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Day 31 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Today is the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For the past month I've shared facts, resources, news articles, and real stories from survivors of domestic violence. It's been tough but meaningful. This idea to bring awareness to domestic violence came to me when I was providing my attorney hours and hours of evidence for the domestic violence restraining order. I'm still not done with all that I want to do. There's still more stories to be heard and felt, more facts to acknowledge. But I hope whoever read at least one post learned something. I hope whoever did read can think twice before victim blaming. I hope if you're a victim yourself, you get out as soon as you can and seek help. There's help out there. The justice system, police, friends/family may not be all that helpful all the time but as long as you got you, you're good. I hope if you know a current victim and you really care about their well being, you provide support in any way you can. Not that half ass shit. I hope you check your friend/family who has abusive ways. Domestic violence can happen to any and everyone. No matter how smart, rich, broke, ugly, pretty, thick, skinny, you are. You are never too good to experience the unexpected. But you can be aware. You can support someone who is a victim themselves. You can hold abusers accountable for their actions. Again, I hope anyone who is in this situation knows they aren't alone and to please seek help before it's too late. National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−7233 thehotline.org Also, #RosaMoradaProject has an instagram. @rosamoradaproject 💜 *nothing is on there yet 🤦🏽‍♀️but there will be soon 🦋 Thank you to the survivors and the readers. ✨ (at Oakland, California)

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Day 1. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. While I was a victim of domestic abuse, I experienced not only bullshit from my abuser but also “family”, “friends”, police, and within my workplace. I decided to take a stand and started my project Rosa Morada (Purple Rose in Spanish) in hopes to be the help I needed when I was a victim. For the entire month of October, I’ll be sharing vital information about Domestic Violence in my own way. Domestic violence is disgustingly desensitized within my community as well as everywhere else in this world. I want to raise awareness and educate you all about Domestic Violence because it’s REAL, it can happen to YOU, your best friend, cousin, your child, etc and it should not be overlooked. Victims often do not speak out because of fear of more abuse, threats, and even the reality of death. But also because victims are ashamed and embarrassed due to their loved ones victim blaming and thinking it’s easy to “just leave.” There’s so much to cover when it comes to Domestic Violence. It’s not just hitting, slapping, and physical torture (physical abuse) It’s also forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, treating one in a sexually demeaning manner (sexual abuse) , undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem (emotional abuse) making an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one’s access to money, or forbidding one’s attendance at school or employment (financial abuse) and causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work (physiological abuse). #RosaMoradaProject #DomesticViolence #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth If you’re a current victim and/or know someone please visit thehotline.org. They offer help and information via phone and live chat! I used it before and after I got out. 💜 (at Oakland, California)

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Day 30 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's Story Pt. 6 ➖How did you feel about yourself before the relationship, during and now? "Before, I was in high school and I was young and innocent. I didn't think no one was going to hit me in my face for fun because 'they loved me'. I was carefree and happy. During, I had cystic acne so I felt ugly. So to get hit in the face on top of that. You just feel ugly and worthless. She would tell me 'I love you even with all that shit on your face.' She would brainwash me like I couldn't get any better than her, like I was so privileged to have her in my life. Now, I'm sad that it happened bc that was years of my lie that were robbed. It's not fair. Now I'm doing everything and they say 'you still have the same goals?' and it's like bitch do you know what I've been through? I'm more outspoken I can thank her for that. I can try and not to be in an abusive relationship but you never know. I know if someone's trying to take advantage of me and I'll know the signs." ➖What advice would you give to family/friends of a current victim? "Give space and be there but not too much. Don't endanger yourself. Be a safe place for them. Make them feel safe. Don't fuck with the abuser, don't talk to them. Try not to judge. Try not to judge when she goes back, you don't know what's going on. Be understanding. Pray that they realize... that something clicks." (at Lake Merritt)

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Day 30 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's Story Pt. 5 ➖October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, what do you want people to be aware of? "I want people to know that there is free counseling. If I would have know that then I would've been more responsive. I just needed someone else to listen because I had no one. Everyone's solution around me was to not talk about it. They would tell me to act like it didn't happen or it was a girl and we were young. Or they would just blame me like it was my fault like I chose to be in the situation. As if I liked it. This is so common. There is so many people getting abused everyday." ➖As a survivor when people victim blame, what comes to mind? "Did you get your ass beat? Oh you didn't? Then shut up. I did it. I got out but now that I'm hurt like this, are you happy? Do you even sympathize or it doesn't matter because you don't know what's it's like? You still won't know after you read this. People make it seem so easy. It's NOT that easy. That's why I don't talk about bc people don't have the right responses and I'm so emotional about this. I will get either really sad or really mad. This situation already made me the most emotional person. It doesn't deserve more." (at Lake Merritt)

