Chazuke for day 4! And obviously I had to do a rewrite because that’s just who I am as a person! Reimagining the story, Atsushi meets Chuuya instead of Dazai (but somehow doesn’t end up in the mafia because he’s just too pure and I can’t do that to him!! Chuuya can’t either)). The title is obviously based on the first episode of BSD~
There’s some fluffiness happening, the ending is kinda sad, but it’s like... Not angsty or whatever.
It ended up lot longer than originally planned (over 5,000 words), but I like what the story has become ^^ Hope you’ll like it as well!!
It’s on AO3!
Of the Impredictability and Mutability of Fortune
All he could think about was Chazuke. The sourness of the pickled plums. The saltiness of the slivered nori. The chewiness of the left over chicken from dinner. The fluffiness of the rice. All of it doused in piping-hot water and sprinkled with salted kelp. How much he enjoyed his nightly trips to the kitchen, sneaking about so no one would see him. He had made it some kind of ritual, preparing his bowls in the utmost silence, putting the ingredients in one by one, almost religiously. Atsushi’s mind was fixed on his memories of Chazuke bowls, his mouth watering as the ghosts of the food’s flavors were teasing his taste buds. His stomach produced the loudest growl he’d ever heard, bringing him back to reality.
He was standing in a dark alley in between warehouses, close to the harbor. He had been walking all day, trying desperately to find a bit of food, but none had come his way. If things kept like this, he would end up dying of hunger. He collapsed to the floor; his strength was leaving him slowly. Memories of his time at the orphanage were invading his mind: the yelling, the beating, the incessant humiliations. Screams of “Good-for-nothing!”, “Just die in a ditch!”, “No one will ever want you!” were bouncing around his head. He shook himself violently, erasing the voices slowly. Now that he was out of this place, he had to do his best to live and prove them all wrong!
But what could he do to get his hands on even just the smallest bit of rice to get in his stomach? Should he try to rob someone!? The thought had crossed his mind several times today, but he had shaken it away each time: being in a dire situation didn’t mean he had the rights to go against the law, and the poor person he would take their money from didn’t deserve to be robbed; who knew what they were going through themselves? However, this seemed like the only viable option left for him; he was getting desperate. He looked around but couldn’t spot a single soul. He stood up and walked down the alley, reaching a bigger paved road. He scanned the area in search of a victim. A beggar was sitting with his dog at the corner of a warehouse: definitely not someone Atsushi could get money from. A little farther up the street, two police officers were guarding the entrance to a high security building: that wasn’t an option either.
Atsushi let out a deep sigh and turned around. As he was just about to give up, he spotted a man a few meters away from him. He seemed quite small, was wearing a long black coat and a hat. Maybe he could try getting something out of him. The young man slowly approached the person, trying his hardest not to make a single noise. Just as he arrived behind the dark figure, he reached his hand out, targeting the coat’s left pocket. Before his fingers could caress the fabric, a strong hand grabbed his wrist forcefully and a powerful hit took the air out of his lungs. The man’s knee sent him flying up in the air before he collapsed on the floor, face first in the dirt. As he tried to breathe in again, Atsushi couldn’t help but think that this was it, this was the end.
Chuuya looked at the form lying in front of him. It was a young man with weirdly cut silver hair falling all over his face. He was wearing greyish rags; he almost looked like he had broken out of prison. A groan of pain left the man’s lips, his arms wrapping against his stomach, eyes looking back up at the Mafioso. Chuuya’s breath stopped in his throat: deep pools of purple and gold were fixing him, their shading mimicking the setting sun around them. He blinked a few times, trying to register what he was seeing. The young man was getting back up slowly, supporting his body as best he could on his knees and elbows. He coughed a couple times, eyes looking back at the floor. The disappearance of his gaze brought Chuuya back to reality.
“-Oi, boy, what were you trying to do there?” He tried to sound as annoyed as possible, hopefully hiding the flutter that had taken over his chest. It seemed to have worked as the other man replied with fear laced in his voice:
“-I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to attack y-you, it’s just-” Before he could finish his sentence, his stomach emitted yet another loud growl. He let himself collapse on the floor. “hmmmm I’m just so hungry…”
At these words, Chuuya let out a sigh. The deplorable sight of this young man was stirring something in him; he couldn’t really explain the feeling, but he felt the need to help the poor person in front of him. Another sigh left his lips as he stretched out his hand for the silver-haired man to grab.
