These days are tough. I am having a great depression lately. I have lots of frustrations about this and that!Ā Have you ever felt the feeling of being so down, canāt find motivation to keep going, youāre in the edge of giving up, your faith is shaking? I should not blogging this out, as I plan to let this out when Iām done dealing with this issue but I canāt help it to let it out. So here it goes....
We usually feel happiness is just around us when weāre having fun with friends, having good times with our family, passed our mid terms and final examinations at school, when we get want we want, when we get a decent job and have the chance to earn money and be promoted!
No one wants to be unhappy, all of us desire happiness and success in life but trials will always be a part of life. Life wouldnāt be complete without circumstances. I am having a depress mind set these past few days/weeks... Ā Iām frustrated with a lot of things. School works, workloads, lifestyle problem and etc!!
It all started with one thing. Iām currently enrolled with homeschooling programme to complete my requirements for University and this is my first time to be inĀ home schooled. I already hand out my first assessment in Media, I thought it was good enough but I had a great trouble with my second article. My teacher said my both articles are fine but she keeps demanding for more, which really frustrates me. The slow progress of our communication frustrates me even more! It seems this thing isnāt working out at the moment.Ā Maybe Iām still in the stage of adjustment. Iām still waiting for my teacherās feedbacks. I just need to be patient.
But these frustrations led me to more frustrations. There are tragedies everwhere and we're moving to another house which give me so much stress!
Another thing, Iām 17, I study at home. Iām working five days a week at post office. I have problems that not typical teenagers handle. Iām working in order to help our familyās financial problem. I set aside my own desires for my family. Whereās my teenage life? I miss hanging out with friends, shopping in the mall, going to a proper school. I know that my parents donāt want me and my kuya experience this kind of lifestyle but we canāt do anything because this is our present. I donāt haveĀ any complains in working five days a week because I know itās all worth it but you canāt avoid me to get tired.
I know that Iām not used to this kind of life. I used to get everything I want. I donāt have any issues about school and money. Maybe I just get used to the life where Iām always on top. I am the girl who has no room for failures. On our family, Iām the achiever. In our class, Iām one of the ace students. In my theatre guild, Iām one of the best actresses. But now, Iām a girl who has serious responsibilities. Itās never been easy to live in a foreign country. Maybe this is just the beginning! This is just one of the trials and I know thereās more to come.
Apparently, I'm not okay.Ā IĀ need to build up my strength.Ā I need to hold on and find motivation to keep going! I know someday or hopefully soon, Iāll be okay. The wheel of life will never stop rotating. If before, Iām on the top of the wheel and at the present, Iām down at the bottom for sure in the future Iāll be on top again! Life is always fair. We just canāt noticed it because were too busy dealing with our dramas. Everything happens for a reason. I also realized that even though my life isn't perfect like before, I stil have so much to be thankful for.
My family is safe from the tragedies happening around. I have friends who never leave me behind. Even though I don't go to proper school,Ā the test of life is always up around , to help me learn a lot of things and mostly realizing that God will always be with me.
