Hiii! I really really enjoyed apathy adoring! Read it all in one go. I'm getting back into Redo of Healer after reading Roll Over and Die and I'm once again struck by how ... pitiful he was at the beginning? Like that overwhelming urge to want to protect him when he is that cute teenager and not the monster he would become... maybe I'm just weak to boys that look like girls in a maternal way, idk
all that is to say: your prose is INCREDIBLE. genuinely fucking delectable. every sentence of it felt like I was having a delicious 5 star steak meal. the payoff of his lil revenge rampage and the subtle foreshadowing of what Ms. Maid had done in a past timeline cropping up in her confused impulses and garbled thoughts... it was just SO good. genuinely the best redo of healer fanfic I've found, though to be real this fandom doesn't have very much that caught my attention.
this scratched my brain for the idea of a story where keyaru is getting taken care of while in that absoluetly abhorrent condition... i really liked how you didn't shy away from any of it. the amount of blood and gore and feces and semen and disgusting other stuff that had to be cleaned up was so delightful... and i thought his characterization was excellent. especially with how limited his inner monologue was used. I'm sure he was thinking absolutely crazy shit during the scenes that were all Ms Maid but I understand the need for secrecy until the grand reveal.
thank you for having a means of contact!!! seriously its the worst when i find an ao3 fic that is SO GOOD but i just cant get ahold of the author to tell them how awesome they are ...
I have my own similarly self indulgent au (kind of?) involving keyaru. in some ways your fic was exactly what I was looking for for that, in others it helped inspire me to make mine a bit more different. I would LOVE to talk to you about it
some notable scenes that really stuck out to me:
I liked the scene where she accidentally got him off in the bath, I thought it was very realistic. and her thoughts about whether or not he intentionally entices the people who visit him as a night slave, as a way of protecting himself
this might be silly but I really enjoyed how Ms Maid kept worrying about how thin he was (she was worried as much as she would want to be dismissive). there were so many instances where she could've attempted to sneak him more but she barely did and it was just like ... yessss queen give us (him) nothing!!! it makes sense but I have an especially soft spot for stories that are supposed to offer care and catharsis but are ACTUALLY vehicles for exploring the apathy of a bystander. we all want to think we'd be the ones to kick that dungeon wall down, carry him out, and give him soup but that's just not how this cruel world works, and in a way that is so much more impactful than if it was. it makes the scene with the tart just hit so much more...
I liked when she found her friend assaulting him, we got an almost pornographic description of her friend panting and heaving and sweating but he himself was barely described. it truly put attention on what was actually happening, with him as a victim being drowned out by someone else's desires
the way the alchemist was cutting him open and studying him was COCAINE for my world-building loving brain because I too was genuinely curious how that might work. especially with the mix between game-y logic and real life physics
his whole 'lets go fucking crazy torture time' was led up to perfectly. i never thought I'd be so excited for such excruciating pain being inflicted on fictional people.
also I like hte unique artistic choices you make, like the different fonts and bold texts and big white pieces. it's just not done very often and you implemented it perfectly. really impactful. especially the "CORRUPTION HEAL", even though that is the corniest power in the universe that the mangaka gave him. op wish fulfillment hero goes CRAZY
also the scene from Flare's perspective was incredible. i feel like she's rarely given that much depth in fan-works psychologically speaking, and in the canon material we get barely anything either because she gets mind broken before her character can be explored in anything other than flashbacks. fucking awful deplorable woman but her fear of weakness and helplessness could honestly be thought of as an echo of trauma from the timeline that didn't happen, like she knows what it's like to be subjegated and that is why she must be the offensive. almost like keyaru in a way
ack I was rambling! anyway, you deserve all the kudos ever! this made my reread of redo of healer all worth it.
Hello! Thank you for the ramble! Sorry it took so long to reply!
I'm not really super into the revenge fantasy animanga genre so I'm unfamiliar with common tropes or conventions in it. I'm actually kinda surprised Redo dug as deep as it did into my brain. I think Keyaru is supposed to be super pitiful in the start to justify his later actions. I don't. . .really think it does, but it may for others. Not me though haha. But he was pitiful enough for me to want to give him a little bit of good. Hence the fic. Partially.
Glad you enjoyed the prose and story!
I have not looked at the comments on ao3 recently because kinda. . .hiding. . .bc have not updated it. . .but I think you're the first to point the past memory thing out! Granted I believe I only did it clearly during the first meeting and the rest mingle a little with the sort of disorientation I think should occur after memory tampering in the present timeline.
