LOUVRE HEIST
SYNOPSIS. A Louvre heist? Surely the work of the Crows, although it definitely isn't Kaz's work... CONTENTS. the Crows stealing but what's new?, crack fic, beta read WC. 1.9k AUTHOR'S NOTE. I had to, anyways first post hope you like it :) ps. hope there's a bilingual person out there who reads my fic and gets the french reference lmao
“Come onnnnn,” said Jesper, drawing out the last syllable in a way he knew would annoy Kaz. “Please let me plan our next heist!”
“No. Just leave the planning to me and you can just shoot people, it’s the only thing you can do well besides gambling anyways,” replied Kaz dryly.
Jesper gasped in mock offense, “You know damn well I stopped gambling. Wylan makes sure of it. But it’ll be fun, I swear!”
“No. And that’s final.”
Oh Saints, how did they end up here…
Who knew Jesper could be so convincing? Making Kaz agree to such a request was impressive, Inej had to give him that. But right now, she was definitely regretting what could only be described as a lapse in Kaz’s judgement.
Jesper was now sitting at the head of the table, in Kaz’s spot. He was dressed just like the plan maker down to replica of his cane which he had found Saints know where and his black hat.
“So, Inej, any important information?” Silence was his only answer. “Did I do it right? It’s totally how Kaz talks, right?”
His eagerness only made the Suli sigh. “No. The Louvre is open to the public, you could have just walked in to find out the layout. But I don’t have any information since you insisted on going into this blind.”
“Heh, you’re right. Makes it more fun to guess,” he said with a wink. “Now, onto planning we go.”
He dug out dice from one of the many pockets of his suit and proceeded to throw them onto the table. The first one landed on three, “We’ll dress up as construction workers, andddd,” the second one landed on five, “and go up a ladder!”
He then searched another pocket of his suit, before pulling out a packet of cards and mixing them. He presented them in front of Nina, gesturing her to take one. “Oh, a queen of spades, we’ll take the jewels of the queen!”
His happiness resembled that of a young child, but the rest of the Crows were very much not convinced.
“And lastly,” he continued, dugging out another set of dice from yet another pocket of his suit and throwing them, “nine! We’ll ride away on motorcycles. So what do we think?”
Kaz spoke first, “I thought you said you stopped gambling.”
“Well, Wylan said I should satisfy my gambling needs by gambling on lower stake events,” answered Jesper joyfully.
“Lower stake?”
“Yes, lower stake. Like what the cooks will prepare for lunch, or—”
“My life?” offered Matthias.
Nina laughed, but quickly stopped, realising she was the only one. “Oh, sorry.”
Silence fell once more on the room, everyone hesitating to speak in front of Jesper’s bright smile. They were all waiting for Kaz to speak. Even with Jesper dressed like him, sitting in his spot, and presenting the plan, they all knew Kaz would be the one calling the shots.
The man in question only sighed before giving a small nod. “Fine. We’re leaving tomorrow at dawn. Inej, get us some construction vests. Nina and Matthias, you take care of the ladder and motorcycles.”
“YES! I knew you’d agree,” he said, jumping out of his seat and hopping to where Kaz was sat, seemingly wanting to hug him. A sharp glare stopped him and he redirected towards the door. “I’ll go get my guns!”
The door slammed shut behind him and the remaining Crows looked over to Kaz in shock.
“Demon boy, I swear you better have a back up plan up your sleeves,” grumbled Matthias.
“I have twenty-three.”
“See, this is going great already,” Jesper was over the moon.
But the other Crows only looked at him, not entirely convinced that it was such a good idea.
“Can't this thing go any faster? We'll get caught at this rate,” observed Matthias.
“Don't worry, it'll be fine,” answered Jesper like that would help soothe anyone's worries.
He did his best to stifle his laughter through the silence only interrupted by the beeping of the automatic ladder. He couldn't help it, the situation was just so damn funny.
After what felt like an eternity, the ladder finally arrived on the second floor where the queen’s jewels were exhibited, ready to steal them — as the card had decided.
“Come on, let's go in. After you,” Jesper curtsied, letting Kaz take the lead, as always.
“You're still the one in charge, you better have a good idea to break the glass.”
The silence was loud.
“The glass… right. Um, surely we can just break it.”
Everyone looked over at Jesper who was doing his best to divert the attention of the group. “Oh- waouh- would you look at that… crazy stuff. Haha.”
He went on to walk further into the gallery. “There's so many things to take. Well better get to work, amiright?”
The Crows only blinked at him before Kaz gestured for him to go ahead. “Please, since you want to be the leader so bad, by all means, lead.”
“Well there goes nothing,” Jesper concluded before smashing his hand against the glass, his hand bouncing back comically, not a dent left on the window.
However, he had not accomplished nothing, the commotion had managed to draw the attention of the guards standing off to the side.
“Tout va bien?”
The Crows looked at each other embarrassed, unsure how to proceed. Kaz tightened his grip on his cane and Inej grabbed her daggers, both ready to pounce at the first sign of hostility from the guard.
