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Neverland | Chapter 1: The Writer

#1: The Writer

a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s

First of all, to Byun Baekhyun, as always, this book is dedicated to you, as the rest of the series was. You who have been my number one supporter all throughout the last four books.

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“Soo yah!” A man standing next to his bed exclaimed, shaking him rapidly. “It’s nearly noon! Get up! You’re never up this late!”

Kyungsoo moaned, turning to face the shouting man. “I was up all night writing the last few chapters of the third book.” He excused.

“You were pulling up all-nighters almost the whole week now! I told you not to push yourself too hard again Soo!” The man exclaimed, shaking Kyungsoo more.

Moaning, Kyungsoo slapped the man’s hand. “I’m just trying to make it perfect, Baek. The last one has been a success, this one should top the last one too.”

“Soo yah,” Baekhyun said in a soft voice. “You know everything you do is perfect, right?” The man teases. Kyungsoo laughs.

“You’re never up this early too, Baek.”

“Well, there’s always a first time in everything! Now come on! I made you lunch!”

“You’re up this early and you made me lunch?” Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes and sat up. “You didn’t wreck my kitchen, did you?”

Baekhyun pouted and shot the man an offended look. “What do you even take me for,” he said with a sad look.

“Nah, I’m just kidding Baek,” Kyungsoo said, standing up. Latching on to his man, he started to pull them out of the room. “Now let’s see what kind of death food you’ve created for the two of us,” he teased.

Before getting out of the room though, Baekhyun pulled onto Kyungsoo and gave him a backhug.

“Good morning sweetheart,” Baekhyun said, kissing the back of Kyungsoo’s head.

“Mmmh, good morning too,” he replied.

.

You who have been my inspiration, my muse,

.

“What are you looking at?” Baekhyun asked, eyes still focused at the movie he was watching.

“Huh?” Kyungsoo asked, sitting at his work desk as usual.

“You’ve been staring for a while now,” Baekhyun pointed out, eyes looking amused.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said. “Was I?”

“Mhhm.” Baekhyun hummed in approval.

Silence ensued, Baekhyun still watching the movie, Kyungsoo still gazing at him.

“You’re still staring, Soo.” Baekhyun pointed out again.

“It’s just you,” Kyungsoo quietly explained. “You just inspire me.”

.

the guardian angel of my life.

.

“I keep telling you not to overdo yourself!” Baekhyun scolded, squeezing a wet towel over a basin of water and putting it over Kyungsoo’s forehead. “And you did it – again!” Baekhyun accused.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said. “At least the book is finished now.”

“Yeah,” Beak said, sighing. “And then a week from now you’re gonna start writing the next one and you’re going to overdo yourself – again. Like you always do.”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “You know me too well.”

He checked the thermometer on Kyungsoo’s mouth. “38.9 degrees,” he muttered. “Well you’re certainly going to be in bed for a while.”

Baekhyun sighed for the nth time that night, putting away the basin to the bathroom.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo suddenly said. Baekhyun looked at him.

“Can you… can you stay over tonight?” He asked, eyes hopeful.

“Of course,” Baekhyun easily agreed. “Can’t leave my little devil when he’s ill right?” He teased.

Kyungsoo laughed, although it sounded more tired than usual. “You an angel, hyung.”

.

Losing you was the hardest moment in my life.

.

Junmyeon and Jongdae sprinted through the hallways of the hospital, going to the waiting area of the emergency room.

“Kyungsoo-ya,” Jongdae worriedly said, crouching infront of Kyungsoo. “What happened?"

The said man was sitting by himself in one of the chairs, hands holding his head and rivers of tears flowing down his eyes.

Junmyeon sat next to Kyungsoo, draped his hand on the younger’s back for comfort.

“We were… we were crossing the street towards the park and,” Kyungsoo paused as he hiccupped, voice starting to quiver again.

“Suddenly there was a car honking,” he explained. “We panicked, there suddenly was a car in a fast pace driving towards us.” Kyungsoo kept wiping his tears that never seem to stop flowing as he explained.

“Then Baekhyun… he,” he paused and sobbed. “He pushed me out of the way and the car…” He couldn’t continue anymore as he sobbed uncontrollably again.

Junmyeon and Jongdae both shared a pained look, and looked at Kyungsoo with sad eyes.

“I couldn’t do anything, hyung,” Kyungsoo said after a while. “I just… stood there as the accident happened.”

“I shouldn’t have asked him to go strolling in the park with me, hyung.” A beat passed. “It’s my fault.” The sound of a heart breaking can be felt through the atmosphere. “It’s all my fault.”

Junmyeon was quick to act though, as he pulled Kyungsoo towards him and let him sob in his chest. “Don’t say that Soo. None of you predicted that this would happen. It isn’t your fault. None of this is.”

All Kyungsoo could do was shake his head as he was continued sobbing.

“Don’t worry Kyungsoo,” Jongdae said, sitting next to him. “The doctors are doing their best to save him,” he comforted. “We just have to have faith in them… in him.”

The three of them sat there for a long time, waiting for a miracle to happen, Kyungsoo leaning on Junmyeon and Jongdae patting his back comfortingly.

After what seemed like days of waiting, the head doctor of the emergency room came out, giving out the most heart-shattering news everyone doesn’t want to hear.

