#rekkover

[incorrectlcs]

Smeb, about Rekkles: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!

Reignover: Really? But I already have a drink.

Reignover: Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

[onlypreciousloves]

mitt hjärta (my heart) – pt. 4

Pairing: Martin “Rekkles” Larsson, Kim “Reignover” Yeu-jin

Characters: Kim “Reignover” Yeu-jin; (mentions) Martin “Rekkles” Larsson, Song “Smeb” Kyung-ho, Kim “Deft” Hyuk-kyu, Kayli “TrykE” Wang

~pt.1~ ~pt. 2~ ~pt. 3~

Sitting alone in the dark isn’t really what he needs. But that’s where Yeujin is. Alone.

Spring Split Week 7, 2017

pt. 4 - Morality of Love

March 10, 2017

 Yeujin sat in almost complete darkness at the top of the staircase. Other than the muffled snores of his teammates, the house was dead silent. His eyes stung from the past hour of crying and attempting to explain everything to Kayli through his choking tears. Thankfully the door was closed and no one else in the house had been around to witness his “unmanly” behavior.

 He raised a hand to his eye, rubbing it out of habit. A sudden pang of loneliness hit him in the chest as he remembered how Martin used to stop him from rubbing his eyes back in Germany. Suddenly he felt the urge to cry again, but he had no tears left. This was the most he had missed Martin for as long as he could remember.

 Maybe it was all the stress of having to focus on more than just himself for his new team, or maybe it was the criticism from not being able to live up to the reputation he had built on Fnatic and Immortals, or maybe it was Martin’s sudden text message. Whatever it was, he craved for the younger male’s presence more than ever. So much that it scared him. It couldn’t have been normal to miss someone so much after so long. After all, he had been cruel enough to break off contact; he shouldn’t be allowed crave Martin.

 But he still missed the warmth from his larger body, his gentle touches, his calming deep voice.

 Yeujin felt so stupid. He didn’t have the right to feel like this. It was his fault in the first place that they had stopped talking after he left. He didn’t deserve someone as lovely, kind-hearted, and caring as Martin.

 1:24 AM.

 Yeujin stared at the dimly lit screen of his phone. It’s only been ten minutes since he stepped out of his room, leaving Kayli sound asleep by herself on his bed. Despite being on the lowest brightness setting, the screen still hurt his eyes when he unlocked his phone. Enduring through the burning sensation in his eyes, he continued to stare at the blinding screen, reading the same four words over and over.

 ‘We need to talk.’

 It’s been two years. What could they possibly need to talk about? What could have possibly convinced Martin that Yeujin, who had unintentionally abandoned him, was worth his time and effort to try to get a hold of after refusing to talk to him for nearly two years? It’s been a little over a year since Martin gave up on trying to get a response out of Yeujin, so why now?

 During the Spring Split of 2016, Yeujin received text messages, and even calls sometimes, at least once a day, pleading him to answer. Martin wanted a reason. Nearing the end of the Split, he gave up on trying to get a reason and started sending messages just to get Yeujin to talk back. Yet, for some reason, Yeujin didn’t want to give him the chance. And eventually, around the end of the Summer Split that year, Martin gave up. No more messages, no more calls, nothing.

 As the messages and calls became less frequent, Yeujin found himself wanting an excuse to call him. But after ignoring all of the Swedish AD Carry’s attempts at contacting him, Yeujin knew he had no right to call. He had probably broken the beautiful Swede’s heart by completely breaking off contact. He knew his actions sent a message he hadn’t really intended: “you never meant anything to me. It’s not like we were ‘official’ or anything.”

 Sure, he didn’t know what he felt for Martin. Whether it was love, or lust. Not that it mattered. Martin meant something to him. Martin wasn’t a nobody, he wasn’t a mere acquaintance, or just a teammate. And Yeujin had betrayed him. Love or not, his refusal to talk and his sudden departure was definitely betrayal no matter how he looked at it.

 He knew how afraid Martin was of betrayal. He remembered the stories of Martin’ childhood that conditioned him to fear betrayal more than what others might deem “normal.” Yet he still did it. Why?

 I’m just a fucking little piece of ungrateful shit, that’s why.

 He knew no number of apologies could make up for his actions, so he didn’t bother returning the other boy’s calls many months too late. Now Yeujin was stuck here, staring at the screen until it turned black. A tired sigh fell from his lips as he leaned back until he was lying on the floor and staring up at the darkened ceiling.

 Now that he looked back on it, his reasons for ignoring Martin were ridiculously stupid. First, it had been out of spite towards Fnatic for not accepting his proposed contract terms which he had thought were quite reasonable in light of all he had done for the organization. ‘Rekkles’ represented all that Fnatic was in his mind. He was the organization’s League of Legends poster boy.

 He quickly realized how childish that was for a reason. Seunghoon probably helped him realize that since he continually pestered him about picking up the calls or answering one of the text messages. The young Top laner probably had no idea why his Jungler so adamantly refused to accept their former AD Carry’s calls, but he often vocally expressed how he felt about it.

 You’re being ridiculous, hyeong. Pick up the goddamn call. He just wants to talk.

 ROX Tigers, AD Kill, and Immortals didn’t attend IEM Katowice in 2016, giving the four best friends a much appreciated vacation. Yeujin, Kayli, and Seunghoon had all flown home to Korea to visit their families despite the break being so short. Since Fnatic had gone to compete, Martin had become busier and his texts became less frequent. Although there were less messages, it didn’t escape ‘Huni’ when his hyeong ignored the messages during the time he spent in Korea. When these things didn’t escape Seunghoon’s attention, Yeujin would get pestered. One of the biggest things in common they have is their stubbornness. Yeujin wouldn’t budge on his position. He had decided not to pick up any calls or answer any text messages from Martin and he had continued to stand by that decision no matter what anyone else did or said. On the other hand, the younger Top laner would push him around, toss some not so respectful words at his hyeong, all in hopes that at some point the Jungler would break and just pick up the call. Despite all of Seunghoon’s attempts, Yeujin had been impossible to break.

 Since ROX still held practices, Kyungho had invited his three friends over to the gaming house to hang out. While Kayli became preoccupied with ROX’s baby tiger in the Jungle, Yeujin became distracted by Kyungho’s unusual close behavior when he stayed there.

 Sometimes the team would gather around to watch a movie at some obscure hour with their new friends, and under the cloak of darkness Kyungho would grab his hand and play with his soft fingers while leaning his entire body against him. When he spoke, he would lean real close to tease him – so close that Yeujin could feel the Top laner’s breath against his lips or the shell of his ear.

 The night before the three NA players flew back to their teams, something had happened. What exactly Yeujin wasn’t sure since he had been drunk out of his mind that night. However, the relationship between him and Kyungho suddenly felt very different and he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. He hated how hazy his memory would get whenever he drank too much.

 “Hazy” was an understatement. Yeujin forgot pretty much everything whenever he drank a little more than he could hold.

 His spiteful attitude for not answering Martin became fear for falling even deeper for the charming AD Carry. Fear for rekindling a fire he was trying his damnedest to extinguish, thinking the relationship – whatever it had been – couldn’t to last. Kyungho had finally given him the sort of attention he desperately craved, but deep down he knew Martin had always given it to him without asking for anything in return.

 Martin was obviously more endearing than Kyungho, and he had no intentions of messing with Yeujin, or confusing him with unusual behavior.

 Except, that was exactly why.

 Martin was perfect.

 Everything Yeujin could’ve asked for, and everything he didn’t deserve.

 So the Jungler continued to avoid him, this time out of fear of loving him. He knew he loved Kyungho – hell, he’s known that since his time on Incredible Miracle – but he also knew he held something just as deep for Martin. Loving more than one person wasn’t moral. According to his culture, loving a man such as himself wasn’t “moral.” But as he spent more time away from home, in Europe and the United States, he discovered that it wasn’t immoral. Loving who you love shouldn’t be subject to judgement by society. Yet, even when if he could love whoever he wanted – man or woman – he knew loving more than one person couldn’t be moral.

 Or rather, even if it was, it couldn’t have been socially acceptable – in Korea, in Europe, in America, or anywhere really…

 …at least, that was what he thought until Kyungho approached him with the proposal to open their relationship to include ‘Deft.’ Kyungho promised that he loved them both equally. He also mentioned that Hyukkyu was willing to learn to love Yeujin just as he loved Kyungho. Each one of them could lean onto each other for support, for comforting talks, or just for simply showing love and affection. For Yeujin it would have to be through words more so than actions since he was an entire ocean away, but what Yeujin couldn’t do, Kyungho noted that Hyukkyu could make up for. He had meant physical comfort and affections, but it wasn’t how Yeujin heard it.

