very tempted to share the poems that are borderline songs i’ve written about the guy i like bc they’re far too cringey to share with anyone irl. like i genuinely don’t know how people cope with sexual attraction bc whenever i do experience it, that shit is INTENSE.
me and this guy (who for anonymity sake i’ll call diego) got really pissed together back in december and he got really touchy with me. like REALLY affectionate. dude was stroking me all over??? he kept really like running his hands through my hair and like massaging my head practically????
now i’d only been hanging out with diego as a friend properly for about two months at this point and had no idea what this meant. never spoke to him about it really aside from little jokes because i figured he’d forgotten and it probably meant nothing to him. but what if it didn’t?
like what if he just wouldn’t have the confidence sober? i’ve also never made him think i’m an option for anything romantic/sexual because tbh by the time i realised my feelings properly, they were far too intense. like i really struggle with the inbetween.
i realise i don’t want to be fucked over but we have so much in common and it just feels like he gets me. like i don’t ever have to bullshit with him. like i don’t ever want to bullshit him.
at the same time, i feel guilty. i feel like i’m lying to him and putting on an act. it’s not like i’ve not been flirty but he’s made it clear that unless someone is explicit about it, he can never tell if someone likes him.
is it worth telling him? if so, how do people tell someone they like them in a not intense way? like how have you been told about someone’s feelings in a way that felt low expectations?
i feel mostly hopeful about this situation but also so overwhelmed. he’s such a decent guy and wants solid friends around him. i just wish we could be more. i wish i could get over my past shit and just take a leap. maybe i should write a letter? is that crazy?? it’s so tempting.
i might just write a letter to never send.