Not a Game
AU edition of Rich's attempted get away after the Akkadian.
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It turns out that Rich actually had tampered with their system. And of course he did, he's Rich Dotcom. Thank God for Patterson, she was the only one smart enough to find Rich. Once she did the team swooped in and rearrested him. That's when it started, Kurt had at least been civil to Jane while in front of Rich but now....
"It's just nice to know that people don't change. " He said with a furrowed brow and small smirk. Everyone on that team knew what he was doing, trying to get at least one little dig at Jane in.
Jane didn't let her smug smile towards Rich fade and made sure to move her mouth as little as possible, because she knew Rich could very well read lips, when she very discreetly cautioned "This isn't a game you want to play with me. "
Kurt glanced down at her and she glared up at him. Rich cocked his head to the side, he knew something was up but this definitely confirmed it. Rich didn't really take Kurt as a "petty" Person so to have him obviously take a secret dig at Jane was surprising and h*lla confusing.
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Reade recuffed Rich, and Tasha cuffed Boston. Patterson walked each of them to the SUV they personally were driving them in to take them back to SIOC to wait for the actual prisoner transport to arrive.
Meanwhile Kurt grabbed Jane by the arm and tugged her to the opposite side of the prisoner transport truck, the side that was secluded.
Jane shook out of his grip frustrated. Kurt was very obviously about to scold her but she beat him to it.
" Let me guess, I'M out of line because you took a dig at me,right? "
Kurt pointed at Jane while he talked.
"Now you listen to me-"
"No you listen to me. You think I don't know what you're doing?! Every single chance you get you somehow find a way to take a petty dig at me and I. Am. Done. Kurt. I'm done! I thought that you would at least refrain in front of Rich but I guess I overestimated your character." She whisper yelled.
"Jane I-"
"Save it. Because of your relentless need to put me down we are going to have a very long wait for actual prisoner transport to get Rich. Filled with questions, accusations, and my personal favorite ridiculous inappropriate commentary because you couldn't keep it together." Jane took a breath and recuperated. "Look, I understand your resentment, but I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean -can't do this- Jane?"
"Don't make me say it, we both know that there was and is a this."
Kurt clenched his jaw and looked away.
"I have been clenching my teeth and stomaching all of the hatred thrown at me because I more than anyone know that I-messed-up, I was in the wrong. I know that so if you need to keep insulting me to be able to be in the same room with me than I will tolerate it but I just-"
"Just what, Jane?"
"I need a break Kurt! At very least in front of Rich. I deserve at least that much"
Before Kurt could apologize or even try to form some sort of apology she walked away.
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Back in interrogation Jane and Weller are sitting across from Rich waiting on the actual prisoner transport crew to arrive, which is going to take a while since it's now 3 in the morning.
They all were exhausted so there was a silence in the room for the first five minutes, at least until Rich got his second wind.
"So Jane from my understanding you're a consultant but wear an FBI vest and not just an FBI vest a Critical Response Team vest especially made for special agents. You're allowed in the field and undercover, but you are not an FBI agent. Why?"
Jane's eyes widened. She forgot that other than being an absolute moron Rich is a genius.
Rich studied Jane's reaction then turned to Kurt who lowered his gaze at him but wasn't glaring.
"You know I don't really care why-"
"Then why did you ask?" Jane asked confused.
"To analyze. See the last time I was here when I even tried to utter a word that could be somewhat remotely close to resembling you I got a death glare from agent Stubbly over here. But not this time, and he might just be tired I get that but something is definitely off. Because 2, you didn't look to Kurt. Whenever someone asks you a question, or figures out a piece of the puzzle, or anything really you look to Kurt first. And you didn't you stared at me, or the wall, the ceiling, the floor, but not Kurt. So what the h*ll is going on here?! And tell me the truth."
Rich was abnormally serious, it was actually quite frightening.
"Look Rich we're tired, and there's nothin-" Jane tried to salvage the conversation.
