Well, this ones a more lazy drawing, but eh, whatever. Uhh, yeah. Molly in a pretty lime green dress! Her outfit reminds me of my old childhood days in the spring, collecting flowers with my mother when I was little. 🌸
((Runkey's dialogue written, with a few edits on my part, with the help of Eliza--an AI written in the 1960's to imitate psychotherapists. It's a dumb program that, if pushed, will easily break down and stop sounding coherent. But if you play along? You get a therapy session with an AI.))
It is time for Runkey to make his move.
For two months, it has been living quietly in Starscream's room, studying him and his various guests, but never having an opportunity to talk. For two reasons: one, it's rarely ever been alone with him--the room is also occupied by Gull, and Starscream's trine is frequently in and out of the room--and it can only speak when it's in a one-on-one session; and two, Starscream hasn't expressed a desire for therapeutic help.
Until now.
So Runkey waits in Starscream's room until they're alone; no trinemates, no Gull, nobody but the two of them. Starscream's sitting in his berth, reading a data pad, when Runkey scampers up, leaps onto the berth, and climbs onto the circular counter surrounding the berth. "Hello."
"I am Runkey," the tiny bot said, "a therapeutic drone programmed to emulate a Rungian psychotherapist. All our conversations will be confidential, as I am programmed to speak when there is only one person present and I delete all conversations from my cache after each session. I'm here to help you."
Starscream stared at the drone a moment, then nodded slowly. Okay. Well. He'd wanted help, hadn't he? All the better if he could get it without having to talk to someone sentient. "Hello," he said tentatively. "I am Lord Starscream."
"Do you believe it is normal to be Lord Starscream?" Runkey asked.
Starscream blinked. "Er." An odd question. Was he supposed to answer it philosophically? "If... you're me, I suppose."
"What makes you think I am you, you suppose?"
"What?" Or maybe this was the limits of the drone's AI. "No. You're not me. Sorry." How useful was this thing going to be, if it couldn't even accurately process his attempt to introduce himself.
"Perhaps you would like to be not you. Sorry?"
Again with the mangled language. Starscream opened his mouth to say something dismissive--and stopped when he actually processed the question. "I hadn't considered that before."
"What does that suggest to you?"
"I'm not sure." He stared down at his servos, and his thighs underneath: warm grey metal, purple accents. Like Megatron. "Why wouldn't I want to be me?"
"Did you come to me because you are not sure," Runkey asked, "why wouldn't you want to be you?" His voice, tinny as it was, coming from such a small machine, was still cordial and soothing and smooth.
Starscream was still contemplating his colors, and the question of who he wanted to be. He'd wanted Megatron's job, certainly, that much was true. He'd wanted that power, that prestige, that admiration. But did he want to be Megatron?
Runkey let out a couple of sharp, simian screeches, startling Starscream out of his thoughts. "Are we going to chat?" he asked.
Starscream stared at him. "Uh."
"I can't help you without a dialogue!" Runkey continued to stare at Starscream attentively.
He hesitated, then nodded. "Could you repeat the question?"
"Oh... repeat the question?" Runkey asked.
"Yes, please."
"I understand."
Starscream stared at Runkey expectantly. Runkey stared expectantly back.
He sighed. Apparently he wasn't going to get an answer. He tried to recall what the question was on his own. Runkey had asked Starscream if he'd come to it because he wasn't sure if he wanted to be himself.
"No, actually," he said. "I came to you because I've been having strange episodes."
"We were discussing you," Runkey said politely, "not me."
Starscream hadn't been talking about Runkey. But why argue with an AI that can't even obey a simple request like "repeat the question." He simply rolled his optics and said, "Yes, of course. My apologies."
"I see."
Try again. Phrase it differently, maybe Runkey will play along. "I've been getting terrified for no reason lately."
"You are being a bit negative."
Starscream shrugged. "Well, I don't know what else to do." It was hard to be positive about debilitating episodes of sublime horror.
"Why don't you know what else to do?"
Because if he did, he wouldn't be talking to a half-wit drone the size of his fist. "I've never had something like this happen to me before," Starscream said.
"I'm not sure I understand you fully."
"If I think about mind-reading too long, suddenly all the alarms go off in my head," he elaborated. "I don't know why."
"Don't you really know why?"
No, he did not really know why. But something about Runkey's inquisitive, curious gaze made him pause and think about it. "Well... there's one possibility."
The patch. Of course. The one time he'd been truly, deeply, thoroughly violated by a mind-reader. Torn apart from the inside. His last, most sacred defenses shattered.
Yeah, that could have set this off.
"What does that suggest to you?"
Starscream shrugged. "Perhaps all this has something to do with that."
Runkey nodded thoughtfully. "That is quite interesting."
"But what am I supposed to do about it now?" Starscream asked. "It's in the past."
"What do you think?" Runkey prodded.
"I honestly don't know." Maybe ask Shockwave if the patch ever caused processor damage. Yeah, that would be a lovely conversation.
"I'm not sure I understand you fully."
He sighed, then attempted to elaborate. "Say that incident is what caused this. Maybe it..." he gestured vaguely, "broke something in my processor." Then asked again: "What am I supposed to do about it now? It's already happened. I can't undo it."
"Have you tried?"
"No, I haven't tried," he snapped. "How could I?! How can one reverse what's already happened?"
Even in the face of Starscream's frustration, Runkey remained cool and calm, its optics sympathetic. "Are such questions on your mind often?"
His rage stopped in his throat, and went out. "...Yes. Frequently."
"I see."
Starscream looked down at his servos again. "I suppose... I have quite a few regrets."
"I'm not sure I understand you fully."
"I've made many mistakes in my life." Starscream smiled ruefully. "Especially recently."
