Can U?
wearing my lipstick, cherry red and loud
smile through the breakdowns, pretty for crowd
lately, i feel like i've been living inside by this song. like putting on my "cherry red lipstick" version of myself every day, trying to look fine, trying to act like everything is under control, even when it's really not. i laugh, i talk, i show up... but inside, it's messy, unfinished and still hurting in ways i don't fully understand.
there's this strange comfort in not wanting to be fixed. i don't want someone to come in and clean everything up or tell me how to be okay. it's more like… i just want to feel it fully, even if it burns a little. even if i ruin some things along the way. because at least then it's honest. at least then it’s real.
some days i feel like i'm spinning out, like i might crash at any moment, but a part of me doesn't even want to stop it. i just want someone to stay, to not reach for the wheel, to not try to control me, but to understand me. to see me exactly like this, unpolished and a little broken, and still choose to stay.
i think that's what's been sitting with me the most lately. the question of whether someone could love me like this. not the version that looks okay, but the one that feels alone even in a crowded room. the one that carries loud memories and quiet breakdowns.
and maybe that's why this song feels so close to me right now. it sounds like everything i haven't been able to say out loud.
