#rizattempts

[rizlearns]

07.06.21 | day 10/30 [ et sammendrag]

today i finished short stories in norwegian! my first (nontext)book! so today i decided to give a summary of the last story i read. i did three takes as usual and it was easier by the third try even if that was only by a little bit. it is crazy how much i can understand of something but then have so much trouble just explaining what i read.

i think the biggest thing that messed me up today was correctly pronouncing the fake names...i should have just said fuck it and kept going but me being, me spent way too much time on that...one thing i also noticed is that i really should refresh on those words and phrases [forgetting the proper term] you need to tell a story cohesively LOL. kinda unrelated but i did have an italki session today and was able to ask (and understand the explanation to!) some grammar questions and also talk about my teacher's gardening experience or lack thereof hahah.

all in all speaking is still very hard after only 10 days but i am really glad i stopped avoiding speaking practice altogether because it would only get harder the longer i waited!

[rizlearns]

21.06.21 [day 24/30; upopulære meninger]

did not make the time to start the review of the next chapter in SSiN but i made it a point to talk about my day and the podcast i had listened to:

talked about how hard it was to exercise today lol

talked about spending too much money at the grocery store because i always need to try the new things

talked about trying to walk my dog earlier than usual but how that failed because it was way too hot outside

listened to a podcast episode about unpopular opinions (re: food, entertainment, relationships, etc)

listed the ones i remembered, gave an explanation on why i either agreed or disagreed

thought my pacing was pretty okay

didn't struggle for words really

was able to speak cohesively instead of short. awkward. sentences.

[rizlearns]

31.05.2021 [day 3/30; story 1: hvordan jeg ble veganer]

i forgot today was a holiday lol so everyone was still home today. also got a much later start to the day but i am happy i am keeping to the schedule thus far (lol its only day 3) despite being so tired!

take 1: this was the best first take so far even though it was still not the best. i messed up the last sentence pretty bad haha. had to stop and look at my notes about half way through and also my dad tried talking to me so that did not help either lmfao.

take 2: made some more changes in my sentence structure after realizing my sentences were awkward or just plain wrong lol but that is good i think (!) because it highlights that even though some words are integral to the story, i can change them around and adjust them accordingly to my new sentence! had a nice moment of this around the 2 minute mark where i totally deconstructed a sentence around but maintained the correct sentence structure!

take 3: continued to add new words to old sentences at this point but still needed to refer to my notes at this. just once or twice though! it does feel a little easier now to form sentences on a whim pertaining to the same topic but it could still flow a lot better.

tomorrow i will try to take all takes without looking at my notes and see how long it takes/what i can come up with if and when i get stuck. still feels gross to listen and hear myself but this is getting a tiny bit easier already. see you again tomorrow!

[rizlearns]

15.06.2021 [day 18/30; kapittel 1: et sammendrag]

said i would start chapter 2 today but honestly just did one take (of chapter 1) at like midnight just for the sake of consistency and it kinda, really, sucked. no notes but this: jeg kan ikke norsk mellom åtte og åtte.

[rizlearns]

06.06.21 [day 9/30; story 1: min første tur til norge]

writing something for today feels like cheating because i didn't practice speaking in a conversational/storytelling way as much as i just read aloud awkwardly once or twice. sense of self and direction is still very much lost but not finishing this would make it worse lol. again its hard to practice something that feels like i didn't even write it so all i can say is i tried to focus on accent which isn't really the point right now but i needed to do something.

i have 4 italki sessions scheduled this month (one tomorrow) but i think i will cancel the other 3 and just move them to sometime in the distant future because i cannot handle making an idiot of myself, in this way, anymore. also, i have no more money! atm so it might be okay to stretch them out in that sense anyways.

[rizlearns]

05.06.21 [day 8/30; story 2: min første tur til norge]

i did in fact practice this day but did not have the energy to post about it lol. so today i decided on a new story which at first did not seem to complicated to write about but i need not only to tell the story in english, but i had to write it out too and that took me way too long to do. and even though i only had to look up a few words, it felt like i had no idea how to structure any sentences anymore and that was the most annoying part. so really today was spending literal hours drafting a fucking story and just reading it out loud which feels bad because it feels like i didn't even write this story let alone practice telling it aloud.

and after that was kind just a downward spiral lol. and i know a lot of people [i have personally talked to] are like 'this is normal' and 'it happens to the best of us' but this really feels like i have so many holes in my learning ability/capabilities and its embarrassing to even write this even though no one reads these and no one knows me but god it feels so awful and i am really stuck now. so yeah i don't really know what to do right now but today's practice was really difficult and it just should not have been. no comments really other than i literally don't know what i'm doing anymore lol. at first it was like 'nice' to be unemployed because i have so much free time but now its like what the fuck do i have to show for it?? absolutely nothing on most days and that fucking sucks. like just another thing to add to a long list of things i can't do right: im not earning any money, i am not getting any experience in my job field/adding something valuable to my resume, and im not making nearly as much progress as i feel i should be and it's hard. anyways pity party over.