Puff, Puff, Pass (2006)
Technically, I should be writing about other films before Puff, Puff, Pass, but every second this review hasn't been published has haunted me. The idea that someone somewhere might pop this soiled sheet of toilet paper into their DVD player fills me with rage and despair.
Stoners Larry (Danny Masterson) and Rico (Ronnie Warner) need to make some money. More importantly, they need to find a TV in order to watch The Shawshank Redemption. After a brief stint in rehab, they become embroiled in a scheme by Elise (Ashley Scott), who has been stringing Rico along while actually dating wealthy entrepreneur Big Daddy (Mekhi Phifer).
I’ve seen many films that haven’t aged well. Most of the time, you cringe a bit but understand they came from different times. People just didn't think or know better back then. Puff, Puff, Pass has no such excuses. At a mere 12 years old, the film’s so offensive it’s nigh unwatchable. Even at the time, it would’ve made you squirm. There are recurring gags about how disgusting transgender women are, numerous homophobic jokes and a "comedic" rape scene. It takes shots at the overweight, blacks, women, the mentally handicapped, and more. Every few minutes, I had to check to make sure the drapes were closed, lest my neighbors see what I was watching and start lighting torches.
It’s a comedy that isn’t funny, which is enough to dismiss it completely. When the film isn’t aggravating you like a power sander let loose over your back, it’s trying to make you laugh by having its idiotic protagonists triumph despite everything. To see these parasites succeed over and over is torture, the kind sadistic millionaires would pay top dollar to inflict upon backpacking Americans.
There’s another level of horror to this cheaply made, poorly acted turd: the story. At 95 minutes, it scrambles to find things to do. Larry and Rico's stint in rehab? It amounts to exactly nothing. We are introduced to a bunch of mean-spirited punchlines who are then forgotten as the real plot finally begins... halfway through the film.
By merely existing, Puff, Puff, Pass is an affront to the art of cinema. Constantly, the picture references other, better films – and even then, it seldom does it cleverly or accurately. It’s a poisonous sludge that sinks into your chest and replaces your soul with despair, the kind of trash that makes humanity take a step further away from God. I don’t see the point of making a “Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen List” as it would A) force me to revisit my most painful viewing experiences and B) be filled with complete unknowns, productions so cheap and shoddy they could barely be considered movies. If I did ever choose to put such a list together, however, Puff, Puff, Pass would be on it. (On DVD, May 19, 2018)