It’s nice that I’m finally learning how to pace myself as an adult.
My mom to this day never really understood the concept of taking breaks so whenever she would get in like productive moods or if there were holidays and we aLL NEEDED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING EVER, there would be no stopping until it was completely done and that’s really fucked me up as an adult and has a lot to do with my procrastination I think? Because I feel like if I have to do anything it has to get done as soon as I start it, regardless of what it is. If I write, then the goal is to finish an entire chapter every time. If I draw, I have to finish each sequence at once, so I need to do the sketch in one sitting, then the next day lineart, etc. My homework or chores have to be done without stopping and come to think of it, that’s probably why essays are so overwhelming to me?? Because holy shit I have to sit here for hours and do nothing but type out info shit. Like I procrastinate because if I do the thing I need to do--even if it’s supposed to be fun--then I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL IT’S DONE and that’s probably a lot less fun than listening to music or being on tumblr, which don’t require Progress Quotas.
But recently I’m starting to learn that I’m Allowed to Stop Doing Things If I’m Bored or Tired of Them. If I need a break, no one’s gonna call me lazy or antisocial anymore because I need to recharge. I can do things at my own pace and still be a healthy adult!!!
For example, Sundays I have some rituals I do for the next week on top of the every day chores that I have. None of these are like Extremely Taxing or anything but they’re still tasks I need to get done. So all together I have to get up, get dressed, do my hair, and then I do my Sunday skincare routine which is my Bamboo cleanser, my blueberry mask, a special avocado moisturizer instead of my normal carrot one, and then a lip scrub. I leave that on for ten minutes, and then I put vaseline on my lips and spray my face with rosewater. Then I still have to water my inside plants, my outside plants, fill the bird feeders, and play with Sahara. Still gotta write at some point too, and possibly draw.
Normally I would force myself to do all of that at once. But today, while the mask and scrub were sitting I allowed myself to be on the computer and listen to youtube and write my daily word count--whatever it ends up being. Then, once my next nurse came, I did all the other chores. AND NOW???? I can do whatever the fuck I want! I already wrote so I don’t have to have any looming guilt about goofing off instead of working, Sahara’s taken care of, my plants and birds are fed.
Everything was done, with the same quality of work, but at my own pace for once. I used the whole day instead of trying to fit everything in a few hours. Now I’m not making myself anxious with guilt, and I’m spending my night watching yu yu hakusho and eating a lemon poppy seed muffin. I might draw later, or watch Beyblade, who knows! I’m a free woman for once.
Pacing: Making Adulthood Suck A Little Less
