sirius waddled across the commonroom, drink spilling from his cup and all over his hands. he grimaces at the sticky feeling and attempts to wipe it away with his other hand, only transferring the golden liquid onto his fingers. he shook his hand out in disgust and stumbled backwards, falling on his ass at the bottom of the staircase.
sirius let out a whine, rubbing at his lower back and almost spilling more of his drink again. he’s so fucking drunk it’s crazy; the rooms spinning, everything’s blurry, he feels sick and dizzy and so, so fucking sad.
sirius doesn’t want to feel sad. he wants to feel very happy. gryffindor just won the quidditch cup, mary and marlene were celebrating three months tonight, and james was over there full frontal snogging regulus - which sirius has his reservations about, but so long as they make eachother happy he’s okay with it.
sirius doesn’t know why he’s so sad.
well, he does. he just thinks it’s stupid.
it all started when everyone around him started making out with eachother. sirius wants to make out with remus really badly. he’s wanted to make out with remus for a really long time, but it’s all so confusing and conflicting and it seems like remus is interested in lily and sirius doesn’t want to get in the way of that.
he can’t even find remus in this massive crowd. he’d probably gone to bed early, with a headache or something. poor remus, sirius wishes he could kiss him better, if that’s the case. but that will never happen.
he progressively got more and more shitfaced in attempt to cover the hole he had in his heart, watching everyone be young and in love and snogging. to try and make himself feel okay without remus right by his side.
but it didn’t work!
all it did was make him sad and nauseous and really fucking clumsy. he just wants remus.
he wants remus so bad.
“you alright?” a voice came from beside him, a few steps up.
sirius turned his head and squinted his eyes at the boy, he was reading a book… at a party… that’s something remus would do. who does this fake-remus think he is, reading a book at a party? that’s something only his moony can do, thank you very much.
“yep.” sirius muttered and swayed as he tried to stand, “just… okay.”
“just okay?” they asked, and sirius nodded.
“do you need something, sirius?”
“how… how do you know my name?” sirius slurred, taking another sip of his drink, slumping against the wall as he looked at the mystery person.
“because we’re friends, sirius.”
“oh…” sirius scratched his head, “are we good friends?”
the person with a blurry face smiled and set their book down on their lap, “i’d say we’re pretty close.”
“okay…” Sirius nodded and swung forward to get closer to them, and in a harsh whisper he asked, “can i tell you a secret?”
“why don’t you tell james?” they asked back in a regular voice.
“he’s… busy.” sirius waggled his hand about in the general direction of the party, “got ‘is tongue halfway down my brothers throat.”
“lovely,” they sighed, “good for, james.”
“mhm.” sirius grunted, “bloody good for him… s’not good for me though.”
“no?” fake-remus asked.
“nup!” sirius shook his head, “can i pleaseeee tell you my secret? not even james knows yet.”
“sirius… do you really want to tell me?”
sirius nodded and poked them on the nose, “if you keep it a secret… i’ll… make sure you’re safe from pranks.”
the other boy sighed, running a hand through his soft looking hair and smiled, “yeah, alright…" he stage whispered to sirius this time, "go on then, what’s your secret?”
“pinky promise?” sirius said, holding his finger out to shake with.
they shook it, locking their finger over sirius’ own and grimacing with the stickiness on his skin.
“so…” sirius said, swinging around to sit next to them, “you know my friend remus?”
the boy stoped for a moment, looking at sirius with suspicious eyes. he swallowed and hesitantly nodded.
“well…” sirius sighed, “im bloody well in love with him, i think.”
“you’re…” they said, going silent again and looking away from sirius for a moment.
sirius only noticed how hot it was in here, due to the pink flush in the other boys cheeks. sirius decided to strip off his jacket, and started undoing the buttons to his shirt to cool down.
“he’s just so… perfect, you know?” sirius went on, slurring each and every honest word, “think he’s wonderful, don’t you? i just wanna kiss him so bad, sometimes. and you don’t know half of what i’d let him do to me-“
“okay, sirius.” they said, plucking sirius’ cup from his hands (not without a protesting whine) and pulled sirius' hands away from himself as he started to unbuckle his jeans, “up we hop. you’ve had a bit too much to drink, i think. off to bed now.”
