The March of time.
So it is officially March. I guess this is like a check in of sorts. I think things are going fairly well. I have gotten a few things into routine placement. It is funny to me when people talk about depression and how it manifests in the world. One of the many things depression is associated with is the inability to keep up with hygiene and daily routines. A lot of the time the only thing you see is the person that cannot get out of bed and is sad all of the time. Or maybe someone that doesn't eat. But as with everything else each person is different. I am able to get out of bed but I have not been good about the daily hygiene and routines. I am also an emotional eater. The only problem is that I eat for all emotions. I eat when I am bored for the most part.
But that is a digression from what I wanted to talk about. It is now the beginning of the third month of the year. Where am I on the resolutions I wanted to follow. I have given up on the exercise. I usually do this every year. But the ability to pick it up and give it a go is always there. I am three months into keeping up with the daily hygiene. I am really happy about this. It ties in closely to the skin care regiment that I am also doing very well with. I have a routine and with only a few missed days I have been doing great.
I have really been surprised how much I have enjoyed the makeup and skin care routine. I know I like routines the problem has always been keep up with the new thing. I got to a really low point a few years ago. I was alone and had completely isolated myself from family and didn't have any friends to speak of. I still kind of don't but I have people I interact with at work that I think are friends. Anyway I was not in a good place and because of a lot of stuff I had completely neglected myself. It was not good. I rationalized and made excuses about everything being ok and not that bad and I was immune to any smell or the idea that I didn't look presentable.
I am really ashamed to say that I didn't start thinking about doing anything about it and trying to make myself presentable until after Janet died. I think she would have been happy for me if she could see what I am doing.
So I am learning how to do my makeup. It is amazing and I am only doing almost the bare minimum. Ok it is more then I have done in the past. I have foundation, concealer, blush, eyeshadow, lipstick, powder, and an eyebrow pencil. I am learning how to use a beauty blender type product. I have some eyeshadow brushes. I am able to put a full face of makeup on and I think it is going well. I feel like I am getting more confident and getting better at it in general.
I am finding that this makeup thing is like the tattoo thing. I got one thing and now I need more. I want to learn how to do contour and highlight and I really want to figure out how to do eyeliner. So I am watching makeup tutorials. I am fascinated by the people on these videos and the things they can do to themselves. I look up the ratings on different products and I am reading articles that give tips and suggestions on what to do when and how.
I am also really enjoying the skin care routine. It is still a bit weird to me that the last thing I do at night is wash my face and the next thing I do in the morning is wash my face again. I am trying to find a facial cleanser I like the feel and results of. I also have a toner and a moisturizer. The most recent thing I have added to the skin care is an eye cream for night. I have a sunscreen for the day but I want to go and find a better one for my face. I again have been reading articles and advice columns about what kind of product to use on my face. I think I need to go somewhere that I can figure out what type of skin tone I have. It is something I haven't been able to figure out on my own.
I think the initial response to the extra effort I am putting into myself has overall been positive. It was weird the first couple of days having everyone at work comment on it and some people being “ oh,” surprised “are you actually wearing makeup?” I am not very fond of it and it can be annoying when one of the managers comments about “all that makeup” I'm wearing. But it quieted down fairly quickly. One of the people I work with. The 20-ish gay guy is very interested in my lashes. Like very very interested. He was at my table and just stared at them for at least a few minutes. A few too many minutes. It was creepy and annoying and there are moment I want to slap that child and tell him to go away.
And last but not least is the dietary changes I was wanting to do. And I can happily say that I have cut down dramatically on that front. I still eat out and probably more then I should but I am not eating everyday and anytime I can. One of the biggest helpers in that area has been a handful of weeks with very small paychecks. I had to lay off so I would have enough money for rent and bills. So that is always an easy way to change. I have settled on a plan that I only eat fast food on the weekends. Or at least that is what I am striving for. Some days are harder then others. Sometimes I really do have a hard time passing all the food places up and going home. I mean I still eat stuff at home but it is a win for me when I go home to eat instead of buying food and then eating aging at home most times. I sounds so stupid and childish but it like if I can make it past the two big turns I take to go home then I am good for the ride.
What I have done is turn in and instead of buying food I am buying skin care and beauty products. So that is something that I might be able to use. Not the best idea and not much of a change but it is one less meal of fast food. So that has to be a good thing right?