Hello! So lately I've been reflecting more and more on my early childhood, and some "memories" have popped up, some in the form of flashbacks. I put the word memories in quotation marks because I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously making up the contents of the memories and flashbacks. My memories and flashbacks mainly focus on two parental figures who are no longer in my life but were big influences, "Voldemort" when I was 4-7 and "Buffalo" when I was 9-11.
My memories of Voldemort center around her sexually assaulting me and physically abusing me and her kids as well as verbally abusing me, my dad, and her kids. My memories of Buffalo focus on him physically and verbally abusing me, my mom, and my sister.
The flashbacks happen whenever I am faced with a trigger such as someone yelling at me for small things (big things I'm fine), seeing red bull, adult men smoking, and playgrounds
Because these are such serious memories, it really matters if they are true or just figments of my imagination. So I guess I want to know, how do I know whether or not these memories and flashbacks are fictitious or real?
Thank you for taking the time to answer this. I hope you have a great day!
I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. It can be distressing to not be certain whether or not disturbing childhood memories are real. It can be hard to tell the difference between real memories and imagination the farther back we reflect, which can make it hard to figure out whether we've been through childhood trauma.
Because I am not you or your professional it's not my place to ultimately tell you whether or not these memories are real. That being said, I can help explain how you may be able to tell. In your case, it sounds like you've developed some triggers that remind you of these memories, and you also experience flashbacks as well. These signs suggest that what happened may have been real. If possible, you might want to consider getting the opinion of a mental health professional such as a therapist, who can get a more accurate view of you and your experiences to be able to come to a more reliable answer.
I wish you the best in navigating your experiences. Please let us know if you need anything.