“off to bed…” sirius sighed, letting this lovely (copy cat) stranger lead him up the stairs as he tripped and swayed, his shirt gone now and in the mystery persons hands, “time for sleepy-bies, sirius… go to sleep, or the boogie man will get you!”
“alright, pads.” they said with a heavy sigh, petting sirius on the back a few times as they helped him to walk.
once in the dorm room, sirius realised it was empty, “where’s my moony?”
“...he’s busy.”
“oh…” sirius sighed, moving over to his bed and allowing this person to help him remove his shoes, “he’s probably off with lily again… lily, lily, lily.” he poked his tongue out and blew a raspberry, making dumb sounds as he spoke, “perfect fucking lily, who’s a girl. she’s a bloody girl. she’s so fucking wonderful, ands everything m’not.”
“what are you yapping about?” they asked, laying sirius down in bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders, just how he likes.
“s’lily.” he pouted, rolling onto his side and curling in on himself, “he loves her, i think. never stood a chance against lily bloody evans.”
there was a long silence, and sirius closed his eyes, basking in the comfort of his pillow. it smelled lovely, different to usual. it smelled like remus, and that was enough to lull sirius to sleep almost immediately.
“he’s not in love with lily, sirius.” the voice whispered as they stroked a hand over sirius’ hair. only remus and james were allowed to do that, and it feels like remus’ hand, so he supposed it’s okay for now. “i’m in love with you too.”
sirius barely registered that though, and he hummed before passing out completely.
**
sirius woke to a sharp light poking into his eyelids. he opened his eyes eventually, rubbing them to find the curtain of his bed frame pulled back. only, he wasn’t in his bed, he realised. he was in remus’.
merlin, how’d he end up there?
his head is pounding and his mouth's dry.
“morning.” remus said with a smile, walking out of the bathroom and over to the bed, “sorry, forgot to close the curtains after james went for his run this morning.”
“how’s’e not hungover?” sirius mumbled, stretching out his body and flopping back down. he feels kinda ill.
“the sun shines out of his ass or something.” remus smiled and climbed into the bed beside sirius, drawing the curtain closed behind him.
sirius groaned and shuffled over before realising that remus was actually lying under the covers with him. remus was reaching out and pulling sirius in closer.
“what’re you doing?” he mumbled, his face much too close to remus’.
“admiring you.” remus said softly, “you’re fucking gorgeous in the mornings, you realise?”
sirius felt himself flush from head to toe, “what?”
“mhm…” remus said, smiling all dopey. his eyes were heavy lidded and he nudged his nose against sirius’, “are you feeling okay, love?”
oh for fucking merlin’s sake! what was happening?
“are you?”
remus chuckled and nodded his head, “i feel amazing, sirius… can i kiss you?”
what?
“are you joking?” sirius muttered, “is this some joke?”
“nope.” remus grinned, “i just had a realisation last night, and decided to do something about it.”
“what realisation?”
“that we’re in love.” remus smiled, “and that you want to kiss me. can i kiss you?”
“you’re…”
“are you feeling okay, sirius?”
“i’d feel bloody perfect if you kissed me, moony.”
remus smiled and laughed, pulling sirius in closer until their lips brushed. and sirius lost it. he sunk into remus’ hold and kissed him. he kissed him so much he thinks he might have lost some brain-cells.
“you love me?” sirius muttered against his lips.
“yes, sirius.” he smiled, “lily is my friend, i like men.”
“oh…” sirius furrowed his brow, he had no idea what bought this about, or how remus knew of sirius’ feelings but he was kinda feeling too high on remus to care right now.
he kissed remus again. and some more. and even more, and then- then he was rolling over the top of remus and running to the bathroom, thankfully reaching the toilet before spilling his guts out into it.
"how are you feeling?" remus asked, once sirius pulled back from the full toilet bowel, chest heaving to get the air back in his lungs.
he felt like fucking shit, he’d had far too much to drink last night. but that hardly mattered because remus kissed him. and now remus was here, holding his hair and stroking his back and kissing the top of sirius’ head, and everything was going to be just fine.
sirius smiled and rested his head against the toilet bowel, looking up at his moony, "perfect."