The boy be in a mess, truly. The only reason he gets cleaned at all is because of public appearances because being covered in your own fluid is unappealing to most. The maid has her work cut out for her, especially since she doesn't think the other people who have shifts with him are really doing their job.
His brain when with the Maid is actually no thoughts head empty ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ for a long time. Affection and relief that this person won't hurt him though none of that is really verbalized. She's a little like the drug to him actually:
"he misses the absolute oblivion in that pink poison"
vs
"A terrible habit, you've set in him, of letting his head go blissfully blank when you appear."
He doesn't have to think about anything or self-preservation. He initially gets hooked on that feeling.
The craziest stuff would probably be his guilt spiral when he remembers the last timeline and the his thoughts during night of the festival. Here is someone who was kind to him, and in that timeline, she wasn't even assigned to tend to him to the degree she is in this timeline. She was even more of a stranger then, yet she helped him. Then he just let her just die in front of him without a care in the world. Logically, clearly, to him, it's reasonable to be abused again if it means she won't die. Not crazy so much as sad imo but when he is being assaulted that night in the present timeline, he's disassociating by imagining some sappy mundane meet cute love story between himself and the maid.
The wiping her memory thing very spur-of-the moment. He probably does delight in them both being accomplices in a murder though.
Thank you again for contacting me! I was a little nervous about putting one at all but I've been happy to see the asks that come in now and then.
I'm very bad at being active and responding promptly, but if you're willing to share your fic, I'd love to chat with you about it!
Scenes (copying ur bullets so I don't get lost replying haha)
• I wondered if I wanted to put that scene because I thought it was a little gross. But then I remembered the source material so I figured this was practically nothing. Even though the maid's ignored all his propositions and never made advances towards him, I think her doing it by accident and being pretty blasé about it helped cement her presence as being a safe one to him. Keyaru has a kind of mind reading bc based on canon, he heals by experiencing everything someone has udnergone up to that point of being healed, so by healing someone he can retroactively see their sentiments before then. But actions speak louder than words and he didn't heal her between the first hand healing and the end of ch 9, so her not caring when having the perfect opportunitt to probably does something.
I think he's usually too busy dissociating to pander to anyone using him. Other than Flare. He need to keep her guard down. This does mean he is trying to be sweet/gentlemanly with the maid sometimes though, for whatever that's worth.
• I laughed at the give him nothing lol. Do Not Feed The Guy says her brain. (She then proceeds to feed the guy.).There's something to be said about Alban being known for apples and some pun about there being an apple in the maid's chest. When she gives it to him it's a mangled scrap of tart, leftovers after she shared it with people she actually is friendly with at times. But I think the fact she gives him anything (that she had no obligation to) at all means something.
• Separate bullet just bc I'm glad you mentioned the apathy and bystander effect! I named the fic apathy adoring partially bc the maid prefers to stay apathetic, and partially because of how Keyaru responds to her efforts at not caring.
• Besides how easily Keyaru's personhood is erased, Ariam is the one the maid is actually attached to. It's painful to see because this same person who helped her when she was sick, who looks out for her like a big sister, is capable of doing terrible things. There's a horror in thinking someone so kind to you could be a monster.
• No idea how it works in canon we are all speculating how the healing works. I just prefer attempts be made besides "it's magic".
• Cool to hear I made his targets hatable enough for catharsis to hit! I wanted him to have revenge but wanted it to be like, more tasteful? To me? Which still necessitated the previous harm. Only the payback on Flare was really in detail bc the guard captain impersonating thing was still aligned with canon. Not sure how I jumped from sa to saw self-sacrifice torture games but I'm glad people thought it worked.
• I like font effects! I think they help with immersion and impact. Helps tie stuff together! Also wheezing the corn the cheese I could not live i a world where I have to call out my own attacks.
• Her response being vestiges of the canon timeline is a fascinating idea! In my case I was really just having her be terrified given her present experiences. I used her canon inferiority complex against Norn and her own pride and ego as her motivation to treat Keyaru as she does.
Thank you for the ramble! It's an absolute delight whenever I get a paragraph of a comment! Seeing multiple paragraphs in my inbox was like seeing a picnic basket on my door haha. Thank you for sharing so many lovely words in response to my words of fanfic! I really appreciate it! I wanted to be able to try and respond to it properly which is why the uh. . .late reply. Hope you have a nice day! Feel free to message me about your au whenever you feel like it (pls forgive me if I forget to reply there is likely a time zone diff + forgetful brain)
