Always You
Armie Hammer x Reader
Words: 3,372
This is just a self indulgent thing I wrote to get myself back into the swing of writing stuff. This is actually the first thing I’ve finished in a long ass time so it probably sucks but it’s something!
DISCLAIMER: I am not claiming to know anything about what went on in Armie’s marriage, this is all fiction. I have nothing against his wife, once again, this is just fiction.
Please like, reblog or leave me a message! Thank you!
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The California sun beat down on you uncomfortably, matting your hair to the nape of your neck, but you endured it just so you could take in the house before you. The glare of the stark white wall made it hard to look at but you couldn’t help but admire the way the entrance arched around the front door.
Through the small wrought iron window on the door, you could see the courtyard, lush bushes and bougainvilleas of every vibrant colour dotting the perimeter.
You hummed thoughtfully.
"Not up to your standards?"
"Surprisingly enough," you spun on your heel and looked up at him. "These are exactly my standards."
Your eyes traced his impressive height until you were gazing at the floor.
"Right down to the hand painted tiles." you muttered, eyebrows raised
Armie laughed, throwing his head back, "Wait till you see the inside."
The inside was even better. Natural, earthy tones were perfectly contrasted by the vivid colour of the Spanish tiles, everywhere you looked there would be a cluster of them in just the right spot.
He talked animatedly, his long arms swinging and gesturing all over the place. His blue eyes were bright and you moved from room to room trying to keep up with his huge strides.
"This is your room." he stated, throwing open the arched wooden door with a flourish
You knew what to expect, of course. Ever since he came to you asking for ideas on how to design his new home, your shared Pinterest board was focused exclusively on Spanish Revival but seeing it in the flesh was a whole other experience.
"Armie…" you trailed off, gripping his arm tightly
It was a dream come to life. A dream of a spacious, immaculately clean room with white walls and warmly coloured rugs, a giant bed with your recommended bedspread and number of pillows all in order (you couldn't believe he actually paid attention to the Pinterest board).
"Do you like it?" he asked you, placing his large hand on yours
"Like it? I fucking love it, Armie! Oh my god!"
You raced to see the bathroom and nearly died and went to heaven, if you weren't already there.
A classic, tiled bathtub was tucked into an alcove that took up most of the far side of the wall. The drawers and the sink were all set in rich, dark wood and it all smelled vaguely like jasmine.
"Oh, yeah," you nodded approvingly, already picturing yourself in the tub, overcome by bubbles. "Hell yeah."
Armie looked at you with a goofy grin on his face, he reached out to squeeze your shoulder, "I'll grab your bags, why don't you hop in there? I'm making dinner, you just relax."
"You said the magic words." you grinned back at him
He leaned down to kiss your cheek, his soft lips and the subtle smell of his aftershave caused your heart to skip a few beats.
A feeling of dread began to cloud over the bliss that came before. You clasped your hands together tightly as he walked past you, he stopped at the door, the top of his head almost grazing the frame.
"Y/N?"
"Yeah?"
"I am so glad you're here." Armie winked at you and shut the door behind him, leaving you sucked in a whirlwind of your own increasingly frantic thoughts
You stared at the closed door, his kiss on your cheek still tingling.
"Bath." you declared to no one in particular, hoping that once you were done, all your worries and anxieties would go down the drain with the suds.
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You woke up with a start, the water in the tub sloshing around as you roused yourself from sleep, that bath must have really done the trick. Night had already fallen, it was pitch dark and only the scented candles you lit illuminated your surroundings.
Outside, the palm trees swung from side to side, back and forth in an erratic dance, big fat drops of rain fell noisily onto the ground, painting it in a silvery sheen. A full blown storm was raging beyond the French casement windows. How long were you out?
You ran your hand along the wall to turn on the lights but when you flipped the switch, nothing happened.
A blackout. Of course.
You dressed quickly in the dark, hoping nothing was inside out.
