comfort.
‘are you okay hanna?’ jamie asks, with snickers that she can’t keep in from across the table. “no.” and as she says it, hanna’s feels another itch at her skin, causing her head to fall promptly back on the desk.
[ the soulmate au where once you meet your soulmate, it’s physically uncomfortable to be apart from them for too long. ft. minna @rosaeau ]
rewind to a few months ago.
hanna didn’t need a damn tutor. she was a good student, no matter what her english professor said. she mentions that she has dreams of entering the new york fashion scene and her father jumps at the chance to flaunt his money.
“it’s a bad idea pop.” they’re at the kitchen table when he suggests the idea, his ridiculous money themed apron on while his mother makes sure he doesn’t burn another pancake that he tries to flip. hanna’s father is - a joke. to her and her mother. a joke that her mother can’t seem to get enough of and while he almost lands the pancake on her face both of them are laughing. hanna for a few seconds before she returns to her previous statement. “i don’t need a tutor.”
while he looks like he might cave, her mother is the one to grab the skillet handle and fix hanna with a look. her dad’s easy to persuade, her mother, not so much. for the life of her, hanna sits there and tries to figure out how the two of them can possibly match. her father, gambling addict, tycoon owner whose about as silly as they come when he steps out of his world with flashing lights. her mother, stubborn, hard-working and caring less about money unless it’s to keep her going, keep her free. her mother’s stubborn but her father’s persistent.
she watches them wrestle for the skillet before her mother’s expertly flipping one. naturally, it’s the one thing she doesn’t get about soulmates. she’s heard so much about it, and is told she’s lucky to be able to see it up close. it’s unpredictable and apparently the talk of the world.
soulmates. not in the way people write them in stories, dreams them up when they talk about how they wish romance to be. actual soulmates, destined to be by something that humans can’t quite comprehend. because each story is different, all everyone knows is once you know you know. by something less cheesy than a spark in a kiss or a tug on the heart. something physical, almost biological.
hanna doesn’t know the details, she just knows her parents had that experience and now they’re never apart. it’s cute, but she’s trying to win a case here, so she’s boring holes into her father’s resolve.
‘you’re not paying attention in classes hanna.’ “noted. still don’t need a tutor.” ‘you don’t care about anything that’s not fashion hanna.’ “noted. but i don’t need a tutor.”
‘at least try it out seol.’ a tough blow. a low blow. hanna regards her father with a glare before she’s grabbing her things to head to her first class.
hurray for econ.
‘he used your name?’ hanna’s only solace from these troubles are jamie. jamie who is greeting her outside of class with a chocolate mocha and hanna could kiss her. could, but she’s too busy sipping at the drink and relishing it all. the joy and wonders of a mocha on a hot day. “he knows I won’t say no.” the decision to go by hanna came from the time spent with her mother, just a little joke about the flowers she’d put on her designs when she was younger. she’s far past the flower-dazzle stage but the name stuck. ‘okay but, you don’t study for english, they’re not wrong.’ “whose side are you even on these days, the disrespect.” ‘just try it out, it might be good? if not i’ll learn it just to tutor you.’ “your lover boy might be mad but just to humor myself, i will.”
jamie makes a motion, maybe to fight the lover boy comment but hanna is too busy dashing up the library stairs.
the thing is, she knows she’s not paying enough attention to her english class. simply because when she’d expressed her interest in the new york market, she meant learning a bit for her visit there. learning the essentials and not the fundamentals of the language. of course her father is who he is, a renown businessman and if there was one thing he drove home it was that she should never half-ass anything. family drawings in elementary school - have hers at the top. golf carts races with her family - first place. if she wanted to be in fashion, she had to conquer. she had to explain to him why couture houses just - wasn’t a possibility in this day and age.
the rest was very much doable. her competitive streak comes from him no doubt. but, she wasn’t to blame if she just wasn’t that into her english class as she was her other classes. the business classes were a necessity and well the fashion classes were just that. long before she realized she was failing even vocabulary quizzes because of lack of studying, and they were so far into the grammar components she couldn’t catch up.
it was frustrating but she’d be damned if she let anyone else know that.
aside from jamie hanna had accumulated something of a reputation on their campus. other than the reputation that came with her father’s empire, she was simply known for being a socialite. being at parties but never interacting with people, just shining in diamonds she just had to bat her lashes to get. for that, hanna just liked to try new designs around the masses, she didn’t even enjoy the parties, but the image must be maintained for the goal ahead. really, most of her time is spent with jamie. when people sit and gossip to one another, whether about her or the newest soulmate phenomenon, she’s never a part of it.
only now she hears the giggling behind her when jamie finds a spot for them to set up shop. hanna’s econ books thrown around while jamie tosses her english book atop them all.
'apparently, sam’s friends. joon and ahyeon?’ hanna makes a hum that she’s listening, though her eyes show she’s contemplating opening this damned book. ‘they’re soulmates and he’s having a hard time stopping them from killing each other.’ “huh?” when she does look up jamie is engrossed in her phone, as usual, and hanna gets revenge by dropping her huge ethics book on top of her pile. jamie’s jump in her seat and scandalized look is just the reaction she’d expected. ‘he won’t say rather- he says he doesn’t know why. they’re antsier than usual.’ “makes you wonder if it’s all really a good thing? or if the match up is legit.”
