Oh how i NEED someone to forcemasc me into working out, someone to help me get that testosterone flowing during my workouts, someone to push me to my absolute limits.
"you're doing great, you're becoming a real man soon."
But having someone force me into the masculine spaces, someone to take me out places and introduce me as his boyfriend, someone to do my T shots and whisper excited nothings into my ear while the injections puncture my thigh, commenting on how I'm "a real man" and how great I'll feel afterwards.
I need to fight a guy in my MMA class, a new trans guy who's obviously been on T for a while, and I need to lose. I need to lose this fight, have me pinned to the point I tap out and he gets off of me with a knowing grin because he was in my shoes once, too.
I need to lose this fight so badly, to ask him for advice on my stances, and we spar after the gym closes and he's panting from the heat and the fights, and so am I, panting and all worn out after the hours of training.
"You know," I want him to say, "you're a wicked good fighter, man," he enunciates man like a hymn of an angel, "and I think you're getting better."
He'll punch me in the shoulder, softly but with enough force to let me know that I shouldn't try anything, and nod along with me to the transmasc metal artist we're playing on the speakers.
We'll take our shots together, but he'll see me struggling with the placement and he'll come over, sitting next to me and taking the shot from my hand and with utmost precision just inject it into my thigh. He's obviously done this countless times, considering the absolute spot-on placement, and he'll move on like nothing happened.
announcement for those involved in any polling competitions on tumblr
under the cut because its in depth and long
I first started participating in the MCYT gender showdown this year. I loved the concept and the propaganda being spread and it was a fun activity to talk about with my mutuals and in my posts.
However acknowledging the cancellation of the Princezam and Technoblade contest, I want to express my utter disappointment in those who were mean, cruel, and outright bullied the opposing sides in this poll.
It is meant to be FUN and EXCITING, not something to avoid or dread. And this is something that the runner, Foxtrot, has expressed as well. And despite this, we still were mean to one another! We bullied the side we weren't on and I am VERY upset about that.
Zam had also expressed that he didn't want to win. Despite others pushing for his victory, they were still mean to the other side. Now I'm not trying to say that EVERYBODY was mean to one another, but I'm saying that enough were to cause such an issue.
I sympathize with those who were bullied in the process of this poll and I apologize on behalf of the Zam voters to any Techno voters, and I expect others to do the same, whether by posting about their apology or by acknowledging this mentally and knowing that they were wrong in saying things like "who the fuck is the other guy lol" or "vote the most gender, not your favorite".
Things like this affect people more than you would think and I know people personally that felt like their gender wasn't valid by voting for their favorite or by voting for the one with "less gender" or whatever the fuck people will try to say.
I apologize for anything that has come from this poll. I really do. I want EVERYONE to know that the bullying was NOT okay and never will be okay. It's meant to be fun and exciting, not dreadful or whatever bad words I could be forgetting.
Do better, MCYT community. We're supposed to lift each other up, not tear each other down.