"Armie?" you called out, shutting the door behind you
As you walked through the house in the quiet darkness, with only the sound of your slippers on the tile and the pouring rain as your companions, you couldn’t help but feel a little scared.
The longer you thought about it though, the more you were convinced that it wasn’t the fact that you were walking alone in the dark that was scaring you, it was the thought of being completely alone with Armie in his beautiful new home.
You paused just a few steps shy of the kitchen. Frank Sinatra’s smooth baritone trickled out of the massive arched doorway.
“The stars are aglow and tonight how their light sets me dreaming.
My love, do you know that your eyes are like stars brightly beaming?
I bring you and sing you a moonlight serenade.” you heard Armie sing along
His voice was like velvet, rich and deep and soothing. Try as you might, you still found yourself drifting towards him. Don’t get it wrong, your heart was beating three miles a minute but you felt like you were on autopilot. Next thing you knew, you were standing in the doorway.
He moved with ease, swiftly reaching over to the spice rack and back to the pot before him. Entranced, you watched as he dipped a finger into his creation and promptly placed it in his mouth, he nodded approvingly and finally lifted his gaze to you.
Your breath hitched in your throat. You felt like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
Neither of you spoke.
"So don't let me wait, come to me tenderly…" Sinatra continued to sing, seemingly giving you instructions.
Armie closed the distance between you until you were almost chest to chest.
"Dance with me?"
"The power's out." you deadpanned, losing your train of thought as he wrapped your arms around you
"I know, that's why I lit candles. So, will you dance with me?"
Wordlessly, you wrapped your arms around his torso. He swayed slowly, squeezing you gently.
You rested your head on his warm chest, smiling as he hummed along. This felt good, too good. Your heart tightened in your chest, desperate to hold on to this memory of you and him.
"Oh, shit. The soup." he cursed, pulling away just as steam began to rise from the pot on the stove
The illusion shattered like a porcelain statuette meeting a marble floor. You were brought back to reality and you felt very cold all of a sudden.
"Y/N, take a seat. I'll bring it all over." he began ladling soup into a smooth wooden bowl
The dining table was long and rectangular, made from dark wood to match the rest of the items in the house. An elaborate candelabra stood in the middle, projecting all kinds of shapes across the room.
"Now," he set a steaming bowl of fragrant soup in front of you. "Eat up. You're freezing."
"Thank you, this smells amazing."
You expected him to take the seat across from you or at the head of the table but instead, he sat next to you, his leg almost brushing against yours.
"Hope it tastes as good as it smells." Armie remarked, watching you like a hawk as you took your first sip
"Mmm," you smacked your lips and smiled at his nervous expression. "It's good! Six stars, no joke. Don't look so nervous, Armie, it's just me."
He dragged his teeth along his lower lip and stirred his spoon in his bowl. You would never be "just you" to him, you never were. Something in his heart always made him want to impress you, be around you. It was one of the first things he and his ex-wife argued about.
But you didn't need to know that.
Clearly, this stormy night was going to be spent by candlelight. Romantic, sure, but dangerous. Both of your secrets and words left unsaid hovered over you like shadows, waiting to be revealed.
Eventually, you settled back into your usual routine with Armie. Catching up, playfully critiquing his movies that you've seen, much to his embarrassment. Then finally, an opening to ask the question you've been dying to ask.
You set your wine glass on the table, tracing the lip of your glass with your fingertip. "So, are we going to skirt around it all night, Armie? Or are you going to tell me what happened?"
He sucked in a deep breath, wiping both his hands on his lap. He’d been expecting that, of course. You two haven’t seen each other in a year but you never lost touch. When the news of his divorce broke out, you expected to be the first person he would call, but he never did.
“Well, Y/N, uh,” his long fingers scratched at the back of his neck, "I got divorced because I had an affair. Nothing physical happened but, well, you know.”
A year ago, Armie’s marriage had been slowly but surely falling apart, it was falling apart way before the word “divorce” ever crossed their minds but they both held on, for the children. Until, they couldn’t. When all sorts of headlines and far-fetched gossip made the rounds, he took it all, nevermind that his ex-wife had her own issues, all people wanted was to take a shot at him and he let them. He didn’t really care what anyone else had to say.