“Umm, just looking around, we don't speak french though,” said Nina, stepping forward before Kaz or Inej could kill the poor guy.
“Yeah! There were some issues with the alarm, so if you hear some weird noises, it's normal, don't worry,” added Jesper, looking very much not confident.
The guard, although sceptic, did leave them alone with not much more than a raised eyebrow, mumbling something about ‘ces putains de touristes’. The six stealers all let out a breath. Crisis averted.
“That would not have happened if you had let demon boy do what he does best,” grumbled Matthias.
“Oh, you flatter me, Matthias. You've definitely gone soft,” teased back the ‘demon boy’ in question. “Now, Jesper, how exactly do you plan on stealing the jewels if you can't break the glass?”
Jesper was left speechless, stammering to get an answer out. Wylan decided with a sigh that it was time to put him out of his misery. He opened his bag, taking out a bunch of stuff that left the rest of the group confused. “Step aside.”
He placed it near a few of the exhibits before going back to the Crows. “Brace yourself, we need to be quick once this is done.”
They all awaited the explosion that was sure to come, and prepared to run once it had occurred.
“No mourners,” said Jesper quietly.
“No funerals.”
BOOM.
Chaos ensued.
Wylan was packing his equipment, doing his best to not damage any of the tools.
Jesper was off running in every direction trying to collect as many jewels as possible.
Inej tried her best to keep the guards away, reluctant to use her daggers more than necessary.
Matthias was already halfway back onto the ladder, ready to leave with or without the rest of the crew.
Kaz was standing off to the side, sighing dramatically and muttering something about ‘regrets’ and how Jesper was ‘ruining his reputation’.
Meanwhile Nina was thriving on the chaos, very much enjoying the scene unfolding in front of her. “So where do we put those jewels?”
“What do you mean where do we put them? We take them with us,” answered Jesper, confused and slightly out of breath from all the running around he was doing.
“No, I meant a bag, you did take a bag, right?”
Jesper had in fact not taken a bag. He looked to Kaz in hopes that one of his twenty-three backup plans included a bag. But the latter only sighed, “I overestimated you, though I had estimated you very lowly.”
The blaring alarm interrupted their silent debate, as Matthias urged them out, menacing to leave without them or the jewels. The Crows all ran very quickly, Jesper the last, still collecting more and more jewels adding them to the ever-growing pile in his arms.
Just as he was finally reaching the ladder, a crown fell onto the floor. He immediately turned around, seemingly already too attached to what he had just stolen, although his accomplices did not seem convinced by his sense of priority.
Through the chaos and the complaints of the teenagers, Wylan was the only one who had noticed security approaching the scene of the crime. “RUN!”
Jesper looked back at the crown he had unwillingly surrendered, hesitating for just a second, before running towards his friends.
“Goodbye, my dear, you will not be forgotten,” he promised the lone jewel sitting on the floor, making the five others roll their eyes in exasperation.
Once they had all boarded the ladder, Matthias activated it and so began the slow descent. The scene was truly comic and Inej almost expected elevator music to start playing in the background.
But instead of soft music, they suddenly heard shouts from the room they had just left. Guards had apparently found the missing jewels. About time…
They were screaming through the window, and in the sea of chaotic shouts Jesper vaguely recognised something like “Nique sa mère, ils s'échappent!” Insults seemed to be the only French he knew from all his time in Paris. Meanwhile, the six teenagers were getting away. On a construction ladder. Very slowly.
This could surely qualify as the slowest chase in history. They should probably be receiving some kind of award at this point. And so, once they reached the ground, they only had to take the scooters parked in front, to swiftly make their escape. But wait—
“Why are they pink?” deadpanned Kaz. He turned to Nina and Matthias, his gaze piercing.
“It was her idea,” pointed out the latter immediately.
“Way to go, throwing me under the bus,” whispered Nina harshly, before clearing her throat to answer Kaz. “Anyways, we didn’t think we'd actually get to that point of the escape.”
“Fair enough. Not like we have a choice now,” said Kaz, resigning himself to the idea of taking those motorcycles. “Wylan, take Jesper, you'll go first. Matthias and Nina, you go after. Collect any fallen jewels. Inej and I will get rid of any… unwanted company following us.”
And just like that, they managed to swiftly make their escape, Jesper celebrating with a few gun shots in the air. The poor boy didn't even get the chance to shoot at someone or something all day...
But Inej had just one final question, she just had to ask. “Be honest, you had something to do with how well this went.”
Kaz cocked a brow, unable to answer, flabbergasted in a way he hadn't been in a long time, “No, that was all Jesper.”
He looked ahead to where the rest of the group had stopped and joined them carefully. No one had followed them and so, they stripped off the neon yellow vests to discard them in some already overflowing trashcans.
A strange looking man passed them, eyeing the vests with dry amusement only parisians could pull off.
“Ah, vous aussi vous avez rendu les armes? Eh bien, voyons combien de temps ce nouveau ministre tiendra.”
redacted-thought — all rights reserved. do not copy, steal or feed to ai.