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Day 29 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's Story Pt. 4 ➖Does she still bother you after you left? "Yes she called me last week. She's never going to change. But now I don't give a fuck." ➖She doesn't have that power over you? "She kinda does. But I don't let her have it like she used to. It's still a work in progress. A part of me thinks 'what I don't find anyone that loves me like her?' and then I stop and think 'wait, no one is supposed to love me like that' .. I'm not all the way better. I think it gets better everyday but I'm always going to jump when I look in the back of my car. I'm always going to watch my surroundings. I've done a lot to make it go away. I used to not block her so I could still get that attention but now it's blocked and look, she got another phone to contact me." ➖How do you feel now that you got out? "Happy. Satisfied but I also feel upset at times. Sometimes I get mad at her bc I'm in a situation and me and him have problems that I feel like if I would have dealt with this shit before we wouldn't have problems. Some of them have to do with my past." ➖If you could tell someone who is an abusive relationship right now, what would you tell them? "I would ask them 'what do you want?' and have them make a list of pros and cons. So they can really look at it. They won't listen but you can help them out. If I was to go back and ask me that question I'd answer 'I want peace, happiness and I want love' ... I didn't have that with her." (at Oakland, California)

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Day 28 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's story Pt. 3 ➖What was the final straw for you? How did you get out? "The final straw was genital warts. I didn't get it but she did. That shit was nasty to me. I couldn't get over that. I just stopped. I wasn't attracted to her anymore. I started evaluating it. I didn't want her anymore. My family is not talking to me. My friends are gone. I have nothing left. No car. She pulled the E break while we were in the freeway. She would drive reckless with me half hanging out of the car. She would drive and punch me in the face at the same time." ➖Did you file a Domestic Violence Restraining Order? "I was going to. I remember walking into the courthouse with a black eye, all beat up but I couldn't see bc my eyes were swollen. I remember my face being hot. There was a place on my forehead where there was skin missing bc she used to hit me in the same spot over and over again until the skin would come off. I had told the lady that I was going to take it home. She offered help but I said no. I didn't want to do it anymore. I went home with the paperwork. At the time I didn't have a home. I would sleep in my car. But I never filed it. She had called me and said something to go back and care. She knew me better than I knew me. I feel like she molded into what she wanted me to be. I would make excuses for her when she would sit and stare at me while I would be at work. She was the life of the party, had many friends and they never expected her to treat me the way she did. We would be a happy couple in public but as soon as we would get home I would get my ass beat. She molded everything about love for me. She used to tell me 'if you don't act right, we will not be together and if we aren't together I will kill us both bc we don't deserve to live without each other." (at Newark, California)

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Day 28 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's story Pt. 2 ➖How would you feel during the abuse? (cont.) "The nonphysical abuse I used to look up and start praying and asking God why? What did I do to deserve this? Was I a bad person? Did I do something wrong to get this? Am I just really worthless for someone to just treat me like that and for my family to abandon me and friends who I thought would stick around. They couldn't take it anymore but they didn't know I couldn't take it anymore. They didn't know how hard it was everyday. I didn't have anyone but B. It was b/c of her that I didn't have anybody else. I used to pray that He would get me out of this. I used to pray that she would die so I didn't have to worry about her and someone else b/c for some reason I was so concerned she was cheating on me everyday." ➖Did you speak out during the relationship? "Yes. The first time I spoke out to everyone about it then got back together. The more time went by the less I talked about b/c I was getting used to is and people were telling me 'oh you're stupid b/c you keep going back' and 'do you like getting your ass beat?' I hated that question. I was already angry b/c I was living with this bitch and getting hit all the time and then people would look at me funny and I would get defensive. It was never ending." ➖Did you receive help from friends/family? "I did at first. But it lessened as time went by b/c they didn't understand. They have never been in a situation like that. They just stopped talking to me and they kicked me out and I had nowhere to go. I went to live with my dad and B had a God-mom who lived down the street. She used to call and leave voice messages on the house phone screaming and threatening me that she would go to my brothers school. She would ask me 'how would I like it if my brother came home with blood down his face?' If I didn't pick up the phone she would threaten to beat him up after school." (at Oakland, California)

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Day 27 : #RosaMoradaProject 💜 Danielle's story. Danielle (Asian/Latina) experienced her abusive relationship with B (African-American) when they were both 15 years old. The relationship lasted about 4 years. The abuse began within the first year. ➖How was the relationship in the beginning? "A dream come true. It was everything I ever wanted. Now that I know better and think about it... She used to listen a lot to scope me out. She obviously knew what she wanted, she kinda planned doing this to me." ➖Is there a story that comes to mind right now? "We were really happy at first. This one place she used to stay at in Alameda, I was calling her and she wouldn't answer. She was staying with "this friend" of hers. I felt like something was fishy so I went to the apartment because I was always scared she was gonna leave me. I was always scared I was gonna do something wrong not to get my ass beat, I didn't really care about getting my ass beat at a certain point. All I cared about was her being there more than I cared about myself. So I got to the apartment, and the friend answered the door. I cussed her out and got out of character. I went from being so happy and fairy tale like when I first met her to being so enraged. How did the relationship shift so much and how could this be the same person? It just doesn't make sense." ➖How would you feel during abuse? "The physical abuse I couldn't feel it anymore b/c I used to get hit so much. I was so used to using concealer on my face. I was numb. I felt like I would black out and would wake up and my face was fucked up. When it was over she was always saying sorry. I get flashbacks every now and then. I didn't see it when it was happening and now I see it. Little things that I see like where we used to live at, triggers the exact memories of what happened." (at Alameda, California)