The trouble was, everything was different for him when you were involved. He hung his head low, keeping his eyes on his lap.
“Chin up, Armand.” you reached over to brush your knuckles against his chin, “I didn’t come here to judge you.”
“What are you here for then?”
"I’m here for you."
"You've always been there for me."
A moment passed. Two, three. Mere seconds but it felt much longer. When your eyes met it felt like you were finally seeing each other for the very first time.
Armie’s palms had become slick with sweat and he felt a lump forming in his throat. He gulped down a glass of water to fend off whatever was going on with him.
"So, uh. How's that guy you've been seeing?" he casually draped his arm over the back of his chair even though he wasn't feeling casual at all.
"Well," you exhaled, smiling ruefully at him. "That's been over for months now."
He was absolutely floored. His eyes widened to a size that could rival the bowl in front of you and his jaw almost hit the floor. You chuckled into your shoulder.
"Damn, Y/N. That's the second one this month." he clicked his tongue
"Armand, I don't think you're in the position to judge. " you looked at him meaningfully, cocking your head to the side
"Heh. Touché."
You ate in silence while trying to ignore the way your heart was trying to break out of your chest. Talking about your love life was dangerous territory.
"Can I just ask you something though?" Armie put his spoon down and turned to you
"Look, I know I'm not exactly Dr. Love right now but, what's going on, Y/N? You know I’m always here if you need to talk."
He was so genuinely concerned, you could see it in the way he looked at you. It’s a shame he was the reason behind all your failed relationships. This really wasn't how you pictured telling Armie you had been in love with him since you were teenagers. In fact, you didn’t think you were going to tell him at all.
Before you could even stop yourself, the words came tumbling from your mouth.
"I've actually been in love with one man my entire life."
"Whoa! Whoever he is, he’s a lucky guy. To have the Great Y/N Y/L/N hung up on him." the corners of his lips were quirked up in a soft smile but you noticed that it didn't reach his eyes
"Oh, he was lucky for a while," you gripped the side of your chair until your knuckles turned white
"Everyone adored him, saw how talented he was. His life was picture perfect."
Why you were saying all this to Armie, he had no idea. It stung a little, knowing that you were hung up on someone else but he was definitely used to you overlooking him by now.
"But he.. He's going through a bit of a rough patch now. He's.. He got a divorce,"
He squared his shoulders and weaved his arms tight against his chest, his eyebrows knitted together.
Finally telling him the truth terrified you but you'd gone this far, there was no turning back.
"Uh, yeah. He got a divorce and he hasn't seen his kids in months. It was so hard on him and he didn’t even talk to me about it but… I love him."
Saying it out loud was oddly therapeutic.
"I love him," you said louder, feeling the adrenaline course through your body. "I've loved him ever since I first met him. I loved him when we became best friends,"
"I loved him even when I had to sit and watch him marry someone else. I loved him when he told me he was going to be a dad and he cried on my shoulder because he said he was so afraid he'd mess it up,"
Armie uncrossed his arms so abruptly, the face of his watch clacked against the table. His eyes were wide, filled with questions.
You nodded, answering the most obvious one. Tears began to sting in your eyes and sobs spasmed in your throat uncomfortably. But still you went on.
"I loved him even when… Even when I watched him build this beautiful life with his beautiful wife and children. Even when all I could do was stand by and try to be okay with knowing that I was never going to get to be with him the way I wanted. "
Your shoulders shuddered with each shaky breath you forced through your lungs. You didn’t dare look at him, you kept a hand over your eyes as you cried.
And like hell did you cry. You cried for all the lost time, the missed opportunities, the longing looks, the what if's.
"I… Jesus. All this fucking time, Y/N." he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and screwing his eyes shut
Like he couldn't even stomach the sight of you.
"I should've kept my mouth shut." you shook your head and got up
What were you thinking?