‘well, it worked for your parents.’
another hum.
“i suppose.”
hanna just doesn’t enjoy the thought of having no control, can’t really fathom how her mother handled it. but it’s not something she needs to think about - and it’s joon and ahyeon’s problem not her own. she has english to pretend to study so that jamie will give her sketchbook back.
if there’s one thing hanna loves more than anything (and jamie) it’s being right.
‘it could’ve have been all bad.’ see it’s been a week and some days since her father committed to getting her tutors. she’s had to try a tutor each day and hanna’s damn near ready to rip her hair out.
it’s been, a wild few days. and jamie’s expression shows she’s enjoying the insufferable stories more than she should. if it weren’t for the vanilla bean that’s before her, hanna might actually forego the entire story. but she’d been right, this was a bad idea.
day one.
hanna’s on-time. tired from studying all night for her art history class, fingers patched from an accident with her sewing machine. granted, she wasn’t in the best mood from the beginning. she’s on-time though, her books and pencil case laid out neatly on the cafe table. a cafe table of all places.
he comes, and it’s a guy because he’s announcing his presence before he even sits down. there’s nothing really wrong with him, he’s a little loud, a few minutes late but hanna’s always a little too punctual so it’s understandable. what she remembers is that he dressed nice and she’s sure she has a business class with him.
'okay let’s get right to it shall we?’ he’s the asshat who talks too much because he wants everyone to know that he knows too much and wants too much. in short, greedy. ‘let’s test your knowledge of english first alright?’ his name is minhyun and hanna had never wanted a death note faster in her twenty two years of living.
because the test was the problem. not his perfectly combed up hair, or his perfect teeth, or the tailored suit he always fucking wears to class because he has to be that business major. hell his accent wasn’t even the problem. it was the test - with questions specifically tailored to her understanding of business and her father. as well as a reading comprehension that was simply a list of his achievements. the nerve.
“do you just want to cut a deal with my dad?” ‘what? no - what?’ his english was surprisingly good here. ‘however, if it were possible, could you slide him the resume?’ when her coffee arrived she was sure to pour it all over that damned exam and leave.
( jamie promptly laughed at this one because ‘hanna you didn’t’ and hanna took one more sip before saying ‘yes i did’. )
day two.
they meet in the student courtyard, hanna taking the time to attempt to sunbathe and lower her blood pressure. it as a nice day which meant crop tops and athletic leggings, seeing as she’d just come from a run. something to clear her mind before this english tutoring completely consumed her. hopefully the heat would do it first.
here’s the thing. hanna works out, has to work out if maybe one day she has to model her pieces for someone. technically she’s always modeling her pieces, plus her mother is a workout buff so she’s always at the gym. her figure is exceptional though it’s hidden behind her fashion.
so, she’s not confused when she feels eyes on her. they’re college students but apparently some of the male students are as shameless as ever. no one could be as shameless as minhyun so she’s ready to give a proper scolding, when she recognizes the face.
well not at first. but she should’ve.
“unless you plan on never having kids, i’d look away.” a cough and the male standing above her is tumbling apologies. ‘i’m your tutor, seolhyun-ssi.’ which is weird because few people call her by her full name. hanna is curling her legs under her before gesturing out for him because what. the. fuck?
the test was fine. the test was actually alright, aside from the outdated questions that she’s sure she’s seen somewhere before. no the test wasn’t the problem, the fact that they were outdoors wasn’t, and certainly not that he called her by her name. the problem was that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her while she took the test, or while she spoke. it’s one look, one particular look before hanna remembers.
“don’t you work for my father?” ( it’s at this point in the story that jamie yells out a ‘nooooo’ ) ‘ah, so you remember me?’ she remembers him, remembers his long-standing crush on her and him bothering her each time she went to visit one of the hotels. it was creepy. this was creepier. “uh-huh. two minutes before I call my father’s guards.” he was off like a light.
hanna was exasperated.
the next one, a girl her age who apparently was korean-american. a girl who spent half the time just swapping instagram feeds and asking for pictures and tours of hanna’s closet. it hit a limit when hanna caught her taking pictures of her designs. she’d almost broken her phone - instead she factory reset it. she’d accepted the praise her mother had given her and the high five jamie had given her when she heard.
the one after that - an older woman because yes that was the problem age. an older woman who aside from being entirely too punctual was going on and on about the history of english and it’s arrival into korea. then she proceeded to discuss why english was important and should be studied before she addressed that hanna was not studying english and was studying fashion and why that was bad. yeah, when that tirade started, hanna just up and left.
It doesn’t help that the one for the next day had ended up rescheduling and hanna – didn’t have it in her to accept nor decline, she just didn’t have the energy to deal with another joke.
she was tired of playing tutor roulette.
‘just drop english.’ Is jamie’s final answer after hanna’s given her the full rundown of her week, head lowered until her forehead’s almost touching the top of her drink. “my father wouldn’t let me dare.” It’s her ego too, her ego that won’t let her just give up on it and while Jamie knows, she’d rather hanna sit in her own stubbornness than tell her about it. she does however, offer a comforting hand to ruffle hanna’s hair like she always does giving hanna time to jolt up from her miserable position and fix her hair with a pout.
