#resentement

[yonceisthequeen]

Resentment

[calloftheocean]

God forgive me. I've believe a lot of lies that come from a lot of good liars namely me.

Levi the Poet

[jujurants]

Where are these morons coming from?

It's all too familiar....you've had a hard day at work, and are just looking forward to getting home and relaxing, when suddenly your thoughts are invaded by bad music blaring out of someone else's mobile phone as you travel. All those happy thoughts of relaxing simply evaporate, and the red mist begins to descend. Your mind is then torn. One voice is saying

"Go on, say something..how DARE they think they can impose this shit on everybody"

The other voice (obviously) is saying

"Remember that bloke who tackled that other bloke throwing a few chips, who ended up stabbed to death"

I must admit to being one of the majority who do nothing, say nothing, fume about it internally and then get home in a really really bad mood, feeling like a big coward who has no control. However, last week was different. Having found myself in that very situation (the lovely D8 bus - a smaller single decker bus which seemed to amplify the dross blaring out. It was 2 teenage girls (by girls I mean pikeys / pramfaces / whores of satan...see, this is how their music made me feel!) although worryingly, the older I get the less I can tell someone else's age (must be as I am constantly kidding myself about how young I still look!). They could have been 14 or 21, I had no idea. As I looked around the (very busy) bus I could see the misery and annoyance on everyone's faces around me because of their retarded behaviour. However, I let it go, figuring that they looked SO unbelievably pathetic and common, that there really was no need for me to start on them. They should be pitied, I thought. Mocked too (but only silently, in my own head!). It even made a small baby cry at the front of the bus (I guess it had good taste for a baby - nobody likes bitchy chart tat R&B do they?) They were drowning out my Gervais podcast though even with my headphones at 100%, which really annoyed me. For some reason though, as we were all queuing to get off the bus, one of them was right next to me, phone still blaring. I caught the eye of the man in front and we exchanged "what fucking morons the are" looks at each other, and before I knew it, I said to him loudly:

"I know - like we want to hear THIS shit blasting out on the bus - I'd rather hear a baby screaming and crying that that shit"

It was like tourettes and I just kept going:

"Honestly, I don't know how they dare to presume we want to have their music imposed on us, how dare they?"

Well, by this point we had all gotten off the bus, and the more weebly, orangina-faced pikey's pea-brain must have finally realized that yes, I WAS talking about her (her friend had the grace to look slightly shamed).

"Well you fucking LISTEN to the fucking baby crying then muhhh huh" (she shouted)

"I fucking WOULD, if I could hear it over that total SHIT you were blasting out" (I retaliated!)

The funniest thing then happened. She started calling me names! Yes that's right everybody - names. You know, like in school. She called me all sorts, but when she shouted "four-eyed bitch" it set me off laughing in her vile overplastered moon-face, making it all the worse (for me). They then followed me RIGHT across Stratford "Plaza(!) shouting "fat cow" / "fat c**t" / "get to weight watchers" (ironic - see posts below - and all the more bizarre as she was built like a brick shit house - I could tell even under her blobby cheap badly made Primark filthy coat - perhaps she has body-dysmorphia and thought she was thinner than she is - who knows), ooh everything her tiny brain could think of, it was brilliant though a NO ONE knew who she was shouting at so she looked mentally ill (more mentally-ill). I say brilliant - I was also shitting myself at the thought she might be meeting friends and they would stab me in the face (unlikely - who would be friends with THAT I thought to myself) but still, you never know do you! I ducked into the supermarket and hoped they would piss off (they did). So all in all, I have learnt that (a) It's not worth it (even for the rush of euphoria I felt telling them what was in my head, out loud (b) I can never travel on that bus again or I may hurt someone next time! (or be killed to death) Mike Leigh may have enjoyed making his little "movie" for cinemas - for those unfamiliar, it is shot on a bus and shows "inconsiderate behaviour" by different groups of people, who get told off by all the other passengers and they apologise and everything is just hunky-dory. I would challenge him to make a more realistic documentary one, perhaps that could go round as a viral, showing the true reality! People being intimidated, abused, even perhaps stabbed, whilst the other passengers all look away and hide behind their brain dead metro newspapers. What a wonderful city we are living in!

Thanks for dropping by. Feel free to leave a comment.

[jujurants]

Bitter Decoration

Well now. Decorating the home is at best a pain in the arse, but at least you get the smug satisfaction of (eventually) sitting back and thinking "hmm this looks nice, look at my crooked shelves" or something. Unfortunately, we are currently decorating our pig pen in order to sell it and move to somewhere less "shoeboxy". Hence the bizarre situation of doing your home up, effectively for someone else. Every bit of paint, and paper, every screw inserted is tinged with the bitter knowledge that this is not even FOR us! It's like you rip out everything offensive (the wonky 70's beige kitchen units - the transco-condemned cooker...) replace it with beautiful (well - Ikea - but let's save THAT experience for another rant day) kitchen units - lovely fresh plaster - get it all fabulous....start living the 'elle-deco lifestyle fantasy' - and *poof* just like that, you move into a slightly bigger place, with the same shitty old units - and it's like the last 12 months of hard graft never happened, except you don't know why you have no money left and hate your new/old kitchen all over again! Let's just hope that whoever buys this can taste the bitter salty tears that the walls are lined in. Ho hum ;) See: http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6037229 for the 'before' photos of the bitter decoration. See: http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6391882 for the 'after' photos of the bitter decoration. ***Weight watchers update 02 I had another amazingly helpful response tonight:"Dear Julie, The goal weight would of been set when you set the account up. At the time the account was set up you could either accept the default goal weight or change it to one you felt you could achieve." Brilliant. Well, regardless of this astonishing fact I have finally managed to change the weight from the 12ft tall amount, to a more manageable one. I didn't realize paying for their service meant I not only had to DO the fucking diet, but also set my own goals. At this rate I can just print out their recipes then cancel and go it alone, for all the support they have been (I see they rely on the 'forums' for us all to support each other - well they call it forum, i call it lazy, so they don't have to help their users at all. What a brilliant con!) No, despite all this I am determined to keep going if just to spite them with annoying e-mails every so often ;)

Thanks for dropping by. Feel free to leave a comment.

[gemmarudden]

Realisation...

For the first time the other day I realised I was 100% over you. I don't feel hatred or pain when I think about what you did to me. I don't feel...well...I don't feel anything when I think of you and that feels so amazing! For 2 years I hated you for what you did to me and I blamed you for my falls in life...but really I am the only one to blame. I let you treat me how you did and I let you walk all over me. The nicest thing you ever did for me was to leave me. Yes you left while I was at work and changed your relationship status on fb. I suppose that is the respect I deserved because that is the respect I gave myself. I suffered badly with depression because of how low I had let my self respect and esteem get with you. I should thank you for leaving me that day (our year anniversary) because now, I finally know what it means to be happy. I finally know what it feels to not depend on people and I am the strongest person I have ever been. I have never been closer to my family and friend. I am able to help people who have suffered with depression and guide them to the light. If it weren't for you messing me up, I wouldn't be half this person I am today. So this is me, thanking you and letting you go completely out of my life. I will not erase our past but I am taking all the hate and anger I once possessed and I am setting it free.