 He had panicked when Kyungho first proposed this new relationship. He couldn’t think of any reason for Kyungho to fall in love with another other than because he was too far away to satisfy the older’s sexual desires. Too far away to reaffirm their love for each other. He couldn’t help but think that he should’ve just returned to Korea, even if his only option in the professional scene was to be a substitute Jungler, or even just playing in the Challengers Series. At least then, even if he wasn’t doing exactly what he wanted, he would’ve been able to confirm that Kyungho actually loved him.

 So, he had been angry when Kyungho first brought up the idea. Mostly towards himself for not returning to Korea, just as Seunghoon had. Yet, also mixed with fear. Yeujin’s fears from back when they were on Incredible Miracle, the fear of Kyungho loving Seohaeng, had come true. But rather than Kyungho loving his Mid laner, Kyungho loved his AD Carry.

 If Kyungho had enough love in his heart to give to someone else, shouldn’t he focus all his attention on that someone else? Didn’t that mean he had fallen out of love for Yeujin? Didn’t that mean Yeujin just wasn’t enough?

 When Yeujin gave up on trying to get Kyungho’s love after he left Korea, he had made a conscious decision to try to “fall out of love” for the Top laner. Not even a few months had passed since his heartbreak over his simple crush when Martin strolled into his life and stole his heart. Sure, there was a small part of him that clung onto the lovely thought of Kyungho, but Yeujin had given his attention and his love to Martin once he let the younger boy into his heart. If he gave up one to love the other, why didn’t Kyungho do that? It wasn’t fair to him or Hyukkyu to only get half of Kyungho’s love. At least in Yeujin’s opinion it wasn’t.

 It’s been almost three months since they had last talked about exploring a polyamorous relationship. When Yeujin asked for some space, the Top laner had reluctantly gave it to him. At least, he hoped it was reluctant. Kyungho didn’t argue with him more, didn’t beg for him to just try, didn’t plead with him to not walk away. The fact that he wasn’t held onto more tightly hurt. He wanted the Top laner to show that he truly cared for him, truly loved him. But he didn’t do any of those things. Kyungho had just let Yeujin turn his back on him.

 I fucking love you, Kyungho. Why won’t you just tell me I matter?

 Yes, Yeujin knew he had asked him to give him space, but he desperately wanted Kyungho. He wanted him to tell him to stay, that he would give him anything he wanted because he loved him, too. He knew his words made no sense and that they expressed the exact opposite of what he truly wanted from Kyungho, but he had been too insecure to say what exactly was on his mind or what exactly he wanted.

 Now Yeujin was afraid to confront him again. It’s been three months. Probably three happy months for Kyungho who had spent it with Hyukkyu right there with him in Seoul. Right there in the same gaming house.

 Yeujin knew having the one you love right there by your side 24 hours, 7 days a week, could make anyone feel remarkably happy. He knew because that was how he felt with Martin by his side in the Summer of 2015 in Fnatic’s gaming house. Close enough to touch, close enough to kiss, close enough to love.

 He knew a long distance was going to be at least a little difficult, but he hadn’t expected Kyungho to tell him that he also loved someone else just as much as he loved him a few months into their established relationship. The fact that that someone else lived in the same house as Kyungho made Yeujin feel even worse. He was obviously not enough for the Top laner if that was the case.

 If Kyungho had been dating him when he left for Germany, if Yeujin had one day just told him that he loved Martin as much as he loved him, he was sure that Kyungho would have probably felt the same way he felt right now. Like a bad boyfriend, for not being able to provide Kyungho the affections he desired with the ocean between them, and for simply just not being enough for him.

 He knew he had a bad habit of overthinking. It was because of said bad habit that he had tossed Martin aside without any valid reasons.

 There was no doubt that Yeujin hated himself for it.

 Maybe, if he hadn’t been so hung up over Kyungho, he could’ve happily been with Martin right now. Without any worries, without any drama. Sure, it would’ve also been a long distance relationship, but it would’ve been one that he could trust. One where he knew Martin’s feelings were true.

 After Kyungho approached him about including Hyukkyu, to say that he doubted the Top laner’s love would be an understatement.

 Yeujin rolled over to his side for a second, but then shifted onto his back again when it quickly became uncomfortable. He turned the screen on, leaving the phone locked so that he could stare at the photo on the lock screen. He had made it two different pictures: the top one was of him and Kayli as elementary students, an ice cream bar in hand for both of them. Young Kayli was smiling widely as she tried to feed a reluctant Yeujin her cold treat. Underneath the first was a picture of the two of them, posing in a similar manner, from two years ago.

 Martin had taken the second picture for them. In fact, it had been his idea to do a remake of that picture when Kayli came to visit over the summer. It had been midway through the summer split and Kayli had convinced her parents to let her visit Yeujin in Germany during her summer break from university. A couple days before her arrival, Yeujin remembered flipping through an old photobook of pictures taken of Kayli and him. He had curled up under the covers of Martin’s bed with only the warm lights of a bedside lamp.

 The Swedish AD Carry noted several times that that one was his favorite out of all the extremely cute pictures. Yeujin vehemently disagreed because of the tacky bright orange and blue-stripped t-shirt he was wearing and the ridiculous bowl-cut and bangs he sported.

 “It’s adorable. What’s there not to like? … fine, I guess I am a little biased…”

 He could vividly remember the smile, the laugh, and the amused roll of Martin’s eyes as he attempted to convince him that the picture was horrible.

 As he let the memory fade back into the depths of his mind, Yeujin focused his eyes back on his phone to see his thumb hovering over Martin’s phone number.

 You’re such a cruel person, Yeujin. How could you call him now after so long? He’s probably moved on by now. Besides, if you were him wouldn’t you hate yourself, too?

 He wanted to scream at himself, but a voice in the back of his mind constantly reminded him that it was nearly 2AM and everyone else was fast asleep in the house. His fingers squeezed his phone tightly, as he lifted his arms up to bury his face in them. Ignoring the discomfort, he curled up into a ball, wanting to cry but failing to, while internally screaming until his imaginary throat hurt.

 Stupid. Stupid…So fucking stupid…

 An hour or so ago, he had laid under thin bedsheets wrapped in Kayli’s thin arms as she tried to comfort him. Her soft whispers and steady heartbeat had coaxed him into spilling all his thoughts. Once he’d finished, she gave him her opinion. Spoken with a gentle, soothing voice full of nothing but love and support.

 “Normally, I’d be extremely supportive of you to call him and mend things, but did you see him on Twitter after Fnatic’s match against Unicorns?”

 Kayli had stopped him from impulsively calling the Swedish player in the midst of tears and extreme frustration. He hadn’t realized how suffocating his self-hate and regret was until he had finished explaining everything to her.

 “Even if he texted you earlier and wanted to talk then, are you sure you’ll be telling him the things he wants to hear? Fnatic’s loss broke him, Jin. He’s not okay. He’s not in the right mind to talk anything out with you. Think, Jin. Think. I know he meant – means – a lot to you, but after two years? You’re suddenly popping in from nowhere. I know for a solid fact that you’re strong, but today’s loss I’m sure was more straining, right?”

 He had given her a slow nod when he realized how right she was.

 “See. You should sleep it over first. In the morning, you can send him a text to make sure he still wants to talk, m’kay?”

 He had conceded, knowing full well that everything she said was true. Because, what right did he have to storm back into ‘Rekkles’s life? Whether it was real frustrating at the moment or not.

 Yet, right here, at this moment, Yeujin couldn’t think of doing anything other than hitting the call button and hearing Martin’s voice. He could just listen and not speak, then he wouldn’t say anything Martin didn’t want to hear, right? Yeujin could just hear his voice in his mind. Deep and comforting as always.

 “Hello.”

 He must’ve been overthinking again, why else would Martin’s voice be so clear in his mind? It’s been two years. Surely it would’ve distorted his memory and Martin’s voice could’ve changed.

 “Hello…?”

 That beautiful, soothing voice. It did sound a bit more hoarse than he remembered. Maybe it was just his imagination and all that thinking deeply about the entire team and rewatching VODs over and over again was finally messing with his memory.

 His own mind sure was evil to play himself like that.

 “Yeujin…?”

 Yeujin furrowed his eyebrows when he heard his name with that soft tang of a Swedish accent. He missed hearing his name rolling off of Martin’s tongue so naturally.

 Wait.

 His eyes snapped open in realization when he pulled his arms away from his face and stared at his cellphone screen. His heart stopped in terror when he saw that he hadn’t been imagining anything and that he had accidentally hit Martin’s number when he clenched his fingers tightly around his unlocked phone. Just as quickly as he felt it stop, his heart was suddenly pounding violently against his ribcage as if trying to escape his panicking body.