“We did our best but,” the doctor paused, eyes not able to meet the hopeful looks the three men were sending him. “I’m very sorry but the patient…” the hopeful looks of the three men dropped, the doctor’s heart clenched. “He did not make it, I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo fell down onto his knees, not hearing anything – the doctor’s quiet explanation that the injuries sustained was too much, Jongdae’s loud sobs, and Junmyeon’s words of comfort and support.

Kyungsoo felt the world crumbling down beneath his feet.

.

I love you.

.

The funeral immediately took place a few days after.

Junmyeon has practically dragged a wasting away Kyungsoo out of his room to shower and dress and attend the funeral.

Baekhyun’s family was the first one they met there, and Baek’s mother immediately hugged Kyungsoo, saying it’s not his fault and that he’s always welcomed in the family.

More people came – relatives, friends, colleagues – and shed tears but Kyungsoo never noticed them. His eyes are on Baekhyun’s only- never leaving it.

And then it was time for him to speak about Baekhyun.

“The truth is, I don’t know what to say about him in front of everyone at all. I mean, how could I be able to tell how beautiful of a person he is?” He laughs, and everyone laughs too, though sobs are mixed in with them.

“Baekhyun-hyung,” he started, “was the angel-” he stopped himself. “-is the angel of my life.” He corrected. “He has been nothing but perfect to me – caring, supportive, and especially loving. And I’m forever blessed and thankful for that.”

“I don’t know what else I could say but thank you to you. And that in our lives, and in mine especially, you are irreplaceable. And that I,” the tears he’s been suppressing for most of his speech started to pour down.

“I love you.”

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And you will always be remembered.

.

The funeral finished and people were filing out of the graveyard where Baekhyun’s resting body was buried.

Except for Kyungsoo - Kyungsoo stayed.

Stayed until almost no one is there anymore.

Stayed until the sun started to set.

Stayed even when Junmyeon and Jongdae begged him to go home already.

Because, for Kyungsoo, this is the only thing he can do for Baekhyun anymore.

Because Baekhyun always stayed for him – even for the weirdest things.

Because he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to pick up his life now.

Now that no one will be next to him watching cheesy sappy movies, even if he just sleeps through it.

Now that no one will baby him whenever he’s sick.

Now that no one will hum him to sleep through phone calls whenever they can’t be together at night.

Now that his muse, his angel, is gone.

Now that Baekhyun is gone.

.

To the fans, who have supported me from the first book of this series until this last one, I give you my utmost and sincerest thank you. Thank you for your continuous support book after book, and for letting the fantasy world that started from my mind become a part of your life and a world of own too. I’m very sorry that it took a while – a year after its supposed release date.

.

A visit at seven in the morning was probably not what he was expecting, nor was a visit from his manager, but it seemed that it was what fate has planned for him today. Ushering his manager inside, he closed the door and seated the man.

“Hyung,” he called. “Coffee or tea?”

“It doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t stay for long anyway.”

An atmosphere of silence surrounded the room, Kyungsoo staring curiously at his manager, silently inquiring what he was doing at his place.

“You’re supposed to hand in the first few chapters yesterday Soo,” Junmyeon pointed, tone accusing.

“I…” Kyungsoo paused and then sighed. “I haven’t finished it yet.”

“Okay, I’ll tell them.” His manager replied, standing up. “In a couple of days then? You know Jongdae – he takes forever to do his editing.” He then started to walk back to the front door, already leaving.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo called out. The said person stopped and gazed at him. “I… don’t think I’ll have the draft in the next few days…”

Junmyeon examined the man. His postured slacked and eyes looked retired. There were bags under his eyes and he looked paler and thinner than usual. Must be from the stress of writing the final book in the series, he concluded. “It’s completely fine, I understand. You need to rest too.” Turning around, he said, “It’s okay, go back to sleep. I’ll lock the door on my way out.”

“No, I don’t think you understand hyung,” Kyungsoo said. “I won’t be able to give the draft. I…” he trailed. “I don’t even think there’s going to be a book.” He looked down at his feet, not having the guts to look at his manager.

“What are you talking about,” Junmeyon said, confused. “You planned it yourself months ago! You’re going to write the last of the series and release it before this year ends!”

“I just…” he sighed. “I haven’t gotten far with it yet.”

.

The road to writing this book has been a tough one for me as a writer, and if it wasn’t for all of you, I wouldn’t know if I was going to continue it myself in all honesty.

.

Kyungsoo was furiously writing at his work desk, and every now and then he keeps on scrapping lines and paragraphs, making huge x marks through them.

It seemed wrong- the phrasing, the dialogues – it all seemed wrong.

“Aaaaaaaaah!” he screamed, thrashing his work desk, breaking pencils, scattering a dozen papers and crumpling a few of them too.

Everything feels wrong without you.

.

There were many bumps and detours, U-turns and a huge road block that in one point, I did decide to completely scrap the whole book out, but now that it’s finished, I am glad I did not.

.

“I can’t continue this anymore,” he said to himself one night, staring blankly at a piece of paper on his work desk, eyes shedding tears he kept when the sun is up.

Because every time he tries to write, he remember the gentle encouragements Baekhyun gives to him randomly.

When he gets to write, he remembers Baekhyun’s nagging for thim to take a break.

