#revolution below

[preservationofnormalcy]

Heidi-ho everyone! Amanda here, lettin’ all you guys know about something real important coming up. When I go to ask Norm in a little bit here, he’ll say it’s okay to use the feed for this, so I thought I’d just cut out that there middleman. 

Anyway, we’ve got a real killer of a chronostorm brewing in North America. Probably cover most of the continent! Won’t be detectable for most people, but us time vets are gonna have a doozy of a headache this weekend. It’ll be strongest on…Friday, I think. 

During a chronostorm of this magnitude, you might have a little more deja vu, that’s normal. Don’t worry your cute head about that. The big thing is you might wanna turn off any extranormal devices on Friday. I know, you kids and your phones, but you can go one day without it, cant’cha? 

If you keep ‘em on, you’ll probably receive errant messages and signals from the past. Remember, it’s against chronointegrity guidelines to communicate with the past! It’ll be just like that movie Frequency. Ever seen that? Oh, great, great movie. Can’t do that though, against the rules. 

This time around, looks like the storm’s connecting us to…oh, the 1970s.

Stay safe out there, kids! Have fun this weekend, without chronostorms making it a huge mess. Remember, muckin’ around in nonstandard chronology isn’t for the untrained. That’s time you can’t get back! 

[preservationofnormalcy]

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Citizens of the Below! As the Lead Miner, I come to you in service. A report on our efforts. The riches of the Underground provide us more precious metals and raw materials than we thought imaginable. The gold and silver, useless to us, has been traded with the Surface. All miners in good standing, speak to your foreman for an increase in rations and mushroom wine. Tonight, we drink to our success! 

As for those in…poor standing…reports have come across my desk of rebellious actions in some corners of the Underground. Strikes, work stoppage. Malicious actors, jealous of those who follow the mining plan. Parasites! 

Rest assured, I have directed my Mine Safety Enforcement team to rat out these agitators. They will be dealt with, as I deal with every obstacle in the way of our glory.

(Art by BoxHead!)

[preservationofnormalcy]

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W-w-w-w-wwelcome to M-O-L AM, the ONLY show that tells the Underking to go <pig noises> himself. I’m your host DJ Flimsy Steve, broadcasting LIVE from an undisclosed location south of Nunya and west of Poundsand. No guests tonight, just me and Gabbysaurus.

Hello! It’s me!

It’s Gabbysaurus! How you doin’, Gabs? 

Doing great, Flimsy. It’s a beautiful day here in the underground. No sunlight, absolutely no air flow. Perfect day to party. 

Perfect day to <cheering noises> PARTYYYYY. How goes it out there in the Big Below, moles, molettes, molefriends? Check in! I haven’t heard from Sector 2 in a while, how you doing over there?

[preservationofnormalcy]

The Appalachian Apocalypse is upon us!! The mountains are older than us and will eat us all alive! We’re living on borrowed time! The Underking will force their hand and we will be subsumed!!

Real shame when Dirt Madness gets you. ‘Specially since they closed down Madame Loam’s Dirt Madness Home.

Listen brother, you gotta keep your head on, okay? We’re all counting on you. Remember what they said in the Home? Look at a match and count to five. Feel the rocks on your claws. The dirt is your friend, brother.

Go get yourself a mushroom vodka. Tell ‘em Flimsy sent you. I’ll send my scrip when I get the bill.

[preservationofnormalcy]

███ ████ ██ nervous, ███ never met █ moleperson ██████

██████ fine, ████ remember not to look her in the eyes, ████ ████ that as a threat.

█████ ███ ██ autistic Zetan; ██████ ███ best news ███ █████ ████ ████████ given me. ███ should ██ ██████ ██ doing ████ today?

████ ██ ███ mean?

██████ Amanda ███ █████████ █████ "chronostorms"? ███████████ ████ electronic communication ██ ██████████

██████████████ █████ the wheels ██ government grind ████ ██████. Make ████ ███ ██████-dried grubs ████ █ ██████ Tony Chacheres, ████ ██ wild for that █████.

████ ██ █ █████ something's wrong ████ ███ auto-redac-

--KSSSSSSSHHHHTTTTTTT--

[preservationofnormalcy]

Hey Steve, hey Gabby, Stace in One here. I think it's very important for the listeners to know that the monster up here in Sector 1 is REAL. I seen it! Up by the surface, I think it musta come in through them bunny burrows we cleared out. It's big and gray, lotta fluff, especially on the tail, with a nice pointy nose and this black streak across the eyes. Dunno what else to say. I got a sketch of it but that don't send over the phone.

Friend, are you talking about a bunny rabbit? I know there’s some weird critters down here but those don’t come in any size other than “shin high.” Unless you listen to the weirdos in Sector 10. I think the moleization process put a little dirt in their heads.

Chill out, Stace. There’s no monster in One, other than the Foreman Flurgmop there. Real piece of work.

[preservationofnormalcy]

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if the Trench is even real anymore. People are always saying it's this safe haven from the Underking, but I've never actually met anyone who's seen it. Maybe it's just something made up, to make us feel better about the people who disappear...

It's out there, I know it is. It has to be! We keep getting those coded messages on the old Union frequencies...you're getting them too, right?

The Underking's reach doesn't extend everywhere, there's a place beyond, founded by the Union before he disbanded it.

You just have to have faith. We can't give up.

S-steve...Steve wouldn't have given up.

[preservationofnormalcy]

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My children….listen to the words of your benefactor. 

The extermination of those who would sabotage our greatness is proceeding apace. They retreat further and further into their ratholes, losing men and support. Soon, they will be crushed. Snuffed out.

Once this obstacle is removed, we will turn our attention, my children, to…greater efforts. We have developed, at great and terrible cost, a weapon. The ultimate weapon, for the ultimate conquest. The surface, my children. Soon, we will take the surface. 

Those who spurn my gifts are bent into place. Those who defy me are silenced. Resistance won’t last forever. Even steel breaks with enough pressure, and people are weaker still. People break so, so easily. All it takes is a murmur.

(Art by BoxHead!)