 “Are you oka – there?”

 The flustered Jungler brought the phone to his ear, unsure of what to say. He couldn’t think of anything coherent to say and his tongue decided to trip over some English words. “I…I…uhh…”

 Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Come on, Yeujin. Don’t be such an idiot.

 “Hi,” he finally managed to stutter out with a racing heart and nervously shaking limbs. “Hi…Martin.”

~pt. 5~

A/N: Sorry to keep those of you patiently waiting so long ;;~;; I’m so afraid I might let you guys down with my writing if I don’t have all my ideas thought out - or even if they’re thought out and just not good >~<  Once again, thanks to @aeonwing this sweetheart ♡ forever reliable beta Please tell me your thoughts ^~^

[incorrectlcs]

Rekkles: Reignover, you're like an angel with no wings.

Reignover: So like a person.

[onlypreciousloves]

mitt hjärta (my heart) – pt. 2

Kim “Reignover” Yeujin, Martin “Rekkles” Larsson

~pt. 1~

The morning after a devastating loss, Yeujin is lost, but finds himself again. All because Martin is the beautiful soul that he is. 

pt. 2 - lost but with you

October 26, 2015

 The morning sunlight peeking over the rooftops of Brussels effortlessly slipped through the hotel window. The young Swede squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to get up, despite the blinding sunlight. He didn’t want to face yet another morning knowing he had failed to secure Worlds for Fnatic. They had been so close.

 He wasn’t happy about having to play against Hyukkyu so early in the tournament. Yet, being 3-0’d by KOO Tigers felt even worse. He felt like he had failed not only his teammates, but also his fellow AD Carry whom he had promised that he would win Worlds for the both of them.

 Sure, they were words, but they weren’t just words. There was a certain validity and promise in them that made it matter more to him. Call it cliché, but perhaps that was just simply how he was as a hopeful 19-year-old professional gamer.

 The young AD Carry tightened his arms around the boy snuggled up tightly against his chest. The regret from not closing the blinds the night before quickly disappeared when his eyes fluttered open and was met with the lovely sleeping face of his Jungler. Even with the faint streaks of dried tears on his cheeks and a disheveled mess of red hair for a fiery halo, Martin couldn’t help but think how beautiful he still looked.

 He wasn’t really thinking when he pulled back a little, using the backs of his fingers to gently rub the marks on the older boy’s cheeks. It was as easy – as necessary – as breathing to prove to himself that Yeujin really existed. Although his heart was still heavy with defeat, just being in the presence of his teammate made the weight on his shoulders feel just a little lighter.

 Tracing the pad of his index finger along Yeujin’s soft features, he couldn’t help but smile the longer he stared. The soft breaths that tickled his sensitive neck made Martin’s heart flutter as he stared at Yeujin’s small, parted lips. Before he could catch himself, the young AD Carry had closed the space between them and pressed his thin lips against Fnatic’s sleeping beauty.

 In a matter of seconds, he could feel the Korean’s lips move – albeit rather slowly – against his. The young Swede couldn’t help his smile as he peeked at the other boy underneath his eyelids. Yeujin had his eyes closed, but it didn’t take Martin much effort to realize that his innocent, little kiss had woken up his princess.

 “Morning,” Martin managed to say once they pulled away from each other, effectively leaving them both breathless. That trademark smile of his was painted on his lips when Yeujin’s eyes fluttered open. The Jungler gently rubbed his eyes with his knuckle, a smile finding a home on his lips when a hand reached out to stop him from rubbing them. “That’s bad for your eyes.”

 “Such a mom,” he joked quietly as he let his AD Carry pull his hand away from his face. “Sleep alright?”

 The Swede subtly shrugged his shoulders as he ducked down and buried his face in the crook of his teammate’s neck. With a deep breath, he relished the warmth and naturally sweet scent that was Yeujin. Something about the Jungler’s presence made him feel relieved. As if nothing mattered anymore. Martin hadn’t felt happier since his return to Fnatic. Sure, the roster was almost entirely different, but Fabian, Seunghoon, and Yeujin only added more to the house. He was no longer the kid in the Fnatic family.

 Or so he would like to believe, but he was still one of the kids age-wise. That didn’t stop him from feeling the need to act as an older brother with his past experiences in Fnatic.

 Similar to how Martin felt a certain comfort in Yeujin’s presence, the young Korean Jungler found a sense of home around the AD Carry. Perhaps it was the way the Swedish boy held himself… or his scent… maybe his warmth…or just his whole being entirely.

 Yeujin let his eyes gently fall shut as he ran his fingers through Martin’s pale, golden hair. He released a soft hum of contentment as he reveled in its smoothness.  

 “You need a haircut…” Yeujin mumbled with his face in the nest of golden locks. The words fell from his lips before he could even gather them up into a concrete thought. He subconsciously thanked his family for making him fluent in English at a young age.

 Yeujin loved how he could speak without thinking in Martin’s presence. Some aura about the young Swede just naturally comforted him. Yeujin wondered whether the other boy was even aware of the effect he had on him.

 A deep chuckle vibrated against the crook of his neck as the AD Carry shifted a little. A casual smirk danced on the corner of his lips, hidden away in Yeujin’s collarbone. “What? I just cut my hair like a month ago.”

 “Yeah,” Yeujin interrupted himself with a yawn. “But it’s long again.”

 Martin moved his head to peek up at the Jungler, and a small frown formed on his pale lips when he caught the older boy in his habit of rubbing his eyes. In a few moments, the young Swede wrestled his fingers from his eyes and – rather excessively – had Yeujin’s thin arms pinned beside his head.

 “Stop, it’s bad for you – your eyes.”

 A pang of guilt shot through Yeujin’s body from the center of his chest when he looked up into the bright and clear ash irises of his … lover? Admirer? Boyfriend? None of those labels seemed to fit, seeing as they’ve never set anything in words.

 They weren’t in any relationship, at least not any romantically labeled ones.

 They weren’t boyfriends. That would’ve made things overly complicated.

 Yet, they were definitely more than just teammates. More than just friends, but friends with benefits didn’t do their relationship any bit of justice.

 Neither of them have ever explicitly spoken their affections. Martin never brought it up, so Yeujin didn’t pay it much thought. Nor did he think it to be of any importance. Besides, what they had was already very comfortable to him and he never thought that anything needed to change. Until he spent the night before in Kyungho’s hotel room…

 Martin caught the flash of guilt across his eyes, but mistook it for physical pain. “Sorry, did I hurt your wrist?” he asked softly while gingerly pulling the hand on Yeujin’s right wrist away.

 “No, I’m fine.” Yeujin attempted to hide his guilt with a smile that failed to reach his eyes. He held back a sigh of relief when it seemed like the other had bought into his façade. Martin leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the injured joint, looking like the golden-haired angel everyone knew he was.

 When he pulled back up so that he was hovering over the Jungler, Martin laced his left hand’s fingers with Yeujin’s right. The sweet and pure smile the Swede gave made the Korean’s heart flutter in joy, yet also clench painfully in guilt.

 He felt – no, he knew – that he didn’t deserve any of this. Any of Martin’s precious love. In stark comparison, Yeujin was such a flawed character. Martin had everything together in his life. He knew what he wanted. He treasured his relationships with his family and all the other players in the EU scene. He freely expressed his affections towards Yeujin no matter the time and place. Yeujin was almost the complete opposite. He didn’t know what he wanted, he could barely tell the difference between simple, sexual attraction and shameless, honest love. He’s lost more meaningful relationships than he’s kept. He’s always too wary of other opinions outside of the house to entirely reciprocate Martin’s heartwarming affections. Perhaps it was the cultural environment he grew up in, which had condemned romantic behaviors between two males. It wasn’t a good excuse to Yeujin, though. No excuse could justify his right to be loved by the wholesome Swedish boy. In his eyes, Yeujin was too broken, too messy of a person for wonderful, little Martin.

 And now, Yeujin knew for a solid fact that he didn’t have any right to accept Martin’s affections. It was simple. He didn’t deserve it, because he couldn’t accept it whole-heartedly. His lingering feelings for Kyungho dug its malicious claws into his heart, refusing to let go and let him accept the knowledge that the Korean Top laner didn’t love him the same way. They refused to let him move on and happily enjoy his time with Martin before he needed to return to Korea for his mandatory military service. He couldn’t just take Martin’s love without giving anything in return. That wouldn’t be fair to him.

