#repartybanter

[theosymphany]

Banter 403

Piers: What’s for dinner tonight? Chris: Hmmm.. Piers: What’s your favourite food? Chris: Uh…Pierogis. *Licks lips*. Piers: Why pierogis? Chris: *scratch heads* I just… *shrug*. They’re nice. Piers: Nobody’s favourite food is … nice. Chris: Well, it’s got all these stuffings, and flavours. Piers: *grins*. Chris: Fine.. It reminds me of uh, you know, Piers, and orgies. Piers: *pouts*. You like orgies with .. me? Chris: Well, not like a real orgy, just like you and I. Or me with like many of you… Piers: You’re hard aren’t you. Chris: You’re literally talking about my favourite things. Piers: It’s orr-GHI not orr-GEE. Chris: Yes to orgie. *Adjust pants*. Piers: ORR-GHI!

[theosymphany]

Banter 402

Finn: So you know like how the LT has hazel eyes? Danny: Uh, yeah? Finn: Does he have hazel nuts? Danny: *spits drink* Finn: Are you alright? Danny: *Cough* Yeah. Yeah. Uh. They’re pretty. Finn: His eyes? Danny: I’m not telling. *cough* *cough*. Finn: Hmmm. I know that look. Finn: *pause* So uh, you have blue eyes right? Danny: Yes I do! Finn: They’re pretty too. Danny: Uh, thanks? Finn: Do you have blue balls? Danny: Finn! Not unless you gonna… Finn: I’m gonna need those handcuffs again… Danny: Wait! Ohhhhh.

[theosymphany]

Banter 402

Finn: Tell me a joke about the Captain, Andy. Andy: Hmm, well, there’s this time I caught Captain at the bar. He’d been drinkin’, real sullen. He’d be sighing and drinking away and he’d gather us lads round and tell us a story. See this badge here lad? Me long service medals. I spent me youth chasing down Umbrella, busting down zombies, squashing bioterrorism, but do they call me Chris the zombie hunter? NO! See this patch on my sleeve? BSAA? Aye, I built it too. Found the founders, trained and picked my men from a bunch of pussies to the best of the best. But do they call me Chris the Founding Father? NO! See these scars on my arm? Got them getting thrown out of a window by Wesker. I spent years hunting down that man, rescued my partner, turned him to a pile of pathetic ash. But do they call me the Wesker terminator? NO! But you punch one boulder!… Finn: *mouth agape* Finn: What did they call him? Andy: That’s the punch line idiot! *geddit*? Punch? Finn: I know this Irish joke, it doesn’t end that way! Andy: I’m not telling that joke! I’m telling my joke! Finn: But what did Captain fuck? Andy: *frustrated* Dumb rookies with horns, apparently! Finn: Did the LT have horns back in the days?

[theosymphany]

Banter 395

Chris: So Piers, uh, are we gonna get around to do it? Piers: *Blinks* Do what, Chris? Chris: You know, the thing that everyone else has been doing at home on lock down. Trying something new… bonding through experiences. Piers: Oh you’re asking for once? Chris: Well, I’d been thinking, why should others have all the fun? Piers: Yeah, why should they? Wouldn’t want to miss out and all.. Chris: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think we’ve done it before, but uh, Piers: I’m sure we’ve done it before…but yeah, we can try it… anytime… *winks* Chris: Well, yeah, it can’t be that hard. Piers: *Rubs chin*. Chris: Oh, before we start though, gotta check. Piers: Yes babe? Chris: Have we got yeast? Piers: *Stammers, looking down* W..what? Not last time I checked… have you? Something to know about? Chris: I dunno. I don’t remember these things! Piers: Has it been itchy? Damp? Chris: It says something about moist towels and keeping it warm. Piers: Recipe for disaster. Chris: Yeah, the recipe says ‘active dried yeast’ or ‘instant yeast’. Piers: Gross. Chris: Pretty sure we have flour. Right? Piers: You mean… Chris: Take that as a yes. Hmm. Piers: What exactly are we ‘trying’ Chris? Chris: Bread Piers: Bread? You mean, the thing everyone is doing. Chris: Yeah, Claire’s doing it, Jill’s doing it, even Parker set pictures Piers: *Harrumps* … of bread Chris: I thought we should try something new together… Piers: *takes a very slow and deep breath* Piers: Of course babe. We should make that bread together. I love bread. Baguettes. Chris: Cherry tarts. Piers: Start simple I guess. Chris: Good. It says easy but I’m pretty sure I’d stuff it up without you helping me. *grins* Piers: Oh what would I do without you Chris. *sighs* TBC

