVs, stitches - you name it. And of course, your stomach was still slightly engorged. You had gone up a pant size at least. Your hair was always a mess, up in a bun or unwashed. It had been a long time since you felt like you, and Dean could tell that this was the case. He had said to you that you should have dinner, just the two of you. Sammy could watch the baby. You were very hesitant that your brother-in-law could manage the baby but within the weeks following that conversation, he proved himself capable if only for an hour, maybe two.
You and Dean headed out, just downtown for a bite to eat. He had a beer and you had a diet soda. But, you both had your favorite meals for dinner and had a wonderful bonding experience. Dean smiled at you like he used to, and you felt like you again, even just for a moment, as he gazed upon you. Then it hit you - the crippling anxiety of knowing that you don’t look the same under your clothes that you once did. Your body had changed, and you didn’t look the way you wanted anymore, or how Dean remembered you to look.
Your eyes dropped to the table and your hand went to your neck. “Maybe we should head home?”, you said softly.
Dean could sense the discomfort and felt sad for just a moment before he took your other hand, “We can if you want to but I am enjoying our time, I want you to know that,” he said with a soft smile.
You nodded and squeezed his hand in which he squeezed back. Then, he exhaled, “Well, I guess we can get back home and see squirt and Sammy before bedtime, then maybe we could…continue our date when it’s bedtime?” You nodded. You weren’t quite sure what that meant, but you could take a guess. Dean stood up, putting out a hand to help you up out of the booth you were sitting in and left money, plus a tip, on the table. He put his coat around your shoulders and took your hand, interlacing your fingers, as you went to the car.
Dean gave your forehead a gentle kiss before he opened the passenger side of the Impala as you both then headed home. Ever the gentleman.
The drive, while silent, was comfortably silent. A gaze and a hand hold, a smile, and a chuckle. But you couldn’t help but notice the absence of your little one and missed them, even though it had only been a couple of hours,
“Think they’ll be sleeping when we get back?” you ask Dean with a smile,
“Nah, that kid won't rest until hell freezes over,” Dean said with a shake of his head. Then, you both laughed softly as you pulled into the pathway of the bunker.
When the two of you got home, Sam was holding the baby to his shoulder and bouncing them gently as you walked around. Sure enough, baby was wide awake, cooing. Dean shook his head with a smile,
“Wow, Sammy, wasn’t sure if you were gonna be able to handle the little squirt! So many diapers, so little time!” Sam rolled his eyes and smiled,
“I am not as incapable as you think, Dean. I was spat up on 5 times and had to change my shirt at least once, but here we are!”
The three of you laughed softly and Dean walked over and took the baby into his arms. You thanked Sam for watching the baby,
“Hey, it’s no problem, (Y/N). It was the least I could do for you - both of you!” He smiled warmly. The three of you bid your goodnights. You and Dean walked down the hall to your bedroom, with Sam watching with a smile. He was so happy that Dean had finally had his own family. Uncle duty was pretty fun for Sam too.
The baby slept in a different yet adjoining room, just in case. Dean was adamant about your baby having the adjoining room, setting it up with all the different sigils and symbols known to man to protect someone - including the enochian symbols, recommended by Castiel. The baby was much too small for it to be ingrained in their chest but at least they could be safe in their room. You had given the baby it’s before bed feed, rocked them to sleep, laid them down with a kiss to their head,
“Goodnight, our sweet angel…” you whispered and smiled. You could see so much of Dean in them that it made your heart soar sometimes. You spun around and walked back to yours and Dean’s room, closing the adjoining door almost all the way, but leaving it open a crack.