 The night before their match against the KOO Tigers, Kyungho invited him over to his room to catch up since they hadn’t gotten to talk much after his move from South Korea to Germany. The first few months after Yeujin joined Fnatic, he let the distance between them grow without realizing it. He had constantly worried about fitting in and making sure to pull his weight – to live up to the name that came with Fnatic. Thankfully, his English hadn’t been an issue, but that was only one less thing to worry about. He often stressed over having good gameplay and good publicity, all while striving to prove to the worldwide community that ‘Reignover’ wasn’t “Game Over.” As a result, he rarely called home, much less his old teammates on Incredible Miracle. If Kayli didn’t schedule in a Skype call every two weeks he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to hold himself together as well as he did. Not that that had been any good in reality.

  With all his worries also came the sense of betrayal he felt when looking at Kyungho’s Kakao Story, which consisted of many pictures of him and Seohaeng. It wasn’t like they had ever dated. It wasn’t like Kyungho was attracted to him – another boy, mind you – as much as Yeujin had felt “sinfully” attracted to him. The only one he had ever dared to tell of his preferences – which were looked down upon by his country’s culture – was Kayli, who had pleasantly surprised him with being so accepting.

 Facts aside, Yeujin knew he had no right to feel the way he felt when he saw those snapshots of Kyungho’s daily life. It took him until almost the end of the Spring Split for Yeujin to decide not to let Kyungho – or rather, the thought of Kyungho – hold him back from living his life to the fullest and enjoying Europe as is.

 Martin in his sweet, thoughtful, and well-intended existence just so happened to stroll into his life. As much as he tried to resist and keep the promise to himself not to fall down the same path he had with Incredible Miracle’s Top laner, something within him kept insisting that the Swedish AD Carry would be different.

 Perhaps it was the way the young boy held himself with a nice balance between confidence and modesty. It could’ve been how naturally Martin touched him, as if simply playing with his hair was nothing more than an expression of close friendship. Maybe it was that beautiful smile that matched his sparkling, ash-blue eyes. Or potentially the kindness with which he showed Yeujin – knowing his boundaries with teasing the Jungler and respecting him when he expressed his opinions, unlike a certain Korean boy who shot down everything he offered with a smug smirk.

What he believed to be a passing crush hasn’t disappeared, even to this day.

 There should’ve been no surprise that when he paid Kyungho a visit and found a spark that relit his affections for the jokester of a Top laner, he found himself confused and conflicted.

 Yes, they had never established anything, but with all the affections Martin had showed him, they may as well have told everyone they were dating. Yeujin didn’t need them to explicitly state anything for him to feel as though he had cheated on the younger now.

 It wasn’t even because he had shared anything with Kyungho. No kisses. No affectionate touches. Not even a friendly hug when he left the hotel room. Yet, just knowing those feelings were resurfacing made him feel as though he were betraying his AD Carry and all his well-intended feelings.

 Don’t get him wrong, Yeujin knew he felt something strong towards Martin, be it love, sexual attraction, or perhaps both. Each time they shared a kiss – chaste or wanton – his heart would thump excitedly against his chest. Each time Martin embraced him in his arms, his heart would run a marathon before he could hold it back. Each time Martin played with his fiery hair or his lithe fingers, he would feel a certain giddiness that made him barely able to speak coherent sentences in either English or Korean.

 “Are you sure you’re alright…?” his eyes caught the worry in the young Swede’s bluish-grey irises. His light-colored eyebrows furrowed in concern when he stared deeply into Yeujin’s darker-colored eyes.

 The worry Martin expressed over him, and the fact that he even caught the discomfort in the first place, made Yeujin feel unreasonably happy. It showed that Martin cared. Sure, that fact was blatantly obvious, but having the confirmation was reassuring to Yeujin. Whether he deserved it or not, knowing someone in the world – other than his mother and siblings – cared deeply for his well-being filled his heart with warmth.

 Yeujin gave the boy a rather sad smile as he raised a hand to gently caress his pale cheek. “Yeah. I’m…fine,” he breathed quietly, trying to make his lie convincing while he craned his neck to plant a playful kiss on the AD Carry’s nose. His half-hearted effort never managed to slip past the younger’s observant nature.

 He brought it upon himself. Yeujin should’ve known he wouldn’t be convincing enough with such effort.

 The young Korean couldn’t hold back the whine in his throat when Martin slowly sat up and a rush of cold air swept across his body. The only thing guarding him from the chill of the hotel room had been Martin’s warm body.

 “What’s wrong?”

 No, no, no…

 Confrontation.

 There wasn’t very much he hated more than confrontation.

 “Nothing…”

 “It’s not nothing,” Martin’s playful smile was gone, replaced by an expression of unhappy concern. Yeujin caught the plea in his eyes and he could feel his own heart break at the sight. He shook his head. He didn’t want to risk hurting the younger boy anymore by mentioning the Top laner of the team they had lost to last night. He shook his head a second time, as if to rid his mind of any such thoughts. The AD Carry seemed to read it as his refusal to reveal what was wrong, so he took a guess. “Was it…is it about last night?”

 Yeujin flinched at the mention. Martin guessed that he reacted in such a manner because of what he also felt: the pain of losing 3-0 after a successful season and on their home field.

 Although that may have been part of it, it was more of how loud the words had sounded in the eerie silence of the hotel room that made Yeujin flinch.

 Before the Korean could even muster up a coherent sentence to explain his thoughts, Martin continued: “It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault, so please don’t…don’t try to bear the burden yourself. We’re a team. As a team, we know how to, and will, grow. You saw us this summer.”

 With one hand, Martin reached over to lace his fingers with Yeujin’s again, giving his smaller hand a firm squeeze. He knew that Martin’s words were nothing but the truth, but he could only nod to acknowledge that he was listening. That he understood.

 “We’re strong. All of us. Sure, we were beat by KOO this time,” he choked on his words as tears threatened to fall. Yeujin gave a gentle squeeze to Martin’s hand. The feeling they had had on the stage right after the semi-finals had returned – not quite as strong, but it was still powerful enough to put both boys on the brink of tears. The Jungler wanted to comfort the younger boy, but it was already tough enough for himself to come to terms with what he was saying. Yeujin settled for tightening his fingers around Martin’s. “We’ll practice so hard when we get back after break. We’ll practice and we’ll beat everyone. We’ll show…we’ll show them that Fnatic isn’t dead. We’re still strong. We’ll get stronger and we’ll beat them next year. We’re not done.”

 Midway through his little speech, a stray tear escaped from his eyes and trailed down his cheek. If Yeujin’s heart had cracked from the painful pressure of his earlier thoughts, it completely shattered while Martin spoke. He raised a hand to the back of the younger boy’s neck, pulling him closer until their foreheads were pressed together. He hadn’t realized how cold his hand was until he had it pressed against the warmth of Martin’s neck.

 It felt…comforting.

 The warmth spread from his palm to the rest of his limbs. Yeujin closed his eyes as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against the other boy’s watery eyes. The tears were salty to the taste, but the frustration he felt towards his thoughts of Kyungho had nearly disappeared, replaced by a heavy sense of bitterness.

 Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing except his desire to comfort Martin. To tell him that he was right, that they would return as an even stronger team than before. Everything else disappeared around him as his fingers tightened around Martin’s, a grip that seemed like he was holding on for dear life. Yeujin closed the space between them and bittersweetly pressed his salty lips to the younger’s. The taste of tears swirled between their tongues as he made sure the kiss was gentle and at least somewhat comforting. Scratch that, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to convey in the kiss, but he let his mind and body run free on his emotions.

 What they were, he wasn’t sure.

 But, it didn’t matter.

 Watching as Martin attempted to comfort him and broke down himself made Yeujin realized what it was that he felt.

 I love him.

 There was no more doubt left. It didn’t matter that Kyungho was part of him before, or even still was a small part of him.

 Martin was here in front of him. Right now.

 Martin has been here with him.

 Martin cared, and he knew that Yeujin cared.

 He hated that it took this long for him to realize this, with tears running down their cheeks and their lips locked. He didn’t need anyone else. Martin understood him, and he still wanted him with all his small – and not so small – faults.

 Martin was the first to pull away, despite Yeujin’s lungs burning for air. No words needed to be exchanged as they comfortably listened to each other’s heavy breaths, sitting in the bed with nothing else but their tears and thoughts to bother them. No words would suffice for what they felt.

 But they said it anyways.

 “I love you.”

 An amused smile found itself a home on Yeujin’s lips when he realized they had said it at the same time. No context was needed, or rather it didn’t need to match the context. Those three words could mean nothing to someone else, but between them it meant more than just their affections.

 I love you.

 It meant everything. Their dedication, their trust, and a promise.  

