#rig war

[rig-reporter]

It's time.

Union members, it's time to rise up. We've been given the command by Mr. Washington. This is the culmination of years of thought, months of work, and countless hours spent rallying the people.

The people of this rig do not consent any longer to the poor conditions we are subjected to, day in and day out.

THE PEOPLE OF THE PATRIOTS PETROLEUM PLATFORM HEREBY DECLARE THE FOLLOWING DEMANDS:

I. WE THE PEOPLE OF THE POPP demand FAIR PAY of greater than FORTY DOLLARS per HOUR or equivalent SALARY.

II. WE THE PEOPLE OF THE POPP demand WORKING HOURS of less than or equal to EIGHT HOURS per DAY

III. WE THE PEOPLE OF THE POPP demand OVERTIME PAY of greater than or equal to ONE-TIME-AND-A-HALF of a given workers HOURLY PAY.

IV. WE THE PEOPLE OF THE POPP demand additional FULL TIME, PAID POSITIONS in which employees accurately inspect SAFETY CONDITIONS on the rig AT ALL TIME OPERATIONS are ongoing.

V. WE THE PEOPLE OF THE POPP demand BUDGET PERCENTAGES equal to no less than FIVE PER-CENT GREATER than CURRENT OPERATIONS devoted to the purchase and maintenance of SAFETY EQUIPMENT onboard the rig. This budget increase will provide equipment to EACH and EVERY EMPLOYEE currently onboard the RIG.

We are dedicated to this job and the work that we do. We will not back down 'til these demands have been met.

[rig-reporter]

Are you planning on having any more children ?

Not while I am on the rig. I wouldn't want to burden my wife with such an undertaking when I cannot be with her regularly. Perhaps, one day, my job will allow me to work more remotely (like if I could get promoted) and then perhaps we will consider having more kids.

I know Eliza is lonely, but the union requires a lot of attention in these early and crucial days. Perhaps it has caused me to neglect our union. Thank you for reminding me, dear supporter.

[rig-reporter]

why is a union happening

Somebody hasn't been paying attention I see. I am glad to have a supporter, but I do wonder how someone could be so invested in my friends and I but not know that there is a union? Are you spending all your time talking to Jefferson about Mac n cheese? How deplorable.

Listen up, supporter. This is the realest moment that there has been yet. This is the time for you to get ready for a reckoning upon the world of labor. Should you have read the declaration posted earlier on this here account, the people of the Patriots Offshore Petroleum Platform (POPP) have declared their union and shared a list of demands. Read up. Listen up. Brace yourself.