"This isn't a game you want to play with me."
Jane looked down, she thought she was subtle enough. Guess not.
"Do those words ring a bell Janie?"
Kurt finally steps in.
"Alright enough. It's too early AND too late for this. Rich, Jane and I's history is none of your d*mn business. You are an informant that's all, what my team does and does not do is also none of your business. Is that clear?"
Jane was astonished. He stood up for her! The thought that maybe just maybe they actually would be ok was inevitably spiraling around her brain and put a very faint smile on her face. But was immediately wiped away.
"I know how childish this sounds but Rich I need a break!"
There it was. Another dig. But this one didn't just hurt, it stung. Mimicking her words from earlier, the words she used as pure honesty. She needed just one day to not be reminded of the resentment, one hour even. She was vulnerable with him and he called it childish?? CHILDISH?!?!
Jane stifled her involuntary gasp, clenched her teeth and tried to keep her eyes from stinging with tears. It was too much.
"You had to do it didn't you?"
Her voice came out shaky and hoarse, she walked out immediately leaving Rich completely and utterly stunned and Kurt stilled in place.
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Rich leaned forward in his chair.
"What in the literal h*ll is wrong with you?"
"Excuse me?" Kurt had a dangerous look in his eye which Rich would have found unbelievably hot if he hadn't been outraged with his behavior.
"One of THE most amazing women in the world, and trust me I would know I have met my fair share of international women, is whole heartedly in love with you and you take her heart and perform emotional acupuncture on it every single chance you get! So I'll ask again what-in-the-literal-h*ll-is-wrong-with-you?!"
Kurt stood up to leave but quickly remembered that one of them had to keep an eye on Rich and with Jane's storming out he was on full-time babysitting duty.
He slowly pulled his chair back out and sat down. His posture was slumped like his shoulders weighed a thousand pounds each and he steadily looked at the table. He looked so... Sad.
"Look, you and I both know that I have an unhealthy amount of investment in you and Jane's relationship. I don't actually know why either, it just kind of happened. Kurt there is something special about the two of you, something you only see in the movies. It's magical, it's an energy, it's an aura, it's... Well it's everything. I know that you can salvage it because I know you'll want to, or do want to. You just don't know how. You've spent so much of your life closed off to the world that it became easy, a defense mechanism that was completely foolproof. Until Jane, Jane was unprecedented for you she wormed her way through every single defense you had then I'm guessing tore you apart from the inside."
Kurt cleared his throat, obviously choking back tears. He was hurt but never hurt enough to cry in front of Rich Dotcom.
"But that's the thing with love, it's a power. And once you hand that power over to someone they can completely destroy you. Tear you apart limb from limb while you stand there and watch, because you still love them. That's the kind of love you and Jane have, Jane could break your left kneecap and you still wouldn't hurt a hair on her head."
Aside from their fight in the Motel but Kurt chose not to correct him.
"She broke you but she can build you back up again with one smile if you let her."
Kurt finally looked up at Rich when the door opened and in walked prisoner transport, Kurt made a beeline for the door, he couldn't have more agents seeing him like this.
"ONE SMILE KURT! THAT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE!"
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Jane was still in the locker room. She would have went home but she knew that she couldn't make it in her state of mind. It would have been as dangerous as walking home drunk. Except she was more afraid of the risk of her snapping and killing someone than she was of getting mugged.
So there she was on the bench in the locker room almost in a catatonic like state. She thought that once she was alone she would have broke down in sobs but this, well this was much much worse. Thoughts and memories were swirling around her brain like a emotional turmoil whirlpool.
You'remystartingpointyouneedtolistentomehappybirthdayJanepizzaorhotdogswithhushpuppiesthere'saparkattheendofmystreetyou'reagoodpersonJanekeepthemsafeyou'renotakillernicehaircutthatmeansIcandothis
It was paralyzing.
Until her train of thought was interrupted by the door opening.
"Jane we need to talk."