~pt. 3~

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter~ I hadn't really expected to give it so many chapters at first, but it's happening(?).

Thank you so much to @aeonwing for being my reliable beta <3 I'm sure it was a pain re-reading so many times ;;~;; but it would be like this without you.

[onlypreciousloves]

mitt hjärta (my heart) – pt. 3

Pairing: Martin “Rekkles” Larsson, Kim “Reignover” Yeu-jin

Characters: Martin “Rekkles” Larsson, Rasmus “Caps” Winther, Nicholas “NicoThePico” Korsgård, Axelle “Frøstbytë” Ciller, Bora “YellOwStaR” Kim, Fabian “Febiven” Diepstraten

~pt.1~ ~pt. 2~

That oh-so-fateful text message and those dreadful losses.

Spring Split Week 7, 2017

pt. 3 - Abandoned

March 10, 2017

A promise that wasn’t kept.

 Martin hadn’t realized that that would be the last time he’d ever share a bed with Yeujin. The last time he’d see him face to face. The last time he’d kiss him. The last time he’d be close enough to touch.

 Imagine someone you shared countless intimate moments with every day disappearing without a word. Without saying goodbye or farewell.

 That was exactly what Yeujin had done.

 Martin felt as though he meant nothing to Yeujin. He had kept him in the dark on his decision before moving to North America. Martin couldn’t help but wonder: was he not good enough for him? After all the moments they shared, after the heavy defeat they felt during the end of the season, why had Yeujin wanted to leave him when they needed each other the most? He didn’t understand, not even in the slightest bit.

 At least, Bora had asked for his opinion on signing with Team SoloMid for Spring 2016. He even explained that he had wanted to get a change of scenery. Martin knew that it wasn’t hard to bring up. Additionally, he knew it wouldn’t be goodbye forever. Sure, they were teammates and he’d lose his most trusted Support, but he knew Bora would still call. He had also promised that he would return to Europe.

 Unlike Bora, Yeujin just completely cut off contact, making Martin feel abandoned.

 Was it so hard to just tell him? To just mention it?

 He didn’t even mind that Yeujin hadn’t asked for his opinion like Bora had. It wasn’t the fact that he left that hurt. It was the fact that he hadn’t been told personally about his decision to leave. Hearing about the decision from the organization and from Yeujin himself were two entirely different things.

 It wasn’t like Martin had any issues with Dayoon, the new Jungler. In fact, ‘Spirit’ had been a fun guy. He had the playful and childish aura that had hung around ‘Huni’ the year before. Martin didn’t have any problems getting along with any of his other new teammates either. But it just wasn’t the same.

 Dayoon wasn’t Yeujin. Yeongjin wasn’t Yeujin. Johan wasn’t Yeujin.

 None of his new teammates gave him the same comfort – the same sense of home – that Yeujin had given him. No one stayed up late with him, curled up under a few blankets talking the night away with the dim-lighting of a bedside lamp.

 Martin let out a soft, almost silent, sigh. Things have only been going steadily downhill since that amazing 2015 Summer Split. He opened his eyes, glancing out the window of the van while his fingers absentmindedly played with the furry poro keychain on his backpack. It was his only physical reminder that Yeujin had once existed in his life.

 The charm had been a birthday present from that year. A simple one, and probably not that expensive, but it was the first gift Yeujin had given him in their time together as… lovers? Boyfriends? Friends with benefits?

 How could all the labels feel like they fit yet also feel entirely incorrect? It was like a puzzle piece that fit on three sides, but not the fourth.

 The Korean Jungler had been anything but perfect. He fought off Martin’s advances the first few weeks, but he had seemed more afraid than disgusted, giving Martin the impression that Yeujin could potentially be attracted to him. Nonetheless, the Swede wasn’t easily deterred by the Korean’s hesitation. It didn’t take very long before the older boy gave in and simply accepted Martin’s affections. Simple things such as playing with his hair, leaning his head on his shoulder during rides to the LCS Studio, or sharing any sort of delicious food. As the barriers he built up were chipped away at, Yeujin slowly started reciprocating such affections with his own. With Yeujin’s lovely responses came some not-so-nice traits.

 It hadn’t taken the AD Carry very long before he started uncovering traits that would make anyone else walk away with a roll of their eyes and an exasperated sigh. Yeujin had this tendency to throw biting words when he felt sad or upset. He’d let loose with no filter and sometimes the words hurt Martin more than stubbing his toe against the dinner table. Outside of the game, Yeujin hated admitting his wrongs and would do anything and everything to avoid taking responsibility or shouldering the blame. One of the worst traits to Martin was his tendency to close off when overthinking. He used to push Martin away when all the younger boy wanted to do was hold him in wordless comfort. Sometimes, he’d try to reassure him that some of the things he thought weren’t true, but Yeujin would dismiss it. In those times, Martin hated how Yeujin would rarely believe his genuine words.

 Yet it was all the little flaws Martin had loved the most. The myriad of bad habits that ranged from harshly rubbing his tired eyes to overthinking every little thing. He loved being the one to care for him. Maybe it was because it gave him something to think about other than his growing personal problems. Things from his past were coming back to haunt him from high school and a heated argument with his father wasn’t something he really needed amidst it all. The Korean boy had been a distraction, in a twisted sort of way. But Yeujin was a distraction that he dearly cared for – or dare he say, loved.

 He often mothered Yeujin about his physical bad habits, indirectly keeping his own subtle bad habits in check to not seem like a hypocrite. Even though Yeujin had leaned on him for so many more things than just comfort, Martin counted on him to keep himself sane. As long as he had Yeujin he didn’t have to worry about anything else. As long as he could hold him in his arms, he would have a warmth to calm his nerves.

 That was until he left without warning, of course.

 Now the nights felt colder without Yeujin curled up against him and he felt empty without the comfort of playing with his fluffy hair. His entire being would feel cold with no reason other than simple longing. Fiddling with the poro keychain was no substitute for Yeujin himself.

 Martin had thought that he’d gotten over Yeujin. After what? Two years? Anyone would get over a relationship in two years, right? Two years without seeing each other, two years without talking. But Yeujin wasn’t someone Martin could just get over.

 Yeujin left this gaping hole in his heart. A void that no one could fill. No matter how much he talked with his sister or his parents. No matter how many drinks he downed at the club with the team. No matter how many novels he buried himself in at night.

 Just when he thought that he found something to distract him from the cold of missing Yeujin, something would jerk him back to the present. Someone would say something that felt like a bucket of cold water thrown in his face.

 It wasn’t a nightmare. No, it was way worse than a nightmare. This was reality, and Yeujin had just been a pleasant, fleeting dream.

 “Martin… Martin… hey, Martin!”

 A harsh jab in the ribs snapped him out of his thoughts. The pain subsided rather quickly as he rubbed his assaulted side, “what?” he muttered softly, barely loud enough to be heard.

 “Don’t zone out on the stage, m’kay buddy?” he knew that Nicholas was just teasing, but he couldn’t find the energy in his body to even respond with anything more than a tired quirk of his lips. Martin could feel the firm pat on his shoulder from his coach, but the words that followed became muffled and lost to his mind. ‘NicoThePico’ was a nice guy with friendly words, but ‘Rekkles’ was too mentally exhausted to do anything other than soak in his own thoughts, personal goals and plans for the game ahead.

 Just as he didn’t have the energy to give a laugh in response to his coach’s teasing, his mind had decided to tune out all the noise around him. He stared out the window at the passing Berlin cityscape as Fnatic’s van drove the team to the studio for their match.

 Not much later, Martin found himself leaning back into one of the chairs in Fnatic’s waiting room, staring up at the small holes in the ceiling and attempting to count them.

 He never got farther than thirty since he’d lose track – accidentally skipping a number or two. He remembered a time where he and Yeujin would lay in his bed, limbs intertwined, pointing out all the well-known inconsistencies in the ceiling, speaking casually with only an occasional glance at each other. Remembering was like having a sweet daydream: pleasant, yet obviously just wishful thinking.

 His phone vibrated in his hand with a message. It was a simple “good luck” from Fabian who promised he’d be watching the match and supporting him from the comforts of H2K’s gaming house.

 Why did you leave with everyone else…?

 Martin thought bitterly when he read the message. He tossed his unlocked phone aside, letting it land onto the tabletop with a soft thud. He hated how he was the only one left from the Fnatic team of 2015 and 2016. Yet, he felt a certain responsibility to stay and become the rock of the team just as Bora had been before he retired. He wanted to remain loyal to Fnatic, remembering how uncomfortable and strange it had been to play on Elements for one split.

 “Martin.”

