#rheyninrants

[rheyninwrites]

I miss everyone here. I miss reading, posting, getting comments, likes & reblogs. I just haven’t had much energy lately for all this. Life’s so insane right now, sometimes it feels like the world is ending, sometimes it feels like it’s beginning again.

Whatever is going on in your area, I hope you all are safe & sound. I’m still available if anyone has any short requests or HCs, though right now I’d rather write for reader than ships. It seems like on my own I can only write novels.

[rheyninwrites]

I keep making myself so sad with writing, because I write the love I wish I could have and I base it on the type of love I know I have to give, and it feels so fucking beautiful, and then I remember that I will never ever have anyone love me that way. I will never have the kind of love that breaks through walls, or walks through fire, or that’s just steady and true and always THERE, waiting and watching and loving everything that I am, even if they don’t understand it. And it really hurts.

[rheyninwrites]

Okay, I think it’s awesome that “dad bod” is a thing, especially as someone who’s generally preferred guys who aren’t ripped, but I refuse to acknowledge the sexiness of dad bod until we get the same respect and love for mom bod. I don’t mean people who’ve had kids and manage to get back to “pre-baby” body, I mean REAL mom bodies. Whether it’s days after birth, or years, most birthing bodies are inevitably different than they were before. Stretch marks & cellulite aside (those are natural for ALL bodies), skin sags, fat accumulates, the body changes to adapt to its new role. I wanna see the same love for saggy boobs, poochy tummies, bulging hips. How is it not sexy that a body made a WHOLE NEW HUMAN?

To clarify, I know not everyone is gonna think it’s attractive, just like not everyone loves dad bod. But if Dad Bod can be a cultural shift, Mom Bod should follow.

[rheyninwrites]

Is tumblr broken?

Because there are people I’m, like, 90% sure that I followed already that aren’t showing up- and I have to follow them again.

Or maybe I’m just a doofus and forgot to follow them or accidentally unfollowed them.

[rheyninwrites]

So I now sorta have a job

Which is what I wanted, because I miss having money and independence. But I’m also sad, because it’s just a JOB, and it has no relation to something I’d like to be doing for the foreseeable future.

BUT

What I want to be doing for the foreseeable future requires more school, either a masters degree or at least a second bachelor’s degree. That means more student loans, which I am already drowning in due to trying to save my car and house when my finances went downhill- and I still lost both. It also means either an hour or more drive at least two days a week or moving out of state, and I don’t have the support for either of those.

I’m frustrated because I feel like my whole life is dictated for me, and I will never really be able to be my own person.