When he tries to write at night, he thinks of the times Baekhyun calls him way past midnight, urging him to take a sleep and stop overworking himself.

And he breaks down.

Every single time.

“I can’t do this without you, Baek.”

.

To Kim Junmyeon, the man behind the publishing of the book. My manager, my best friend. If it wasn’t for your strict orders and gentle encouragements, this book would never be completed.

.

One night, Junmyeon had a strange feeling in his gut that something bad is happening to Kyungsoo, and decided to visit him as soon as his work finishes. He spaced out throughout the day, and when it’s time for him to leave, he immediately drove straight towards Kyungsoo’s home and went inside – Kyungsoo has given him and Jongdae a key to his home in case of emergency.

When he went inside though, what he found was heart breaking. Sobs can be heard from the doorway and the living room looks trashed – papers thrown carelessly at the floor and photos scattered at the ground.

Picking one up, his heart broke when he saw the picture – a picture of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun smiling happily at the park three years ago, arms thrown at each other and posing at the camera.

He heard another sob and he turned his attention to the source of the sound – a broken looking Kyungsoo.

Junmyeon was alarmed and walked closer to the boy sitting at the couch with hands pressed in his eyes.

“Soo… Soo…” he croons. “Kyungsoo… talk to me, what’s wrong?” Soft sobs are continued to be heard and all Junmyeon can do is sit next to the broken guy and patting his back.

“Is this… is this about... Baekhyun?”

Kyungsoo could only nod, not being able to speak, shedding tears

“It has almost been a year, Soo.” Junmyeon said. “You said you’re already alright.”

“I thought I was alright hyung,” he replied. “But… it just hurts every time I think of him.” He wipes another tear that comes out of his eyes.

“I can’t even write anymore,” he quietly confessed. “Because every time I do… I think of him and his absence… And it hurts.”

Junmyeon enveloped his best friend in a hug, not having the words to comfort him until the younger slackens against him.

Junmyeon puts him to his bed to sleep, and walked towards the living room to clean up the mess made.

While cleaning papers, one of them caught his attention – a recently written note at the back of a photo.

‘Happy anniversary Baek. I wish you were still here’

A lone tear dropped from his yes, and Junmeyon vowed to help his best friend get through this and prayed to God He helps him.

.

To Kim Jongdae, my editor and best friend. Most of these books, I owe to you for your editing skills. And if it wasn’t for you egging me to do things I normally won’t, I would never have found the inspiration and will to continue finishing this book.

.

“Take a trip out, relax your mind.” Jongdae said one day.

And that was the reason why he’s here – in a faraway land for three days.

Junmyeon calls it time out.

Jongdae calls it soul searching.

Kyungsoo calls it unnecessary.

“Heck, I’m not even fluent in Chinese!” He reasoned one day to Jongdae – which earned him a crash course Mandarin lesson from the latter – and after a week of lessons, Jondae proclaimed him ready for the trip.

He doesn’t need this time out or soul searching or whatever this vacation is. He needs to finish the book – the last book which has been delayed from its release now and is currently not even halfway through – and this trip will just delay the book even more.

But Kyungsoo couldn’t say no to his two best friends – who has been taking care of him for a long while now and who has even paid for this trip of his.

And that was the reason why he took a bag, packed some necessary things, a Korean to Chinese dictionary, and boarded a plane to a foreign land.

.

To Luhan, this book wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for you. Meeting you made a huge impact in my life – it left a huge footprint in the sands of my life. I still remember those few days. At first I even thought you were following me.

.

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why, but he feels like he is being followed by this strange guy.

For instance, on his first day on the country, he keeps on thinking he keeps seeing this guy – a tall handsome young man with pale skin and sparkly eyes – wherever he goes.

He first saw him at the elevator, boarding the same one he did down to the lobby.

He then went to the market district of the land to go buy some small trinkets and the land’s delicacies to take home, buying some for his parents, Jongdae and Junmyeon, and some the Byun’s too. But at almost every store he goes, he keeps on seeing this man there.

And at lunch, when he decided to eat at the one of the famous restaurants in the place, he saw the man there again.

And at the park, when he thought about taking a stroll, he saw him there too – sitting at an old bench playing music through his headphones.

Kyungsoo felt like approaching the man and asking him why he’s following him, but then he thought maybe the guy is a tourist too and just decided to visit the same places he did, out of coincidence.

Kyungsoo just shrugs and continue his way back to his hotel room, thinking about how perfect a nice warm bath feels right now after touring a foreign land.

.

In that amusement park, meeting you again and meeting you once

.

The next day, Kyungsoo decided to visit the local amusement park downtown. A hotel staff, a Korean bell boy, shared to him that the local amusement park only opens a few months in a year. “You’re so lucky sir that you visited at the right time! It would be a shame if you didn’t go there on your trip.” And so, he decided to visit the place.

The amusement park was packed with people – and Kyungsoo nearly decided to bail out because he hates crowded places – but decided against it because it would be a waste of money for he already paid an unlimited rides pass. The least he could do was enjoy it. So he went in line for the first ride he had in mind, the extreme rollercoaster.

Kyungsoo isn’t interested in much, not that good in sports too, but if ever there was something he likes to do besides writing and sometimes singing, it’s riding extreme stuff. Kyungsoo is a daredevil. “My little daredevil,” Baekhyun would always say. Kyungsoo’s mood plummeted immediately, but he tried to shake it off wand wait patiently for his turn in the ride, seeing as the lines aren’t that long anyway.