 He turned around in the chair when called by name. Standing in the doorway with a phone pinned between her ear and shoulder as she struggled to close the bag at her hip was Fnatic’s Assistant Manager. Axelle tried to signal him to come over, but nearly dropped her phone so she settled for raising the hand trying to close the bag and waving him over.

 “Bora wants to talk to you,” Axelle’s heavy French accent gave off an air of maturity in her English. In a split second, she switched back to French effortlessly as she asked something of the male over the phone. A hint of a smile played on the corner of her magenta-painted lips.  

 ‘YellOwStaR’s retirement hadn’t hit him as hard as he imagined it would. Midway through the Summer Split of 2016, he nearly walked in on Bora and Axelle having a conversation about his potential retirement while the latter was making breakfast for the team.

 “Axelle, do you ever want to go back to France? Like, for good, not for a break?”

 In that moment, eavesdropping behind the wall next to the open doorway, Martin had felt a little betrayed. His most trusted support and mentor might leave him again, but for good this time. At that time, he had only focused on the fact that he would be losing his friend. But, after a few days, he came to the realization that he was no longer the same little rookie he was when he had first met Bora. Like a baby bird from the nest, he’d have to leave his nurturing mentor sooner or later and learn to fly on his own.

 He also knew Bora’s retirement was well-deserved after all his professional achievements at the keyboard. Also, it wasn’t like he completely cut off contact with him. He often called the house to check in on his girlfriend and almost every time he would ask Axelle to let him have a quick chat with ‘Rekkles.’

 Bora was a sort of mentor to him – in both the game and his life. He was the older brother that always kept the order in the house, yet had the sense of humor to still play around with the younger children. It meant more than anything to Martin that Bora kept consistent contact with him. He was still an anchor in his life, even though he now lived an 8 to 10-hour train ride away.

 Martin hadn’t taken his unlocked phone with him when he got up to make his way over to Axelle’s side. In the midst of all the casual chatter between his other teammates, no one noticed ‘Caps,’ who rolled his way across the room on his chair to play around with the 20-year-old AD Carry’s vulnerable phone.

 Rasmus had no ill-intentions. Fnatic’s baby Mid laner was only up to his usual childish antics. He couldn’t have foreseen how hard Martin would take today’s loss. He couldn’t have foreseen Yeujin’s frustrations from his team’s loss. He definitely couldn’t have foreseen what one little text message would bring.

 He managed to send a short message and delete it before Martin finished his call with Bora. A light smirk was the only indication that the young Danish boy had done anything to the Swede’s phone. No one noticed how he squirmed in his own seat like a small child knowing he’d caused some sort of mischief.

 Martin had no idea what was to come from that one little message he’d never know was sent. Then again, no one else could’ve seen what was coming.

~pt. 4~

A/N:Once again, thank you to @aeonwing for being an amazing beta <3

Hope you enjoyed it, although it is a bit short...

[lagueoflove]

Enjoy rekkover *^* I miss them so much T^T ...I want to cry

[league-of-brodies]

Deferred

(Rekkles/Reignover) // SFW // 4,286W // ♢

What happens to a dream deferred?

December 12, 2015 — 12:15 AM

Martin “Rekkles” Larsson sat in the player lounge, looking at nothing in particular. He saw the screen without watching it, instead zoning out while fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. Analysts were wrapping up their discussion of Froggen and Faker’s farm-fest of a match. The Fnatic ADC had to admit, watching the two go back and forth was impressive in a way. However, no matter how iconic the players, watching two Anivias farm for fifteen minutes could only be so enthralling. Rekkles wouldn’t have personally ranked it the most entertaining match he watched. Or the second most entertaining. Not the third, either. 

Still, he didn’t envy the players who had to go out there. California’s climate was tropical compared to where he came from, but even he found it difficult to cope with the wind whipping rain in every direction. Unfortunately, the European allstars still had to wait around until their jungle representative, Amazing, finished his 1v1 match. Even when the EU jungler was done, press, pictures, and dicking around would likely keep the European squad around even longer. Rekkles was excited to be a part of such a fun event, but he definitely valued the small periods of peace and quiet he could steal away.

Peace and quiet lasted about another minute before a familiar voice ripped through the air.

“Martin!” Huni’s thunderous voice audibly bounced off the walls, “What are you doing?”

A smile spread across the ADC’s lips, not at all surprised for the top laner’s deliberate lack of volume control. Rekkles turned around to see Seong Hoon “Huni” Heo already had a grip on the back of Rekkles’ chair. He was gonna miss Huni’s brand of crazy.

Rekkles responded, “You wanna go?”, jumping out of his chair and making playful swings at Fnatic’s ex-top laner. It didn’t take long for the two to get back into the groove of brotherhood when they got together for AllStars. 

Most recently, the rock of the team, YellowStaR, shocked the masses by leaving for NA’s Team Solomid. The topic of the “EU Exodus” was constantly brought up in conversations, frequently seen on the front page of Reddit and in stream chats.Fans and journalists alike didn’t hesitate to ask Rekkles his thoughts any chance they got. Whenever faced with questions about people leaving the European LCS for North America’s, the ADC always gave a similar answer. Leaving was a logical decision to make for most of the players who moved regions. Being one of the players who stayed, it was never easy to lose teammates, but it was the nature of the game. He firmly believed that moving on and wishing your comrades the best was all you could do. At least, that’s what Rekkles told himself any time he felt his throat tighten and his eyes sting at the thought of his teammates leaving. 

Maybe it was the fact that they got so far. Maybe it was the fact that they went 18-0 in the Summer Split. Maybe he looking back, he wished he had more chances to play and laugh with his teammates. Maybe he left things unsaid. It didn’t matter anymore. The three of them were leaving. Any remaining sentiments had to leave with them. It was the nature of the industry for players to move often. It was the nature of life for everything to be in constant motion. Opportunities came and left at a rapid pace. Players had the choice of seizing them or watching them slip through their fingers and seeing somebody else fill the role that could’ve been theirs.

As much fun as Martin had contemplating the emotional ramifications of the e-sports industry, Huni decided whatever he had to say was infinitely more important and brought Martin back to the present.

“Ok, well, we’re going,” he demanded, grabbing the ADC by the arm and dragging him out of the lounge.

“Wait, what? Why? Where? I think Maurice still has to go.”

“Oh my god, this guy, wow.” Huni shook his head, dragging Rekkles down an unfamiliar hallway, “This guy, I cannot believe you were going to not say hi to Yeujin. Like… what?”. He punctuated his remarks with colorful facial expressions.

Rekkles chuckled, following Huni through the veins of the Los Angeles studio. It surprised him how well Huni seemed to get around even though he’d only been in NA for a few weeks. Rekkles wasn’t sure “civilians” were supposed to even be behind the scenes, but given the fact that Immortals’ roster officially called this studio their home turf, the staff didn’t seem to care. The unmistakable figure of Kim “Reignover” Yeujin stood next to the less familiar but still recognizable support of Immortals, Adrian. Rekkles was mostly acquainted with the Immortals support via his extended period of twitter trolling about which team he signed with.

The support gave a friendly wave and a smile. As soon as Reignover’s eyes met Rekkles’, an illuminating smile spread across his face. He enthusiastically closed the distance between them, pulling the ADC into a warm hug. The blonde thought he probably looked like a grinning idiot, but he didn’t care. It felt ecstatic just to have the jungler in his arms. 

“This traitor,” Rekkles said sarcastically.

Adrian wrapped his arms around the jungler, “He’s ours now.”

“You can keep him, EU doesn’t want him anymore!” Rekkles laughed.

Reignover dramatically gasped trying not to smile,”How rude.”

“You can stay in NA. We’re forming our own new team. It’s gonna be better. We’re gonna have strippers. And drugs.”, the blonde replied. Huni loudly “Oooh”’d in the background.

“How do you know we don’t already have strippers?” Adrian chimed in.

“Huni doesn’t count.” Rekkles fired back. Huni uttered a “wow” and feigned offense. Their banter was drowned out by hollering that echoed down the studio hall. If Martin had to guess, the Amazing versus Aphromoo 1v1 was starting.

“Fuck, I need to watch that!” Huni exclaimed,”Let’s go!”. Before saying anything else, the top laner and support went toward the lounge. Their voices rang through the hallway, arguing about EU versus NA.

Rekkles narrowed his eyes, watching the two figures quickly disappear down the hallway,“Did they just...”

“Yeah,” Reignover said. They stood in quiet awe of the single-mindedness of the two before it dawned on them that the others weren’t coming back for them.

“They really just...?”

“Yeah.”