[theosymphany]

Banter 396

Chris: A Dutch oven. Is that like an oven, but European? Piers: I think ma has a Dutch oven. Chris: Like, inherited through the generations? I knew there’s European in you somewhere! Piers: Hmm I don’t know really. Maybe? Dad’s kinda All-American but ma’s side is-- Chris: Feisty. Piers: Did you call my mom feisty? Chris: She did pinch my butt! Multiple times. And stirred things with Claire on that little trip to China, yes she did. Piers: She’s proud of that one. She always joked if she was military dad would just be a wet rug. Piers: Though she does kinda boss him around all the same. Chris: That’s what I like about you. Piers: My bossiness? Chris: Sometimes. And your delicate lips and pretty face. It’s so… Piers: Cute? Chris: European… Piers: *Rolls eyes* Chris: So what happens if we don’t have a Dutch oven? Is there one at work? Piers: *scanning his phone after googling* Matter of fact we have something close enough to a Dutch oven. Chris: Really? What? Piers: That battered camping oven you like to use so much. That’ll be perfect for it. Chris: That’s a Dutch oven? But that’s just cast iron. Piers: Yeah, it’s a fancier name for it. Chris: See? I’ve been sophisticated all this time. Piers: And very European. Chris: If Europeans like to camp then I’m in! Hah! Should we pitch our tents in the yard again and cook it over the fire? Piers: Pitching tents. Heh. Well, our Australian friend would say.. Chris: Mick? Piers: there’s a kind of simple bread you can make in a camp oven over the fire. Chris: Ooh. Lets do that. Piers: Called a Damper. *googles further* Chris: That doesn’t sound very fancy. Piers: They’re Australian. Australian names are… practical. Chris: I’m practical. Let’s make a Damper. Piers: Dampers don’t usually use yeast though. Chris: Well, good. You said we don’t have yeast anyway. Piers: We have baking yeast. What we don’t want to have have a yeast infection. That I know of anyway. And I wanna keep it that way. Chris: I wanna make a Damper. Over a fire. Like an Aussie. With a Dutch oven. It’s about being multicultural. Like having a German shepherd dog. Ruff: Ruff! *comes for scratches* Piers: You know, I think it’s true. You are what you eat. Damper and you are just perfect for each other. Chris: Can’t wait. Piers: *grumbles* Guess I’ll get my baguette some other time then. TBC...

[theosymphany]

Banter 390

Piers: Uh, so it’s a run to the donut shop for Captain, Ben wants Wendy’s, cleaning supplies for Jill, Baileys and key lime pie for Finn, and uh, a walk for Ruff. Anything else? Carl: I’ll text you Capt when I get info back from mah girls. Piers: First in best dressed! Ruff, hop in the car. Chris: Take care babe. Don’t fight the grandmas. Piers: The things I do for you lot. Finn: You’re the only immune one! No virus will get you! Piers: We all trained against this! Constant vigilance! Finn: You’re not even wearing PPE. Piers: It’s called strategic rationing so you lot have it when you need it. Finn: Those grandmas are gonna give you dirty looks. Chris: Only I’m allowed to give him dirty looks. Finn: My gran gives you both dirty looks. But not in the disgust way… She likes the uh, gun show. And the uniform.