Nearing the front of the line, a woman dressed in black, an employee of the park, announced in Chinese (which Kyungsoo tried his best to understand) that there’s a seat left and if anyone was going to ride solo. Kyungsoo, noticing that the people in front of him were groups of friend or couples, volunteered himself – saving more time for riding other rides later. The woman ushers him up the ramp, guides him the seat available and conversed with the man next to him in Chinese.

When the lady left after securing Kyungsoo to his seat, the man faced him and Kyungsoo recognizes him – the same man from yesterday. Kyungsoo, mesmerized by the handsomeness up close of the man in front of him, felt his face flush

A second of silence passed by them and then the man smiles at him brightly. “Annyeong.”

Seconds later, the ride started to move and all thoughts became blank.

The ride was extreme – just what Kyungsoo would have liked, but that was not what satisfied him. What made his ride enjoyable is the screams of the man beside him – disproving the theory that he perfect. But Kyungsoo can’t really hold it against him though, since he too screamed at the top of his lungs.

Nearing the end was the highest drop or the ride. Kyungsoo would admit, this drop may be too extreme for him. Looking right next to him, he could feel that the other man’s thoughts were exactly the same. What he didn’t expect was for the man to look at him right at the peak and smile at him encouragingly and then yell at the top of his lungs as the ride lurched downwards.

At the middle of the slope, he felt a hand grip his arm but the thrill of the slope is still high at him so he didn’t think about it at all.

The ride is ending as the coasters goes back to the starting point when he noticed that there was still something gripping his arm. Taking a look at it, he found the man’s hands clutching him tightly as he shuts his eyes.

Chuckling to himself, he tapped the guy’s shoulder and his eyes opened. “Hey.”

The guy looked at him blankly – and Kyungsoo thought maybe the man doesn’t understand Korean.

“The ride’s over. You’re okay now, it’s safe,” Kyungsoo teases and the man immediately let go of his arms, blushing a tiny bit.

“Mianhae,” the man quietly offered.

They got off the carts and Kyungsoo nodded to the man, signalling his exit, and the man nodded back.

No more words were exchanged between them.

.

or twice may just have been a coincidence.

.

The next attraction Kyungsoo was found lining up for is the Horror House. It isn’t because he likes Horror houses. It’s because amongst all the other attractions, it’s the one with the least amount of people lining up, and Kyungsooo is starting to get hungry so ‘the shorter the line, the faster it’s over,’ he thinks.

Upon entering though, he started regretting coming with a batch full of people who knew each other. He felt out casted. He felt alone. And that would be bad – if you’re entering a Horror House.

But before trudging forward, someone caught his sleeves and tapped his shoulders – the man before.

“Hi again,” the man awkwardly says. “Are you alone too?”

Kyungsoo thought for a moment, skeptical about the man’s intention. ‘I don’t even know his name!’ But contrary to his thoughts, Kyungsoo nodded a yes.

“Then,” the man starts, “is it okay if we go together?” The man blushes. “It’s just that… Horror houses… aren’t my thing.”

Kyungsoo wanted to ask the man why he even went to it if he’s afraid, but he decided against it. ‘Maybe it’s an opportunity he just doesn’t want to let slide too.’

“Sure,” Kyungsoo easily agrees. ‘At least I’m not alone anymore’

The man visibly sighed in relief and stood next to him. “Shall we go then?”

Kyungsoo nods and starts to walk ahead, leaving the other man hurrying to catch up in his pace.

“It seems like the batch already left us,” the man said, starting small conversations.

“Mhhm,” Kyungsoo nodded in approval. “They must be up ahead.”

And the conversation ended. Kyungsoo, feeling bad for the lack of words exchanged, decided to start one again.

“So you’re Korean too..?” he hesitantly asked, jumping slightly at the creepy noises the haunted house emits.

“Not really,” the guy replied and Kyungsoo shot him a questioning look. And then both suddenly stopped because they reached a dead end. Pointing to another direction, he explained, “I work at Korea, so that’s why I’m a bit fluent with the language.”

“Ah. So, what’s your name?” He asked, and then they both screamed as a prop in the form of a headless person dropped from the ceiling in front of them.

“Lu-Lu…” calming down for a second, he tried again. “Luhan.”

‘Strange name. Must be Chinese,” Kyungsoo thought. He was lost in his thoughts when he saw a hand being waved infront of him. Snapping out of his trance, he looked at the man named Luhan.

“You suddenly spaced out, even the white lady is telling us to move forward already,” Luhan said, pointing at the while lady ushering them to move forward. “I asked for your name too by the way,” he adds.

“Kyungsoo,” he immediately replied, feet moving forwards. “Do Kyungsoo.” He then stopped when he saw something- a woman in white sitting on a chair in the middle of the hallway where they were supposed to pass.

Luhan, following behind him, paused too, hands trembling as he pointed at the woman. “Is… is that going to move..?”

Kyungsoo looked again for a moment, and then looked back at Luhan. “I don’t… think so..?” He sounded unsure.

“Only one way to find out,” and he started to walk towards it, Luhan in tow, clutching the shorter one’s arms.