‘try this last one out, if they’re that bad than I promise I’ll save you from your misery and tutor you myself.’ “deal.”
they meet in the library. jamie’s been a dear and promised hanna another refill of the vanilla bean she’d gratefully placed on the table, as long as she clears this session. clear meaning she doesn’t leave early though hanna is looking at the clock for the minute reason she needs to book it out. jamie is sitting a table away and watching intently and hanna, hanna is sitting rather miserably, chin on the table, eyes on her watch, and fingers playing with the drink that’s currently keeping her alive.
please be late please be late please be late.
‘kim seolhyun?’ she looks up, dreading the sense of déjà vu that’s about to come over her because what. she notices a few things, he’s very tall, very on-time, and very unlike the image she’s been ready to torment her. he’s in a button-up and he’s already sitting across from her as he starts to pull things out his bag. ‘I’m bang minsoo your tutor.’ he’s tall, tall to the point where if she were standing she’d still have to view him from this angle. well she is watching him from a weird angle and he’s still pulling things out his bag. It’s a normal bag too, his clothes, normal too. he’s – normal. aside from exceptionally soft looking hair but who cares about that.
“you’re on time.” ‘I am.’ “you’re dressed normal.” ‘as are most college students.’ it’s then that she realizes he’s all about finished taking out all of his things, now scattered neatly across the table and she’s aware of the things she doesn’t have spread out. ‘now are you ready?’ “for what?”
‘I’ve reviewed your class syllabus and I’m planning on at least getting you prepared for your coming quiz, then we can start with fundamentals and such.’ he’s flipping through papers, books and hanna’s suddenly sitting a lot straighter than before. she also doesn’t take her eyes off how concentrated he seems to be. concentrated but – calm. It’s strange. ‘seolhyun-ssi?’ “huh?” she takes her eyes off Jamie, who’s busy throwing signals from behind his ear. questions probably but hanna can’t quite make them out because her tutor – minsoo is looking dead at her. ‘are you ready to begin?’ he doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that she has no paper as he’s already slid his materials over to her. he’s just waiting. “hanna.” ‘pardon?’ “hanna, I go by hanna.” ‘alright then hanna, lets begin.’ “yeah sure.”
‘that just about does it. review these concepts tonight and your oral exam should go fine. review some right after I leave though.’ “you’re leaving?” hanna’s almost embarrassed at the words, because they come out so easily and she’s still looking at the words he’s underlining when she says it. ‘your session’s up, and - I do have class.’ she’s even more embarrassed to say she’s having a good time because god her father won’t let her live it down. “okay, thank you. next week we’re meeting here right?” ‘ideally it would depend on if you pass tomorrow but yes here is fine.’
she understood concepts that she’d normally drown her teacher out. minsoo was patient and well he wasn’t speaking on overwhelming amount of english so she could follow. It’s probably why she’d been able to follow along, and probably why she didn’t notice the time pass, she does notice minsoo getting up – probably because it’s so abrupt and she’s sorting through her thoughts, but it makes her shift in her seat. even more so when jamie bounds over and fixes her with a stare – one she can’t quite read. hanna shifts even more, a strange shudder taking over as she immediately grabs for her drink.
‘okay so?’ “well – I didn’t throw my drink on him.” ‘I noticed.’
“okay he wasn’t too bad, I still want my drink.” ‘did you mean he wasn’t bad looking?’ “absolutely not, lead me to overpriced coffee!”
and if hanna sticks closer to Jamie during the walk there, neither of them complain.
of course she has to tell her father to stop looking for another tutor. It’s at the end of the next day, after studying thoroughly and doing not so bad on her oral exam the morning after their tutor session. he’s in the study, normally where he doesn’t like being bothered, but there’s her mom, lounging on the chair while he flits back and forth between bank books and the laptop. how they spend so much time together is beyond her. she pops in and eyes are on her.
“hey, just wanted to say I’ll be keeping this tutor.” ‘he’s cute isn’t he?’ is the first thing her mother says and hanna quite literally falls from where she’d been planning to stick her head in and right out. “shameless.” ‘didn’t hear a no.’
‘that’s great dear, it was getting hard to not do a full screening on the next one and scare them away.’ “yeah yeah thanks.” hanna’s composing herself, rubbing at her shoulders to relieve her goosebumps. her mother catches this immediately and looks up from her book, eyes calculating. ‘are you cold hun?’ her father looks up, more concern in his eyes than anything. the drama queen. “yeah, do you guys have the air on?” they share a look – the strange telepathy that they always do. ‘no – but darling you’re in a long-sleeved shirt.’ “I could be getting sick. I’ll take something.”
as it turns out, she’s not getting sick. that was evident after the hoard of medication she’d taken and the lack of actual flu or cold symptoms. couldn’t be allergies as hanna has none, and there’s no bug going around school.
she just feels.
antsy.
she keeps shivering whether she’s in her clothes or not, itching and shaking even under cold water.
the morning after the conversation with her parents she’d bundled up fiercely the next day, making sure she would sweat out whatever cold would hit her. when it seemed like the fabric of her clothes was just making things worse, she opted for shorter sleeves and lighter, softer clothing. something to take away the itch that’s making her body shake.