“Guess we should go... find them.” Rekkles said. Reignover nodded and started walking in the direction the two took off in. The blonde followed the other’s lead since he knew his bearings of the American studio weren’t quite adequate.

“So what’s it like all the way in NA?” Rekkles asked, happy to match Reignover’s leisurely pace. 

“I’m still definitely not used to it,” Reignover admitted,”I think I still have some jet lag even though I’ve been here for almost a month now. Huni really loves the food. Like, really loves it.”

“I noticed. NA has bronze-tier mechanics but challenger food, yeah?”

Reignover chuckled,”It’s not too different from Europe, but the portions are huge, like” he opened his hands up wide,”And a lot more fat, a lot less vegetables.”.

“Aw, are you gonna get chubby on me?,” Martin laughed, grabbing at , nearly crashing into a wall. Rekkles smirked, delighted that he had Yeujin’s weak spots memorized. 

“Oh, I get it. Martin won’t love me anymore if I’m chubby.” Reignover laughed. A wave of heat washed over Rekkles from the tip of his ears to the ends of his toes. He could only hope his face didn’t look as flushed as it felt.

"Hmm... I don’t know.” he responded. Reignover gasped, his lips turning into an adorable pout.

Rekkles laughed,”I guess...”

“I thought what we had was special,” Reignover replied sarcastically,”You know what, that’s fine. This new ADC, WildTurtle, he’s kind. He would love me if I was chubby.”

Now it was Rekkles’ turn to be dramatic,“You know I would love you even if you put on weight, but I’m glad to see you’re so faithful to me. You’re in NA for a couple of weeks and suddenly there’s a support draped over you and you’re raving about your team’s ADC. You’ve already replaced me! I bet his backrubs aren’t even as good as mine.”

The Swede glanced over. He felt his face flush again seeing the Korean’s failing attempt at suppressing laughter. Suddenly the ADC felt like something was out of place. It was uncharacteristically quiet, in the hallway they walked down. There wasn’t a single person, staff or player, anywhere in sight.

“Wait, do even you know where we’re going?”, Rekkles asked, halting immediately.

“Maybe.” Reignover said cheekily.

“You got us lost?”

“Also maybe. I’m a man of many talents.”

“And navigating NA’s Riot studio isn’t one of them.”

“...Yes.”

“I’m impressed.”

“You should be.”

Martin couldn’t begin to guess how the two kept straight faces up until then, but it didn’t matter once their laughter resonated through hallway.

“It is way too late for this event to be happening,”, Reignover remarked once their laughter died down.

Rekkles pulled the jungler into a hug, settling his chin on the shorter boy’s head,“You seem pretty tired. You about to fall asleep?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Reignover chuckled, nuzzling his face into the crook of Rekkles’ neck. The blonde swallowed hard. Fnatic always expressed affection freely and physically, so a hug like this was nothing out of the ordinary. That didn’t make it any easier for the ADC to keep his breath steady and heart in check. He became hyper aware of Reignover’s movements. His breath slowed, tickling the ADC’s neck. The jungler’s hands had a light grip on the back of the ADC’s shirt, dragging it down ever so slightly. 

“Hey, I’m serious, don’t fall asleep.” Rekkles said giving Reignover a gentle slap on the cheek. Reignover groaned in complaint, refusing to budge from his comfortable position. 

“We could at least find you a couch for you to sleep on.” the blonde insisted.

“You’re comfy.” Reignover said, though the sound was slurred with tiredness.

Rekkles swallowed. He released his arms from their loose hug in order to cup Reignover’s face in both of his hands.

“Wake. Up.” Rekkles demanded. Reignover met him with another groan but slowly fluttered his eyes open. Progress. 

The second the jungler’s dark, languid met the ADC’s blue ones, Rekkles knew he made a mistake. The jungler gazed up at him sleepily, lips slightly parted. His skin felt soft beneath the ADC’s fingers. 

The blonde felt his heart leap into his throat.

Soft. That was the first thought that crossed Rekkles’ mind. Reignover’s lips felt unbelievably soft on his. Beyond that, every sensation fused into a single shock that ran down his body. Running a hand through the Korean’s hair, his face flushed with heat. He could feel his heart pounding, hoping it didn’t sound as loud as it felt. It drowned out all other noise. For the briefest of moments, he ascended into what he could only guess was the state of pure bliss. He wondered, is this what it feels like when you don’t have to hold anything back?

“Mm..?” A small sound came out of the Korean jungler, brought Rekkles crashing back to Earth.

The ADC immediately opened his eyes and backed away, he felt like venom was shot into his veins. He tried to ignore the sensation of his throat closing up and steady his breathing. 

The moment it took him to compose himself felt like an eternity. After open mouthed gaping, Martin finally made out words.

“I… I’m…. I’m sorry. I’ve always felt... I’m so sorry.”, he sputtered between shallow breaths. He felt his vision go out of focus, not sure if it was anxiety, tears, or a hallucination (he could only hope). 

Yeujin meant so much to him. Ever since they first met, he cherished him. He knew the moment he laid eyes on him that he felt differently about Yeujin than any other teammates he had. Rekkles told himself that it was just an intense connection, an intimate feeling of camaraderie. He was never a good liar.

Much to the shock of Rekkles, Reignover hadn’t fleed in disgust. Instead, the jungler stood across him, silent, his eyebrows raised, mouth slightly open. The two stood in painfully awkward silence for what felt like a year to Rekkles (but was probably closer to a minute). Reignover finally closed his mouth, pouty lips forming a small frown. Rekkles slowly began to back away muttering quiet apologies with the intention to bolt the next second.

“Wait,” Yeujin said softly, grabbing Martin’s wrist. He scanned the area quickly, making sure nobody would see or overhear them.

“Why did you never tell me?” the shorter boy asked,”You lived with me. How did you never tell how you felt?”. Rekkles felt like he should have been relieved that Reignover didn’t express revulsion. He never considered an alternative worse than that. Reignover seemed… upset? His tone almost gave a sense of… betrayal? Rekkles suddenly wished the Korean was grossed out instead.

The ADC took a second to collect his thoughts. He, in a moment of weakness, was unable to control himself and kissed Reignover also known as Yeujin also known as the boy he had buried feelings for for months. He backed off and apologized, and the boy in question was upset. Not because he was disgusted, but because…. Because he hadn’t known earlier? It seemed surreal.

“Wait, why are you upset?” Rekkles said in a soft voice to avoid drawing attention.

“Don’t avoid the question.”, the Korean didn’t relent,”Why did you never tell me?”

“Wh… Well there’s no way I could when we were teammates. It would ruin everything. With the whole team living together, if anything went wrong, it would backfire.” Rekkles said. He never realized how liberating honesty felt until he spoke it. Still unable to look Reignover in the eye, he continued, “I wanted to tell you after Worlds, but… I didn’t.”

“Why? Why not?” Reignover pushed. He kept his voice soft but his eyes communicated his vexation.

“I just... I couldn’t!” Rekkles threw his hands up. He finally met the shorter boy eye to eye, “Why does it matter? I wanted to, but I put it off and… And then I’m home in Sweden and I learn you and Huni are leaving for NA, so what’s the point?!”. 

Rekkles nearly fell over.

 It surprised him how strong the shorter boy was. One second he stood across his ex-jungler, the next, he nearly fell on top of him. Reignover, with a vice-like grip on Rekkles’ jacket, forcefully pressed his lips against the ADC’s. It took him a few seconds to truly register that he wasn’t dreaming. The blonde’s eyes widened in realization before he quickly surrendered himself. He closed his eyes, melting into the kiss. 

The ADC ran a hand down Reignover’s back, letting it rest at the shorter boy’s slender waist. His other hand briefly traced circles in the jungler’s cheek before moving. Rekkles affectionatly pulled the thick, dark hair he adored before finally settling his his hands on the Korean’s waist. Reignover slowly released his grip on Rekkles’ jacket. He slid his hands up the ADC’s chest until he could cup his face. Rekkles unintentionally let out a low, breathy moan. The sounds of a crowd cheering filtered through the walls, signaling what was likely the beginning of the LCK vs. IWC game. 

Rekkles and Reignover separated, gasping for air. Rekkles quickly examined the hallway, making sure it was still deserted, before pushing Reignover forward. The forceful push surprised Yeujin, and he found himself pinned to the opposite wall. Rekkles tenderly ran his thumb over Reignover’s lower lip, lingering for a moment. Blue eyes gazed into brown ones.