Passing through it, they did determine it to be just a doll, and both sighed in relief.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, had enough already. “That’s it. This is too scary. I’m out of here.” Leaving Luhan as he sprinted fast towards the other rooms and towards the exit, stunning Luhan. Before exiting though, he could hear a loud scream of “YAH! KYUNGSOO-YAH”, a string of Mandarin words (probably curses) and then a terrified loud scream.

Kyungsoo felt bad for the guy – Luhan – but he just smirked and walked out towards the exit.

“Have fun, Luhan,” he said to himself.

.

But meeting you four times?

.

After the Horror House attraction, Kyungsoo decided to eat the nearest hot dog stand, and then proceeded to his next ride – bump cars.

Kyungsoo half-expected that Luhan would be there again, since he has basically seen him for most of his trip anyway, and was, in a way, slightly disappointed that he wasn’t. But it did not stop him from having fun bumping other riders. He expertly avoided many riders, but he didn’t expect the man driving towards him speeding so fast and bumping him so harshly he felt himself bounce.

“That was for leaving me at the Horror House, Kyungsoo-ya.” A voice he clearly knows was heard, and he looked up to see Luhan, smiing evilly at him as he starts to reverse and bump at him again.

Smirking to himself, Kyungsoo started to reverse the car, and then drive it straight towards Luhan’s ones, startling the young man – who spewed some shocked mandarin words.

“Two can play at that game,” he replied, and then sped fast, narrowingly avoiding the other players while driving away from a chasing Luhan behind him.

The rest of the time was spent like that – a game of cat and mouse – though who plays which role changes every passing moment.

After the five minute ride, the two of them were both laughing at each other like they’ve known each other for a long time.

Nearing the exit, Luhan asked if Kyungsoo would like to grab something to eat.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I already ate before riding this one.”

Luhan just smiled at him. “It’s okay. I guess this is goodbye then, Kyungsoo.”

“Yeah. It would be kind of weird if we bump into each other at a big place like this again,” He replied. “Have fun eating then, Luhan.” He said, and then waved good bye.

Luhan chuckled and waved back, then proceeded walking towards the food stand.

Turning back, Kyungsoo proceeded to the next ride in his list– half of him expecting to see this Luhan guy at some point again, half or him wishing he didn’t.

.

It must have been fate, I thought.

.

Kyungsoo was riding the last ride on his list. It was getting dark since it was nearing the evening, so the whole amusement park was lit up with bright neon lights, and Kyungsoo thought what better way to end his visit at the amusement park than to ride the Ferris wheel.

So went in line, noticing it was fairly long – and thought about ways of waste time with while waiting.

His thoughts then drifted to the young man he kept seeing today – Luhan. He wondered why he felt so welcoming to this stranger – openly playing games and letting him cling in his arms in fear – things he normally doesn’t do to anyone new he meets.

‘Maybe he’s special’, Kyungsoo thought.

‘Or maybe just weird – I mean, you keep meeting him for the second consecutive day. Isn’t that weird?’ He argued to himself.

Thankfully, for the rest of the afternoon, he and Kyungsoo never crossed paths again.

And maybe it was too early to be thankful for that – because in the line, three persons in front of him, was the guy Kyungsoo labeled as weird.

And at the instant moment Kyungsoo spotted him, Luhan spotted him too – eyes locking briefly.

Luhan kept gesturing him to come forward, and Kyungsoo tries to resist him by continuously laughing and rolling his eyes at him, but the message does not seem to get to Luhan so he gave up, letting out a sigh and trudging forward next to Luhan, muttering “excuse me”s at people he has to squeeze in through.

“So we meet again,” Luhan said, amused.

“So we meet again,” Kyungsoo echoes, Luhan gives him a look.

“What?”

“Aren’t you glad to see me again,” Luhan teases.

“Nah. The stars are sparkly enough for me, I don’t need your sparkly eyes that much.” Kyungsoo retorted.

“So you like my sparkly eyes, huh?” Luhan teases, again – and maybe it’s a long shot but Kyungsoo thinks this guy’s flirting with him.

“Well it is sparkly,” Kyungsoo replies. “But sparkly things aren’t my type.”

“We’ll see about that,” Luhan replies, and the conversation ended – or the topic ended. Luhan quickly reverted his attention to another one.

“Do you want to ride together?” He suddenly asks, and Kyungsoo was startled.

“What?” His shock might have looked visible, but the guy looks like he was shocked with his question too.

“I mean, you’re alone, right?” Kyungsoo nods. “And I’m alone as well.” Kyungsoo nods again, getting the logic. “Might as well go together, right?”

Kyungsoo was searching his mind to find a fault in Luhan’s logic. Would he like to ride a cart with a stranger? Definitely not. But he’s been riding stuff with Luhan all day he’s hardly a stranger anymore.

Kyungsoo looks at Luhan’s expectant eyes, which kept on glancing up the top of the Ferris wheel and back to him, and he rolled his own. “You’re afraid to go alone, aren’t you?”

“Me?” Luhan asks, bewildered. “Why would I be afraid to go alone,” he replied back, offended. And a bit too defensive, he thinks. Kyungsoo found it amusing.

“Well, you keep looking up as if it is bothering you,” Kyungsoo reasoned.

“I was just being impatient, Mr. Psychologist,” Luhan excuses, too defensive too – and Kyungsoo deduced he is afraid to ride alone – or maybe just afraid of heights.