‘maybe you’re allergic to something.’ Is jamie’s rationing. “my allergies would’ve been shown up.” is hanna’s answer.
she considers her diet, though she’s relatively a healthy person, she makes a log of what she could’ve eaten to cause it. but again, she has no food allergies either, she’s relatively healthy and it doesn’t feel like a food issue. even if her stomach does start to twist and turn now and then, it’s not the sick feeling from eating something bad – and hanna would know she’s had food poisoning.
she gets chills, has goosebumps she can’t really see. Her stomach twists no matter how much ginger tea she drinks and she’s at the point of wanting to jump out her own skin. It’s led to her being quite irritable too. rolling her eyes when her teacher asks her a question she knows hanna doesn’t know the answer to, snapping at someone near her parking space on her way to class.
‘could be your period babe.’ “my period was two weeks ago.”
and it’s not that either. It’s not the emotion that double over before her period, it’s not the stabs in her stomach that start coming early, or the cravings she’ll likely have. It’s none of that and this is the first time hanna’s wished that it was, at least then she would know what to do. because right now she wants to shed her own skin, feels like she’s growing in and out of it at the same time. feels like she’s itching something but never quite scratching it, like she needs something soothing but the burn isn’t painful it’s just – uncomfortable.
“do I need to see a doctor?” it’s a week into this when she mentions it to her parents. a week of her arriving irritable to school, practically clinging to jamie and saying nothing but groaning each time she feels a pull she doesn’t understand. like her skin was rubber and something was trying to call her back, pulling her thin but not ripping just – stretching. hanna was in agony and her mother now sat on the edge of the couch, running her hand through her hair while her father observed her. she’d told them her symptoms but she’s all but realized how crazy she must sound. ‘describe it again seol.’ hanna groans into the pillow but her mother’s touch is – distracting, helps her focus. “feels like I’m being tugged in several directions, everything is subtle but at the same time it’s overwhelming. It’s like if someone pressed needles against you but just the tip so you didn’t feel the pain. It’s terrible.” If anything, she would get bonus points in creative writing for her descriptions. If her teacher could see her now. Hanna wishes no one could see her, wishes she could all but melt into the couch. ‘do you know when it started?’ “I don’t know last week sometime?”
all these questions and all hanna wants to do is bury further away from it all.
‘we’ll get you to a doctor this afternoon, are you still going to class?’ she wants to say no, wants to stay right where she is until later this afternoon, instead she drags herself up and to her room. If she were more attentive, she might’ve noticed the look her parents share as she heads to get ready.
jamie is ready with a chamomile tea, a hint of ginger and a hug for Hanna when she walks out of her class. she makes no comment on how hanna left early and just smothers her in a hug, a hug that hanna can’t be bothered to wiggle out of. she focuses on the fact that it’s jamie and not that her body feels like it wants to be somewhere else but can’t figure itself out. instead they head to the library, jamie sending worried glances each time hanna shakes her shoulders or holds her head.
“please not headaches.” she doesn’t have time to think because as the headache grows there’s a figure before them both. it’s of course her tutor, though it was almost hard to tell because of the mask he’s sporting. ‘sorry, I’m a bit late.’ truthfully hanna hadn’t noticed. she’s more concerned at how he sounds as bad as she feels. ‘ready to start?’ “are you feeling okay?” is the first thing hanna asks, jamie having left her side so they can start. ‘nothing too bad, wore a mask in case it’s contagious but I don’t think so.’ “i’d take anything over whatever is hitting me right now.” she swears she gets a smile at the comment, but they’re launching into problems right away.
for the past week, the discomfort that hanna’s felt has been relentless. it started in small bursts but began to last the entire day, hence why she’d begged her parents to see a doctor today. as minsoo starts to finish reading her homework for the week, she’s suddenly aware that she’s feeling better. much better. his mask is off too. she’s grateful because truthfully, hanna didn’t think she could get through this session with that same pain that’s been plaguing her. she’s also relieved that he seems to be feeling better. she has half a mind to text her parents that all are good but he’s getting up, things packed already and her lips move with an urgency new to her.
“hey, can I get your number, in case I feel under the weather again and actually can’t show up?” minsoo’s giving it though, without question or complaint and hanna’s waving the phone as she waves him off. ‘you look like you’re feeling better.’ “thank god, or he might’ve asked for different pupil.” ‘mmmmm, I doubt that.’
hanna shrugs though, making sure to send a quick message to him.
to: 💥 minsoo [ hanna! ✌️ ] from: 💥 minsoo [ 👌 ]
when she arrives home, her mother is questioning her instantly.
“i just feel better? not sure, but my tutor session went well!” just to bring the mood up because she can see her parents are visibly concerned. ‘but hanna, you were in pretty bad shape.’ “maybe I just needed to flush out a bad bug, I feel fine!”
hanna’s in the same predicament, though it feels worse than before. the symptoms double over within half the time from before and she’s cuddled under her covers trying every possible position to ease the discomfort.
