Mark's Rules of Dating
Rule 1: Don't dip your dick in drama.
"Dramatic people are like blenders: they're fun to look at, they're cool to play with, but you shouldn't stick your dick in them."
1A: Don't let drama stick its dick in you.
"Dramatic people are like hand mixers: they're fun to put in batter, it's fun to push their buttons, but you shouldn't stick them inside of you."
Rule 2: "What are you into?" is second only to "May I?" in the bedroom.
Rule 3: The success of a relationship is not dependent upon the length of that relationship, but by its quality.
Rule 4: If they say they're not good enough for you, believe them.
Rule 5: Be open, be honest, listen, and ask.
5A: Ask for what you need. Then insist on what you need.
5B: If they lie to you, find out why.
5Bi: If they keep lying to you, they're telling you that they're not good enough for you. See Rule 4.
Rule 6: If they say you're not good enough for them, they're usually saying that they're not good enough for you. See Rule 4.
Rule 7: Don't assume monogamy is the best or only option.
7A. Don't let someone else tell you what the best option is.
7B. Don't assume that what worked last time will work this time.
Rule 8: Don't make any life changing decisions until you've been with a partner for 6 months. 12 months if they've been long distance for more than half of that time.
Rule 9: It's not all about the sex.
9A: Sometimes it's all about the sex.
Rule 10: Love doesn't know age, class, gender, health, race, or religion. Be aware of them, but don't let them make the choice for you.
Rule 11: Do NOT try to change them.
11A: Do NOT wait for them to change if you don't see progress.
11B: Do NOT let them try to change you. See Rule 6.
Rule 12: Don't assume they're taking care of your sexual health.
Rule 13: Your brain is the sexiest thing about you. Use it.
Rule 14: There's nothing wrong with being single.
14A: There's nothing wrong with being romantically involved.
Rule 15: Don't wash your dirty laundry in public.
15A. More than 2 friends over drinks is public.
Personal rules (YMMV):
I. Don't date anyone named Emily.
II. Don't date redheads. Do anything else, just don't date them.
III. Don't forget rule #1.
IV. Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.
V. Don't date smokers.