“-Get up, boy, today’s your lucky day!”
This may have not been a good idea after all. Chuuya was watching the silver-haired man before him munching on his food, bowls after bowls of Chazuke piling up in front of him. It’s not that he lacked money or was tightfisted, Chazuke wasn’t expensive after all, but it looked like the young man was never going to stop shoving bowls down his throat, and as a mafia executive, he couldn’t afford to appear so generous, he had a status to uphold. He took a sip of his green tea, dark glare fixed at the young man in front of him.
“-You said you’re name was Nakajima Atsushi, right?” The younger man nodded.
“-Atshushi, yesh.” His mouth was full of rice. Chuuya closed his eyes, frustration sipping in his veins; how could he be so cute while doing something so disgusting! The Mafioso let out yet another sigh, his grip tightening around his tea cup. The clinging of chopsticks being put down and bowls pushed away called his attention back to the present. Atsushi was reclining on his chair, rubbing his stomach, a look of utter bliss taking over his face. Fourteen bowls were piled in front of him.
“-I’ve had enough Chazuke for the next ten years!” The tone in his voice was the happiest Chuuya had heard since he’d met him a few hours ago. He only hummed in response, not sure if he was amused or annoyed by what the man had just said. “I am really thankful, you know.” The tone in his voice changed, the atmosphere becoming a lot more serious. “Chuuya… you’ve just saved my life.” Their eyes met, both gaze locked into the others, unwavering.
Atsushi started explaining his story: how he had been kick out of the orphanage because of food shortages, how he had roamed around in search for shelter and food, how he had ended near the harbor’s warehouses, almost starved to death, and how he had decided to rob Chuuya in a last effort towards survival. The Mafioso couldn’t help but emphasize with Atsushi’s struggles: he too had a rather harsh life before joining the Port Mafia; he didn’t know his parents and didn’t have much clues on how he’d ended up being experimented on by the government or how he got his ability. Hearing the hardships the young man had to go through were pulling at Chuuya’s heartstrings: he wanted to protect this man, to make sure he wouldn’t have to suffer needlessly again. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling so strongly about this, but seeing the gentle smile on Atsushi’s lips was enough for him to take his decision: he would help this young man no matter what he needed.
After a lot of coaxing and arguing, Atsushi had finally agreed to spend the night at Chuuya’s. He hated to be so dependable on him right now, and he was starting to owe the man a little too much for his liking, but he didn’t have much of a choice: although he had told him about his story, he had left quite a big detail out of his retailing, the tiger. The beast had been chasing after him since the orphanage, and even though he wasn’t too pleased to stay with the red-head for the night, at least it would provide him with shelter away from the beast’s claws and fangs. As they entered Chuuya’s place, Atsushi couldn’t help but let out a yelp. It was a huge apartment, with a window wall on one side overlooking the city. The furniture looked expensive, the rugs even more pricy. The whole place looked so elegant, Atsushi didn’t know what to do with himself.
“-What did you say you’re job was again?
-I didn’t say anything. Now, come here, you can take the spare room close to the kitchen. There’s a bathroom attached to it.” Chuuya pointed at a door at one end of the living room, right next to the open kitchen. “I’ll get you some pajamas, just make yourself comfortable. If you’re hungry, there should be some food in the fridge or cupboards, feel free to have a look around. I have to leave early tomorrow so I probably won’t see you, but you can stay here as long as you need.” The red-head started walking up the stair leading up to the mezzanine.
Atsushi carefully walked to the door Chuuya had showed him and opened it, only passing his head through the small opening. The room was rather big, with large windows on one side. The bed was huge and seemed to be covered with silk sheets. Everything looked as expensive as the rest of the apartment. The young man didn’t know what to feel about this; on one hand he needed a place to stay and Chuuya had kindly offered his spare room, but on the other hand Atsushi felt completely out of place here, all this luxury was too much for him, what if he ended up dirtying something or even worse, breaking one of the ornaments; he would have to repay it one way or another! The weight of a hand on his shoulder made him jump.
