Increasingly Stupid Ways Jaskier Might Have Become Immortal
Jaskier is in fact half human, half… something else because his slut genes are 100% genetic from his mother and that’s great
A side effect from the incident with the djinn
One day geralt was pissing yennefer off more than usual and she retaliated by secretly making jaskier immortal to annoy geralt forever
He once played a song for a group of random humanoid creatures that he invited to his campfire in the woods (because he has ZERO self preservation instincts) that turned out to be fae, and they were so pleased by his music they decided to make sure he’d be around to make it forever
That time he helped an old woman carry her increasingly concerning and suspicious looking groceries to her decrepit hut and she gave him ‘an eternal blessing’
He made a deal with the devil so that he could be young and beautiful forever (the money he saved on skincare alone was worth his soul)
The time he and geralt were investigating a rogue warlock’s tower and he found a potion that looked particularly delicious and decided to chug it all like a desperate frat boy
The period of time that part of one of geralt’s potions got mixed up with jaskier’s many perfumes and he unknowingly dosed himself with them for over twenty years into immortality
He once made a bet with valdo marx over who would age better and it’s a bet jaskier is determined to win
Jaskier just decided to stop aging, so he did
Geralt once won a high stakes game of gwent and decided to get his bard something nice (immortality of course)
Roach is actually some kind of mythical being who was so pleased by jaskier’s constant treats that she granted the funny human immortality
Jaskier has actually died on several occasions and managed to charm the grim reaper into letting him come back
Jaskier accidentally swallowed an enchanted ring and is too afraid to tell geralt because he will never let him around small objects unsupervised again (there have been previous incidents)
Both geralt and jaskier share one single brain cell that roach is usually in possession of, and so neither of them notice that jaskier is in fact some kind of minor god until yennefer has o literally spell it out for them
Benders came to be after the Conjunction of Spheres, a cataclysmic even that took place approximately one-thousand five-hundred years ago. During the occurrence, the unmarked and magic lacking universe collided with another unknown universe. From that reality poured in monsters, the forces of Chaos amongst other forms of Life and Power.
Multiple creatures acquired the ability to bend the elements of the world, including but not limited to certain magical animals (new species from the Conjunction of Spheres, such as badger-moles and sky bison), monsters (dragons and mermaids), elves, dwarves, and humans. Those who acquired what was coined as “bending,” though only if an anthropomorphic creature utilized it, were random and undetermined. Criminals and peasants, heroes and royals, anyone could be a bender. At first, it was considered a gift of magic, one that didn’t have to be sacrificed for and bent under force and control, like the Chaos many humans called “mages” and “sorcerers” did. Bending was its own unique magic, tied infinitely to the other realm that collided with theirs. Bending was connected to the world in a way Chaos could not ever be.
But bending was limited. Those who were benders could only bend one of four elements; fire, air, water, and earth. Some benders were prodigies, could move whole mountains, could level entire forests; some benders could just barely heat their pot of tea, could freeze a pint of water.
Bending techniques were developed over time, over centuries, and nations among humans formed surrounding respective bending disciples.
The Air Nation, the Earth Kingdom, the Fire Nation, and the Water Tribe.
Centuries passed with these nations, with bending being cemented in culture, and then it was revealed one person could bend all four elements; but only one person in the whole Continent.
No one knew why, in the beginning. It had never been seen before.
The first person to bend all four elements was discovered in the Fire Nation; the royal prince, heir to the throne. The term “Avatar” was coined, for the royal prince was the incarnation, embodiment, and manifestation of bending. He could harness all four elements, and through training and discovery, was revealed to also have a connection to the Forgotten World – the universe that caused the Conjunction of Spheres. While it was most often referred to as the Forgotten World, it was also soon called the Spirit Realm, for it was where the magic, monsters, and spirits of the world presided.
When the Avatar died, the world went into mourning.
Then, naught a seven years later, another person was discovered to have the unique talent of bending all four elements; a young elven air acolyte from the Air Nation. The young acolyte was named the New Avatar, and she was trained in all four elements, just like the one before them.
Every time the Avatar died; another one would pop up a few years later, young and knowing. The first Avatar was from the Fire Nation, the second from the Air Nation, the third from the Water Tribe, and the fourth from the Earth Kingdom. The Avatar was human, was dwarven, was elven. Anybody could be the next Avatar.
This pattern continued.
Soon, it was discovered that the Avatar was continually reincarnated; it was the same spirit cycling through all four bending cultures.
But then the world started to turn dark.
