Rowing and ED? No thank you sir.
One thing that I had not anticipated about becoming a rower was that ones weight can be relevant. And it can be up for discussion...in a group setting. This came into my awareness at my rowing immersion class. A woman said that she left another boathouse because there was a lot of pressure to be at a certain weight so one could row in a specific boat. Apparently all the rowers weights are on a list in the boat house for all to see. I asked if that was something that this boathouse did and everyone laughed and said no. The reason it matters to me is because I battled an eating disorder for many years. I don't know what I weigh anymore and that has made my life so peaceful. I used to place all my self worth in the numbers on the scale and on the number on the label of my clothes. Tapping the scale till it showed a zero, my stomach would flip flop because the number that popped up would tell me what kind of day I was going to have. What I was going to be able to eat and how much working out I had ahead of me. What an out of control life when a plastic box controls how you feel about yourself. This all comes up because we are going to have a holiday challenge at our boathouse. I had planned on doing the holiday challenge online for Concept 2, erging 100,000 meters between thanksgiving and Christmas. And I'm excited to participate in our boathouse challenge. But part of the challenge was to track the food we eat online and weigh in. These are two practices that ED loves. I mean LOVES. For a normal person it's probably a good thing. Or at the very least a benign thing to do. It could be considered self care for some people who may lose touch with their health during the holiday season. But for me it's the exact opposite. I have no business on a scale or on a food log. More importantly I have no interest in it. That was the old me. Now I'm oarsman and well, we're made of different stuff. Ok that's me being silly. Sort of. One day I want to be an ocean rower and I don't think ED and ocean rowing to well together. One of the gifts of being on the other side of ED is that I know how to take care of myself now. I don't have to be a people pleaser and do something because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I can know what's true for me and then do the next right thing. When I told my nutritional therapist that I wanted to start rowing she was all for it. As long as I didn't lose a bunch of weight and get crazy. And the only person on this planet who knows what I weigh is Lisa. Not even I know what it is. So Lisa and I guess God are the only ones who know. Something else I didn't anticipate was rowing helping me redefine how l view my body. When I ran a lot I knew that the lighter I was the faster I would be. And I didn't care if I hurt myself by not eating the right way, I just wanted to be thin. Now I see my body in a whole new way. I would never skimp on food, probably because rowing makes you so SO hungry. And I want to have the energy to keep up with the people I row with. As I started rowing and erging more I noticed my butt got harder and lifted which made it seem bigger to me and my quads got stronger too. And again this made them seem bigger. The difference is I kinda like it. It makes me feel strong and athletic. It makes me feel healthy! When my weight was in the double digits I felt fat and overly self aware. Now I look down at my legs and I see strength and I look over my shoulder and see my butt, it's my power pack. It's what helps me have the strongest drive that I can at 5'2". It's nothing short of a miracle. This is part of why I say rowing changed my life. Not only did it help me find my voice in other areas of my life but it redefined my idea of what my body should look like. Really, that is all I ever wanted anyway. To feel comfortable in my skin. While I may not be there 100% it's much , much more than it once was. That being said... Happy rowing everyone! Lets swing together, catch together and grow together.