Adaptation.
I've changed. I no longer see a short boy who doesn't belong, a boy who doesn't know where he's going, a boy who doesn't feel cared about. For the longest time, I would fall asleep at night looking up at the ceiling wondering what was wrong or why I thought the way I did. (A couple of times I even turned to God for an explanation.) I'd cry some nights just pondering why my life had to be so shitty. But its not. I have been dealt, not the best, but not the worst hand ever. Every card that I have drawn has only made me a better person... or at least I hope it has. I am a self-loathing hypocrite who only searches for the one thing I don't believe in. My standards are outrageous and yet I can never find the urge to change my physical being. That's the point. I have made my inner-self who I should be, even though I hate myself. Do I wish my life was easier. Fuck YEAH! Who doesn't? However, I refuse to let my cards determine who I am.
Since the dawn of time humans have not let their problems get in the way of advancement. Yes, there were a couple of worthless shitty people along the way, but fuck em! They don't matter. There are reasons we have evolved into who we are. And to the Bible thumping god believing human who says, "We don't evolve." Go shove your hypocritical cross shaped dildo up your ass.
We evolve. We learn. We advance.
From the first prokaryotic cell to the blood in my veins; we have adapted. The instant humans are told "no" we look for ways around problems. I will die, and when I die, I will be forgotten and as much as I'd like to change that... I can't.
I'm still short, I'm still gay, I'm still a hypocrite - but I am happy! I know I am in the right place for who I am. I have adapted to understand a small portion of my being and that's all that fucking matters.
-Pp