‘hanna I’m really worried.’ jamie’s voice rings on the other end of the line. “don’t worry, I really think it needs to run it’s course.” whatever it is.
whe doesn’t miss tutoring this week, though she can tell from minsoo’s hair, a little shaggy on the edges, that he’s dealing with his own things too. things that seem to disappear during their session, a reason why she makes it a goal to not miss them, no matter how bad she feels. It’s not exactly pain anyway, it’s just discomfort.
body-shaking discomfort.
she continues her routine. suffering for a week but managing to make her tutoring sessions just because she can. and they always make her feel better in that moment, a reason why she thinks it might just be stress.
two more weeks pass and hanna’s sure it’s not just a bad bug. because the intervals are shorter where she feels discomfort. It goes from a few days to one day to a few hours. it gets bad that she’s in her bed staring at her phone.
to: 💥 minsoo [ hey, it’s hanna! I might not make our session tomorrow, I’m really not feeling well. 😷😷😷😷 ] from:💥 minsoo [ I hope I didn’t give you what I caught, it’s not exactly fun ] to: 💥 minsoo [ don’t think what I have is contagious ] from:💥 minsoo [ how so? ]
and hanna hadn’t planned on discussing this, talking past her update but, she indulges.
to: 💥 minsoo [ feels like my insides being stretched ] from: 💥 minsoo [ ouch, in every direction and nowhere at all ] to: 💥 minsoo [ YES ] from: 💥 minsoo [ sorry I might’ve given it to you ] to: 💥 minsoo [ hm, I likely gave it to you ] from: 💥 minsoo [ either way, I hope you feel better ] to: 💥 minsoo [ if you find any remedies tell me!!!!! ] from: 💥 [ sure thing. ]
and for good measure.
to: 💥 minsoo [ goodnight! ]
she feels worse after missing their session. much worse. to the point where she’s pacing around her room, stepping in place, doing anything to try and ease her body and it’s confusion. it’s restless and it’s making hanna’s head spin. when her parents ask she just says she doesn’t know. when she asks the doctors they just say they don’t know.
because yeah that gives her hope.
“seriously I have no idea what it is.” hanna’s panting now, having resorted to running to let off some steam. she’s on the phone with minsoo, who despite his own afflictions has been a good comfort for her during it all. ‘me neither, needless to say, I keep worrying my sister.’ “my parents are surprisingly calm, though I know they’re worried.” they haven’t kept off her case, in a good way though. They check up on her and give her food without her needing to ask, she’s just been unable to feel reprieve from anything really. minsoo had laughed when she told him how her father hovered by the door ready to get her anything. “I’ll have fun trying to explain this sick note to my professors.” not that she minds, maybe she needed the break. running like this, and watching minsoo’s face change as he talks, as she cools down and listens, isn’t too bad.
‘hanna.’ “hm?” ‘you’ve been walking a while where are you?’ “uhm, don’t know. Why?” ‘it looks familiar…’ for a second it looks like he’s leaning into the screen and then there’s a flurry of movement, then laughter. ‘you’re nearing my neighborhood, how’d you manage that?’ “who knows. didn’t realize I was walking that far.” ‘I’ll come down.’ before she can say that he doesn’t have to, or that he’s not feeling well, she sees his figure approaching from the end of the street. funny enough, he looks like he ran. “you didn’t run here did you….” ‘I needed the exercise. I feel better already.’ and though he’s joking, catching his breath hanna’s been feeling immensely better since a little after her run. enough that she can smile fully at him, even laugh at his words.
he walks with her for the rest of her cool down. a cool down that she feels like she doesn’t even need because everything’s settled right now. It could be, and hanna considers it, the calm of the night, maybe she needed a good run. maybe she needed a change in environment, in pace. whatever it is, it’s working. has her joking with minsoo and feeling like herself, feeling that she’s missed their sessions all too much.
‘is that true?’ she doesn’t realize she’s spoken the words until she meets minsoo’s eyes on her. and she’s suddenly very aware of how close they’re walking together. hanna doesn’t move though, instead she just laughs and averts her eyes. “I miss them, they were the highlight of my week.” which isn’t a lie, even if she tries to put sarcasm in her tone. really, english tutoring as the highlight of her week? it was true whether she denied it or not. she suddenly didn’t mind if he knew or not. ‘it’s definitely been the best part of my few weeks.’
they walk a bit more, night closes in a bit more and they lose track of time. to where her father’s messaging her and hanna almost dreads having to go back, having to end the peace. but she’s feeling better so there’s a plus.
“I have to head home before my father sends a search party.” and – as if he knows. as if her eyes reveal everything without knowing, minsoo’s speaking up as she turns. ‘I’ll walk you.’ she doesn’t object. not when he sticks just as close, not when they pass the gates to her compound and he’s at the door, past the door and they’re laughing in the study.
