#reignthewriter

[imnutaflower]

Whom Gods Destroy

Incandescent with rage, I hurl myself across the room and down in despair.

You may think that this is a crude display of anger but no

Rather, it is a display of madness.

My own arms wrapped around me I begin to hum a calming tune

I whisper “it’s okay” amidst tears

I’ll pick myself back up from this ground I threw myself on

I realize this isn’t tantrum holy enough to touch god.

I see you break and I see you put yourself back together

You have learned no one comes to save you.

— Chika

[imnutaflower]

A happy poem

you remind me of good feelings.

i feel love & i think of you

i feel joy & i think of you

i feel peace & i think of you.

safety, i think of you.

you have inserted yourself into the word love so much so that i cannot experience it in any form without you.

i love you.

i love you with everything that i am & for the first time, it doesn’t hurt me.

it doesn’t hurt me.

—Chika Mormah

[imnutaflower]

i await the day that this love is mutual

when you love me as much as i love you

when you’d want to be with me as much as i want to be with you

when both our hearts skip at the sight of each other.

i love you and i want you to love me too.

i await the day that this love is mutual.

when the idea of reassurance isn’t necessary because i can feel it too.

when there’s no anxiety because our love is not uncertain.

when i don’t think i twice about doing good cus i know i won’t be taken for granted.

i want a love that is sure and fierce, passionate and strong

and i’d rather die alone than settle for anything less.

[imnutaflower]

when i say i love you, i don’t mean you’re mine. i mean i’m yours. i mean i love YOU. i mean i’ll support in all the ways i can. if you need anything, i’ll be here.

a shoulder to lean on ? empathy ? peace ? emotional support? a friend ? a lover ? a confidant ?

i mean, i’ll do anything for you. i mean, i can’t cook but i’d feed you in a heartbeat if you asked me to.

when i say i love you, i mean i’ve been learning how to give massages. i mean i think of you all the time & i want the best for you. i mean you’re perfect. i mean i’ll be honest with you and i’ll look out for you

you make a mistake? i’ll forgive you. you need grace ? space ? a hug ? silence ? just to know that someone cares ? i’m your girl.

& you don’t have to do anything but allow yourself be loved. i mean i don’t know if we’re capable of unconditional love but with you i’m willing to try my very best & it wouldn’t even be an effort, because i love you.

-chi

[imnutaflower]

some poems will remain unfinished till i conquer the demons i want to write about but until then here’s half a piece.

[imnutaflower]

i look in the mirror and i see my father in the reflection

a sound escapes my mouth and i hear my mother’s voice

i have tried and tried to unpack and unburden myself of all of this trauma and yet i still feel heavy

i have come to realize that there is a type of inheritance that we do not reject

the type that makes us into who we are

i cut out a part of me because it reminds me of you but how do i continue to live with myself now that i am no longer whole ?

- Chi

[imnutaflower]

the worst part about breaking is not being broken.

it's that I somehow manage to put myself back together

and every time another piece of me is missing.

there's holes, voids in me now that may never be filled.

— Chi

[imnutaflower]

I want to love without boundaries or borders. The type of love too deep, too passionate, too wide, too high to comprehend. The type of love you don't get on top of, the type you drown in, that leaves prints all over you, stains your skin and doesn't wash off. I do not want any average or mediocre love. Love that doesn't blind but reveals. Love that isn't afraid. Love that Loves. Nothing less.

—r. t. writer