#reddking

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Mean Gill Smokes First Cigarette Live on Camera!

Redd King

Infamous supervillain Mean Gill was caught on camera last night entering a Nickelmart and purchasing a pack of cigarettes.

"He came to the counter and asked for a cigarette," says Nickelmart employee Dern, "and he seemed surprised when I asked what brand he wanted. He asked for whatever I recommended, so I just grabbed a random one and rang him up."

After acquiring his cigarettes, Mean Gill took them outside and opened the pack.

"He came back in pretty quick," said Dern. "Said he didn't know you had to buy the lighter separately."

Once he had purchased a lighter, he went back outside and proceeded to light up. Seen here, he began coughing and hacking after inhaling for what is, presumably, the first time.

[IMAGE: Mean Gill seen from behind, on the other side of a window. He is bent over at the waist, coughing.]

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Strange Disease of Unknown Origins Infecting Hundreds

Redd King

According to our source, an anonymous immunologist who works in a medical lab in Allayson, there is a new disease of unknown origin spreading through the city.

This disease seems to affect the body's nervous system and predominant symptoms include shaky hands. "It's an involuntary movement. The nerves in the hands twitch and cause you to lose some of your fine motor skills," our source tells us. "That's the first thing you need to look out for."

Twitchy hands are followed by circulation issues in the hands and feet, which can cause the affected areas to appear blue to dark purple, depending on skin tone.

"Please, if you have any symptoms, go to the hospital straight away," our source urges. "This disease can affect anyone of any background. We don't yet know what causes it or how far it can progress."

Though we don't know the causes, your doctor can provide you with care and tools to alleviate the symptoms. This twitch is worrying; stay safe, Allayson!

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Journalist Eaten by 80-Foot Sea Monster!

Redd King

A terrifying sea monster has made its way into the very heart of Allayson, and one brave journalist has made the decision to risk his life in order to report on it.

The sea monster is described as having gray flesh and knifelike teeth, and a knowing gaze that simply draws you in. The journalist states that he felt pulled toward the sea monster the moment he laid eyes on it, and he couldn't help but come closer.

The sea monster did not eat the journalist immediately; instead, it reached out to the journalist, cupping him in its powerful limbs as gently as one would hold an injured dove. Each felt a certain kinship with the other, as though they had finally found someone who would truly understand them.

Only after they had each come to this conclusion did the sea monster take the journalist into its great maw. It did not bite; it simply savored. The journalist had never felt such a rush of terror and knowledge before that moment!

The sea monster swallowed the journalist down, and the journalist had never known such bliss.

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Amparadox Fathers Child by Bigfoot?!

Redd King

Leader of the renowned Thunder Crew Amparadox has reportedly fathered his first child by none other than the legendary cryptid Bigfoot!

The superhero shocked everyone when he stepped out of his downtown apartment building carrying the infant. The child's parentage cannot be refuted!

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Identity Revealed! Snow Queen is Planetary Star Tootsie Clark?!

Redd King

Snow Queen's true identity is the mystery on everyone's minds lately. GigaGab has successfully found the truth, and we now reveal it to you wonderful readers!

[IMAGE: two pictures side-by-side. The first is a slightly blurry picture of Snow Queen, her face pointed toward the camera. She has pale, blue-tinted skin and light-colored hair with icicles growing from the crown of her head. She smiles with sharp teeth.

The second picture shows a more professional headshot of Tootsie Clark. She has tan skin and golden-blonde hair styled in an updo. She smiles with closed lips at the camera.]

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"Did You Hear That?" Single Angelic Note Heard Throughout Allayson - What Could it Mean?

Redd King

Last Tuesday at precisely 4:37 in the afternoon, all residents of and visitors to Allayson heard what can only be described as a single, beautiful, angelic note sung by some sort of divine being.

No one seems to know why it was sung, or how we all heard it. However, Professor Dervish Hale of the Allayson College of the Supernatural, has a theory: "This was a warning. Humans are growing too powerful. Too curious. As we hunger for knowledge and use our newfound understanding to accomplish more and more, soon there will be nothing more for us to gain but access to divinity itself. The being who made that sound is warning us to slow down, to turn our gazes elsewhere, lest we anger the wrong gods."

Convenience store clerk Tod Pachis has another theory: "A friend of mine came out as bisexual right before we heard it. So I think it had somethin' to do with that."

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"I'm Pregnant — with Cute Guy's Baby!"

Redd King

In an exclusive interview with GigaGab, one brave woman has come forward to confess to a full-blown love affair with Allayson vigilante Cute Guy!

"We met when he saved me from a villain attack," the woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, tells us. "We just had this instant connection, and we started seeing each other immediately."

The affair lasted several months, culminating in the woman becoming pregnant. "I was going to tell him the next time we saw each other," she sobbed, "but he never showed up."

Yes, this poor woman has been abandoned by her lover, that rapscallion Cute Guy!

"I hope that by telling all of this to you, Cute Guy will learn the truth and come back to me. Or at least pay child support."

We reached out to Cute Guy to inform him of his soon-to-be father status. He told GigaGab that there was no possible way that he could be the father! When asked for clarification, Cute Guy refused, taking off and flying away over the city!

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"It's Not a Cult," says Cult Leader

Redd King

The enigmatic head of The Sleep Society, who goes by the moniker of The Light That Guides You To The Perfect Sleep, has been making headlines ever since his secretive society became known to the people.

GigaGab reached out to him recently and received a response! "It's not a cult!" he said when asked about his group, which is clearly a cult. "It is the only true and correct religion in the whole entire world, and if you join and worship me, I will grant you a lifetime of the best sleep you've ever had."

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