‘you’re feeling better.’ Is what her mother says first. they’re both at the door, her father’s arm wrapped snug around his mother’s waist, his eyes on minsoo. “hey, sorry i’m late. i ran into minsoo? guess we both just needed a run.” ‘both? minsoo I wasn’t aware you weren’t feeling well either.’ ‘I’m fine ma’am, i was worried I’d given whatever I had to hanna but I’m glad that’s not the case.’ ‘i’m glad too. hanna do try to answer your phone more often, your father gets restless.’ “please, he’d be up the roof if it was you.” to which hanna’s father, the joke of her life, quite literally picks her mother up bridal style as he announces his love. hanna notices minsoo’s confusion and realizes she’s never told him, though she’s never in a position to tell anyone. “my parents are a soulmate match. for them they can’t spend too much time apart of they get restless, it’s wild. you’d think my mother was going through menopause.” ‘hanna!’ though her mother’s words have no bite while she’s literally being hugged tight by her husband, even after he’s set her back on her feet. ‘is it painful?’ are minsoo’s first words. unsurprising because most people have tons of questions when they hear about it. minsoo never seemed the curious type though, but hanna leans back and watches as her parents perk up at the opportunity to talk about their love.
‘at first it was unbearable? because we didn’t know what was going on or how to tell the cause. with ours it’s hard to tell but overtime the pull quite literally leads you to them because you’re in agony.’ ‘the pull?’ minsoo looks thoroughly interested and hanna – for whatever, maybe the aftereffects of this nonexistent flu, finds it cute. ‘hard to describe, the body literally cannot stand the distance for too long. after a while it becomes easier to withstand distance, the discomfort is there but not as strong the more time we spend together afterwards, and the more we deal with it. hanna’s father is just a baby. Hanna takes after him I suppose, she’s been moping about this house you’d think she was having period pains.’ “mom!” minsoo, the traitor, finds it his job to laugh and hanna quite literally thinks about knocking him out the couch. Until he smiles her way saying stupid things like: ‘glad you’re feeling better now.’
hanna’s floored because she’s got an urge in that moment. and it makes her want to shove everyone away, and yet, pull one person close.
abort mission.
she’s shooing everyone out, minsoo particularly.
‘he can’t go home by himself this late.’ “HUH?” the one time her father wants to be lenient about a boy.
the one time.
‘it’s fine I can call a taxi.’ ‘nonsense, we have a guest room down here.’
after much preparation hanna’s closing the door after bidding him a good night and a small apology. she sees her parents from atop the stairs and marches past them and their smug grins to her room.
‘he’s what?’ “downstairs in the guest room.” ‘wow, third base already.’ “like you haven’t slept over at sam’s.” ‘touche.’
just then hanna’s phone vibrates and she’s looking at the screen and nearly dropping her phone.
from: 💥 minsoo
“he’s texting me, jamie. jamie minsoo’s texting me why’s he texting me he’s downstairs what’s going on?” ‘well I suppose we won’t know the answer to that unless you read it and text back now would we?’
touche.
from: 💥 minsoo [ thanks for letting me spend the night. forgot to say so earlier. ]
“why’s he thanking me, he should thank my parents.” ‘idiot – does he have your parents on speed dial, no he has your cute ass.’
to: 💥 minsoo [ it’s no problem! I hadn’t realized how late it was, hope you don’t mind. ] to: 💥 minsoo [ hope you’re not secretly a thief either. sorry about my lovey-dovey high school parents ]
From: 💥 minsoo [ don’t mind at all. It was nice of them. and they’re nice too, obviously very in love. i’ve seen soulmate pairs before but they’re – refreshing. ]
‘oho, soulmate talk.’ “I’m gonna hang up.” ‘fine, hang up and talk to your loverboy.’
hanna chokes.
to: 💥 minsoo [ are they? I thought they’d be a bit much. you never seemed like you’d be interested in that. from: 💥 minsoo [ soulmate lore and stuff? you never asked. ] to: 💥 minsoo [ i’m sorry among all the agony and english suffering I forgot to ask about soulmate lore with you. ] from: 💥 minsoo [ what do you think of it then? ]
In that moment, hanna has to take a break because a headache’s coming. She almost groans at the feeling and jamie picks up immediately.
‘I’m going to assume he didn’t say anything bad, you okay?’ “yeah I might turn in, not feeling good again.” ‘okay, call me if you need anything alright?’ “okay bye bye.” sealed with extra loud lip smacks and kiss noises because of course.
from: 💥 minsoo [ you okay? ] to: 💥 minsoo [ yeah, headache. maybe I’ve been up too long. ] from: 💥 minsoo [ not good, you should take a nap ] to: 💥 minsoo [ but! soulmate! lore! ] from: 💥 minsoo [ someone’s excited. ] to: 💥 minsoo [ I can talk all night about it, since I have first hand encounters ] from: 💥 minsoo [ I’ll be up all night, can’t seem to sleep ] to: 💥 minsoo [ I’ll be down in five ]
and for some reason he doesn’t protest. so hanna wraps herself in her blanket and slinks her way downstairs to the guest room, praying to the gods that her parents don’t wake up. or even if they do, they don’t ask.
they talk all night. hanna’s headache that was calling her to bed nowhere to be found. minsoo’s restlessness lulled into alertness and attention he gives her the entire night, both splayed over the living room couch. he tells her about his doubts and beliefs in the soulmate theory, his experiences both good and bad. he tells about couples he’s seen fail and couples he’s seen prosper, talks about how hopeful hanna’s parents can make people. hanna talks about her fears with it, her reservations and also her fascination when she looks at her parents. they talk and they talk until they can’t fight sleep and it’s the easiest sleep they’ve had in weeks, though neither admit. they just fall into one another.
that’s how hanna wakes up. with her head between her arms, placed firmly on the edge of the couch and minsoo’s chest directly in front of her. she doesn’t move though, relishing in the best sleep she’s had in weeks. in fact, it’s the sound coming from the kitchen that wakes her. it’s a glimpse of her father peeking over the couch and her making eye contact that has her shrieking and bounding for her room.
when she’s showered and changed and sent jamie a promise text to tell her everything, she joins her family. minsoo is up and looking so well-rested that he hasn’t quite fixed his hair yet. it’s cute ad insufferable, hanna wants to crawl back upstairs. but she quite literally feels her headache disappear when he waves a good morning and she waves back, turning to glare at her parents before they can say anything. of course, her mother isn’t phased.