“-Here you go, pajamas. Have a good night, Atsushi.” Chuuya shoved the clothes in the young man’s arms and left him standing there, unaware of the internal struggle he was suffering from.
Eventually, Atsushi entered his room; after all he had been through, maybe he deserved to indulge himself little. He would not come across such an opportunity again any time soon, so he just had to make the most of it for as long as it lasted. He took a long, hot shower, the water running down his skin melting away all tensions and stress. He stepped out of the bathroom with reddened skin, the soft glow of joy and sleepiness oozing from his entire being. The fabric of the pajamas was smooth against his skin, and as he slipped in the silky sheets of the bed, he could feel the comfortable hug of sleep surrounding him. He had never felt so satisfied in his entire life.
Chuuya woke up with a start. A quick glance at the clock by his bed told him it was certainly not a time to be awake. He turned around, trying to find a comfortable position when the noise of glass breaking echoed through the whole apartment. He shot out of bed and ran downstairs in nothing but his pajama bottoms. The sight he was met with stopped him halfway through the stairs: the glass coffee table in the living room was shattered, huge gapes were revealing the stuffing of the leather armchairs, the floor lamps were lying on the floor, all cables out, but most surprising of all, a huge white tiger was standing in the middle of his kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards.
Chuuya closed and opened his eyes a few times, trying to make sure this was really happening and he was not still dreaming in his bed. He walked down a couple more stairs. The tiger’s ears moved at the slight sound his feet made, but stayed with his head in the piece of furniture. The Mafioso jumped down the last few stairs remaining, making the tiger turn back for good. The feline recoiled, readying his body for a jump. Chuuya fixed him intently, his body already glowing red from his ability, waiting for the big cat to make his move. They looked into each other’s eyes for a while, and the red-head could swear he had seen this gold and lilac pattern before. The white beast didn’t give him much time to think about it as it pounced on him, all claws out and mouth wide open. Chuuya stood still, only stretching his arm in front of him. His fingers met the tip of the tiger’s nose, and before the animal could close its fangs on him or sink its claws in his skin, a red glow took over its body and slammed it on the floor forcefully. The tiger let out an angry roar: it couldn’t move anymore, intense gravity keeping it glued to the floor.
Chuuya let out a deep breath in relief and looked around to assess the damages, only now realizing the guest room’s door was missing. He ran to it, hoping the young man he had rescued earlier was still alive. He was met with another scene of chaos. The room was completely trashed, bed turned around, mattress destroyed, curtains and bedsheets ripped apart. The rest of the furniture was in the same state of disarray. The red-head looked around, looking for a sign of Atsushi, but found nothing, not even a trace of blood. Could it be…?
He stepped out of the room, coming back to the tiger. The creature was still on the floor, growling menacingly. Chuuya knelt down next to it; grabbing its head and meeting the animal’s furious gaze. Was this why he seemed to have recognized the tiger’s eyes earlier? Was this Atsushi? Chuuya gently called the man’s name. The tiger’s ears moved towards him as if he was setting all his attention on the red-head, his eyes were focused on Chuuya’s; the man could feel something human hiding in them, behind the beast’s anger. He softly patted the animal’s head, whispering Atsushi’s name from time to time, hoping this would calm him down a little. The creature stopped his angry growl, relaxing a little under Chuuya’s touch.
The man hummed to himself, trying to think of a solution. If this was really the young man he decided to help today, why didn’t he say a thing? Could it be that he didn’t know about his condition? He suddenly remembered a conversation he’d overheard at the Port Mafia’s headquarters: Mori had asked Akutagawa to search for a beast, a white tiger that was running havoc on the farmlands nearby; a rich client was ready to pay an extravagant sum of money to get their hands in the animal. Chuuya’s heart tightened in his chest; he couldn’t hand him over to the mafia. He shook his head at the thought: he was part of the mafia, why would he go against orders for someone he’d only met a few hours ago? His hand reached deeper into the tiger’s fur, scratching behind his ears. The beast relaxed more under his touch, letting out a loud purr as Chuuya’s finger were rubbing his head from side to side. He was still maintaining his ability’s grip on the beast, one was never too cautious, but he had diminished the force of attraction pulling him down, giving the tiger a little more freedom in his movements. He ended up resting his head on Chuuya’s lap, and the red-head eventually fell asleep there, his hand on the tiger’s head, forgetting all about the tug of war going on between his mind and his heart.