The muffled crowd nearly drowned out the soft smacking noise of their lips as Rekkles tilted his head and closed the small gap between them. He affectionally nibbled on on Reignover’s  lower lip, feeling a slight grin form. Reignover wrapped his arms around Rekkles’ neck, pulling him closer. Tilting his head, Rekkles experimented with parting Reignover’s lips with his tongue. The Korean happily obliged, welcoming him. The blonde’s tongue gingerly explored the other’s mouth. He started modestly, his tongue lightly flicking inside the other’s mouth. A soft moan escaped Reignover’s lips, sending a tremor down Rekkles’ spine. The Korean’s tongue felt soft and warm in contrast to his braces, which felt sharp on the blonde’s tongue. Yeujin’s hot breath tickled Martin’s face. He pressed another kiss on the Korean’s lips and came up for air. The ADC lovingly smiled at his former teammate, nuzzling him nose to nose.

The reality that this moment couldn’t last forever hung in the back of Rekkles head. Knowing that, he decided all he could do was take what he could get with the time he had. 

He hadn’t gotten nearly enough.

The ADC planted another kiss on Reignover’s lips, planting more on his cheeks. The jungler responded by grabbing the ADC by the hips and pulling their bodies closer together. Rekkles’ lips paved a path of delicate kisses down Reignover’s neck. The jungler tilted his head up, exposing as much of his neck as he could to the blonde. Gentleness gave way to gluttony, the ADC biting down on the tender intersection of neck and shoulder. The hushed whine that came out of the jungler gave Rekkles goosebumps. Leaving Yeujin’s neck, Martin shifted his focus back upwards. He kissed a line up Reignover’s neck and nibbled on his ears, drawing another faint moan from the jungler’s lips. The shorter boy grabbed the ADC’s face, making their lips meet again.

For just a tiny frame of time, there was no AllStars event going on. The only thing that existed was the two of them in an empty hallway, tangled in each others’ embrace.

The two separated. Panting, a silence fell between the two. For a minute the only noises that could be heard were the sounds of them steadying their breathing and the dull sounds of the AllStars game happening in the arena.  

They both looked at each other, as if the answer to their situation might be written in the other’s eyes.

“Can I ask you something,” Rekkles finally broke the silence. Reignover just nodded in response.

“If you felt the same way, why didn’t you tell me?” the ADC asked, narrowing his eyes.

Yeujin started,“I never thought you… I wanted to, but when I got the offer to move to North America and I was scared so-”

“You put it off,” Martin finished the other boy’s sentence and chuckled, “So wait, what gives you the right to be upset with me?!”

“What? Hey, don’t change the subject, this isn’t about me.”

Martin couldn’t stop the smirk spreading on his face,”Yes, yes it is about you!” he grabbed the other by the shoulders, shaking him playfully.

“No, this is definitely about you. I’m foreign h… how am I supposed to know the social queues?” Reignover said through laughter.

“I cannot believe you were ready to blame this all on me. Scumbag, Yeujin.” Rekkles wrapped Reignover in a hug, burying his face in the jungler’s neck. A loud buzz made the two jump apart, effectively surprising and scaring the shit out of both of them. Rekkles looked around the hallway, relieved to see it was still somehow empty. Reignover grabbed his phone out of his pocket and checked the display:

Adrian Ma:

bae where you at?? 

The world around them seemed to suddenly materialize. They were at AllStars 2015, in a hallway of Riot Studios in Los Angeles, California. Rekkles represented Europe while Reignover came to spectate and support their teammate Huni. Well, his, teammate, Huni. The two recently left for North America and joined the brand new organization Immortals.

“My teammate is looking for me,” Reignover said. Rekkles exhaled, feeling like the bliss of the moment left with his breath. He forced a smile anyways. The blonde didn’t have the courage to ask the question that was on his mind: What do we do now?

“You should find him before your team starts to get worried. I think we’ve been gone for a while.” Rekkles said,”The European team is probably, um, wondering where I am, too.”. Yeujin gave a soft smile before another buzz prompted him to start walking away. 

They knew that they had to go their respective ways soon, but the two still lingered, hoping the other would say something.

The truth was, neither of them had any idea of what to say. They both knew that there was no happy ending at the present moment. In no version of this story were they going to prance off into the sunset hand in hand. Stifled yelling leaked through the walls, reminding the two that there was a match going on. Even though at this point the crowd had largely dispersed, the few there were dedicated and loud. 

“Yeujin. I’m... I’m so sorry,” Rekkles finally said, not sure what else would be appropriate.

Yeujin uttered a hushed reply before walking away.

“Me, too, Martin.”

Rekkles tried to pretend he didn’t notice tears welling up in Reignover’s eyes. He turned in the opposite direction, eyes down as he attempted to navigate through the unfamiliar Los Angeles studio without making eye contact with anyone. Even if he was going the wrong way, going in the same direction as Yeujin would’ve been even more painful and a bit awkard. Every possible outcome of his and Yeujin’s relationship played through his mind. Trying a long distance relationship sounded sweet, but he knew it was ultimately unrealistic. The time differences between California and Berlin were hard enough, and the difficulty would only be compounded by their incredibly busy schedules. Players had a hard enough time having relationships with people who lived near them. Would they revert back to being just friends, acting like nothing happened? Rekkles wasn’t sure he could do that. Even if he completely got over his feelings for the other boy, he could never act like it didn’t happen. It seemed almost cruel. 

Would they tiptoe in between and around it? Surely they would keep in touch regardless of what happened, but how could they act like they didn’t have feelings for each other? What would have happened if he kissed Yeujin at all? Perhaps that would have been the best option, he thought. Maybe it would have been less painful if he never knew his feelings were returned, maybe it would have made it easier for him to get over Yeujin leaving. Maybe. Or maybe he would have felt even more lovesick. Never letting the truth out might have driven him crazy. Was it truly better to have loved and lost than not loved at all? Rekkles wasn’t sure the answer to that question was a clean cut one.

“Why did you never tell me?”, that was the question Yeujin asked him. 

Martin felt like his reasons were valid, but it made him wonder, what if he had. What if he told Yeujin about his feelings earlier? Rejection could have severely injured the whole team dynamic, it could have spelled disaster for Fnatic. But, knowing Yeujin felt the same way, Martin fantasized about unexplored possibilities. Visions of stolen kisses and secret trips to each others’ bedrooms in the deep into the night danced through his head. He imagined them sneaking off to be alone, walking around Berlin, maybe getting something to eat or going to the book store. Furtive glances, holding hands when people weren’t looking, hugging for just a little too long, all of these fantasies made his heart ache.

 The times they shared felt like they carried more weight in retrospect. Friendly massages, affectionately running his hand through the other’s hair, laughter between just the two of them, they all seemed so much more important now. Perhaps because he knew they wouldn’t be able share those things again.

The Swede miraculously navigated his way back to the player lounge. It wasn’t actually that hard which made him question how “lost” or “absentminded” Yeujin was actually being. Rekkles was met with cheerful greetings from his European teammates and “coach”. He explained that he was “catching up” with Reignover which was enough to waive any lingering suspicion. The final game of the night seemed close to a conclusion. The IWC held their own against LCK impressively. Solo kills in top and mid lanes gave the reputation of the Wildcard region a considerable boost. In the end the LCK proved why they set the standard for high level play, closing the match out with a healthy twenty kill lead. It was way past everyones’ bedtimes given that everything fell so far behind. Analysts went back and forth, praising IWC for holding their own while discussing LCK’s execution and snowballing.

Martin sat down. All of the adrenaline that kept him awake for the past few hours instantly drained out of his system. He didn’t bother listening to the conversations around him, eyes fixing in the direction of the screen without really watching what was on it. He knew it was useless to be remorseful about what was already done, but he couldn’t help playing scenario after scenario out in his head. It didn’t matter anymore, he thought to himself.

It was the nature of the industry for players to move often. It was the nature of life for everything to be in constant motion. Opportunities came and left at a rapid pace. Players had the choice of seizing them or watching them slip through their fingers.

What happens to a dream deferred?

     Does it dry up

     like a raisin in the sun?

     Or fester like a sore—

     And then run?

     Does it stink like rotten meat?

     Or crust and sugar over—

     like a syrupy sweet?

     Maybe it just sags

     like a heavy load.

     Or does it explode?

A/N: First LCS fic, first Rekkover fic, first thing I’ve written (that’s not an academic paper with in-text citations in MLA or APA format) in literal years. I’m definitely rusty and hope to improve! Hope there aren’t any jarring grammar errors (if there are please let me know). I just hope I can spread some joy and maybe put a smile on someone’s face?

♢ I do not own anything. People, brands, characters, etc. used in this piece. This is completely fictional, events are not meant to be completely accurate (though I try to somewhat abide by event timelines).

[zeeveal]

Rekkles + Reignover