‘you both slept well.’ “good morning and good bye mother.” ‘I made breakfast.’ “to go, I have class and minsoo has to get home.” ‘I’ll take---’ “I’ll drive him thank you father.”
hanna’s grabbing the keys, the kimbap and literally rushing minsoo out the door before her parents can trap them any further.
easily, thankfully, they fall into conversation as if they hadn’t fallen asleep earlier. hanna offers to drive minsoo to campus and the top-down on her car makes his hair more of a statement when they arrive. so much so that she’s laughing and he’s puzzled.
‘you’ve been laughing for fifteen minutes, earlier I was worried we’d crash.’ “yikes, your faith in my driving skills. here hold on.” without prompt, without warning really, hanna’s leaning over to fix the strands of hair that have gone wild. not like she couldn’t just tell him because now he’s this close and hanna thinks she can’t breathe but this is the easiest it’s been to breathe in weeks. and that’s scary. terrifying.
‘hanna!’ thank god for jamie. because hanna, jumps back and is hopping out the car to greet her friend. thank god for jamie but oh god jamie, jamie doesn’t spare one single glance moving from hanna to minsoo and her eyebrows doing that thing that makes hanna want to run. ‘thanks for the ride.’ Is all minsoo says, a smile on his face after he bows to jamie and waves himself off. hanna’s got about two seconds of leeway and she’s considering running, instead she calls after minsoo, practically bounds after him. “can I walk with you, I barely know your classes.” she half expects him to deny her, instead he’s nodding. and hanna for now will say it’s just to avoid getting grilled.
except that it becomes a routine. and hanna hadn’t planned that. hadn’t planned on getting used to the feeling of walking with minsoo to classes and him eventually walking her to hers. after one morning where he doesn’t and she does so bad on her english exam he’s waiting outside with vanilla bean and she’s forgetting all about it.
seriously what kind of warlock is he, hanna’s been trying to figure it out. she’s so caught off-guard that jamie’s managed to pull her out her daze with a fry to her face.
‘maybe you just like him.’ “pardon.” ‘you literally suffer when he’s not around, you like him.’ hanna takes a careful sip of her drink, letting jamie mull over her words. when she doesn’t, hanna swallow. “nah.”
jamie groans.
she does enjoy the company he brings though. the feeling of him walking beside her to class, to tutoring, even home that’s become more routine. it’s always the leaving part that hanna can’t quite get over, always makes her rub her hands together as if she’s collecting static, settling herself. she thinks nothing of it though, glad to be free of whatever plagued her in the earlier months.
except that the bug comes back.
at the worst of times in her opinion. it’s midterm season and while she’s enjoyed the help he’s given her, thoroughly enjoyed his presence around her, how they’ve started grabbing coffee together and even eating out when tutoring lasts too late, they need to study. hanna doesn’t want to disrupt minsoo’s study schedule and respects the request to take their tutoring out of midterm week. that also means, he’s busy studying that he’s not around to walk her to classes, and it’s not like hanna’s been dependent on it, that’ silly. but she feels it, feels it more apparent than she thought she would from the week before midterms start, into the beginning of the exam week.
‘maybe it’s because you guys just spend so much time together.’ Is jamie’s answer. Though hanna can tell jamie’s beginning to worry, about a lot really. hanna doesn’t get attachments like this, and the fact that it’s becoming so apparent and so troublesome that it’s affecting her environment. jamie’s worried but doesn’t want her worry to affect hanna. hanna appreciate it, so she wants to get to the bottom of this.
‘you could just miss him.’ is the solution her mother offers, still perched in the couch in the study, a book on soulmates in her hand. it’s plausible, even if it’s only been a few days since she’d seen him, it’s very plausible. hanna takes a look at the book in her mother’s hand and ignores how her stomach churns at the title. ignores what that might mean for her.
because to hanna that was dependence bordering on insanity. for her, for minsoo, whom she barely knew. sure she knew the little things, like his favorite color nowadays, how simple he liked his wardrobe, how tall she’d have to stand on the top of her toes to reach his height. how he likes his coffee and which classes he dreads and why, his little ticks when he doesn’t understand things and just how endearing it is that he can not understand things. the look on his face or the color on his face when she points out that she thinks it is endearing. she knows these little things, has saved them for the moments when she’s stuck in a long day and she knows they can still walk home together.
she knows that but it’s not enough to need. it shouldn’t be.
but hanna counts all that she knows, all she’s beginning to adore and she’s getting frightened.