The sun rays were entering the room through the gaping holes in the curtains, softly shining over the carnage in Chuuya’s apartment. He blinked a few times; his back and legs hurt, he could feel pins and needles in his feet. His hand clutched around something soft and he turned his gaze down, only to realize it was resting in Atsushi’s hair. Said man was lying there sleeping, his head on the Mafioso’s lap. Events of the night came back to him, and it seemed that what he had speculated was true: Atsushi was the white tiger. He tried to move his legs to get some blood back into his feet, which only served to wake the younger man up. He propped himself on one elbow, looking around with a confused look. As his eyes fell on the disaster that was spreading across the room he jumped up, scared gaze frantically searching around.
“-Th-the tiger, it was here, wasn’t it? Where did it go? I have to leave before it finds me and eat me!” He kept on looking around, panicked. Chuuya let out a painful groan and stood up as well. He grabbed the other’s shoulders and shook him lightly.
“-Calm down, Atsushi, the tiger won’t eat you.” The silver-haired man looked at him nervously; he didn’t know if he could believe the man or not.
“-How can you be so sure!?” Chuuya took a deep breath in; he had to break out the news to him, and the faster the better.
-Because you are the tiger!” Atsushi looked at him for a few seconds, not a single expression visible on his face. He suddenly exploded into a nervous laughter, as if he had finally processed the words he’d just been told.
“-Thank you for trying to reassure me, Chuuya, but that’s not possible, that tiger has been chasing me since the orphanage, I would know if-
-Exactly! Don’t you find it weird that it had followed you since then?” Atsushi’s gaze turned to the floor, the gears in his brain visibly working as he was trying to process what was happening.
Chuuya, his hands still on his shoulders, turned him around and pushed him towards the sofa, sitting him on one of the small portions that hadn’t been touched by the tiger. He sat there as well, careful not to fall in the unstuffed hole in the middle of it. He cleared his throat and recounted to Atsushi the events of the previous night: how he had apparently devastated the whole apartment, how Chuuya had found him ransacking his kitchen, how he had managed to take him down. He purposefully left out the part when the Mafioso had ended up petting him to sleep, Atsushi didn’t need to know that. The younger man had his eyes fixed on his hands, a look of horror glued to his face.
“-So… What you’re saying is I’m the one who destroyed your place?” He could already see it, the bill he’d have to pay to reimburse Chuuya. How would he ever be able to gather that much money, he had no idea. The fact that he turned into a tiger at night didn’t seem to have reached his mind yet.
“-If you’re worrying about paying me off, don’t. We have more urgent problems to deal with right now.” Atsushi looked up at him, confusion on his face. “Let’s go out and get some breakfast, okay?”
Chuuya had lent some clothes to Atsushi; he couldn’t let him walk around in the rags he had kept from the orphanage. The young man was now wearing a simple white shirt with black trousers; he had insisted on adding a tie and other accessories to the mix, so he wouldn’t look to unsophisticated next to Chuuya. The red-head had been able to suppress the blush creeping up his cheeks at the comment and had let the tiger look around his drawers in search of anything he liked.
They were now walking around town in search for a place to have breakfast. Chuuya had called Mori to let him know he wouldn’t be able to come in today: a pipe had broken in his apartment and he had to replace most of the furniture there, he had to take care of that today. This excuse, as well as their outing for food, were just pretexts to get away from everything and have a little time to think of his next course of action. He needed to deal with this whole human-tiger problem, and fast. Atsushi’s excited voice brought him out of his reflection.
“-Chuuya, let’s go here, I’ve heard they have the best Chazuke in the area!” The red-head couldn’t help a frown to cross his face.
“-Chazuke again? Didn’t you say you’d had enough for ten years yesterday?
