Governor To Declare State Of Emergency Again
SMALL TOWN YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF- Disaster struck again last night as a completely unforseeable natural disaster, which has never struck the area except for two years ago, a year before that, 2006, 2004, and every year from 1978 to 1996 inclusive, hit this Small Town You’ve Never Heard Of.
Residents are traumatized as their homes, businesses, vehicles, and houses of worship have been destroyed in this most recent unpredictable natural disaster that happened only twenty months ago.
“We just got our new house the way like our second-to-last house was,” said a local resident. “All of the impossible to replace photographs that are sitting on our iCloud, our important documents we need to.. need to talk to the government to replace again.. in a flash of wind and smoke. Gone.”
The governor, after a session rehearsing the correct pronunciation of the town and trying to say it with the faux homey accent he’s used throughout his governorship to hide his Ivy League New England roots, said, “I’m declarin’ a State of Emergency to help these here folks rebuild. Especially folks who voted for me last time.” The local electric utility said that, due to Small Town’s remoteness, they will have difficulty restoring electric power for several days to a week. Other electric companies’ workers are volunteering under the point of a gun to assist the local utility.
Contractors have advised RtN that they look forward to working with local residents at the FEMA and insurance company-inflated rates to restore what was lost.