Often referred to as the golden age, it was overshadowed when the Avatar was reincarnated once more into the Water Tribe. The chief wanted to use the Avatar to expand their influence and claim on land; but the tribe split in half with protests. The Avatar refused to help with the chief’s selfish and dangerous agenda; they were accused of not being patriotic, of being a traitor to the Water Tribe. The chief’s brother, using his influence, convinced much of the tribe to separate from the chief to protect the Avatar, and to stop the Water Tribe from inducing war with the other nations.
Thus, a civil war broke out, creating the Northern and Southern Water Tribes, respectively.
The Avatar died and was reborn in the Earth Kingdom.
There, they were treated as something Other than human. Not less than, but not equal. They were treated as a mere spectacle, an over-glorified warrior for the Earth King. The Avatar, knowing the power and influence they held, refused to swear fealty to any one power; they were neutral. They announced for every nation to hear, that their purpose was to ensure peace in the world. They were there to smooth the ripples between the Forgotten World and the New World.
This created chaos in the Earth Kingdom, for the Earth King ordered the Avatar be beheaded for treason. Many claimed that was not within his power, for the Avatar was its own power. But the novelty of the Avatar had worn off through the centuries, and they were chased from their homeland, where they were eventually found, gagged, and executed by an elite military team before they could master the four elements and save themselves.
The Earth Kingdom shattered the day the news of the Avatar’s execution went public. The news spread like wildfire, and soon the royal Earth Family was hunted and burned at the stake. A power struggle formed in the Earth Kingdom, shattering it into pieces of smaller territory, the north, east, west, and south all separated with their own powers, with hundreds of ranks of new nobles and “royal” families vying for authority.
The next Avatar was born in the Fire Nation.
They were but a mere six years old when they awoke screaming one day from a nightmare, and shakily told their mother that they had been killed by the Earth King.
This marked the first time their past lives could affect their current one.
Solemn, knowing their child was the next Avatar, the mother took them to the Fire King.
The Fire King kept them as their pupil and taught them fire bending, and they soon learned the other three disciples of bending underneath their king. It was almost a father-child relationship. They were more beloved than the king’s own child. This caused tension among the two, and one day the heir to the Fire Nation goaded the Avatar into a fight. They laughed and told them that they were just being groomed to serve the Fire Nation; that they weren’t truly neutral, because they served the Fire King.
In anger, the Avatar lashed out and killed the heir on accident, for that was not their original intent. The Fire King, enraged, had the Avatar imprisoned for treason, but they would not make the same mistake as the Earth King.
So, there the Fire Avatar sat, and withered away for the rest of their life, tortured, malnourished, and delirious from the years spent in a dark room with only isolation and cold rock.
The Avatar was reincarnated into the Air Nation but was hunted by the other three nations for their power and influence over magic and the Forgotten World. So, the Avatar ran. Desperate, they bent and used the land to their advantage, but they were so young and only with their nomad mentor to help, who soon died because the young Avatar accidentally killed them with their bending. It wasn’t long before they, at a mere eight years old, were found and brought before a council of benders, and judged to be executed for their crimes; thievery, murder, breaking law and treason in all four nations.
The people saw how the Avatar, at such a young age, could wield such power and tried to abuse it for their own sake. They saw the Avatar try to escape, to use the world to their advantage.
Around this time, after years of struggling and through years of selected bloodlines, humans eventually mastered some extent of control over the forces of Chaos, the first magical force to be conquered by humans without the power of bending. And so, the first sorcerers came to be.
This was the beginning of the oppression of benders.
With Chaos, there was no need for benders, who only oppressed those without their gift. There was no need for the natural magic and order of benders, when sorcerers with Chaos could accomplish feats tenfold, with much less limits, and with far more restraints to be bound to help humans.
Striving to find their place in this new world, that had been plagued with benders and magic and monsters, humans declared war on the elder races, who did not anticipate such arrogance. After all, the humans had been co-existing with them for centuries upon centuries. But that all stopped when they stopped having to rely on benders, and began to rely on Chaos, and began to feel that they were more than those who utilized the natural forces from the Forgotten World.
Due to passivity or inability to contain the barbarism, the elven, dwarven, and halfling populations were pushed back and eventually conquered. It was in this way that humans came to rule the world.
Benders were suppressed all throughout the Continent, believed to be equal to the elves and monsters that roamed land conquered by the humans. Benders were ostracized, were treated as less than human, until the practice and ability became almost extinct. The cultures left over from the Golden Age of bending remained, cemented in history, but the founders were erased.
Instead, the mages and sorcerers, who would not dirty their hands in pest control for forcing back the monsters that started to intrude on human lands, created witchers.
