Something to Lose (Ridoc x Reader)
Author's Note: The Empyrean Series may have caused a reading slump, but it ended a writing slump, which I guess counts for something. Possible Iron Flame spoilers if you use a magnifying glass and the deduction skills of a Swiftie.
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The exhaustion was almost strong enough to overpower the pain and staggering heat that threatened to consume me. I don’t know how I made it back to the dorms. Perhaps Zihnal had taken pity on me.
It was too much, I couldn't it anymore. My back slid down the cool wall. I shiver at the slight relief. My eyes shut as my pulse continues to assault my head.
I try to force myself back up, force my eyes to open, but my vision swims.
Get help, my dragon snaps through the bond. Now.
Get Aotrom, I manage. Get Ridoc.
If this is burnout, I try to joke weakly, I never want to wield again.
Not funny, she fires back immediately.
The world fades in and out of focus. I have no idea how long I sit in that hallway. I barely register the footsteps, hurried pace that stop as they reach me.
“Y/n—?”
I know that voice. I try to place it, but my mind is slow. I force my eyes open slowly, blinking up at him. When did it get so bright?
I manage a crooked smile, “My rider in shining flight leathers.”
"What the hell happened?" His hands are on me instantly— then recoil from the heat, "You're burning up."
“I’m burning out,” I murmur deliriously, “Like a star.”
His expression shifts—fear cutting through the irritation. “Shit.”
He hauls me to my feet, but my legs give out. "Woah-woah, hey, stay with me," he says urgently, shifting and picking me up instead.
He unceremoniously plops me on his bed and starts stripping off my flight leathers. I'm barely conscious at this point, which does not sit well with him.
By some miracle, perhaps Zihnal again, he manages to get me to the edge of the tub, blasting the cold water. As he places me in the tub, his hand brushes the back of my neck. He hisses. “Gods, you’re burning.”
Everything feels too slow, unreal, my mind starts to drift to the darkness again.
Ridoc sees it happening, “Stay with me,” he says sharply. He uses his signet to cool the water further.
The cold hits like a shock. I gasp—sharp, involuntary—but it’s not enough. Not yet.
The ice creeps through the bath, seeping into my skin, dragging the heat out of me inch by inch.
It hurts. I sag back against the tub, head lolling, breath still coming too fast, too shallow. Ridoc drops to the edge beside me, one hand anchoring at the back of my neck, the other steady on my shoulder.
“Breathe,” he says, quieter now. “Come on. With me.”
I try.
In—
Too fast.
Out—
Not enough.
His hand presses lightly against my chest, grounding, counting me through it.
“In.”
I follow.
“Out.”
Again. And again. The world starts to settle—just a fraction. Not spinning as much, not burning as bright. Once the heat reliquishes control, the cold seeps in to fill its place. I shiver uncontrollably and Ridoc pulls me out of the tub, wrapping me in a towel.
I force my eyes open. He’s watching me as if I might disappear. “I’m okay,” I try. But it comes out weak, unconvincing.
“Yeah?” he mutters. “Because this looks real, okay.”
I huff something that might be a laugh. My body trembles, exhaustion fighting for the reins. But I refused to give in, not when Ridoc was looking at me like I was his entire world. His jaw tightened slightly, I almost thought I had imagined it.
“You pushed too far,” he says quietly. Not accusing. Just… certain. His hand stays at my neck, thumb brushing absently, like he needs to keep checking I’m still here.
He leaves for a minute and returns with some of his clothes for me to put on. He carefully helps me into his shirt and boxers, like he's been taking care of me his entire life.
Then he carries me to his bed, “I’ve got you,” he adds, softer now.
"It was Varrish," I try to explain. It is important to me that he doesn't think I was just being reckless. "It was a punishment...for RSC"
Realization dawns on him. The temperature in the room drops a fraction, not from the bath. “I’m going to kill him."
I huff a breath that might be a laugh. “Get in line.”
Ridoc covers me up, debating his next move, when his fingers brush mine.
They don’t pull away right away.
I notice, of course I do. “You good?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah,” he lies.
I push myself up slightly, wincing as the movement pulls at everything still recovering. The room tilts just enough to remind me I’m not actually fine.
Ridoc notices immediately. He always does.
“Easy,” he murmurs, one hand coming to steady me again, instinctively.
I look up at him to find that he’s already looking at me. Something shifts. Not sudden, not sharp. Just… there. The weight of everything... the stolen glances, the flirting, the little moments between us... it's palpable.
His hand still lingering. “You scared me,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.
I swallow. “I’m still here.”
“Yeah,” he exhales, like he’s convincing himself. “You are.”
He doesn’t step back. Doesn’t put the space back between us.
“You can’t keep doing that,” he says finally.
I tilt my head. “Doing what?”
“Almost dying,” he says.
The words land between us and my chest tightens.
“Ridoc—”
“I can’t do that,” he continues, quieter now. “Not again. I thought I was going to lose you,” he says. Simple. Honest. Devastating.
“You didn’t.”
“Not this time.” The words slip out before he can stop them.
My pulse stutters, “Ridoc…”
He looks at me like he’s already regretting everything, or maybe like he’s done holding it in. I can’t tell.
“You don’t get it,” he says, voice rough now. “You walk into danger like it’s nothing. Like you don’t have anything to lose.”
I open my mouth to argue—
“But I do,” he cuts in.
That stops me completely.
His voice drops, quieter. Unsteady. “I have something to lose.”
My breath catches, the air between us feels too thin. “Ridoc…” I warn.
“It’s you,” he says. No deflection. No humor. Just truth.
My heart stutters hard against my ribs. The room feels too small now. Too quiet.
“You’re what I have to lose.”