“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.” (for Caranthir!)
terry pratchett sentence starters
He knew. He knew. Better than most, though not as sharply assome, he knew. He had lived once already, and he had died. An old marring, theplace where his first life seeped away, still bisected the flat plane of hisbelly in a rope of proud cicatrice. He kept it, when he had returned. He keptit, when his spirit had reshaped the flesh it had once known. He kept all thescars his first life had given him, the ones of his flesh and the ones of hisspirit alike.
Why had they let him leave? Why had the Jailer of Doomopened wide his brazen prison bars? Why had the Weaver retracted her nets,untangling them from his pale spirit’s limbs and spilling him forth into aworld made strange and new? He does not know. It was not meant to be possible.His Doom had been the darkness everlasting, for the Oath that he had taken andthe deeds that he had done in its furtherance.
And yet turn him forth they had, into a wide courtyard ofworked stone, open to the sky. He had gasped for air like a stranded fish,staring up into Varda’s stars as his flesh reknit itself around him. And why not keep all the scars it had onceknown, then? It would not be hisflesh without them.
He had taken ship. This one, not white and winged, notstained with blood and ash. He had taken ship, and when the sun had risen abovethe horizon and cast a pathway upon the moving face of the waters, he hadsteered his craft into it, onto it,and the rounded world had flattened for him. He had returned, only to find itall changed. The lands he had known were gone, drowned and lost. Almost nothingremained of the wide green steppes of Thargelion which he had once loved. Hislake of black glass had been subsumed into that larger water, lost to ceaseless time like tears in the rain.
His first life had killed him with violence. Would this onekill him with the relentlessness of its change? Of things lost, and lost, andlost again, until only he remained to recall their image with the perfectclarity of memory which was his people’s gift, and curse?
Caranthir, who called himself Cantëa in this life, gazedacross at the elf of darkness who shared his fire. No Þinda she; in look andtongue and garb, she more resembled the Laiquendi he had known in the drownedlands of Valariandë, though she was not that, either. She had called herselfqueen of this wood, and he was now the prince of nothing, and no one. Sovereigntyhad passed from his elder line long ago, and would not be resumed.
“Time is a panacea,” he replied in a voice gone rusty withdisuse. He had spoken to none but she in weeks, wandering the wilds of this new land, communingin silence with the trees. “A healer, for mortals, whose memories fade andblur. For such as I, it is no drug but a poison, and one with no cure, not even death.”
Perhaps that was why they had let him go, he thought withsudden clarity. Perhaps the torment of ongoing and unending time was hispunishment, for all that he was done.