Villain lives in poverty. They don’t leave a fight with a handful of injuries and come back a day later with stitches and a spry attitude.
They wake up with bruises, black eyes, contusions. They cough up blood on the walk home, attempting to avoid getting blood on their mask. Trailing the alleyway walls to steady themselves, some days they pass out in the alley.
One day the hero finds out who Villain really is, and trails them. They’re not doing anything bad, in fact, they’re doing something good. Helping out kids in a shelter near their house. Villain already in pain because they had to numb half of their face due to a severe beating by Hero.
They walk home afterwards, feeling a draft behind them as they limp forward. “What do you want from me?” They grimaced. They turn around, walking towards Hero. “How dare you?! You live all high and mighty with your money, gadgets, and high life. I can’t even live mine in peace?!!”
“You’re a thief and a murderer, what makes you think you deserve…’peace’?” Asks Hero. “I’m getting rid of your problem! That money? Goes to every shelter on this block! What do you do for these people? Tax them? Make them pay for you and your team to live the life you do?”
“I tried being good, got me evicted. Don’t have a car, so I lived in the shelter up 2 blocks. First night, I turn the TV on, you’re getting a fucking key to the city.” Hero stays quiet.
“If you’re not going to speak, or give me another black eye or permanent scar, I’d like you to leave.” Villain walks into the building from the side door, leaving Hero with their thoughts
Villain frowned for a moment, their gaze locked onto their feet. “That's… cruel,” they said eventually. They grabbed a pair of glasses from a passing waiter, glancing at the liquid inside before handing one to Hero. They took it without question. “Sounds like someone doesn’t want to be here.”
“You think I can just choose where I want to be?” Hero took an impressive swig of the drink in their hand before pulling a face. “That’s alcoholic, you moron,” they commented with a scowl, as they set the glass down on a nearby table. They swept an arm out to the hall around them, grand and exquisite in nature — just like Villain had always assumed Hero was. “Point is, I’m Hero. I go where I’m needed, like here.” They took a moment to glance around, finding their bag abandoned on the floor, the hats carelessly scattered about around it now that the crowd lost interest. The snobs couldn’t even find it in themselves to put them back.
“So… you want a way out? An excuse not to be needed here…” Their eyes dropped to their drink, watching as it swilled about the glass with disinterest. “Without your departure meaning everyone laughs at you.”
“That’s the dream.” Hero laughed sourly before the sound turned into a defeated sigh.
“Then you need to figure something out to get out of here.”
“You really think I wouldn’t have left already if it was that easy?”
"I- well, I… look." Villain took Hero by the shoulders, "Look at me."
Hero did. For a moment, it felt like Villain was actually concerned or had a kind thought for them for once. Hero scoffed internally, rage bubbling at what they had just been through, and so, swung their fist back and gave the party-crasher a black eye.
"Okay, okay. I deserved that." They reached towards the buffet table and pressed a cucumber slice on their eye. "But listen. I didn't know this was all an act. I didn't know you were… I didn't know, okay? I thought you were being mean to me on purpose. I thought you were a grade-A prick, okay?"
Hero rolled their eyes and turned around to leave this dreadful interaction, but Villain chased after them, after gathering a few more cucumber slices.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Hero. I was just- I was just giving you a taste of your own medicine, y'know?"
"Leave me alone, Villain. You're the last person I want to be with right now."
"I don't think that's true. Would you rather go back to your so-called 'friends'?" they were met with a heartbroken stare, "Yeah, I didn't think so. What kind of friends do that? Would you ever push your friend under the horse carriage to save yourself?"
They didn't answer but didn't say yes either.
"See? Exactly. You deserve better, Hero. Better friends, a better life, just-" they replaced the cucumber slice, the old one having gone warm, "I apologize. I didn't know what you were going through. I didn't know you didn't mean all the mean stuff you said, but that's on you, to be fair."
"...yeah, that's fair. I'm sorry for going overboard with the nasti-quette."
"What?"
"Nasty etiquette? I- I was trying to make a joke lighten the mood."
"Well. Good effort."
Villain gave them a pat on the shoulder with a sigh, turning to glance at the room behind them. A few people were whispering to each other, throwing conspicuous stares in their direction, and they decided that they were going to get the both of them out of this place now.
“You punching me in the face seemed to give people some entertainment,” they pointed out, and Hero turned around to confirm, just catching people’s eye as they hurriedly turned away. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how much reputation you have to worry about saving. It’s not like it would matter once you leave here.”
Hero huffed humorlessly. “Yeah, but—” Their voice caught in their throat. They didn’t have much of a comeback to that. “I guess not.”
“So you agree.” It wasn’t a question. “Your reputation is non-existent and is ruinable for these losers.”
They scoffed at the bluntness of Villain’s words. “Wow, a little on the nose.”
“You should punch me again.”
“Excuse me?” Hero almost shouted, startled, and they took a deep breath to rein their disbelief in. “You want me to punch you?”
The hiss of Hero’s words only made Villain smirk, the way they always did when they were devising some horrendous plan against them. “Yeah. Start a fight and get us kicked out. We’d both be so disgraced no one would question why they’d never see us again.”
“I’m the host,” Hero pointed out. “They’d kick you out, and I’d be hailed a hero for getting rid of you for ruining the party or whatever. They always have something locked and loaded to say.”
