LYRICS He's the musclebound cop in the lady's wig and the bad-fitting baseball cap See him drivin' 'round the city runnin' over bad guys in his Chevrolet piece o' crap On loan from San Diego (We don't know why) They call him "Samurai" (His name is Joe) But he doesn't fit the profile for a samurai; He doesn't even have a sword! (SAMURAI COP) He's tellin' these "son-of-a-bitches" he respects the Japanese of this country (SAMURAI COP) He's gonna turn 'em into fertilizer while he's making time with the gang boss's lady SAMURAI COP At the cop shop flirtin' with the lady cop and every other woman in the place 'cause he can't stop Now he's hittin' on a nurse and he tells her he's a prize 'cause his johnson's jumbo jet-sized His captain really hates him (Big surprise) He prays that he will die (So do we) He's killed at least a dozen people But that doesn't seem to bother him at all! (SAMURAI COP) The evil drug lord wants to see his head on his piano but I don't think that's very practical (SAMURAI COP) He's got a white piano, and to put a bloody head on a white piano's kinda tacky SAMURAI He's makin' dinner for his new girlfriend wearing nothing but a little black banana hammock They're gonna make sweet love and it makes you kinda feel like you'd rather see anything else Now comes the final battle against a big-chinned guy His wig is gone again, but suddenly his wig is back And then his wig is gone (SAMURAI COP) And now they drop their swords and go back to punching 'cause they're not very good with swords (SAMURAI COP) Then the bad guy dies and you realize they didn't apprehend a single criminal (SAMURAI COP) At the end, he's back in his banana hammock Tell me, is this any way to end a film? SAMURAI COP