“Then, I don’t see the problem of you and I going on separate carts,” Kyungsoo said. "I'm a writer, by the way."

He waits for Luhan’s reaction, as the guy was currently thinking of something to say.

“At least, if we go together you’ll have company.” Luhan reasoned. “The more the merrier, remember?” “People also say ‘less is more’,” he replied back, a bit too amused for his own liking.

“Oh.” Luhan replies, and kept quiet. Silence engulfing the two of them.

Which gave Kyungsoo time to think. Well, sure he’s okay with riding on his own – it was the plan to begin with. But he would admit it would be better to have company – especially since the ride will take too long he’ll probably need someone to talk too.

He looked a Luhan – and he notice him a bit pouty and quiet – too quiet.

Sighing, he said the words he knows Luhan would want to hear.

“Okay, fine, let’s go ride together,” he agreed – and Luhan beams at him.

.

And a certain person told me that if fate decrees it,

.

The ride started out quietly – Luhan not saying a word and Kyungsoo not bothering to start a conversation – but halfway through the top of the wheel, Kyungsoo thought the silence was already suffocating. So he talked – about anything and nothing in particular, something random like how he spends his day offs and how he’s always trying to nag his best friends as if he was their mother.

Luhan listens, giving the proper reactions at the right time, but there was something off about him, and Kyungsoo wanted to know what is – but he decided that if he doesn’t want to share it, it’s his choice. They weren’t exactly friends – they’re practically strangers to each other.

All words stopped coming out of Kyungsoo’s mouth when they reached the top of the wheel, the only thing coming out of it is a ‘wow’ – which is an understatement for the scenery the two of them get to see – a skyline view of the town with stars and a full moon above it. Kyungsoo glanced at Luhan and saw him admiring the view as well, an odd flash of recognition in his eyes. They were at the peak for five minutes – and all of it was spent gazing at the scenery in front of them.

When the cart moved, Kyungsoo’s mouth was ready to start another conversation as well – but Luhan had unexpectedly started one.

“I used to ride this Ferris Wheel before,” he said quietly – and Kyungsoo could see a hint of sadness in his tone. “My parents used to take me to this park yearly when I was a kid – this place was a bit smaller before – and we always rode this last.”

“What happened to them?” Kyungsoo suddenly blurted out. He hadn’t meant to ask, sensing it was a sensitive aspect, but his mouth acted before his brain could process.

“They didn’t like my decision of pursuing a career in Korea – they expected me to take over our small family business. But I had my own dream, different from theirs, and the opportunity arrived so I took it.” Luhan narrated while looking sadly at the skyline. “We had no contact ever since I left. Three years after, roughly two years ago, I came back to visit. I expected that they’d be angry and they’d treat me coldly or harshly – but what I didn’t expect was visiting two graves at the cemetery.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Kyungsoo replied, stunned at the story he heard, hands comfortable tapping the other’s shoulders.

“No, it’s okay. I’m already over it,” Luhan replied. “It’s just – I feel a bit nostalgic riding this again after a long time.”

The rest of the ride was spent in comfortable silence, and once they got out of the cart, Luhan was back to his usual cheery self, chatting aimlessly about how out of place he was when he first went to Korea and how the Koreans have this strange technique in taking out noodle bowl lids – which made Kyungsoo laugh out loud.

Walking to the exit, Kyungsoo hesitantly asked. “Do you want to go back to the hotel together?”

Luhan eyed him questioningly and teased, “You know where I stay? Are you stalking me, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo felt his face flush, “no, it’s just that I saw you briefly yesterday, in the elevator – which is why you looked kinda familiar when I saw you at the roller coaster this morning.”

“Ah.” Luhan replied, and agreed to go back together at their hotel, chatting aimlessly again during the ride back. Luhan even offered to take him back to his room, and Kyungsoo felt bad to decline so he agreed.

“So, have you toured well here?” Luhan asked as they were nearing Kyungsoo’s hotel room.

“Not really,” be embarrassedly replied. “I only visited the market district since I don’t speak Chinese well” he sheepishly said.

“Well if you want, I can tour you tomorrow,” Luhan offered. “I’ve lived here before so I know how to get too the tourist attractions and all.” Noticing Kyungsoo’s hesitation, he added “Well, that is if you’re okay with it and if you’re free.”

Kyungsoo didn’t really have anything planned the next day, so he didn’t hesitate to agree. “Sure, if it doesn’t bother you at all.” Kyungsoo keyed his door and opened it.

Luhan chuckled, “It doesn’t. See you tomorrow then?”

Kyungsoo nodded, “See you tomorrow then.” And Kyungsoo entered his door, muttering a soft “Good night Luhan”.

.

why fight against it?

.

The next day, Kyungsoo woke up a bit later than usual. He was off to his usual routine when he suddenly remembered his plans with Luhan – and quickly took a shower. They forgot to set a time of their meeting so Luhan will probably be showing up any minute now and Kyungsoo just woke up.

After fifteen minutes, he went out of the bathroom, fresh and clean and ready to go, and decided to watch television, seeing as it has international channels, while waiting for Luhan to arrive.

