#reverse wasteland

[heartofspells]

Snippet Sunday

(shhh, it's Sunday somewhere. could be here. how would you know?)

Thanks for the tag, @fonkeloog (also i will be diving into that doc every time you add something new to it after that snippet because my god, my heart)

We've been working on some (non-romantic, please don't get excited) Prongsfoot as a gift, yes we have. It's currently finished but I have no idea when it's coming because it's a companion to something else. Until then, have this!

--

Sirius stops in front of him suddenly, his features morphing into something wrathful. "Say something!" he snaps viciously.

"Oh fuck," mumbles James, his eyes lifting slowly. Sirius deflates with it, understanding coursing through him, shoulders drooping as he drops to the bed beside James. "Fuck. You're bipolar."

Sirius shakes his head in denial, but James turns to face him, reaching out, hands gripping firmly around his upper arms, and Sirius goes still.

"You're bipolar, Sirius," he utters, recognition still dawning like a new day. "All the crashes, the addiction, the running off nothing for days and days, bolting away from us, always seeking more…fucking hell, you're bipolar."

"No," denies Sirius, but his voice is a whisper, resignation in his tone, heavy and thick. He falls forward, face pressing into his palms. "Fuck," he moans.

James reaches for him automatically, pulling Sirius into his arms with ease and grace, Sirius not resisting as he collapses into his embrace.

"It's fine," says James a bit robotically as everything settles into perfect place, his tone steadily shifting as he adjusts, seeing it for what it is, all that it means. "It's okay, Pads. You're okay. We can do this, you and me. Always you and me."

Tagging: @spikybanana @greenvlvetcouch @nymphaea-auri @soloorganaas @mooncat457writing @sweetpeasandlilies

[heartofspells]

Hellloooooo can I get a snippet from reverse wasteland? :D

I am SHOCKED. I never would have suspected that THIS, of all the things, would be what you chose. I feel like I should give you something else. Maybe you made mistake? I am questioning it a lot.

But yes, okay. Before you come through my screen or jump on a plane to come murder me in person, Reverse Wasteland for you, my darling Dani dear. <3

--

"No!" shouts James, close to his face now, bearing down on him, holding firmly as Sirius struggles in his grasp, attempting to manipulate himself free. "Did you really think I was going to let you back in there? What was your plan? Lock me out? Fuck you, Sirius! A locked door isn't going to make me stop trying to save you from your own self. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Everything!" snarls Sirius viciously, spitting with rage, his lips curled into a sneer, nose twisted, face contorted into a feral, disturbing version of itself, Sirius no longer looking like himself anymore. "Everything is wrong with me! Can't you see that? Are you really that blind, you stupid prick? Just give up like you should have years ago. Let me go and leave me alone."

Sirius pushes back against him with a burst of force, sending James off balance unexpectedly. He teeters as he tries to regain his footing, his grip slackening enough that Sirius pulls away from him, slipping sideways and towards the door, but James grabs him again, wrenching him back into place. Sirius hits the wall hard this time, his head knocking into the plaster, thumping dully, his eyes going out of focus, becoming dazed for a few seconds.

"Do you even hear yourself?" cries James, desperation to hold on slicing into his throat as it claws its way up from his belly. "I have never given up on you, not once, Sirius. I'm not starting now just because you think you've reached some sort of point of no return. You're my brother, and I love you. I'm not giving up on you or leaving you to the wolves, not in that flat or inside your own fucked up head. That's what I see, and I swear by everything, Sirius, if it's the last thing I do, I'll make you see it, too. You're better than this! You're better than you've ever thought you were, and if I have to write it across your skin and eyes myself, I will make you see it."

[heartofspells]

are wasteland and reverse wasteland different fics???

Yes and no?

Reverse Wasteland (Put You Through Me) is set in the same universe, but with a few differences along the way. Mainly what would have been different if James hadn’t forced Sirius into rehab and handled it himself. It’s also entirely about James’ and Sirius’ relationship, just this jumbled mess of moments from their lives. And contains an altered ending from how Wasteland will finish.

[heartofspells]

i know you'll only be posting reverse wasteland on feb 14th but can i please get a snippety snippet until then? 🥺🥺🙏 just to warm my heart w something

I’m just going to give up on saying you e already read ALL OF THIS (and not point out that you still have access to it). Here. Have your warm and fuzzies that aren’t warm or fuzzy at all.

—

James never leaves him alone with it, not once.

Sirius rages, spits foul words, terrible threats and accusations, but James stays each time. He cleans up the sweat and the vomit, changes sheets and clothing, wipes down his skin. He bundles Sirius up in layers of warmed blankets when he shakes so badly James is scared his bones will vibrate from under his muscles and flesh. Holding him through the nightmares, locking Sirius' arms at his sides as he tries to flail, James murmurs soothing words, face pressing into his wet hair, sending up silent prayers to whatever may be listening to have his brother back as he once was.

James stays, works him through it each time, monitors his pressures, watches for threatening fevers, keeps a close eye out for seizures as his friend detoxes. Sirius moans in agony, the weakness of his body causing James to feel weaker in turn, aching along with him, for him, but he remains firm.

Because this is the last time. They'll never be here again, not after the overdose, after Sirius once more slipping back into it when James had relaxed and turned his back, given that trust to the other so graciously. They won't be here ever again, not even if it comes down to James locking Sirius up for his own safety.

James refuses to lose him.

[heartofspells]

Looking forward to reverse wasteland!!!!

Me too! Tomorrow! Happy Valentine's Day to all, have some pain.

[heartofspells]

Put You Through Me

Compared to most things, it doesn't. Nothing can compare, at least that Sirius has found. The first word spoken of a new conversation, that first nervous, fluttery kiss with someone new, someone interesting, can't measure up. He's explored all that he can, experiencing newness wherever he can find it, the first slide of a tongue over a new sweet, rich and decadent, coating his tastebuds, has sought out the adrenaline bursts, driving too fast, jumping off high bridges into icy water beneath, thrown himself into sex thinking that rush must be the closest, but it had all failed.

The fire that blazes through him as it enters his bloodstream is incomparable, opening darkened pathways in his mind while others dull and fade away. The spike to his heart's rhythm, that true rush, has no equivalence in the living world. It drowns him in the most pleasant ways, drags him under the surface of a soothing and lulling sea, leaving him drifting, light as a balloon filling the caverns of his chest, long gone hollow and cold.

Yet none of it will ever compare to the first.

Keep reading on AO3