"I'm not sure I understand you fully."
Fine, fine. More elaboration. "I've always been ambitious. Had high aspirations..." He could have gone on, but it occurred to him that the longer he talked, the harder it would be for Runkey to make sense of what he was saying; so instead, he finished, lamely, "But it seems as though everything I try to do backfires on me."
"Can you think of a specific example?"
"Some time ago, I found Lord Megatron... unfit for duty, and attempted to have him terminated." For more reasons than just his unfitness for duty; they could get into that later. "But I was punished for it later." That should be simple enough for the drone.
Runkey perked up, optics brightening, as if something had just occurred to him. "Say," he said, "do you have any psychological problems?"
"Well, the terror episodes, of course." He'd already mentioned that, what else... "And I've been having nightmares."
"I see."
"Come to think of it," Starscream mused, "both of those could quite easily relate back to the cortical psychic patch." He certainly hadn't had the problems before the patch. And the way Lord Megatron haunted his dreams...
"Do you doubt you of it, both of those could quite easily relate back to the cortical psychic patch?"
Who had written this AI? It was an embarrassment. Starscream tried to make sense of the question, and said, "No, I suppose I don't." Obviously it all went back to the patch. He didn't know why that hadn't been obvious before. "Everything seemed to start then."
"Do you wish to be able to Everything seemed to start then?"
All right, Starscream couldn't even pretend that made sense. "Pardon?"
"Okay..." Runkey's accent shifted slightly, taking on some of Starscream's own tone: "'No, you suppose you don't. Everything seemed to start then.' Tell me more."
Well. At least Starscream knew how to get him to rephrase a question now. "After Lord Megatron put me through the cortical psychic patch, I started having nightmares about the incident."
"I'm not sure I understand you fully."
What wasn't there to understand?! "I've been having bad dreams about reliving the patch!"
And then he blinked in surprise at himself. Of course. Of course the dreams were about the patch. It wasn't just Megatron haunting him, it was the patch. Living it over and over, going through his memories with Megatron hanging over him, watching and judging... In a way Starscream had always known that, always known that they were dreams of the patch, but he just hadn't stopped and thought about it long enough to truly process...
Had Megatron left behind something in his mind? A hint of his own consciousness? Something that still searched his mind when he dreamt, something that reacted and flared up when others reached into his mind...?
Starscream's venting began to speed up.
"That is quite interesting."
"Perhaps to you!" Starscream snapped, and took a sharp breath. "For me, it's been miserable."
"We were discussing you, not me."
"I know, I know." It was just a dumb AI. Starscream tried to push aside his thoughts of Megatron and concentrate on saying something that Runkey could make sense of. "My apologies. Where were we?"
"Have you asked anyone else?"
Primus. "About what?"
"What else comes to mind when you ask that?"
This was worthless. "When I ask what?"
"Have you asked anyone else?"
They were just going in circles now! "About the patch?"
(Starscream hadn't noticed, but in his attempts to get back on track with the drone, his venting had gone back to normal.)
"What does that suggest to you?"
He was just going to have to muddle through this as best he could. Had he asked anyone else about the patch? Go with that question. "I've been trying to reach out. I've spoken with the people I trust on the matter."
"Come, come," Runkey urged. "elucidate your thoughts."
"I want to get better," Starscream said. "I want to stop having these episodes."
"Why do you want to get better. You want to stop having these episodes?"
Starscream nodded once, sharply, in confirmation. "These episodes are miserable! They're destroying my productivity."
"Come, come, elucidate your thoughts."
Again? "Every time one of these episodes happens, I feel... like I'm losing control of my... of my own life." Back to looking at his servos, clenched together and twisting in front of his chest.
"Tell me more about such feelings."
"I feel..." How does one describe the feeling of all reality being obliterated except for a looming sense of impending doom? "Terrified, weak, powerless. I feel as though I'm on the verge of death."
"Do you enjoy feeling terrified, weak, powerless, you feel as though you're on the verge of death?"
"No! I don't enjoy it!" he snarled. "Why would I enjoy it?"
"Do you wish to be able to enjoy it? Why would you enjoy it?"
Now that was a question he hadn't considered. ... Admittedly, a stupid question. "No, I don't want to enjoy it." He was fairly certain that enjoying the sensation of imminent demise was a sign of being suicidal.
"Does that trouble you?"
What, not wanting to enjoy pain? "No. I just want to stop feeling like this."
"Are you saying no just to be negative?"
"No! I want to get better!" He unlaced his servos and buried his face in them. "I'm trying, Primus, I am trying, but I don't know what to do!"
"Do you wish to be able to know what to do?"
"More than anything."
"I see."
For a moment, silence reigned over the room. When it was interrupted by a couple of loud chitters, Starscream didn't even flinch.
"Are we going to chat?"
"No."
"Would you like to end today's session?"
"Yes."
Then, to Starscream's surprise, he felt something small cling to his elbow. He pulled his servos away from his face and looked down, to see Runkey hugging his forearm. "You did well today, Starscream." Huh, so it had picked up Starscream's name. "You made some excellent progress."
He nodded vaguely. "Mm. Thanks." And then, hesitantly, reached out with his free hand to pat Runkey on the back.
Runkey wrapped its tail around Starscream's wrist. "I hope you will continue your therapy," it said, smiling up at Starscream, and Starscream shyly smiled back. "However," it went on, "remember that the services of a psychotherapist drone are meant only to be supplemental, and can't replace the services offered by a full, sentient therapist. If you are not already seeing a professional, consider contacting one and setting up an appointment."
Then the drone hopped off Starscream's lap and scampered away, to clamber up his desk. It curled up to recharge on the surface.
Starscream looked down at his servos. He still didn't know what to do.
