#rowan stuff

[datasuna]

[datasuna]

Had a good night of drinks and quidditch world cup with houemates and found this hairy baby asleep on the stairs. Moved her somewhere she was less likely to get stood on in the dark.

[datasuna]

[datasuna]

She’s not a model, the camera just turned on by itself.

[datasuna]

I am not a kind person. When people try to comfort me they tell me I'm nice and kind and thoughtful. But I'm not, I don't have some inherent concern for others or empathy that lets me see things their way. I don't have any kind of social instinct whatsoever. Kindness is an effort, maybe it's an effort I go to as often as I can as many days as i can but it's never something that I just am. The kindness' I offer aren't spontaneous, they're canned. How I percieve kind people, how I percieve empathetic people to act are just the basis for what I do in similar sitatuions. I guess some people are foolish enough to mistake me for the real thing, but when I meet kind people, when I meet empathetic people, the difference between us is obvious. I don't acknowledge my autism or talk about it because I hate the idea of being a way simply because I am, because I hate the idea that i can't just ignore it and be something else. But I've tried that for a decade now, and the best i can be is like something else. Empathy doesn't come naturally to me, nothing social is natural to me, I don't unwind, I don't be myself, I just be whatever seems best, based on my warped perceptions And that means I hurt people, that means I make bad impressions by trying to force what can't come naturally. All that I am, all that I do is work within the limits of emulating what I've seen. Frankly on my own I'm not anything, trying to just be myself hasn't produced anything. I'm not a good person, I've just met good people. I'm not a kind person, I just try to be. 

[datasuna]

I'm 21 today~

So happy birthday me, I guess~ not doing much, just going to a restaurant and having a cheesecake for dinner. Will posts pics later~