-But that was yesterday!” He grabbed the frowning man’s hand, pulling him towards the restaurant’s entrance. “Come on, let’s go!” Chuuya let out an amused sigh and let the other man pull him inside.
They spent the day out together, exploring the city. Chuuya often found himself staring a little too long at Atsushi, who was always giving a warm smile in return. The Mafioso ended up spoiling the other man a little, indulging him in all kinds of food and drink, even offering to buy him some new clothes, which the tiger had categorically refused: Chuuya was already spending way too much money on him, he couldn’t possibly accept to take any more. The red-head had eventually caved in; he could get some clothes for him another day, when he wasn’t around to scold him. They went back to Chuuya’s place as the sun was falling. The place was still as trashed as it had been in the morning, and reality came crashing back down onto the two men.
Chuuya couldn’t believe he had let himself get so distracted he hadn’t even spared a thought to that situation all day. What was he going to do with the tiger-man? Atsushi, on the other hand, couldn’t help the guilt gnawing at his mind: he couldn’t believe he really was the cause of all this destruction. How could he apologize to Chuuya properly? It was with grim looks on their faces that they went to bed that night; Chuuya insisted on having Atsushi in his room, to keep an eye on him, and the poor tiger could only accept, seeing it as they only way to avoid destroying the apartment more. They were now both upstairs, Chuuya in his own bed, Atsushi cuddled up in a few blankets on the floor.
“-So, Chuuya… You’re an ability user, right?” His voice was soft and sleepy, hardly soaring from under the covers.
“-Yes, I told you so, why?
-Are you part of the Armed Detective Agency?” His tone was sheepish, like a little child’s asking Santa for presents.
“-What? No! Why?” Chuuya couldn’t help the curt tone sipping in his voice.
-Oh nothing, I just thought… since you seemed really powerful, I thought you might be one of the detectives. I heard they would take on jobs even the police or military couldn’t handle, so if you managed to take care of the tiger with just one finger last night, it means you’re strong enough to be one of them…”
Chuuya didn’t know how to react to this: on one hand, Atsushi was complimenting him for his strength, which he couldn’t help but feel flustered about, but on the other hand, he was comparing him to those damn detectives… As if he was comparable to that stupid Dazai! He simply huffed and turned back in his bed.
“-Well, I’m not one of them.” Atsushi hummed in response, dropping the subject at the somewhat irritated tone he could hear in Chuuya’s voice. He fell asleep quickly after, the activities of that day weighing on his limbs, all the food he had eaten weighing on his stomach.
The tiger didn’t wake up that night. The next day, Chuuya had to leave Atsushi alone in his apartment; he couldn’t stay away from the mafia for too long, it’d be suspicious. The young man took this opportunity to clean up the red-head’s place as much as he could, gathering the pieces of glass scattered everywhere, putting away the stuffing of the sofa – he had tried to put it back in but it didn’t fit anymore – and setting the furniture in order as best he could. Of course, because of the damage, he realized most of it had to be changed, but he could at least make the rooms a little less messy, as a way to apologize to Chuuya.
A few more days went by like this, with Chuuya leaving in the morning and coming back at night, and Atsushi cleaning up the apartment; he had even taken upon himself to mend the curtains, a skill he had developed at the orphanage where he would often help the younger kids with holes in their clothes or favorite toys. The two men would eat dinner together, more often than not going out for Chazuke at Atsushi’s special request. The tiger didn’t make an appearance until the fourth night Atsushi had spent at Chuuya’s. Once again, the Mafioso had to use his ability to tame the beast, and once again he spent the night scratching his ears, keeping the tiger calm and purring on his lap. This time however, Chuuya couldn’t fall asleep. His mind was racing, ideas and thoughts bouncing around in his head, each of them contradicting the previous one. As time passed, one idea seemed to keep nudging at his mind more and more often.
The thought had been eating at Chuuya’s mind since Atsushi had first mentioned the Armed Detective Agency: if he wanted to keep him safe, he had to hand him over to them. He couldn’t possibly let the Port Mafia get their hands on him, and as much as he hated to admit it, the ADA was the only organization capable of rivaling with them. He had heard from Mori that the head of the Agency possessed an ability that would help Atsushi with his own, that would enable him to control the tiger inside of him. The more Chuuya thought about it, the more it seemed like the only viable choice he had. He had to make his move the next day; the faster the better.
