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one of the worst things i do is regularly get mad at myself for not experiencing attraction more often. i so deeply wish i could have casual sex but I'm weird about penetration and just not into 99.99999% of people i see on a day to day basis. the sexdrive is there, it's just not directed at anyone

#i know I've posted about it before. I'll stop posting abt it when it stops being annoying to me #if we're not counting celebrities I've experienced it for maybe 2-3 people in my life #which some of my friends say is normal their experience is the same #and others are confused how it's not more like 2-3 a month or at least a year #anyway i need to get fucked soososososososo badly. no not by you <3 no not by you either <3 no not yo-#rubinee therapy notes

#trying very hard to remind myself that the intimacy i crave is NOT out of reach just because i have a hard time connecting with others #it's possible. my people are out there it's fine I'll get there when I'm ready i don't have to force it

wow me from july 2025 you're so right

#i keep forgetting and being upset about it so i am posting it for myself as a reminder ouff #rubinee therapy notes #i don't wanna sound like an incel. i am not saying this is all immutable and there's no point in trying or whatever it is they say #but i should be allowed to acknowledge that sometimes i get sad that the type of intimacy i crave is just not part of my life atm

i need to practice hedonism. practice meaning train it as a skill

#rubinee therapy notes #everything in life is a learned skill. including feeling good #good is distinctly different from comfortable.

"you're allowed to want me. it's ok to want me. it feels good to be desired by you"

#no context. just cringe on main dont worry about it #rubinee therapy notes

maybe i don't post about my desire for women as much bc it feels cringe that i somehow can't imagine a woman being into me as much as i am into her

#not to quote contrapoints but #'a man will gawk at you with an almost carnivorous sense of desire. fuck that's hot'#and women just have never made me feel this way :( even the ones who've asked me out or confessed their feelings #wanting to be pinned down as a way to feel how much she wants me etc #rubinee therapy notes

why cant i be normaler about sex and relationships: NO!!

others want what i have: YEAHH

#rubinee therapy notes

in the end it's all about enthusiasm

#rubinee therapy notes

i just went through my own posts from spring this year and first of all there are some killer posts there, good job me, but also some that werent relatable at all anymore. i grew a lot this year :-) its fun to have something to look back on

#i will not be workin on the syntax of this an further it will stay clunky. it is 1am goodnigt #killer combo of clean jammies clean sheets and clean me :)#rubinee tales #rubinee therapy notes

#rubinee therapy notes

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#rubinee therapy notes