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Summertime

So here’s the thing:

I only went back there for the summer. Just four months. And then I was going home. I had one more year of school left and I had to come back and finish it. But with no job and nowhere to live for the summer it made sense to go back and see some old friends and do a few months at the old job. But going back is never the same. People change. Or they stay the same but things change all around them. The restaurant hadn’t changed though. Some new faces and some old but the work was the work. Every day brought different customers and different stories but they were all the same in the end. One night was as good or bad as any other. I had been drinking before my shifts to drag myself down to the level of the people I was serving. Or because I was bored. Or because I was feeling sorry for myself. Pick an excuse. I never met a bad decision I didn’t like. So that was it. Sleep all day and then some wine and a barbecue with the boys for dinner most nights. Then when their nights were picking up steam I put on my black shirt and went down the street for the overnight shift at the diner. A few quick beers with anybody I saw along the way and I felt like I was part of the city again. It’s just the summer I told myself again and again. Last summer as a student - find your pleasures where you can.

The night she came in I was reasonably sober. She had worked there during my first go-round. She was cute back then but she’d changed since. Long brown hair. Full red lips. She was dressed simply in grey slacks and a white button down shirt. The understated elegance of the clothes only served to highlight the body underneath that was ready to burst out. Not a little girl anymore fumbling around with the boys. She was a woman fully in charge of her sexuality. Only the people she was with were not on the same level. A large group followed her in. She had led them here. The hostess put them in somebody else’s section and we made eye contact a few times before I went over. We both remarked how much the other had changed in just two years. Everybody else had told me I’d put on weight. She said I’d filled out in all the right places. It was all I could do not to take her right there. The boy sitting on the other side of her looked queasy. She would explain later why he looked so defeated but she didn’t have to. I knew the look and its significance. We exchanged phone numbers and I went back to work. Before she left she wrapped one arm around my waist and placed her other hand firmly on the back of my neck while pressing her cheek against mine. When she let go she made me promise to call her.

When I called we made a date for a few nights later. I met her close to her apartment and we drank two pitchers of beer while talking about school and work and family. She laughed at my jokes and I smiled at her stories. On the way back to her place she explained to me why I couldn’t come in. She walked ahead of me up the stoop and before I could make my move she had turned around and devoured me. We kissed greedily, both of us pushing forward. And then as quickly as she had wheeled around on me she turned back around and disappeared inside. I stood there in a daze for a few moments before heading home.

The next day at work I was on the evening shift instead of the overnight. I was making small-talk with a co-worker. Blonde girl. Gorgeous eyes. Great big ass. Military boyfriend. Nobody’s perfect.

"We’re all going out after work. You should come."

"Tonight? Can’t do it."

"Why not?"

"I’m meeting someone."

"Who?"

"Meilissa."

"Melissa?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You’re going out with Melissa?"

"We’ve been out a couple times. Why?"

"You know she was going out with Robert last summer, don’t you?"

Robert. I shuddered. Robert was one of our managers. He was always trying to give comfort to the girls who had problems. He dressed like a low-level gangster from an early era Scorsese flick. He had a nasty cocaine habit. He was vaguely Francophone.

"Really?"

"She didn’t tell you that one I guess."

"No, she failed to mention it. Where are you guys going?"

"Minglewood’s."

"I might see you there."

I sleep-walked through the rest of my shift. I kept thinking about the girl I was seeing and the manager that I loathed. I called her towards the end of my shift and told her I was too tired to go out that night. I went to the bar with Blondie and a few other co-workers. She kept asking me if I was okay. I had been wearing the same expression for the past few hours. Confused and suspicious. At the end of the night we were facing each other on the sidewalk. We were both working the evening shift again the next day and she offered to come over an hour or so before we started to drink some vodka. Her smirk was all mischief. I told her where I lived and assured her my bar was always well stocked. She went home to her boyfriend and I went home to my doubts.

The next time I saw Melissa I couldn’t take any of the small talk. I asked her about Robert. She told me a story that involved sharing an apartment and sharing a car but she insisted she never slept with him. The idea was inside me, though. His stink was on her. And his stench was the type to linger.

I saw her less and less and was spending more and more time with the gang from work. The Blonde started picking up some overnight shifts even though she had told me she despised them. One of the guys knew where to buy off-license alcohol after hours and we were taking advantage of this option regularly. Back at one of the girls’ apartments early one morning there were four of us left drinking. I was sitting on a couch and Blondie was lying next to me with her legs splayed over my lap. The other guy we worked with was pacing around and talking quite a bit. He finally suggested to our hostess that they get some sleep. She looked at us on the couch with apprehension but agreed to go upstairs. I looked down at the beautiful girl beside me and she looked right back at me. She of the military boyfriend and the great ass. I leaned over and kissed her.

"Don’t."

I kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and we went on kissing until we both fell asleep. We all went for breakfast when we woke up the next afternoon. Blondie and I both had the night off. I called my roommate and a friend of ours and we all met at the liquor store. We loaded up on gin and wine and stopped on the way home to pick up steaks and anything else we could throw on the barbecue. My summer was half over and we had made an informed decision to use our rooftop grill as often as possible before I moved back home to my womb-like apartment that I had gone back to hunt down. She slid in with me and my friends like she’d been with us for years. We all took jabs at each other and delighted in the insults and especially the rare occasions when somebody seemed as if their feelings were actually hurt. The four of us nearly finished a bottle of gin - Hendrick’s with lots of ice and cucumbers and just a hint of tonic - before we fired up the barbecue and opened the wine. The roof was humming with activity. We took turns making trips inside for more meat or more wine or the odd bathroom break. She cornered me inside several times and we shared wine-stained mouths and tongues before heading back out for more jokes and more food. We had sex for the first time that night and even without it that day would still stand out in my memory as one of the best I ever had. But here’s the thing: it was just that summer. There was an unreality to the whole thing that I couldn’t shake. And I knew I had to go back home. And when you’re making these decisions you tend not to think about how much these things can change your life. And you’ll never know the repercussions until after you’ve made the decisions. And no matter how hard you try you can never go back to the way things were. And then you find yourself alone with your thoughts. And then it’s time to make another decision.

#decisions #the stink #summertime #rooftop bbq