Once again, Atsushi found himself in a dark alley close to the harbor. This time however, he wasn’t starving, and more importantly, he wasn’t alone. Chuuya had taken him here, saying he would introduce him to someone that could help him. They had taken a lot of detours to get where they were now, hiding from plain sight as much as possible; the tiger didn’t really know why, but the red-head had told him it was necessary, that they had to be careful, and he had trusted him. The sun was setting around them, casting its orange glow all over the city. Everything looked just like the day they had met, hardly a week ago.
As twilight was approaching, a tall silhouette appeared at the end of the street. The shadow walked to them, revealing a middle-aged man in a green kimono. His look was serious, almost stern. He got closer until he was facing the two younger men, eyeing the red-head severely.
“-You have requested a meeting, haven’t you?” Chuuya nodded.
“-Yes, I hope you kept your word and didn’t inform Mori of this.
-I am a man of my word.” The man took a quick glance at Atsushi, who hid a little behind Chuuya. He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by this person. “Is he the one you wanted to talk to me about?” Chuuya nodded once again.
“-He’s an ability user. A powerful one, at that. I want you to take him with you, to make him join your agency. I’m sure he wou-
-Why would I do this for a member of the mafia?” The man cut him unceremoniously. Chuuya cleared his throat. He was obviously annoyed, but had to keep calm, for Atsushi’s sake.
“-You’re gaining a strong ally, and now a mafia executive owes you a favor, I think you are benefiting a lot from this situation.
-And what’s in it for you then?” A frown accompanied those words.
-I just… I just want him to be safe, okay? He’s not the kind to do dirty jobs, and I won’t be able to protect him if he stays with me anyway. Fukuzawa…” Chuuya’s voice broke, but he quickly regained his composure. The tall man could see the distress in the Mafioso’s eyes. “You know what Mori is capable of, and the other ability users under him are no better. Myself included. I’m just trying to keep this kid away from all that. My only condition is that no mention of me helping him is ever made to any member of the mafia, is that clear?” His tone hardened as he said these last words. He knew he was in no position to threaten Fukuzawa, but he felt like a cornered prey under the older man’s strict gaze and he didn’t want to show any weakness in front of him.
Fukuzawa stayed silent for some time, deep in thoughts. Atsushi was still hiding behind the red-head, not sure what was going on. What were they talking about? What were these talks about the mafia? What agency was this man from? And who were these people they both seemed to know? One thing he did understand was that he was in a dangerous situation; he had no idea how he’d ended up there, but now it seemed like there was no escaping it. The taller man turned his gaze to him, locking eyes as if judging if he was worth anything. The tiger kept his head high, eyes unwavering despite the intensity of the man’s gaze. Fukuzawa eventually looked back to Chuuya, nodding his head subtly. The Mafioso understood the message and turned to Atsushi.
“-I think it’s time we say goodbye. Next time we’ll see each other, we’ll probably have to fight.
-Wait, what? I don’t understand-
-Atsushi!” The red-head cut him before he could ask anything. “Promise me you will take care of yourself.” The young man nodded. “Promise me you will fight your hardest to stay alive and safe, no matter what happens.” He nodded again. The concern and hurt in Chuuya’s eyes were unmissable. The red-head’s lips curled into a smile. “Promise me you will eat as much Chazuke as you possibly can, whenever you can.” Atsushi nodded again, letting out a small chuckle.
“-Of course, I will!”
“-Good. Now go, there’s a new family waiting for you.” Chuuya pushed him towards the tall man and turned around, standing straight, his shoulders tensed. He couldn’t help but question his decision. What if Mori was to learn he had betrayed the mafia and given over the man they were looking for to an enemy organization? He shook his head violently. It was too late now, and it was all for the good of this man he had ended up caring so profoundly for, without understanding the reason why.
Fukuzawa took Atsushi with him, walking down the street slowly. The tiger turned around a couple times, hoping to meet Chuuya’s ocean gaze one more time, but the Mafioso was stubbornly keeping his back from him.
The next time they would meet again, they would be fighting each other indeed.