#relle talks

[senpaithicc]

I hope these past couple months will bring joy and new surprises into my life.

[sharedheadspace]

host signed me up for that folklore alterhuman discord festival thing and i ain't said a word since joinin cause fuckin hell impostor syndrome got hands.

open the shapeshifter chat cause kitsune are shapeshifters- except *i* don't, i can't, like i mean i've never tried but people don't just shapechange where i'm from! you don't get special powers just cause you feel like you're supposed to be somethin you weren't born as...

open the dragon chat cause we're at least dragonborn, i oughta belong there, got the literal dragon soul an everythin that comes with it, but... people that identify Themselves As dragons, they're lookin for others like themselves, not whatever halfway point i've got goin. *i'm* not the dragon, that's kinda the whole point of dragonborn.

ugh. 4am an we ain't slept, that can't be helpin the anxiety any...

[sharedheadspace]

every time i start thinking i ought to poke around and see if i can find more people like me, i remember everything's swamped in "alterhuman/nonhuman" language and give up >:/

like. yeah i *get* why this world uses those words. all you've got here are humans, so it's natural as anything to make words counter to that fact. it's just that i'm from a world that *does* have other kinds of people and so depending on where on the continent you are, calling someone nonhuman is either saying "that person sure does exist" or "hey do you think i can hit that thing with a rock from here". or some in-betweens but y'know, i'm grumpy and making a complaint post, not some nuanced academic essay.

s'just hard to want to look for community when to do so i've got to actively self-label as less-than, y'feel? can't overwrite a whole lifetime of cultural baggage in a couple of tumblr posts

[sharedheadspace]

joining the meme and rating these terms for ourselves

alterhuman: [magpie - 9/10. pretty nice, vague but sufficiently descriptive] [relle - 2/10. technically accurate but iont like that it feels like a short form of 'alternate humanity']

nonhuman: [magpie - 10/10 accurate] [relle - 7/10. true on all counts but i've got homeworld baggage about the distinction between human an nonhuman, so, maybe don't use this one if we're not close]

inhuman/unhuman: [magpie - ehhhhh 1/10. it's not my style] [relle - 10/10 it's mine >:3]

human: [magpie - 4/10. like i Guess but why] [relle - 0/10 you cannot be less correct if you try]

otherkin: [magpie - 5/10. i suppose i Am otherkin but it feels less Up Front to my identity than being a therian] [relle - 3/10. if i Gotta then i guess i'll use it but i ain't gonna enjoy it]

therian: [magpie - 10/10 it me] [relle - 0/10 it not me]

being: [magpie - 8/10 seems like a nice species-neutral noun] [relle - 7/10 sure why not. though i think "entity" sounds cooler, yeah?]

thing: [magpie - 1/10 horses aren't things :<] [relle - so far into Absolutely Not that i ain't dignifyin this with a number ratin]

animal: [magpie - 7/10. it's fine] [relle - 0/10 it's not]

person: [magpie - 5/10. another I Guess category] [relle - 6/10 it'll do]

[specific term]: [magpie - yes pls call me a horse :3 tho maybe not the other identities, the connection there's different] [relle - i love gettin referred to as a kitsune]

[sharedheadspace]

[relle] y'know. i've been havin a hard time tryin to mark off identity labels- like how that aroallo communith asks that members not be ace. it occurs to me, maybe this is because there's no queerness in my home world.

an that's because there's nothin for queerness to be the alternative of.

see, in this world, queer's a whole Thing cause the assumed default is monoallocishet, yeah? but there Is no default in my homeworld. people just Are, an tryin to sort out all these labels an categories feels like sayin "yeah so havin a skeletal system is a huge part of my identity. really wanna celebrate havin a femur"

do I get sexual attraction?? fuck if i know! never had to ask that before wakin up here! nobody gave a shit! if you wanted sex you had it an if you didn't then you didn't. simple

[sharedheadspace]

@ whatever entity is in charge of what memories we get back: thanks, shitlick, could've happily gone the rest of my life without this one. it don't even add anythin new, this time, just confirms somethin I was like 95% sure of :/

[sharedheadspace]

really fuckin sucks that i hate p*tplay cause the hornyposts for it are perfect

[sharedheadspace]

had a dream i woke up as an anthro fox and just about cried looking in a mirror. waking up for real after felt... empty? in a way?

im sure this has no deeper meaning and doesn't need to be unpacked at all