[theosymphany]

Banter 398

Chris: *sipping beer* Is it done yet? Piers: Almost, it says 20 to 30 minutes. Chris: Well second beer is gone, must be about time. Piers: You can keep cooking stuff on the fire. Chris: Good call on the sweet potato with the coals too. It’s one eclectic meal, but I’m not counting calories anymore. Piers: Kinda the way these days, be creative with our supplies and all. Chris: It’s fun actually. Making new food. Piers: You can feed me anytime. Chris: Well I’m not as fancy as you are in the kitchen, but out here, I do all right. I can work a fire. Piers: Yeah, it’s like well civilisation may be breaking down and we’re all getting back to the roots. It’s… sexy. Chris: The end of the world is sexy? Piers: Nooo. Not that. I mean. Watching you build fires, and work it, and make kebabs and roast sweet potatoes and all with just a fire— Chris: And a Dutch oven- Piers: … and a Dutch oven. It’s kinda reassuring. Chris: Yes, I score well in hunter gatherer societies as a provider. Piers: You can shoot, can dress a deer, got nice show muscles. Chris: I’m the whole package! Piers: Just need to work on that dance of yours around the fire and I might blow some flowers your way. Chris: Ooh roasted. Chris: *poking the fire with a stick* Well, it’s not just living off the land. It’s the knowledge too. The sorts you have. Chris: Who’d know you can mix flour and beer and turn it into bread? Making tools, reading the seasons, being good with animals, planning ahead for contingencies. Someone like you is necessary too. A custodian of knowledge. Piers: So I’m not a free rider then? Chris: Nope. I’m hunting and gathering enough for two. Piers: and drinking Chris: And being cute. And the dog too. Ruff: *tail swish* Chris: Yep, with the three of us there, bit of land and water, I reckon we’d do alright. TBC

[theosymphany]

Banter 400

Chris: Mick says ‘Nice buns but mine are better. You should try a Boston bun next.’ Chris: What the heck is a Boston bun? Piers: You’re the East coaster. Chris: You’re the one with the facts! Piers: *goes look it up* Uh, another Australian thing, spiced bun with coconut icing? Chris: That is just weird. What does it got to do with Boston? Piers: Aussies sure have their quirks. Chris: Do you make them with a Dutch oven? Piers: Nope, too European for the Yanks. Chris: Aren’t we an explorative bunch. Piers: There’s so much food now. Chris: Hmm, I wanna make something else tomorrow. And the day after. Try more recipes. This is getting fun! Piers: *smiles* Look at you go. Today damper, tomorrow the world! Chris: *scoots closer to Piers by the fire* Chris: Hey. Do you know you’re really cute when you take a bite of something, you decide you like it and your eyes light up a little? Piers: *Blinks* Do I? That sounds like you talking about Ruff. Ruff: *Looks up with puppy eyes* Chris: *Pats Ruff* They do. I watch your dimples deepen and then you look at me and I’m like yes I made him happy. Piers: And here I am happy that your liked it enough to not throw a tantrum or get bored of things. Chris: I’m not that bad am I? Piers: You do get easily bored. Like you need to do things. Physical stuff. Meaningful stuff. Some days I worry that I’m boring and you’ll be bored of me. Chris: Yeah. There’s always the shed, stuff around the house I suppose. But now that I’m home all the time I don’t want to stare at these projects all day. Chris: And I’m not bored of you. I dunno what it is. Piers: *Nods to self knowingly* Take it easy! Life isn’t a task list! Chris: So says Mr taskmaster here. Piers: That’s planning ahead, it’s different. Some things you gotta get out of the way. Knowing which is which makes the difference. Chris: Reminds me of that poem. If, uh, a bunch of stuff. Piers: If… you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, and blaming it on you. Chris: That’s the one. Piers: Kipling. A soldier’s favourite. Chris: If I can be stuck at the end of civilisation, and still be enthralled by the next sunrise. Chris: Or have no want of company when I have my man and my dog. Piers: *leaning head on Chris* If I can count my blessings though a thousand fall to the right and to the left… Piers: And though having been… forgotten… by the world, have found it in you. Chris: Uh. So we shall live happily ever after. Making… bread and baking love. Piers: *Gulps*. Right. Making bread and baking love. Ruff: … *Confused head tilt* FIN