About an hour later, Kyungsoo thought that maybe Luhan did come earlier and received no answer when he knocked on the door so he just went away already. Sighing, Kyungsoo put on his shoes and just decided to go eat somewhere near and confine himself to his cozy Hotel room for the rest of the day, having no clue on what else to do anyway.

While tying his shoelaces though, a knock was heard from his door so he went to see who it was – and it was Luhan, with his hair styled up and dressed in fashionable clothes and Kyungsoo seemed to wonder if the guy was trying to impress someone today.

“Were you waiting all morning?” Luhan asked, and Kyungsoo nodded. “I’m sorry – I kinda woke up late this morning.” He reasoned, scratching the back of his head.

Seeing as Kyungsoo was already dressed, he gestured of going out. “Are you ready to go?”

“Just a sec, let me just tie my shoes.” Kyungsoo replied

A moment later, the two of them head out to the busy streets of China, Luhan touring foreigner Kyungsoo to the nearby tourist spots and eating at a few well known restaurants in the place.

Nighttime came and the duo decided to get takeaway for dinner and lounge in Kyungsoo’s room.

“So I assume you’re not here for a convention or authors or some sorts – just here for a vacation then?” Luhan asks while eating their food.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nodded. “My friends think I needed a break, booked a flight and hotel here, and here I am.”

“And here you are.” Luhan replied, continuing eating his food.

“What about you, then?” Kyungsoo asked, suddenly curious. “You’re not here to retire back to China, are you?”

“No, no, not at all,” Luhan replied, shaking his head quickly. “My band – we’re in the middle of producing an album and our company decided that it would be good if we help in the production by writing a few songs for the album. So, I’m kinda here for an inspiration trip.”

“Nothing in Korea that spikes your interest?” Kyungsoo asked as he was finishing his food

“No – I don’t mean that,” Luhan denied. “It’s just… it’s hard to force inspiration for me.”

“Ah, say no more – I understand you completely.” Kyungsoo replied while fixing up the litter their takeaway left.

.

Separating after those three days was inevitable – my trip was over, I had a job to do, and you had yours too.

.

“So, what’s your dream?” Luhan asked in the middle of their conversation. They were seated at the room’s sofa facing the windows of the hotel, overlooking the view of the city and the night sky.

“I don’t have one,” Kyungso replied. “I don’t like setting up long termed goals. It’s not normal, I know. But I feel like setting up long term goals are so… unreachable.” He explained.

“Well, what’s your current reachable goal then?” Luhan asks, gazing at Kyungsoo’s face.

“I’m writing this book right now,” he replied. “It isn’t done yet – it isn’t even halfway through. But I promised someone,” he faltered in the middle of the sentence. “I promised someone I’d finish it for him – so that’s my goal for now, to finish and publish this book.”

“What about you?” He asked a beat later.

“Well, I’ve fought my entire life to reach this dream of mine,” Luhan replied. “My dream before was to be a well-known singer – but now that I have a band, my dream changed. Now, my dream is for us to be successful in the music industry.” He stopped for a while, eyes shining in wonder. “We’re still a long way from there – but this next album is going to boost us higher.”

“Well, it seems like you’re doing well with that dream of yours,” Kyungsoo commented.

“Thanks,” Luhan replied. “I hope you do well with your goal too.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo replied with a hint of sadness in his voice. “I hope so too.”

“Anyway, enough of that. Is there a person inspiring you lately?” Kyungsoo asked.

“None at all, I’m afraid.” Luhan replies, sitting next to Kyungsoo. “What about you?” He hesitantly asked.

Kyungsoo’s expression dropped into a sad one. “Just one,” he replied, eyes looking outside from the massive glass windows of the room.

“Is he the one you promised the book to?” Luhan asked.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nodded and continued with a defeated voice, “but he’s gone now.”

“Oh,” Luhan replied, confused. “Why... did he leave you?”

“It’s not as if he had a choice, really,” Kyungsoo replied. Luhan sent him a confused look again. “He died because of an accident a year ago,” he supplied, eyes down casted.

Kyungsoo didn’t know what possessed him, but he feels like he could trust Luhan, so he shared his agony to him – he told him about how wonderful Baekhyun is, and how hurtful his death was to him, and hos painful it still is whenever he thinks about him – and Luhan listened.

“I promised him I’d finish the book for him – but then he left. And ever since then, I can never find the will to write again.” He sobs.

“And I know that I should move on – it’s been a year already – but how can I do that when I feel like a part of me was missing too?”

Kyungsoo continued to sob more as Luhan pats his back comfortingly.

Luhan speaks up after a while. “Letting go is always the hard part,” He explained. “Letting go and moving on does not mean you do not love him anymore – or that you’re forgetting him already.”

“Letting go is when you accept that it is done, that there’s nothing you can do anymore. It’s allowing yourself to move forward – to pick up the broken pieces and put yourself back together again.”

Kyungsoo knows those words very well – it’s what Junmyeon, Jongdae and everyone else he’s close with keeps on telling him. But this time, he accepts it. Because when it came from Luhan’s mouth, it sounded as if it was Baekhyun who was talking to him.

Kyungsoo continues to cry – but he tells himself that this is the last time he’ll grieve, for closure.

Luhan stayed with him – comforting him until he stops crying. He tried to brighten up the mood by telling a story of a friend of his – Minseok, if Kyungsoo remembers the name correctly – and his coffee addiction, and how one time, the guy woke him up at four in the morning to go buy coffee because they ran out of it and that he wouldn’t function without it properly.