scared as she is, she doesn’t get to hold it in for long. it’s the middle of midterm week and she’s sure she’s going to fail her english midterm tomorrow because she can’t fucking focus. for the life of her, her body itches and the covers aren’t helping but she’s wrapped in them anyway. she doesn’t want to call anyone, ask anyone, she just wants the feeling gone.
as if on cue her phone vibrates.
from: 💥minsoo [ you doing okay? ] to: 💥minsoo [ guess ] from: 💥minsoo [ exam stress? ] to: 💥minsoo [ nope, worse ] from: 💥minsoo [ penny for your thoughts ] to: 💥minsoo [ I’ll give you a million if you come by ] from: 💥minsoo [ on my way ]
and hanna doesn’t wait. she’s downstairs and meeting him outside the door.
they walk and they walk and they walk until they come across a playground. hanna on the swings and minsoo sitting quite literally in front of where she stops.
‘any reason you chose swings?’ “any reason you’re sitting there?”
touche.
she steps back, as far back as she can before the swing is pressed into her back and minsoo is a few feet in front of her. and she stays there, stays there and watches him. he sits absently, fingers idle in the woodchips, night just moving around him. around his shoulders, around his hands, his silhouette.
hanna looks for strings first.
she feels the first tug but sees none. it’s not like the swing is pressing into her back, it’s the opposite. something pulling. with the tug comes the itch, the shudder. and it’s not the cold. she sees no strings though, nothing buzzing around minsoo. but she sees him shudder, sees him look up instantly in her direction.
when their eyes meet hanna allows herself to sit and walk forward until her feet kick lightly against his own.
she moves back again, as far back as the swing will let her. and waits. without a word, waiting for something in the moonlight around him to shift. like how tides just follow the pull of the moon, she waits for it. then her skin starts to crawl and his eyes haven’t left hers, so she sits and moves forward again. this time his hand is on the swing when her feet kick at his. stopping, holding.
‘you’re a glutton for punishment.’ “I was testing my theory.” ‘which is?’
hanna bites at her lip. even the sting she feels couldn’t quite compare to the feeling, the calm that settles over her each time she swings back over to him.
“you know how – you can only go so far on the swing, until you’re yanked back.” ‘i’m aware.’ “that’s what it’s like with you. like pulling tight of a band until it’s released back.” ‘and it’s like it was never pulled in the first place.’ “right-!! you know?” ‘well since it’s a soulmate thing, the other person feels the same you know.’
hanna’s suddenly very shy and very grateful for how dark it is.
“so do you – how do you feel?” ‘how do you feel?’ “scared as hell. excited. better than I felt earlier.” ‘I’m about the same. not as scared, curious. willing.’
the last one has hanna’s head snapping up, minsoo who’d been looking elsewhere, maybe for a pull of the tides too, fixes his eyes back on her.
“willing to – what?” ‘well, I’m here.’ “you’re helpful.”
but hanna’s smiling as she says it. smiling and playing with the chips below her feet.
‘hey, fate picked me.’ “well - i’d pick you.”
oh boy is she glad it’s dark as hell outside.
“how long did you know, I can’t believe you two knew.” ‘i can’t believe you took so long to figure it out.’
hanna is, staring quite scandalized at her parents, while minsoo sits not bothered in the slightest, at the kitchen counter. they’d talked, but upon deciding that hanna does need to sleep to attempt to pass her exam, that she head home. minsoo of course had walked her, her parents had of course been up when they arrived.
‘admittedly your mother was in denial so you take after her.’ if it weren’t for the skillet she was focusing on, hanna was sure her father would have a spoon shaped mark on his face. “i wasn’t in denial.” minsoo makes something that sounds like a snort and hanna is betrayed. ‘jamie even asked me outside your class if i’d give you time to figure it out.’ “wow is this why sam’s friends were ready to kill each other, how long have you known.” ‘since the first night your parents let me stay here.’ “i am surrounded by traitors.” ‘i’m wondering if he should still tutor you.’
if she weren’t starving, hanna would’ve gone right to bed. but minsoo took the blanket and is offering a more comfortable spot curled up beside him. and pancakes. comfort and pancakes and minsoo seem like the better option. and when hanna’s close to falling asleep, head on his shoulder and stomach full, she thinks it might be the forever option.
fast forward to present day.
‘are you okay hanna?’ jamie asks, with snickers that she can’t keep in from across the table. “no.” and as she says it, hanna’s feels another itch at her skin, causing her head to fall promptly back on the desk.
“a vacation with his sister, why.” ‘yes, the nerve of your boyfriend, spending time with his family.’ “he said he’d be back today.” ‘yes, he said sometime this afternoon, it’s one.’
hanna is close to drowning herself in this damn vanilla bean when she hears a chime, and already feels the ache start to subside. already feels a smile curling, though she’s a bit peeved.
“i’m the glutton for punishment.” ‘i missed you too.’ and she’s pouting, even when he hands her a souvenir, up until the kiss pressed to the top of her head. up until all of the ache disappears and she’s engulfed in arms for the remainder of their time at the cafe. engulfed in the very feeling that makes her feel like, the wait doesn’t hold a candle to the reward. and it never will.