Villain sighed and shook their head, "Rich people. No consequences for your actions, you lot."
“Yeah…”
“So, anyway. Do you have any ideas —”
“— you already have a plan, don’t you?”
Villain fake gasped with a hand to their chest. Then smoothly moved it upward to slick their hair back. “You’re down to punch me?”
“If it gets me out of here, sure. I already did it once.” Hero glanced about the room. Everyone had already gone back to enjoying the party, their conversation going unnoticed. “You have to work with me here, though.”
“Oh, yes, I love acting. I’ve been waiting to use my drama lessons from school.” Villain was positively grinning, which Hero took as an odd expression for the situation. “I’ll really dress it up. You hit me for being an ass, I’ll call you a pompous loser or something. Get us both kicked out.”
Hero’s hand was already winding up before they were done talking, and their fist connected with their jaw the moment the last word was out their mouth. They knew it wasn't the hardest punch they could’ve given, but Villain dramatically threw themself to the floor as if they were dying.
“Oh, my god!” they announce loudly. “What is wrong with you?”
Their brash words drew attention, eyes of partygoers on Hero expectantly. Villain gave them a subtle pointed glare, and they realised this was meant to be the part where they said something incriminating.
“You— you’re ruining my party,” they said, pointing an accusatory finger at where Villain was carefully getting to their feet. “You do nothing but ruin everything for me all the time.”
All they got as a response for a moment was a vicious laugh that almost sounded genuine. “Oh, I ruin things for you?” Villain spat. They wiped imaginary blood from under their nose. “Your inability to get off your pedestal makes you blind to the fact that it’s painted in the blood of those who think of you so highly!”
They turned to the small crowd surrounding the two of them, clearly not done talking. “That goes for all of you!” they continued coldly. “I will never admire you, and you will never make me bleed for you!”
Hero wasn’t entirely sure how thoroughly Villain’s monologue applied to them, so they lunged for them again for good measure. The two of them hit the marble floor hard, and they weren’t deaf to the gasps of horror from around them. They vaguely heard someone calling for the guards.
“Take that back,” they demanded, not entirely sure how part of the act the words were.
“Why don’t you prove me right? I know you want to,” Villain retorted. “Paint your pedestal. Break something while you’re at it.”
From the grin they wore, Hero knew it was an invitation, but it felt too much. They could see the guards moving across the balcony — they didn’t have much time to do their thing. Some of the onlookers were cheering them on, others begging them not to ruin their name for this, and they made their decision.
They barely realised they’d been winding up until their fist was coming down Villain. Something crunched disgustingly under their hand, and Villain let out a wail that sounded a lot more convincing than before.
“I guess, then, we have both made our points,” they said quietly.
The doors burst open and the crowd parted like the Red Sea. Villain made a point of throwing a few fake punches before the guards hauled them apart. It was only once they were separated that Hero noticed that they were actually bleeding, crimson streaks trickling from their nose, and their distrustful anger was flushed out by agonising guilt. They figured maybe they’d taken it too far, but Villain was grinning like they’d won the lottery.
Whispered conversations flooded the room yet again. Hero had just displayed very uncivilized behavior, having instigated brute force, to the point of blood even.
It didn't matter that, as far as the guests knew, Hero had been insulted. It didn't matter that Hero's honour was at stake. One just doesn't resort to petty punches in polite company. It was uncouth. It was uncivil. It was to be shunned.
The nicknames had already started, Hero's super hearing picked up on some of the more creative ones. Duke of Uncouth. Fists of Froo-froo. The Mad Hatter Batter.
Hero sighed. They hoped Villain knew what they were doing.
They felt a hand tighten around their arm, and when they looked back a guard had securely locked them in a protective grip. “I don’t know what just came over you,” the guard commented under his breath as he started pulling Hero towards the main doors. “But you are not coming back from this. I hope you realise that.”
Villain had gone ahead of them, batting a guard’s napkin away from their face as they passed through the doors and left the uneasy party behind. None of them stopped until they were a safe distance from the others, out in the gardens, but even then the guards lingered nearby, unsure of whether the two could be trusted once they were out of their hands.
“Say goodbye to the lifestyle where you had everything,” Villain comments offhandedly. They flop down on the steps with a sigh, their gaze locked out over the pristine bushes and flowerbeds beyond. “I would say you’ve been successfully extracted.”
“Yeah, well, you made it a little too realistic,” Hero says, and the shortness of their tone isn’t lost on Villain as they settle next to them.
“It was realistic because it was real,” they say innocently. “I came to embarrass you, and I did.”
"That, you did. Quite well, actually. You're a natural embarrassment," they grinned, their gaze still fixed on the estate's horizon.
"Ha, ha. I can't believe your jokes actually improved the second you're out of that world. They're really quite the stifling bunch, aren't they?"
Hero let out a bitter laugh, "You have no idea," and slumped down, their face resting on their knees.
After a rough few moments Villain broke the silence. "Well… glad that's over."
Hero watched them get up and dust themselves, while themselves remain as still as a statue.
After straightening themselves, they offered their hand to a dejected Hero.
"You coming?" they said… kindly.
Hero's eyes widened and they jumped to stand and take Villain's outstretched hand. Their breaths were shallow and their hair and clothes were a mess, but their face showed nothing but pure glee.
---
Fin 🦚
And thus marks the end of the fic that started out aiming to be absolutely ridiculous!