Kyungsoo laughs, and he started sharing stories of his friends too – and the both of them spent the rest of the night sharing stories of each other’s lives.

Luhan excuses himself when it was nearing midnight, saying that his members were probably worried about him right now – since they were sharing a room in the hotel.

Luhan was going out of the door when Kyungsoo pulls on his arms. “Luhan,” he calls out.

Luhan looks back at him and eyes him.

“Thank you,” he continued. “Not just for those words tonight – but for this whole day in general.”

Luhan flashes him a smile, and he found himself smiling back as well. “You’re welcome.”

.

I wouldn’t be lying if I tell you that I’ve one of the best days with you, and if given the chance to do it again, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

.

The next morning, Kyungsoo found himself at breakfast with Luhan and his bandmates.

It didn’t happen intentionally. Kyungsoo was just up an hour after his usual routine and felt hungry, so he rushes down – hair not styled, donning a loose sweatshirt and sweatpants and a pair of glasses – planning to eat at a nearby café, and coincidentally rode the same elevator with them.

“Oh.” Kyungsoo said the moment he spotted Luhan inside the elevator.

“Good morning to you too,” Luhan chuckled and flashes him a smile. “Going sightseeing?”

“No,” Kyungsoo said after a while. “I’m just heading out for breakfast. I still need to pack some––“

“That’s great!” Luhan cuts him off, too enthusiastic – and Kyungsoo is left confused.

“What’s great?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Join us for breakfast then!”

Us? Kyungsoo asked himself.

The two of them exchanged gazes for a while – Luhan’s hopeful one and Kyungsoo’s confused one – until another man inside the elevator spoke.

“Yah, hyung!” Luhan turned to the guy at his back.

“Aren’t you going to even introduce us to your friend first?!” A tall guy with panda eyes questioned Luhan.

“Yeah, hyung! You totally disregarded us!” Another guy from the back said, tall like the first guy with long ears.

“Oh, right” Luhan said, scratching the back of his head.

Turning to face Kyungsoo again, he started.

“Kyungsoo, I’d like you to meet my bandmates,” Luhan pointed at the guy with Panda eyes who looks at him quite coldly “Tao,” and to the other guy with long ears who is beaming at him “and Chanyeol.”

“So, would you like to join us?” Luhan asks again, and it’s certain in his tone that he’s not accepting a ‘no’ for an answer.

“If they’d like to, then alright, I guess,” Kyungsoo answered, looking at the two tall persons net to him.

“It’s no problem at all, Kyungsoo-shi,” Long ears – I mean – Chanyeol, replied back, and that’s how he found himself in a nearby restaurant with Luhan and his bandmates.

“So, Kyungsoo-sshi,” Chanyeol, started. “What do you do in Korea?”

“He’s a writer, Luhan answers for him.

“Yah hyung! It’s Kyungsoo-hyung that Chanyeolie-hyung asked not you!” Tao retorted at the side, to which Luhan replied by sticking his tongue out.

“Cool! Are you famous? Would you let us read some of your works? Can I know the title?” Chanyeol asked, suddenly too excited, and ranted on about the plot of the recent book he read, forgetting the question he asked a while ago.

“Forgive him,” Luhan says. “He’s such a bookworm.” “Ah, I see,” Kyungsoo replied

Thirty minutes later, Kyungsoo excused himself from the group, saying he needs to go and Luhan accompanies him back to his room.

“I hate to ask you to leave now, but I still need to pack for later,” Kyungsoo says.

“Ah,” Luhan responds. “You’re flight is this afternoon?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“So I guess this is it,” Luhan says, and Kyungsoo is for sure that this is their goodbyes.

“Yeah... I guess this is goodbye,” Kyungsoo replies, looking at Luhan, but he was shaking his head.

“Aniya,” Luhan replies. “Don’t say goodbye – it kills the idea of the possibility of meeting again,” he explained.

“And you’ll never know want the future might bring,” Luhan finishes, smiling at him, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile but.

“Sometimes I wonder who the writer is between the two of us,” he joked, and both of them laughed.

And then suddenly, Luhan is hugging Kyungsoo, and he returned the hug.

“I hope our paths will cross again,” Kyungsoo confesses.

Luhan pulls back, “I believe that if we met once, we’re bound to meet again.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “Sounds like a line from a Korean Melodrama”

“It is,” Luhan says and they laughed together.

“I’ll see you next time, okay?” Luhan asks, walking towards the door.

“Okay.” Kyungsoo replies, and Luhan is out of the door.

Kyungsoo hopes he’ll meet him again.

.

I know I haven’t met you again, but if I do, I just would like to tell you that…

.

Kyungsoo wears a smile whenever he thinks about the beautiful memories made from the past few days. Four days ago, he would’ve strangled Jongdae and Junmyeon for suggesting he go to this trip – but after everything that’s happen, the only thing he wants to do now is to thank them a lot.

Kyungsoo didn’t just get a time out or soul searched in that trip.

He learned to let go in that trip.

And he also found inspiration – in the most unexpected place and moment.

Grabbing a pen from his table, he then started to write.

.

You stuck a bookmark in my heart and walked away.

With much love,

D.O

- x-

To be continued :)

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