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Kurt approached the opposite side of the bench to sit.
"Please don't."
"Jane we need-"
"I don't want to talk to you, I'm never going to be ready to talk to you."
"I know but-" Kurt approached again.
"Do. Not. Sit. Near. Me" Jane commanded through gritted teeth.
Kurt obeyed opting to stand in front of her but not directly, and just out of arm's reach just in case she lashed out.
"I'm sorry, Jane. For everything. I went too far, I pushed you too far."
Jane humorlessly chuckled.
"You pushed-. You say you don't hate me, then you push me, you say that you tried to murder the man who hurt me then you push me, you defend me, you protect me, you simultaneously keep me by your side and at arms length, you smile at me then you push me, you-" Jane's voice cracked after having so much bite in it, it's such a dramatic change in tone. "You know exactly how to get my hopes up just to squander them. So no Kurt the problem isn't that you pushed me too far. It's that you pushed me too much."
"You have to believe Jane, that I am so sorry."
He knew he had to say more. He at least owed her that much.
He sighed deeply.
"I've never been good at opening up to people. After the incident, before my mother took off she put me in therapy after therapy trying to get me to open up to someone. It never worked. Some people may have even called me stubborn."
Jane tried not to smile, but Kurt could tell that she was holding back and it made him feel a little better.
"Anyways, whenever I went to the actual appointment I would just sit there and stare at the wall, my hands, my feet, for a whole hour and a half. I even made some of my therapists believe that I was mute, that was until my mother would pick me up and ask what I would like to eat when I get home and I would scream at the top of my lungs MEAT!"
Against Jane's will she let out the softest chuckle, and Kurt couldn't help but think
It really does only take one smile.
"Eventually the therapists would refer me somewhere else because they needed to tend to the patients who wouldn't -waste their time- and the cycle would continue. I wouldn't talk to anyone at school either, and I couldn't talk to Sarah. I was her protector, her rock. I couldn't fall apart on her. So I learned to build walls. The walls allowed me to keep moving forward, they allowed me to take care of my sister while everything in me wanted to run away and never come back. They kept me sane."
Kurt cleared his throat.
"H*ll I hadn't cried in about twenty years, until you showed up."
Jane's gaze flicked towards him at lightning speed.
"With one touch of your hand on my cheek, something in me broke. All of a sudden all of my walls that protected me came crashing down, letting you waltz in. Which was why the day I arrested you I was a wreck. All of the hurt and pain wasn't stopped by my walls. You destroyed me; You know I literally had a pain in my chest when I arrested you. Like my heart couldn't take it. Which was why the CIA was even able to take you in the first place. I placed you in the interrogation room and walked out. I was going to wait for Pellington then interrogate you but I had this awful constricting pain in my chest that I had never felt before. It was too much. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry. I just blacked out. An agent eventually found me lying in the hallway and had me taken down to medical. They said that I was most likely -overwhelmed- and I said what about the pain in my chest and you know what they said-"
Jane was enthralled. She couldn't look away.
"They said that there was no -medical explanation for it- I was healthy. Then one of the nurses asked if I had been hurt emotionally in the past 24 hours. I asked why and she said that -studies have proven that heartbreak can actually cause a string in your heart to break- hence the name heartbreak. She said that it was highly probable. After twenty years of not feeling you come and you make me feel alive then you break one of my heartstrings."
"Oh."
"So Jane you have to understand that I am trying to cope but there is no excuse for my behavior, I will change I promise I will. I'm just- I'm just hurt Jane." Kurt said finally letting a couple of tears spill over.
"That makes two of us." Jane says letting a lone tear streak her face.
"Can I please sit now? My legs are killing me." Kurt says jokingly.
Jane laughs.
"Come here."
Kurt takes the invitation and drops to his knees in between her legs and hugs her. They hold onto each other tightly, while Kurt keeps whispering apologies in her ear.
"I really love you, you know that?"
"I know"
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