Through their Chaos, they forced a mock ability of bending upon human children, making them Other, for it was not truly bending that they possessed. These new benders deemed “witchers,” were stronger, faster, and better than the average human. They had enhanced senses and longer lifespans. They were still ostracized for their mock bending, but they wouldn’t be increasing the population of benders anytime soon, so they were a necessary evil. (For the Chaos made them sterile, a sacrifice for the power they were forced to wield, when bending should have no need for sacrifices).
Thus, the Order of Witchers was created after corrupted bending was made.
There were seven witcher school, each with a different bending discipline.
School of the Wolf; Kaer Morhen; fire bending.
School of the Cat; Stygga, Dyn Marv; air bending.
School of the Griffin; Kaer Seren; earth bending.
School of the Viper; Gorthur Gvaed; water bending.
School of the Bear; Haern Caduch; earth bending.
School of the Manticore; fire bending.
School of the Crane; air bending.
Two fire bending schools, two air bending schools, two earth bending schools, and one water bending school, because water bending was considered a weaker offensive bending discipline, and limited by their element (for you could never truly run out of air; there was earth all around, structures made of stone; and fire came from within you; only water needed a constant source).
Bestowing this corrupted form of bending, forcing Chaos and the Trials upon the young boys, mutated the boys. Their eyes turned yellow and cat-like, they were hopped-up on testosterone and their muscles grew twice as fast as a normal man’s. They became super-humans, almost immortal; for all benders were naturally physically enhanced, but witchers were benders with corrupted bending.
In the early stages, though, the mages tried to create a mock-avatar.
They tried to bestow more than one bending discipline on the young boys, but they all died from the Chaos. The only reason the Avatar was able to harness all four elements was because of their connection to the Forgotten World.
Through all this, the Avatar still existed.
But instead of being treated as a hero, as a symbol of peace and power and the world, they were always hunted down and killed, to make sure that there would never be an uprising of benders ever again.
The moniker “Avatar” was shunned for centuries because it was believed the Avatar oppressed the poor non-benders and abused their abilities; propaganda spread that the Avatar’s mission was to bring a world ruled by benders and magic.
So, every time the Avatar is found, they’re tracked down and either killed, enslaved, imprisoned, or have their bending forcibly locked away by a team of mages and sorcerers.
Hey, you said your inbox was open here we go... Jaskier saving Geralt? There was more monsters than originally planned, the Witcher is being overwhelmed and even though Jaskier is a lover not a fighter his protective instincts kick in. Either he picks up a sword and starts swinging and he is actually really good so Geralts confused "you do realise I am nobility right? I was taught from a very young age to fight" OR he reveals he's not quite human and has some supernatural abilities. Idk xxx
hi!! sorry again for the delay. here is the poem i wrote inspired by your lovely prompt following a short thingy i wrote about the setting
geralt and jaskier were staying at a fairly old inn for the night after a week of finishing up contracts. and jaskier was merrily sitting in the corner by the fireplace, surrounded by a dense crowd, ready to hear the bard's songs first hand. jaskier was going through every song of his, smiling at everyone and basking in the amber light cast by the flames. geralt, of course, had taken over a table in the far corner of the room, away from the excitement of the people. at first, he'd tried to look intimidating and unphased, to keep up his witchery appearance but he'd completely failed at that. now, he was gazing at jaskier through a small space in the crowd. at the way his hair shone, nearly golden and at his blue eyes, wide-pupiled and burning with giddiness. something was off though. geralt focused his attention on the music and quickly realized the bard was strumming different chords than the ones he remembered hearing so many times. and, well, jaskier caught his gaze through the space, threw him a wide smile, coupled with a glint in his eye and began performing his new piece.
Secret headcanon that Jaskier and his sense of curiosity is a fucking menace on a normal basis, and even worse when geralt finally brings him to winter in kaer morhen
Jaskier at Kaer Morhen is like herding a toddler who seems fixated on finding everything that could potentially kill them
Listen, Geralt knows that Jaskier isn’t human (okay he’s known this information for a few months because it took him fucking twenty years to realize Jaskier was an elf), but just because he knows jaskier isn’t human now doesn’t make the witcher any less worried about him injuring himself
Because as the years have shown, if there’s one thing other than music that jaskier has a special talent for, it’s getting himself into trouble
So really, geralt just must be an idiot if he didn’t realize what was going to happen bring Jaskier to Kaer Morhen
One really bored bard trapped in a half demolished keep riddled with tunnels, hidden rooms, and high places?