Dean was sitting on the bed as you walked in. He looked at you and you looked back at him with a blushed smile,
“What?” you asked, walking over to your vanity. You grabbed a couple makeup wipes to begin deconstructing the makeup on your face. It was just a little bit of mascara and eyeliner and a lip color. Dean came up behind you and put his arms around your midsection and looked at you in the mirror as you took your makeup off. You felt yourself tense up a bit when his arms enveloped you, but finished taking off the makeup,
“You’re beautiful, you know…” he said to you softly. You looked down with a half smile and put your hands on his arms,
“Thank you, honey,” you said softly, still not looking at yourself in the mirror with Dean around you. He leaned in and kissed your head..then your cheek…then your ear…then your neck. It wasn’t aggressive, it was a tender and loving set of kisses. You pressed your body into his. They were wonderful - but there was a block within you. You could feel it. Just then, you leaned away from Dean quickly. Dean frowned a bit but could tell something was bothering you, majorly.
“Y/N…,” he said softly, “Why don’t you look at me?” he asked you. You crossed your arms and turned around, still not really looking at him. Dean put his hands gently on your arms,
“Talk to me, darlin’,” he said, keeping you in place, almost begging with his eyes for you to speak to him. You exhaled, not even knowing where to start. You shuffled your feet and kept your gaze down and looked at the corner of the floor, trying to find anything to keep your attention and avoid looking up at him,
“I just…I feel awful in my new skin, Dean. I feel…I feel the worst I’ve ever felt.” you said softly to him, “I mean, I know you can tell I don’t exactly look the same before I had the baby, right? I don’t fit into any of my favorite jeans, my bras need extenders, I’m still so jiggly, and my hair - I get to wash it maybe twice a week! I mean, I am not exactly…what you fell in love with…”. You felt your eyes well and you closed them. Dean nodded earnestly and pulled you into him slowly, putting his chin on your head. You nuzzled into his chest, inhaling his scent while you sniffled.
“It’s okay, baby, I’m here,” he said, giving your hair a stroke. He held you for a moment before he pulled you from him and put his index finger and thumb under your chin, lifting it up slightly,
“Why don’t you look at me?” He asked softly. You hesitated for a moment but your eyes peer up at him,
“It’s hard,” you said softly, “I just… love you so much, obviously, while all my love is going to the baby, and I have none left for me it feels like…” you said sadly. Dean lifted one corner of his mouth into a slight smile,
“I knew you were feeling down about yourself…I wanted to take you out so you could just take it easy…and hopefully, maybe feel like yourself,” he explained, “And…I’ve missed you,” he says. Dean knew what you were feeling was so complex, and that he had to mostly drown his desires for you, at least for now,
“But, (Y/N), you are wonderfully beautiful to me,” he said sincerely. Your mouth dropped open slightly. Dean was not always known to be the sappiest person. This sincerity and mush was a shock, but it was wholly welcomed when he gave it to you. He continued,
“This is even more evident by the fact that you made an entire HUMAN! It took me, what, 5 minutes to do what I needed to do? It took you a whole 9 months,” he moved his hands to your hips,
“I don’t even care what you wear, (Y/N). You could wear one of my flannels and spit-up covered sweatpants and I would still feel the same about you,” he pulled you closer,
“I love you, (Y/N) and you gotta know that,” he said.
You were overwhelmed with emotions from all over the spectrum. You wanted to cry but you wanted to smile. You wanted to laugh but you wanted to get on top of him, all at once. However, all you could muster was a bit of a gasp and a muffled, “I love you too,” as you kissed his lips like never before. The two of you kissed while he walked you back to the bed and laid on top of you, continuing to kiss you. Then, one thing led to another between the two of you. It was rather quick as it was your first time together in a long time, however, it was nonetheless passionate.
Though Dean had to get up at 1 AM to give your sweetie another bottle, he managed to get them back to sleep without much hassle afterwards and came back to bed. Later in the morning, around 7 AM, you woke up fully. Dean’s arms were around your midsection and face nuzzled into your neck and hair. You pulled his hand up to your lips and gave it a peck, and he gave your shoulder a peck back. You smiled, settling into the curve of his body. However, this didn’t last long, as the baby began crying, ready to start the day. Dean exhaled through his nose,
“Kid’s got great timing, huh?” The two of you laughed, threw on something to wear quickly, rushed to your baby, and started a new day, closer once again.