Did you honestly think it was a good idea? What did you expect would happen? That he would take your face in his hands, thumbs skimming lovingly across your cheeks? Did you honestly expect that he would finally press his lips into yours and everything would fall into place?
Just as you were about to leave the kitchen to dramatically pack up your things and see if someone was insane enough to give you a ride home in this storm, Armie reached up to grab hold of your arm.
“Don’t… Just,” he huffed, shoulders deflating, “Just don’t walk out, let’s-let’s fucking talk about this, Y/N.”
“We don’t have to talk about anything, Armie. Let me go and we can just forget I ever said anything.”
“I don’t want to forget, Y/N!” Armie suddenly exploded, rising from his seat
All six feet and five inches of him loomed over you. You had to crane your neck just so you could look him in the eye.
“Okay. Alright, let’s get this over with then.” you dragged the wooden chair back, its legs squealing noisily against the floor
You planted your hands firmly on the top of the chair, using it as a shield between you and him.
Armie regarded you with caution, “You’re not going to throw that at me, are you?”
“Can we get on with this?” you snapped
"Alright then," he ran a harsh hand over his face, "Why."
"Why what."
"Why now!" he yelled, raking his hands roughly through his hair, “Why not back then when things were less fucking complicated!”
"It was too late, okay?! You were already with Elizabeth when I figured it out and I didn't wanna ruin things for you. There was never a good time.”
He stepped toward you, placing his hands on the chair next to your own, “We spent half of our goddamn lives together, Y/N! You never found a good time then?”
You looked at him. You've looked at him for half your life basically. His classically handsome face, the crinkles by his sky blue eyes that were present even when he wasn't smiling, the lines that were carefully etched into his tanned skin deepened as his brows remained pushed together.
"I didn't want to lose you! Okay?! You're fucking right, we spent half our lives together and there was no way I was going to risk going through the other half without you!"
"We could have spent the rest of our fucking lives together, Y/N. Right from the fucking start, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Right from the start, it could've been just you and me." he retorted, his voice threatened to crack
The magnitude of his words began hitting you, wave after wave.
"We were both goddamn cowards. Now look at us," he threw a hand in your direction then at his chest, "Serial Dater and Divorced Cheater."
Silence stretched miles between you, neither of you had any more words to squeeze out of yourselves, you felt raw, exposed.
Your hand went numb from gripping the chair too tightly, you wandered over to the kitchen sink to hold it over running water but you ended up sitting on the floor with your head heavy in your hands.
To say that this wasn’t what you bargained for when you accepted Armie’s invitation to see his new house would be the understatement of your entire life. You turned his words over in your head about a dozen times.
Didn’t you get what you wanted? There it was, all laid out for you, what were you waiting for?
Armie sighed, settling down on the floor next to you. He took your hand, the one that was just beginning to wake up, and massaged it in his.
“Can you look at me?”
You did as he asked, lifting your eyes to his. He was smiling, it was hard not to smile back.
“Hi.” he planted a kiss on the back of your hand
“Hi.” you replied, looping your arm through his and resting your head on his shoulder
The storm continued to sweep through and the wind shrieked outside but for the first time that night, you felt completely calm despite the big question staring both of you in the face.
“So now what?” you asked
“Now, I think I should reheat dinner.” he got up and extended his hand to you
Was he fucking with you? That really wasn’t the answer you were expecting but you tried not to let your disappointment show. Once your hand was in Armie’s, he pulled you to him, one hand cupped your cheek while the other landed on the small of your back.
“May I?”
His lips were just a hair’s breadth away from yours. You looked up at him, nodding almost imperceptibly but he didn’t miss a beat. He kissed your cheek first, then your forehead, making your eyes flutter shut. You were so close together, you wondered if he could feel your heart pounding against his chest.
“Are you going to keep me waiting?” you whispered, hands already snaking around the back of his neck
Armie bent down slightly, nuzzling his nose against yours as he shook his head, “I think we’ve both been waiting long enough.”