A recipe for disaster
Geralt is notorious for forgetting that beneath all of the pomp and circumstance of being a bard, jaskier is actually pretty competent, and with that competence comes an insane ability to climb, otherwise known as the bane of geralt’s existence
On their first day in the keep jaskier immediately finds the highest point to climb to, a crumbling tower looming over the courtyard
Geralt spends a nervous hour searching for his bard before spotting him and promptly, as jaskier would call it, ‘flipping his shit’
He snatches his bard from his spot on a rather fragile looking wall of the tower, bundles him and blankets and deposits him in front the the fireplace while he makes supper
By the time he returns with stew, jaskier has already spirited away with lambert, who has undoubtedly promised to show the bard some tunnel or other
It's only then that geralt realizes it’s going to be a very long winter
No amount of overprotective grumbling from geralt manages to convince jaskier to stay within his sight, much to vesemir, eskel, and lambert’s amusement
Vesemir’s amusement starts to fade the day he comes into the main room to find jaskier high up in the rafters, swinging about like there isn’t a thirty foot drop to a stone floor waiting upon the wrong move
Eskel begins to fear for jaskier’s tendency for high up places after spotting the bard somehow scaling the creaky bookshelves in the library
Lambert is by far jaskier’s worst enabler, and his steadfast partner in crime
Together they manage to give geralt, vesemir, and eskel a number of heart attacks
The time they disappeared for hours beneath the keep exploring the tunnels
The time jaskier insisted he could surely climb his way around the outskirts of the keep without coming inside (geralt shut that one down halfway through)
The time jaskier decided to ‘make friends’ with the monster living in one of the hot springs
The time they found a trapdoor in the pantry and were stuck for three hours
The day jaskier and lambert invented ‘aard the bard’ will go down in history as one of the most stressful days of geralt’s life
Even for all the stress that jaskier causes geralt with his endless stream of curiosity and pranks pulled between him and lambert, geralt still manages to enjoy the time together all winter
Geralt just thanks melitele that his hair is already white, so at least he won’t be getting any gray hairs from the stress jaskier puts him under
Soon it will be time for them to return to the path, to monsters, and witches, and camping under the open sky
For now, geralt holds his bard close and prays to whatever gods might listen that jaskier might not get himself killed tomorrow
Alright we’re doing this, in the anticipation of season 2 I’ve been obsessing over the potential for a jaskier spin-off series
Like, obviously we need jaskier and geralt content, but can you imagine the sheer chaos, the opportunity for feral jaskier his own series would bring?
Some fun aspects might entail:
Plot ft. Spy/assassin jaskier casually causing chaos amongst courts and nobody putting the dots together that at every ball the great bard jaskier attends, somebody dies
Jaskier in a series of increasingly elaborate disguises, including a remarkably convincing noble lady that scares the shit out of Mousesack
Jaskier sneaking into Cintra to visit Ciri and tell her tales of witchers
A frankly insane number of sexual exploits that result in jaskier fleeing from many a town
Jaskier becoming grudging friends with Yen, bonding over their love of wine, bitching about geralt, and all the court gossip
The bard getting to show his own competency, even some badass assassin moments (I would 100% support jaskier having some kind of spy/assassin crew who all work together sometimes)
Jaskier starting many a bar fight (and finishing them, Melitele help him) over people shit talking witchers
A running gag of jaskier constantly avoiding geralt (post mountain of course) as the Witcher is apparently searching or st least asking after him
Jaskier accidentally swindling his way into some sweet sweet immortality from some increasingly ridiculous ways
Of fucking course we get to see the valdo Marx rivalry up close and personal, maybe jaskier even gets to take a swing at the smug bastard
I love the idea of jaskier having a network of completely bizarre people and creatures that he’s managed to befriend across the years
Just jaskier going on his own set of side quests and adventures, getting up to shit and all kinds of trouble, all the while looking fabulous along the way
Jaskier totally doing Fine without geralt, he doesn’t miss him at all, nope, nothing there to see
The dynamic duo of jaskier and essie (or Priscilla) fucking up oxenfurt
And we mustn’t forget the obscene potential of jaskier encountering other witchers, especially the other wolf witchers and the shit they could get up to without geralt’s knowledge
All in all now that I’ve thought about this I want it more than life itself, thank you for coming to my TED talk
If anyone would like to hear more of my ramblings in a part 2, let me know!
