When it rains, it pours... and right now I'm building a mother fucking ark. I'm sure people will think I'm being overly dramatic but this #RedRingOfDeath really does feel like the last straw that broke the camel's back. In just so fucking sick of EVERYTHING always going sideways and never feeling like I can get back on track before something else gets derailed. First, my computer is rendered all but useless. The place where I do all of my editing which gives me so much joy and a creative outlet to vent frustrations or social commentaries. Then our car finally dies completely, making it SO MUCH harder to get a job that I would actually enjoy, so now I'm going to be stuck with the retail or restaurant jobs within walking distance of our awful apartment. And now my Xbox, where I watch my movies, where I stream everything, where I play games when the world is just a little too hard and I need an escape. I truly wish my happiness wasn't as reliant on these technologies as it is. But it's through these things that I'm able to connect with ANYONE. I have less than nothing in Oklahoma except for Mom and V, so I use these things as a way to maintain old friendships and not feel so utterly alone - and I'm even fucking that up, making my best friend for the past 10 years absolutely hate me. And now it all, piece by piece, is being stripped away. I'm depressed because I have nothing. I have nothing because I'm depressed. I can't get a job I would actually enjoy because I don't have the necessary equipment. But I can't buy the necessary equipment without a job. Health concerns, debt that I don't know if I'm even going to post this because I know no one wants to hear it. I'm just so fucking tired. #MentalHealth #Rambling