Increasingly Stupid Ways Jaskier Might Have Become Immortal
Jaskier is in fact half human, half… something else because his slut genes are 100% genetic from his mother and that’s great
A side effect from the incident with the djinn
One day geralt was pissing yennefer off more than usual and she retaliated by secretly making jaskier immortal to annoy geralt forever
He once played a song for a group of random humanoid creatures that he invited to his campfire in the woods (because he has ZERO self preservation instincts) that turned out to be fae, and they were so pleased by his music they decided to make sure he’d be around to make it forever
That time he helped an old woman carry her increasingly concerning and suspicious looking groceries to her decrepit hut and she gave him ‘an eternal blessing’
He made a deal with the devil so that he could be young and beautiful forever (the money he saved on skincare alone was worth his soul)
The time he and geralt were investigating a rogue warlock’s tower and he found a potion that looked particularly delicious and decided to chug it all like a desperate frat boy
The period of time that part of one of geralt’s potions got mixed up with jaskier’s many perfumes and he unknowingly dosed himself with them for over twenty years into immortality
He once made a bet with valdo marx over who would age better and it’s a bet jaskier is determined to win
Jaskier just decided to stop aging, so he did
Geralt once won a high stakes game of gwent and decided to get his bard something nice (immortality of course)
Roach is actually some kind of mythical being who was so pleased by jaskier’s constant treats that she granted the funny human immortality
Jaskier has actually died on several occasions and managed to charm the grim reaper into letting him come back
Jaskier accidentally swallowed an enchanted ring and is too afraid to tell geralt because he will never let him around small objects unsupervised again (there have been previous incidents)
Both geralt and jaskier share one single brain cell that roach is usually in possession of, and so neither of them notice that jaskier is in fact some kind of minor god until yennefer has o literally spell it out for them