alright so headcanon that sometimes after death animals or mythical creatures can come back as ghosts and haunt where they lived or people they loved, and geralt is just strolling around the continent with like a HUNDRED ghosts of past Roaches following him around on the path
jaskier (for some dumb reason) can see ghosts, so when he sees geralt in posada he also sees his hoard of devoted horse ghosts, and it isn’t really that he decides geralt needs to be his muse so much as his inner desire for adventure and all things strange and weird going “fuck i gotta follow this insanely attractive man around and figure out what the FUCK is up with him and these horses”
We all know I’m a slut for powerful jaskier content, but jaskier with ice powers?! sign me the fuck up
excuse me while I drop a few headcanons for this
jaskier was born with ice powers, his parents first noticed when he was a toddler and made it snow above his crib
elemental powers was a gift jaskier’s mother’s family had been blessed with by the fae decades ago, and often skipped several generations (although all members were disturbingly long lived)
his parents loved him, but feared for his safety if anyone were to find out that the viscount’s son had special abilities he would be killed (thanks to all of the ridiculous anti non-human royal fanatics out there)
they also struggled with how to teach jaskier how to control his powers, nobody in his family had been born with ice elemental powers in generations, it was an exceedingly rare ability
and so in order to protect jaskier, they often kept him away from others, cooped up in his room and only in the company of his parents, tutors, and nannies
as he grew, so did his powers, and jaskier’s parents became even more desperate to control his abilities
they sought out the assistance of a witch, who provided them with a powerful glamour that would help tamper jaskier’s abilities while wearing the amulet it was tied to
but this was only a small solution, because while the glamour restricted jaskier’s powers, he still could not control them very well
his parents set off to Skellige, searching for help from a tribe of people there rumored to have similar powers
but their ship went down at sea, and both of jaskier’s parents perished
jaskier didn’t know what else to do, but he knew that he could remain in his home no longer, not without his parents
and so jaskier ran away to oxenfurt, leaving the estate in his cousin’s capable hands
at oxenfurt jaskier found a second home, but he spent every day hiding himself away
his powers were often ruled by his own emotions, and bouts of extreme anger and frustration were key to setting them off
and so in fear jaskier kept his amulet glamour on at all times, but he could feel his power rebelling at being pushed down and trapped within himself
it was all jaskier could do to ignore it
and then he set off from oxenfurt and met geralt, and spent the next twenty years traipsing after a man who thought he was nothing more than an ordinary human, and jaskier couldn’t bring himself to tell the man he loved more than anything else in the world that he was wrong
the years went by, and the storm of jaskier’s powers grew, and the bard did what he did best: ignored it
and then there was yennefer, and the mountain, and jaskier thought he’d spend the rest of his life picking up the pieces of his broken heart, frozen as it was
but then there geralt was, standing in front of him in the middle of nowhere, months after the mountain, a witch and a princess lingering a few feet behind him and.... apologizing?
jaskier didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, and so he settled with kicking geralt in the balls and then kissing the living daylights out of him
and geralt kissed back
a few weeks of life on the run from nilfgaard later and jaskier is sure it’s all about to be over
nilfgaard had finally caught up to them just shy of the Blue Mountains, so fucking close to freedom, and they were losing
there were too many soldiers
too many for geralt to fight, and yen with her depleted magic could only do so much
jaskier stood in front of ciri, dagger clutched in hand and ready to fight to the bloody end to protect her, when his fingers brushed the amulet ever present at his throat
oh
oh fuck
maybe they weren’t screwed over after all
the storm inside of jaskier rolled, as if sensing its impending freedom
he could do it. if jaskier could, at the very least distract nilfgaard, it would be enough for the others to get away, retreat to kaer morhen
jaskier knew what he had to do
as if destiny herself was lining up, at that very moment both geralt and yennefer backed up to jaskier’s sides, no doubt preparing for a final stand
“what?” the witcher asked, his eyebrows narrowing as if he couldn’t begin to comprehend his bard’s stupidity
yennefer’s eyes lowered to where jaskier’s hand clutched his amulet in a death grip, and understanding filled her face
“Do as he says geralt” the witch shouted over the clanking of incoming soldiers, surrounding them
geralt looked at them as if they were out of their minds. maybe they were.
jaskier reached up and let one hand cup his witcher’s face, meeting his golden gaze with determination
“Please, geralt.Trust me” Jaskier could feel geralt’s resolve weakening at yennefer’s lack of hesitation. He took a step back.
“What are you going to do jaskier?” The bard payed him no mind, turning to face the hoard of black soldiers. Over his shoulder he called,
“If something happens, run to kaer morhen. don’t look back, don’t worry about me. save ciri”
He could hear geralt’s growl even from several yards away
“Jaskier, what-”
jaskier tuned him out, grasping the amulet in his hand. his fingers trembled, and the storm roared, a battle cry. he took a deep breath, and ripped the amulet from his neck. As the chain broke, the storm inside jaskier rushed up, racing through his body and electrifying his veins. He had never felt his power like this before. His powers were that of ice but in this moment jaskier’s soul felt like it was on fire.
