Random Tuckva Banter
A/N I wrote this at 3 am
Random Tuckva Banter:
"So I accidentally set my microwave on fire...."
"You what?!"
"I wanted to see what warm yogurt tasted like!"
"What did it taste like?"
"I don't know Oscar, I set it on fire remember!"
"Oh yeah. That's sad. I wonder what it did taste like."
"I know right?!"
"Hmm..."
"Anyways my kitchen-"
"OH YEAH THE FIRE ARE YOU OKAY?!"
"Oscar CHILL I'm fine. It was only a little one. But the whole house is smokey so I'm crashing on your couch."
"My house is always smokey. I'm literally the Smokescreen, Ruby."
"Haha."
"No seriously."
"Whatever, at least it doesn't smell like my attempts at cooking."
"You're a good cook!"
"hahahahAHAHA. Remember the bean casserole?!"
"I ate it!"
"You eat everything Oscar, it's not remarkable."
"Not everything."
"Oh yeah? Name one time you've been offered food and haven't taken it."
"..."
"I thought so."
"Hey! I feel bullied."
"Oh stop it. So yeah I'm on the way."
"Y-you're just coming in the front door and sleeping on my couch, without asking first?"
"I mean, I'll break in the window if I have to. But yeah that's the general idea."
"Wow."
"I'll take that as 'Yes Ruby, great plan!'"
"Do you have any yogurt left?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry."
"oSCAR."
"WHAT IT'S AN HONEST QUESTION!"
"DO YOU THINK I'D JUST BE CARRYING A RANDOM TUB OF YOGURT DOWN THE ROAD WITH ME?"
"....yes?"
"You're an idiot."
"No u."
"NO U."
"NOOO U!"
"OSCAR MY EARDRUM!"
"RUBY MY EARDRUM!"
"Oscar."
"Ruby."
"You're insufferable."
"You're intolerable."
"Why am I even at your house. I should've just gone to Danna's"
"Because you like me better?"
"No, you have a bouncier couch."
"Do you just go around and sleep on everyone's couches?"
"Mostly you, sometimes Danna."
"Awww, you do like me better."
"Shut up you buffoon."
"Ruby likes me better, Ruby likes me better, Ruby likes me better-"
"*automated voice* Ending call."
*30 seconds later*
"I knew you'd call me back."
"I hope you have used this time to think about-"
"How you like me better than Danna? Yes, I have."
"AAAARGH! That's not what I was going to say! And I will hang-up on you again."
"Rubyyyy that's meannnn."
"It's not mean, you're being rude!"
"I have never been rude in my life. I'm perfectly angelic."
"That's like Phobia saying he likes unicorns."
"You've wounded me! And what do you know about Phobia's past times? You never know, maybe he does like unicorns-"
"Oscar are you even listening to yourself? Phobia, anarchist terror, liking unicorns?"
"I'm just saying it's a possibility! Chill!"
"Unicorns don't even exist."
"Unbeliever."
"Oscar, *giggle*, do you believe in unicorns."
"... perhaps."
"GREAT SKIES I'M TEXTING THE CHAT"
"DON'T YOU DARE.
RUBY TUCKER I FORBID-"
"Ok fine...
I'll just tell Nova."
"rUBY."
"What! She already knows you're an adorable fool, I'm merely fondly sharing another one of your more idiotic moments."
"Two things. One, you're judging me and it's not okay. Two, you guys talk about me and my stupidity? Three, you called me adorable, that's two compliments this whole conversation."
"An adorable fool to be precise. Don't forget the fool."
"Yes, but normally I'm just a fool."
"True. But unicorns?"
"B a c k o f f R u b y y o u b u l l y."
"I'M NOT BULLYING! I FULLY RESPECT YOU AND YOUR UNICORN LOVING!"
"Thank goodness, or I wouldn't be able to invite you to my unicorn themed birthday party."
"*hysterical laughing* Okay I get that was a joke, but I'm so bringing you unicorn cupcakes to your birthday."
"You better. Especially with the glitter."
"Glitter? Done. I've got you."
"Glittery cupcakes really spark-le my interest."
"*groan*"
"What? You don't appreciate my unicorninness?"
"oScAr!"
"You should be thinking yea not neigh to my puns!
"Neig- I mean stopppp. I'm on main street I can still turn around."
"Mane street you say?"
"You're a nightmare."
"RUBY DID YOU JUST PUN?"
"YES SHUT UP"
"AHFKDSL;FJ DAFJKD"
"IT WAS A SPUR OF THE MOMENT DECISION I REGRET"
"FDKSLJ; FJSAFJDS;HAGHADFHDSAGD"
"REIGN IT IN, REIGN IT IN"
"SDJJJJJJJJAKL HFMDHFDDDDDDDDDFFFF- wait is that you?"
"Yes now can you please unlock your door?"
"Sure-"
"Oh wait nevermind the window's open."
"Ruby don't go through the window!"
"TOo late."
*There's a muffled thump as Ruby drops down from the window*
"Ruby!!!"
"Shhhh, can you please bring me down a blanket?"
"I'm on my way."
"And pleasee not one full of your cat's hair. I'm allergic to cats."
"I didn't know! To make up for it, want some cookies?"
"Yes!!!"
"I also have ice cream in the fridge, and I put batteries in the controllers."
"How did I ever think I would be sleeping on your couch, we left our last space invaders round undecided."
"Not for long, you're going down"
"Shows how much you kno-"
*there's a click as the phone hangs up*
~*~
So,
yeah.
My chaotic alignment is showing itself.
I hope you enjoyed this dumb little banter, and if you think it was entertaining I am more than happy to provide more! If anyone has a request or idea (for a full fic or for a banter fic like this) I live to serve!